Activity Jokes

Following is our collection of conduct humor and routine one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Activity puns for adults, dirty databases jokes or clean active gags for kids.

There is an abundance of interactions jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 54 funniest jokes on activity. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any strenuous witze you can hear about activity.

The Best jokes about Activity

How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb?

Why must it be a group activity?

They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise

I wanted to test this out and Googled "how to kill President"

Few days later I received a care package containing ammo

The wife said: "Bulls can engage in sexual activity more than 20 times in a day. I wish you could do that..."

And the husband replied: "Just remember they do it with more than one cow..."

Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity?

It's a sad state of affairs.

Cr

How many introverts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Why does everything have to be a group activity?


My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account.

They didn't believe I bought a gym membership.

What's a necrophilic pirate's favorite activity?

Digging for booty.

After someone pointed it out to her, my mother asked me to explain the difference between the District of Columbia and the country Colombia.

So explained to her that one of them is famous for it's drugs, corruption and blatant criminal activity, while the other historicly lost to England on penalties in this years world cup.

Is Google male or female?

Female, because it knows everything, and secretly tracks your activity.

Panda and a Prostitute

A panda spent the night in bed with a prostitute. The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the prostitute yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"

The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up 'prostitute.'

The definition reads: 'A woman who engages in promiscuous sexual activity for pay. '

The panda throws the dictionary back at the prostitute and tells her to look up 'panda.'

The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves'

What's a depressed teenagers favorite activity?

Making their wrist look like their jeans.
(I'm sorry)


A man wishes to join an exclusive local church's congregation...

...and during his interview with the pastor, he's asked if he's ever engaged in any unusual sexual activity. He looks down, embarrassed, and sighs deeply.

"Well, yes, actually. Just last week, my girlfriend had dropped a head of lettuce. When she bent over, and I saw her shapely rear silhouetted by the light nearby, I ... I just couldn't help myself. I had to have her, so I made love to her right then and there."

The pastor replies, "I'm terribly sorry, sir. We can't allow that kind of behavior here. Premarital sex, even in a loving relationship, is against our doctrine."

The man shrugs, seemingly expecting the rejection. He stands up and begins walking to the door. "Hey, padre? Don't feel bad," he says. "We're not allowed in Wal*Mart any more either."

Im not racist but... I will always believe in one activity that is better off segregated into whites and colored.

Laundry.

What's Tom Brady's favorite sexual activity?

Deflatio

The blinds store

So there's this store down the street called "Bailey's Blinds", and I can't help but wonder that it must be a front for some sort of illegal activity. Money laundering, perhaps? Or maybe it's an incognito hub for illicit products of some nature. I mean, how can a business possibly function for over 15 years while consistently profitable, by selling nothing but blinds? ...It's a shady business if you ask me.

Criminal activity report

I read this morning that someone pick pocketed a midget. How could someone stoop so low?

What do you call a music group that has been participating in illegal activity online

The Black IPs

What's a seal's favorite social activity?

Clubbing...

I'm so sorry

A koala wakes up next to a prostitute...

Without a sound he gets up, makes his way to the door and begins to open it when the prostitute wakes up and sees him.

"Hey, where do you think youre going?" the prostitute asks? She pulls out a dictionary and shows him the definition of prostitute. It says, "a person, in particular a woman, who engages in sexual activity for payment."

He says in response, "Look up the definition of koala."

She finds it and begins to read. "a bearlike arboreal Australian marsupial that has thick gray fur and eats shoots and leaves."


In their biology class, students are given an activity that introduces them to relative dating...

One Student: "Relative Dating? This isn't Alabama!"

I wouldn't say pooping is my favorite activity.....

But it's a solid number two.

Help! I need activity suggestions. I'm going to hang out with my father, first thing tomorrow morning. He's a retired Naval officer and an alcoholic.

What do you do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning??

Ski trip [nsfw]

Three friends were on a skiing trip in Aspen. After a long day of snow and mountain activity, they returned to their cabin. In an attempt to stay warm, they decided to all three sleep on the same bed.

The next morning, the man on the right side woke up extremely happy, and woke his friends. "Guys! I had the most amazing dream! I dreamed that I got a handjob from a really cute redhead! It felt so real!"

Stunned, the man on the left side said "no way! I had the same dream! And it felt so real! Except I got a handjob from a hot brunette! Ned, let me guess. You had a similar dream about a blonde giving you a handjob?"

The man in the middle says "nah I just had a dream that I was skiing."

A vegan club is the worst place for social activity.

It's impossible to meat people there.

Two missionaries...

Were in a foreign country, when their captured by a group of cannibal. So the cannibals put the missionaries in a big cauldron filled with water over a fire to boil. The two missionaries are sitting in the cauldron when one of them bursts out laughing. The other one looks at him and says " look, we're about to be eaten, due to the seismic activity I've noticed there's going to be a massive earthquake here in about a day, and with the tidal movements a tidial wave will hit shortly after the earthquake, if we get somehow manage to get out of this our boss will skin us. But we're going to be boiled to death before any of that can happen. So I submit to you this is not the time to laugh." The other missionary smiles and says giggling " I peed in the soup."

A group of people are touring an old, 16th-century castle one day.

The tour guide seems to be doing a great job, explaining things in detail, when one of the tourists asks a question.



"I heard from a friend that this castle was haunted! Is that true?"



The tour guide, without hesitation, says "Oh no, I've been here for 300 years and I've never seen any paranormal activity."

I tried to bond with my son by teaching him how to play the theremin.

My wife didn't think it was a hands-on activity.

I encountered some paranormal activity at the local airport.

My plane wasn't delayed.

A hundred year old man goes to the doctor for a checkup

The doctor: "How are you?"
The man: "Very good! I have a new girlfriend!"
Doctor chuckles....
The man: "She is twenty years old!"
Doctor: "... but you know, every sexual activity could mean death!"
The man: "What can I say, would be a pity if she died..."

I found the meaning of life!

noun

the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death.

Check up at the doctors

A 70 year old woman went to the doctor for a check up.
The doctor told her she needed more activity & recommended sex three times a week.
She said to the doctor, "Please, tell to my husband".
The doctor goes out in the waiting room & tells the husband that his wife needs to have sex three times a week.
The 70 year old husband replies, " Which days ?"
The doctor says, " How about Monday, Wednesday and Friday."
The husband says, " I can bring her Monday & Wednesday, but on Friday she'll have to take the bus.

A frog is arrested for murder...

Mr. Frog was arrested and sentenced to 30 years for murder. For 30 years he was stuck in a small cell. His interaction with the outside world was the guards and all these flies that would swarm through his cell window.

Every day the guards would check on Mr. Frog and bring him fresh water. The guards were always amazed that the frogs only activity was gulpng these flies but he always had a huge frog grin throughout the decades.

Finally, it was time for Mr. Frog to be released. He hopped back to his old pond and encountered an old acquaintance.

"You're out! Was your time locked up hard and boring?"

"No," replied Mr. Frog, "time is fun when you're having flies."

After my grandfather recovered from his second heart attack at 64, he went to the doctor.

The doctor told him - "It's safe for you to resume normal sexual activity."

Without skipping a beat my grandfather replied - "Oh thank god, I was getting sore from the wife's kinky stuff."

Last night I went to a group activity called Fight Club...

I arrived late so I didn't hear the rules, but I enjoyed it anyway.

The golf joke

What's the best part about golf?

It's the only activity where you actually aim for the hole under 18 and you don't go to jail.

What's an activity that 9/10 participants enjoy?

Gang rape. Sorry. Seriously, really really sorry.

What is a pigs favorite activity?

Porkour

I got a fitbit to get a sense for my activity level

After a few days of wearing it, it asked if I was a tree

So



the new Paranormal Activity 3 is about a ghost who stalks little girls and makes them play with him late at night when the mum and step-dad are not around.



Glad to see Michael Jackson back to his old tricks.

I'm trying to make out with my gf tonight without sucess. Any activity subjection?

Not movies.

Due to the rise of suspicious clown activity, Party City has removed all associated costumes from its' shelves...

... Clinton and Trump are furious.

My colleagues wanted to do a team building activity, and someone suggested a ropes course.

A few folks were hesitant, but I'm happy to say everyone came. I've never experience such fantastic bondage.

Breaking bread with your middle-eastern friends...

Is a naan-secular activity everyone can enjoy.

I think my phone is alive

It has cellular activity

Mexico had an earthquake which was a 6 on the Richter scale

Guess you can say there was seis-mic activity down there

I bumped into two average Joes hanging out together, so I booked it the opposite direction...

... pair-a-normal activity freaks me out.

A dentist is watching The News

The news: flosing was the #1 activity of last year

*detnists searches up flossing on the web*

Dentist: SON OF A B**** 😑

What is a depressed person's favorite outdoor activity?

Cryaking.

I'm sorry.

What is a zombie's favourite activity on a cruise ship?

Shuffleboard!

How does one refer to intentionally harming the national bird of the U.S?

It's an ill-eagle activity

What is a catholic priests favorite activity?

Preying

So, a middle school science class is learning about genetics

and the students are working with recessive and dominant eye colors in punnett squares. A few minutes into the activity one student beckons the teacher over. He has a very concerned look on his face.

The teacher is a little worried. This has happened before. Every once in a while a student realizes that he is adopted or his dad isn't who he thought.

The teacher hesitantly walks over to the concerned student, ready to have a difficult conversation.

"Do you have a question about the assignment?" the teacher asks.

"Well," the student replies, "I think I might be adopted, because I have blue eyes and both my moms have brown eyes!"


[According to a Special Ed teacher at my school, this really happened to her.]

Hi I'm with the salad police. If you happen to see or hear any suspicious activity regarding renegade vegetables in your local area

Please lettuce know

What happens when two normal people get together?

Pair-a-normal activity

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes