Following is our collection of Actor jokes which are very funny. There are some actor actress jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these actor producer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Soap opera
He kept getting type cast.
**Indian boy:** Daddy I want to be an actor.
**Father:** Son, its pronounced *doctor*
After contacting many people that he worked with in the past , he is finally able to land a job in a popular new Broadway play. The director tells him its only one line at the beginning of the play, but it is a very important line. It sets the mood for the rest of the play. It is ESSENTIAL he nails the line. The old actor emphasizes that he will nail it. The director reluctantly agrees and proceeds to tell him his role. You will take a beautiful rose, bring it to your nose and take a deep breath and say the following line: *Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress…* That's it. Do not screw this up! The old actor thanks him 10 times over and proceeds to practice for the next 2 weeks nonstop.
Opening night comes. It's a sold out theater. He takes to the stage, spotlight on him. He raises his hand, takes a deep breath and says the line perfectly * Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress… * Just after the line is delivered the auditorium burst into laughter. He walks off the stage distraught. I don't get it. I nailed the line perfectly. What happened? The director looks at him and yells YOU IDIOT! YOU FORGOT THE FLOWER!
One acts solely for money, the other is the actor.
John TreeVolta
Niggaless Cage
(My girlfriend came up with this today. We're not racist I swear. This just cracked me up.)
T. Hanks
Director: Now we'll let the lion out of the cage and he'll chase but don't worry he won't eat you.
Actor: What makes you so sure?
Director: It's in the script.
Actor: Has the lion read the script?
Little Charlie has had his dreams set on becoming an actor, and, finally, he lands a part in the school play. He runs home after school to tell his dad. "That's fantastic!" his father replies. "Who do you play?" he asks. "Dad, I play a guy who's been married for twenty years!" His dad plants a hand on Charlie's shoulder, smiling sweetly, and says, "Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part."
"method actor"
You can explore actor bollywood reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean actor film dad jokes. There are also actor puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Colin Thecond
10.
1 to change it and 9 to say they could have done it better.
More gun, free man.
And then realising I'm not an actor.
Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all taking part in a new movie about classical composers.
"I think I'll play Beethoven!" declared Matt.
"I'd like the role of Mozart!" Brad decided.
"I'll be Bach." said Arnie.
Shia Labeouf
JK
Each actor just says four lines and then disappears.
...and the bartender says:
"We could have used you in here last night, we had that Spanish actor from that Coen brothers film in, smashing the place up."
"Oh, Javier Bardem?"
"No. We just kicked him out."
He kept blowing his lines.
Looking for a job. His manager thinks about it and says "we only have one role available at the moment, it's a short film about segregation"
The actor replies "great, that sounds like a-part-heid take"
It's called The White House. Apparently the lead actor has been given a 4 season contract.
Would that mean this has all been a huge act, man?
I mean, the last time people were this upset about something an actor did to a Republican in a theater, the Civil War had just ended.
He is now feeling much better and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance
It claimed the life of Chuck Norris.
"Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter died this morning in his house in Oklahoma at the age of 76. He is feeling much better now and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance."
It was just a stage he was going through
Prop tarts.
Bonus: What does an actor eat for a snack?
A: Prop corn.
Mortgage freeman.
It was just a stage he was going through.
All I said was that I was in town to shoot a pilot...
"Take two!"
After some careful research I've found nearly everybody on that stage to be a paid actor!
He's got some big shoes to fill.
"That's Kenny Baker, the actor who played R2D2 in Star Wars."
"Are you sure?" she asked. "It doesn't look like him, go on over and ask."
A couple of minutes later I walked back over to her. "Well, what did he say?"
"Nothing." I said. "It's a rubbish bin."
I said: "I am a giant fan!"
Evidently she thought it included the actor playing George in the local production of "Our Town."
His family say that they are shaken.... but not stirred
Unless, of course, there's an actor better at being you than you are at being you.
An exterminator
He always knew how to take the perfect headshot.
They react.
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks were all making a movie about famous composers. Leo said, "I'd like to play Beethoven." Tom said, "I'd like to play Mozart." Arnie said "I'll be Bach"
...that it wasn't healthy to keep eating entire eggs, shells and all. "Just give it up for 40 days in the spring, and I bet you'll feel better."
The actor took his advice, and returned after 40 days.
"How was it?" the doctor asked.
Sean Connery smiled. "Eggshell-Lent!"
To play a scene where a character is drunk it's method acting
So I'm sure breaking bad must have had plenty of meth head acting
When it started Kevin Spacey was still a respected actor.
He changed his mind because nobody would talk about the elephant in the room.
One turns to the other and says "Tastes pretty overdone to me"
The Sediment
Be cause he's good at fingering A Minor.
He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. He was a real pizza work. You never sausage a guy. Sad about his brother, the broadway actor, in jail because he tried to rigatoni. His friend, the french chef, didn't make it to work- he couldn't make the escargot.
Charlize Heron
I personally like his brother more, even though he doesn't have that "wow" factor.
Father: "Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day you'll get a speaking part."
He would get repeatedly rejected from every audition. One day he tried out for a role as a vampire. The casting director told him he had never seen anyone suck so bad.
...and call it "Merkel, Markle and Serkis' Sarkel Merkin Circus"
But if he does, he'll have to change his name to Morgan Man.
Because every play has a cast.
Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting foron the table....
He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to take it and go outside, then come back and try to sell him the laptop...
He thought himself as actor Leonardo Di Caprio of "The wolf of wall street" movie...
So I took the laptop and left...
Left... ?? Then what ??
Nothing...
30 minutes later he called me up, begging me to return his laptop to him coz all his work and important documents were in it.....
So I asked him:
Will you buy it ??
I can only deduce from this that there are also actors called Tom Holland With A Vengeance, Live Free or Tom Holland & A Good Day To Tom Holland.
It turns out that he's an aspirin actor.
It turns out they really know how to rig a Tony.
Rigor Mortissen
John Wilkes Booth
Personally, I'm gladiator.
and ordered a drink.
Its a pleasure to serve you, Mr Hasselhoff, said the bartender.
Just call me Hoff, the actor replied.
Sure, the bartender said, no hassle.
I could smollett from a mile away.
Gene Hackman
One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.
He was telling me other night that he's been having trouble with a famous Spanish actor who keeps coming into his pub and causing chaos.
Javier Bardem? I asked
I've tried," he replied, but he just keeps comin' back.
Customer: Javier Bardem?
Landlord: No, but he IS on his final warning.
A teenage boy is talking with his friends.
One of them asks - "How would you react if you recognized your favorite actor or actress in the streets?"
He responds - "I doubt I'd recognize them."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't often look at their face."
rip
It's called, "Mime and Punishment".
They're all good but I like Roger Moore.
She acts like she can sing and people love her.
He's a methhead actor.
Leonardo DiCaprio, George Clooney and Matthew McConaughey are sitting around discussing a movie they want to make.
DiCaprio says I'll be the lead actor
Clooney says I guess I'll be the director then
McConaughey says I'll write, I'll write, I'll write
But no one would invest in Shatner Panties.
(An oldie, but deserved a fresh posting)
She realized she'd be known as Maria Shatner Mercedes.
I made the comment that he wasn't a good voice actor, and the game abruptly ended. Apparently, I died of dissin' Terry.
and then remembering I'm not an actor.
Because every play needs a cast.
so the zookeeper hires an actor to wear a gorilla costume until the zoo can get another one.
In the gorilla pen the actor makes faces, beats his chest, swings around, and soon draws a huge crowd. Encouraged, he then crawls atop a beam across the lion's enclosure, taunting the animal below. But, in horror, he lost his grip, falling into the lion's cage.
Terrified, the actor shouts, Help! Help me! Too late. The lion pounces, opens its massive jaws, and whispers urgently, Shut up! Do you want to get us both fired?!
DiCaprio says I'll be the lead actor
Clooney says I guess I'll be the director McConaughey says I'll write, I'll write, I'll write
671 Hallmark movies.
Eye Patchino
A huge rant
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