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Activity Jokes

102 activity jokes and hilarious activity puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about activity that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article focuses on the humor associated with Activity Village Christmas, the activity director and physical activity. Learn how to conduct a Model Activity in a vigorous action while having a few laughs.

Funniest Activity Short Jokes

Short activity jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The activity humour may include short action jokes also.

  1. Today I discovered someone had stolen my activation for Microsoft Office... I don't know who you but I will find you, you have my word.
  2. Why would Donald Trump run into an active school shooting, even if unarmed? Because he knows one of his supporters would never shoot him
  3. Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity? It's a sad state of affairs.
    Cr
  4. Tornado warnings are active for Cleveland, Ohio. Residents are invited to seek shelter in Cleveland Browns Stadium where there is no chance of a touchdown.
  5. How many introverts does it take to screw in a light bulb? Why does everything have to be a group activity?
  6. My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account. They didn't believe I bought a gym membership.
  7. BREAKING NEWS: Ethiopian falls into crocodile pond 17 crocodiles confirmed dead so far, with ethiopian still actively feeding.
  8. Statistically speaking, active people are less likely to be demonically possessed than sedentary people. This is one of the benefits of exorcising regularly.
  9. Is Google male or female? Female, because it knows everything, and secretly tracks your activity.
  10. The new thought-activated car they're working on is going to be even more popular than the voice-activated one It goes without saying.

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Activity One Liners

Which activity one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with activity? I can suggest the ones about acts and exercise.

  1. How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb? Why must it be a group activity?
  2. Today, I asked my phone Siri, why am I still single? and it activated the front camera.
  3. So my pal asked Siri why he's still single.. Siri activated the front camera
  4. What is a soldier's most active day of the year? March forth!
  5. What do you call a snowman's favorite winter solstice activity? Melting the night away!
  6. To whoever stole my Microsoft 365 activation key: I will find you. You have my Word.
  7. What's a frog's favorite springtime activity? Croak-et!
  8. What's a snowman's favorite winter solstice activity? "Chilling" with friends.
  9. I'm thinking of joining a gym. I'm keeping mentally active.
  10. What's a snail's favorite activity on the first day of spring? Slow-motion gardening!
  11. What is a lumberjacks favorite online activity? Logging in.
  12. What's a seal's favorite social activity? Clubbing...
    I'm so sorry
  13. Siri, why am I single? Siri: *activates front camera*
  14. Why did the pop band get cancer? They were radio active.
  15. The only way my husband would ever get hurt during an activity is if the TV exploded.

Brain Activity Jokes

Here is a list of funny brain activity jokes and even better brain activity puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the similarity between my brain and my computer hard drive? Both are actively deleting memory and I have no idea why.
  • President Mugabe not dead, doctors say There was no significant increase in brain activity

Criminal Activity Jokes

Here is a list of funny criminal activity jokes and even better criminal activity puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Criminal activity report I read this morning that someone pick pocketed a midget. How could someone stoop so low?
Activity joke, Criminal activity report

Physical Activity Jokes

Here is a list of funny physical activity jokes and even better physical activity puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did the computer buy to track its physical activity? A BitBit.
Activity joke, What did the computer buy to track its physical activity?

Happy Activity Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends

What funny jokes about activity you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean interaction jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make activity pranks.

When are bullies the most active?

In the meantime

Panda and a p**...

A panda spent the night in bed with a p**.... The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the p**... yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"
The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up p**....'
The definition reads: 'A woman who engages in promiscuous s**... activity for pay. '
The panda throws the dictionary back at the p**... and tells her to look up 'panda.'
The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves'

I was s**... active at 12

It's now 12:15 and my arm is killing me

r**... Birth control

A r**... took his daughter to the Gynocologist.
They waited in the Doctor's office when finally the Doctor came in and asked the father: "Well, what are we here for today"?
The father answered: "to get my daughter on birth control, Doc".
"Well, is your daughter s**... active?", asked the Doctor.
"No", answered the r**..., "she just lays there like her mother".

A man goes to see his doctor.

Man: Doc, I need to get some birth control for my daughter.
Doctor: Is she s**... active?
Man: No. She just lays there like her mother.

What's a necrophilic pirate's favorite activity?

Digging for b**....

Im not racist but... I will always believe in one activity that is better off segregated into w**... and colored.

Laundry.

The blinds store

So there's this store down the street called "Bailey's Blinds", and I can't help but wonder that it must be a front for some sort of i**... activity. Money laundering, perhaps? Or maybe it's an incognito hub for illicit products of some nature. I mean, how can a business possibly function for over 15 years while consistently profitable, by selling nothing but blinds? ...It's a shady business if you ask me.

Man walks into a pharmacy . . .

. . . and asks the pharmacist for birth control for his twelve-year old daughter. The pharmacist looks shocked and asks incredulously, "Your TWELVE year-old daughter is s**... active?!" The man responds emphatically, "Hmmph, I wish! She mostly just lays there and cries."

Over smart.

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
"Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

A man from Oklahoma takes his daughter to the gynecologist...

He tells the doctor that he'd like to put her on birth-control pills. The doctor asks him how old she is.
"She's thirteen." the man says.
The doctor is somewhat startled, "That's seems a bit young, is she s**... active?"
The man replies, "Naw... she jus' lays there like 'er mother."

A Man Goes Into A Pharmacy

And asks for birth control for his wife and seven year old daugher.
The pharmacist, shocked, exclaims "You're seven year old daughter is s**... active?!"
And the man just shrugs and says "Nah, she just lays there"

Sunday in church after St. Patrick's Day

It was a sunday after St. Patrick's day in the church of a small village in the west of Ireland. Obviously all the people were more or less hungover, which infuriated the pastor of the village.
"It's a disgrace how we celebrate our most important saint by indulging in binge drinking and other improper activities. If I could have all the wine in the world, I would throw it in the river!"
There was a wave of murmur among the churchgoers.
"If I could have all the beer in the world, I would throw it in the river as well!"
The people put their heads down in guilt, thinking about what they had done.
"If I could have all the SPIRITS in the world, I would throw them in the river with the beer and the wine!"
Now the church was completely silent.
After a short while, the musical conductor of the church spoke up, "Now let us sing hymn number 369, *'Shall We Gather at the River?'*"
---
I heard this story from the ambassador of Ireland in Finland.

What do you call an angry black man?

Typical. What do you call an angry white man?
Active shooter.

A girl came to me today...

...and told me she will have s**... with me if I advertise some random liquid detergent. Of course I said no, after all I'm a powerful man with high standards. As powerful as the new Ajax detergent, which offers a unique freshness, activated on air contact.

Two women meet over a coffee.

"Ah, Marie, I haven't seen you in years, what's going on in your life?"
"I have met a charming and well-off young man half my age."
"Majestic."
"Indeed. He took me to Paris, we dined in the finest restaurant, bought paintings from the vernissage!"
"Majestic!"
"Once we marry, he insists that I retire to our moderately sized European house, free to pursue my leisure activities."
"Definitely majestic!"
"But enough about me. Tell me about yourself, Annette. What are you up to lately?"
"I signed for an etiquette class. We've already learned to say 'majestic' instead of 'fucking h**...'"

My 82 year old grandmother is still healthy and active. She doesn't even need glasses.

She drinks her whiskey straight from the bottle.

A man walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms.

He approaches the desk and says to the pharmacist "excuse me, do you have non latex? I need condoms for my 12 year old daughter but she's allergic to latex"
The pharmacist replies "yeah they should be right over.... wait.. did you say 12 year old daughter? .. your 12 year old daughter is s**... active?"
The man says "eh, not really. She just kind of lays there like her mother."

Ice Cream Truck

My grandfather passed away recently and when we asked grandma how he died she said it was while they were making love. Surprised, we asked how they manage to be s**... active at their age. Grandma revealed that granddad times his strokes with sound of the local church bell to keep his heart rate at a low steady pace. Confused, we asked how did he die then? Grandma said, well unfortunately, an ice cream truck came along.

What's a depressed teenagers favorite activity?

Making their wrist look like their jeans.
(I'm sorry)

A man walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms...

The pharmacist looks at him and asked him if his wife had stopped taking her birth control pills.
"No, these are for my daughter", the man answered
"Oh, is your daughter s**... active?" Asked the pharmacist.
"No, she just lays there, just like her mom"

I got a job assisting a fledgling orchestra with their day to day activities and helping to organize upcoming shows...

My official title is Band Aide.
(I thought of this in the shower, so it's definitely not funny)

After years of my mom telling me to bond with my stepdad...

We finally bonded over a shared annoyance of her forcing us to do bonding activities.
I guess you could call it ironic bonding.

What's Tom Brady's favorite s**... activity?

Deflatio

What's a Pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Customer,
Due to recent i**... activities that have been performed through your connection, your internet service has been permanently disconnected.
-Sincerely, your ISP.

Two young boys go to a store

They have $6 between them and want a cool toy. After shopping around they come up to the register with a box of tampons. The clerk asks "Why?" One little boy replies "It says on the box you can go swimming, horse-back riding, play tennis, and other activities!! We just need to figure out how they work."

What do you call a music group that has been participating in i**... activity online

The Black IPs

A man brings his 12 year old daughter to the doctor.

He tells the doctor he needs birth control for his daughter.
Raising his eyebrows the doctor replies "Is your daughter s**... active?"
The man replies, "s**... active? No. She usually just lays there and cries."

I wouldn't say p**... is my favorite activity.....

But it's a solid number two.

Help! I need activity suggestions. I'm going to hang out with my father, first thing tomorrow morning. He's a retired Naval officer and an alcoholic.

What do you do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning??

A blonde went to the doctor for birth control...

The doctor asked the customary question, "Are you s**... active?" The blonde responded, "Nope." So the doctor asked, "Well, what do you need birth control for? Heavy period?" The blonde responded, "No, I don't want to get pregnant!"
Puzzled, the doctor clarified, "I thought you said you weren't s**... active?" The blonde responded, "I'm not. I just lie there."

In their biology class, students are given an activity that introduces them to relative dating...

One Student: "Relative Dating? This isn't Alabama!"

People are surprised when I tell them that I have a 4.0GPA while working and maintaining an active social life

But hey, anything is possible if you lie.

Doctor: are you active s**...?

Patient: define active, cause some active volcanoes didn't explode in hundreds of years.
Doctor: I'll write v**....

After someone pointed it out to her, my mother asked me to explain the difference between the District of Columbia and the country Colombia.

So explained to her that one of them is famous for it's drugs, corruption and blatant criminal activity, while the other historicly lost to England on penalties in this years world cup.

They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise

I wanted to test this out and Googled "h**... President"
Few days later I received a care package containing ammo

Yugi: Kaiba! How come Your card grabbed my card's groin and threatened to deport it...

Kaiba: You fool! You've activated my Trump card.

The wife said: "Bulls can engage in s**... activity more than 20 times in a day. I wish you could do that..."

And the husband replied: "Just remember they do it with more than one cow..."

Doctor Joke

Doctor: What brings you here?
Patient: My car hahaha
Doctor: \*writing in chart\* not s**... active

I was s**... active at 10

It is now 10:15 and my arm is still sore...

A panda spent the night in bed with a p**...

The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the p**... yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"
The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up p**....' The definition reads: 'A woman who engages in promiscuous s**... activity for pay. '
The panda throws the dictionary back at the p**... and tells her to look up 'panda.'
The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves.'

The secret of long life

A young man met a cowboy who was 104, still active and in good health. He asked the old-timer what the secret was to his longevity.
The old man said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal every morning see. If you do, you'll live to a nice, ripe old age."
So the young man did this religiously every day for the rest of his life, and sure enough, lived to the age of 100.
When he died he left behind 6 children, 10 grandchildren, 56 great-grandchildren...and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

So Hillary Clinton decides to have the talk with Chelsea.

She asks if Chelsea is s**... active yet to which Chelsea replies, "Not according to Dad."

A cop was patrolling a neighborhood after receiving a call from dispatch about suspicious activity.

He stopped a man walking past and asked, "Seen anything unusual?"
"I saw a dolphin wearing a hat once," said the man.
"I meant around here," the cop said annoyed.
*"Nah man, they live in the water."*

The saddest activity in my life is crushing my Coke cans.

Its soda pressing.

(t**... t**..., that was lame)

My doctor told me to take up an activity that takes me out of the pub.

So, I've started smoking.

So, I went to the doctor...

She asked "What brings you here today?"
I replied "My car."
And then she looked down at the form, shook her head, checked a box, and commented under her breath: "Not s**... active."

My doctor asked if I was s**... active.

I answered "I use Reddit" and he put down no.

A concerned father asks his daughter if she is s**... active. She replies, "Not really, Dad...

I just sort of lay there

p**... joke

I took my baby daughter to get her shots. As the pediatrician asks us about feeding and activities, she drops the question "How's the p**...?"
I replied "I don't know. I haven't tried it."
I am not allowed to go to her doctor's appointments. :(

What did Mike Tyson say to the Mind Flayers who tried to recruit him on their ship?

I won't be a part of your illithid activities.

I have been to a lot of places, but I've never been in Cahoots.

Apparently you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito, either. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips, thanks to my friends and family.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump and I'm not much on physical activity.

Cross-examination of a coroner

"Did you check the victim's pulse?"
"No, I did not."
"Did you check if the victim's breathing had stopped?"
"No, I did not."
"Did you check for any signs of brainwave activity?"
"No, I did not."
"Then how do you even know the victim is dead?"
"Well, his brain is in a jar on my desk right now, but for all I know he might be out practicing law somewhere."

Word of the Bible

Whoever lies with a man as with a woman must be s**....
--- fortunately both recreational activities are legal in Canada

Credit card company called me to report suspicious activity...

I asked what kind of suspicious activity and they said someone made a payment.

Why did the tomato turn red?

Well, you see, the tomato belongs to a family of plants called Solanaceae, which contains a pigment called lycopene. When the tomato begins to ripen, the chlorophyll in the fruit starts to break down, allowing the lycopene to become more visible. As a result, the tomato appears to turn from a greenish color to a bright red hue, indicating that it is now fully ripe and ready to be eaten. So, to answer your question, the tomato turned red due to a complex biological process involving the breakdown of chlorophyll and the activation of lycopene, which is a natural pigment found in the fruit.

Backfired!

My grandkids always say, "I LOVE (insert food, activity etc.) My dad answer is always, "So why don't you marry it?"
Today my granddaughter had a plate of watermelon and of course said "I LOVE watermelon." Before I could reply she said, "I think I'm gonna marry it!" She was so proud to beat me at my game, but I was even prouder.

Activity joke

jokes about activity