Active Jokes
112 active jokes and hilarious active puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about active that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the potential of jokes and humor in the contexts of Active Directory, active listening, an active shooter, being sexually active, being overactive, intercourse, and sidebars. Dive into the various ways that humor can be incorporated into these topics, to make them more interesting and engaging.
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Funniest Active Short Jokes
Short active jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The active humour may include short alive jokes also.
- Today I discovered someone had stolen my activation for Microsoft Office... I don't know who you but I will find you, you have my word.
- Why would Donald Trump run into an active school shooting, even if unarmed? Because he knows one of his supporters would never shoot him
- Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity? It's a sad state of affairs.
Cr - Tornado warnings are active for Cleveland, Ohio. Residents are invited to seek shelter in Cleveland Browns Stadium where there is no chance of a touchdown.
- My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account. They didn't believe I bought a gym membership.
- BREAKING NEWS: Ethiopian falls into crocodile pond 17 crocodiles confirmed dead so far, with ethiopian still actively feeding.
- Statistically speaking, active people are less likely to be demonically possessed than sedentary people. This is one of the benefits of exorcising regularly.
- The new thought-activated car they're working on is going to be even more popular than the voice-activated one It goes without saying.
- What's a depressed teenagers favorite activity? Making their wrist look like their jeans.
(I'm sorry) - People are surprised when I tell them that I have a 4.0GPA while working and maintaining an active social life But hey, anything is possible if you lie.
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Active One Liners
Which active one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with active? I can suggest the ones about activity and animated.
- How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb? Why must it be a group activity?
- Today, I asked my phone Siri, why am I still single? and it activated the front camera.
- What is a soldier's most active day of the year? March forth!
- What do you call a snowman's favorite winter solstice activity? Melting the night away!
- What's a frog's favorite springtime activity? Croak-et!
- What's a snowman's favorite winter solstice activity? "Chilling" with friends.
- I'm thinking of joining a gym. I'm keeping mentally active.
- What's a snail's favorite activity on the first day of spring? Slow-motion gardening!
- What is a lumberjacks favorite online activity? Logging in.
- What's a seal's favorite social activity? Clubbing...
I'm so sorry - Why did the pop band get cancer? They were radio active.
- The only way my husband would ever get hurt during an activity is if the TV exploded.
- When are bullies the most active? In the meantime
- During activities I'm like batteries I'm never included
- LPT: Never date an active volcano They're just a hot mess.
Active Directory Jokes
Here is a list of funny active directory jokes and even better active directory puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Q:Why did the computer lose its trust relationship with the domain?
A:Because it was corrupted in active directory and needed to be removed and re-added again!
Active Listening Jokes
Here is a list of funny active listening jokes and even better active listening puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When you listen to music while driving, Your car is radio active.
Active Shooter Jokes
Here is a list of funny active shooter jokes and even better active shooter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a gunman who exercises? An active shooter!
- My coworkers hate when I joke about an active shooter in the building That one usually kills.
- Did you hear? There was an active shooter at the observatory! He was shooting for the stars!
- What's the worst question to ask in a job interview? Do you have active shooter drills here?
Cheeky Active Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about active you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean occupied jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make active pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was s**... active at 12
It's now 12:15 and my arm is killing me
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
r**... Birth control
A r**... took his daughter to the Gynocologist.
They waited in the Doctor's office when finally the Doctor came in and asked the father: "Well, what are we here for today"?
The father answered: "to get my daughter on birth control, Doc".
"Well, is your daughter s**... active?", asked the Doctor.
"No", answered the r**..., "she just lays there like her mother".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When my dad was a doctor going through residency...
...he had this particularly notable patient.
He was asking her the usual questions:
Do you smoke? Nope.
Drink? On occasion.
Any drugs? No
All typical answers, until he got to his last question.
Are you s**... active? She stared at him for a moment before replying: "Well I don't just lay there..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend told me this gem the other day
A man walks into a doctor's office with his 8 year-old daughter. Looking at the nurse he asks "Excuse me, miss? I need to see someone about getting my daughter on birth control."
The nurse replies, "My god! Your daughter is s**... active?"
"Nah, she just lays there like her Mom."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't say this joke in front of your family...
A man goes into a pharmacy and tells the pharmacist, "I need some condoms for my 12 year old daughter."
The pharmacist replies, "Don't tell me your daughter is s**... active!"
The man responds, "No, she usually just lays there like her mother."
What type of tree doesn't remove active torrents?
A *Cedar* tree.
What do you call 222,215 Frenchman with their arms up?
The active french armed forces.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man from Oklahoma takes his daughter to the gynecologist...
He tells the doctor that he'd like to put her on birth-control pills. The doctor asks him how old she is.
"She's thirteen." the man says.
The doctor is somewhat startled, "That's seems a bit young, is she s**... active?"
The man replies, "Naw... she jus' lays there like 'er mother."
Active volcanoes would make good rappers...
because they got mad flow.
Two girlfriends meet each other on the street.
Two girlfriends meet each other on the street.
A: How is your married life?
B: For the last couple of weeks my husband has been helping me a lot around the house: watching kids, cooking, groceries, cleaning, doing laundry…
A: How did you convince him to do that?
B: He read an article in one magazine that if a woman is less tired at the end of the day, then she is much more active in bed.
A: And, did it help him?
B: I don't know yet. He falls asleep as soon as he hits bed.. =/
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Are you s**... active?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I walked into the pharmacist's office and asked for condoms for my 12 year old son.
The pharmacist asked "is your son s**... active?" I replied with "no he just lays there and cries."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does the s**... active narcoleptic always use a c**...?
Because he doesn't need sleepAIDS.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This one weird trick guaranteed to get you an active s**... life!
m**...!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's thinner than the ice that my incredibly s**... active roommate is on?
The wall between our rooms.
My dad was a very active advocate for women's rights...
My mom wanted to be as well, but my dad wouldn't allow it.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I haven't been s**... active because I'm saving myself...
Some money.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an angry black man?
Typical. What do you call an angry white man?
Active shooter.
Who was the most active of the chinese khanes?
Ginseng khan
I am in a silly mood. Have a good day
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
U.S male active duty and veterans...on this special day, make sure to call up all your old flames, current lovers. Wives and girlfriends as well as any others who helped you out during long deployments and say.....
"Thank you for your c**...!"
What was the politically active lesbian jew doing in Tehran Square?
Just hangin
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
She is such a h**... that she doesn't have boyfriends..
...she has daily active users.
Have you heard about the world's shortest active volcano?
They say that mountain ain't that Taal
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a s**... active spaghetti?
Fetishini alfredo
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks in for a blood donation.
The nurse asks "Are you s**... active?"
The man replies "Wouldn't that be rather awkward with us both sitting here?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ice Cream Truck
My grandfather passed away recently and when we asked grandma how he died she said it was while they were making love. Surprised, we asked how they manage to be s**... active at their age. Grandma revealed that granddad times his strokes with sound of the local church bell to keep his heart rate at a low steady pace. Confused, we asked how did he die then? Grandma said, well unfortunately, an ice cream truck came along.
English...
Active : Faith can move mountains
Passive : Mountains can be moved by Faith
Conclusion : English is very funny language
Few Saturdays I switch off the light and stay the whole night in darkness
So that the neighbors might think that I've an active social life...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At the elderly home:
A journalist had arrived to the elderly home to interview some of the people living there.
He started out by asking 92 year old Mary a few questions.
As he was about to finish off the interview he threw in an additional question, "So Mary, how long has it been since you were s**... active?"
Mary thought about it for a few seconds, and then answered "1945".
The journalist thoughtlessly responded" Wow, that's REALLY long ago"!
Mary looked perplexed as she said "Not really, it's only eight a clock now".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms...
The pharmacist looks at him and asked him if his wife had stopped taking her birth control pills.
"No, these are for my daughter", the man answered
"Oh, is your daughter s**... active?" Asked the pharmacist.
"No, she just lays there, just like her mom"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me and my wife have a very active s**... life
She likes to dress up and pretend to be Cat-Woman.
Where as I pretend I love her
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What separates a s**... active adult male from a 10 year old?
A half a millimetre of latex.
Active Voice: I wrote the paper.
Passive Voice: The paper was written by me.
Inner Voice: Dafuq did I write!?!
I once met a homeless man
... And we had a small conversation. He said: "Every time there's a public marathon, I participate."
I replied: "Wow. You seem like a very active and sportive man despite being homeless."
He instantly said: "Nah, I just walk the whole race to get free water bottles."
In our fight against garbage and overflowing landfills, I feel like we're under-utilizing our...
...active volcanoes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pharmacist: "Are you s**... active?"
My wife interrupting: "No, he just kind of lays there."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man brings his 12 year old daughter to the doctor.
He tells the doctor he needs birth control for his daughter.
Raising his eyebrows the doctor replies "Is your daughter s**... active?"
The man replies, "s**... active? No. She usually just lays there and cries."
I searched Google for "popular singer, last name Crosby, active from the 20s-70s." I got plenty of results but they were not as helpful as I would have liked.
Guess I should have used Bing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde went to the doctor for birth control...
The doctor asked the customary question, "Are you s**... active?" The blonde responded, "Nope." So the doctor asked, "Well, what do you need birth control for? Heavy period?" The blonde responded, "No, I don't want to get pregnant!"
Puzzled, the doctor clarified, "I thought you said you weren't s**... active?" The blonde responded, "I'm not. I just lie there."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm politically active the same way I'm s**... active,
Only online!
What do you call an politically active Ewok ?
An Ewoke
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The retired Sargent goes in for his physical...
The doctor says, "You look pretty fit. You stay active, but I need to ask about your s**... life. When was the last time you had s**...?"
After thinking for a second... "2010." the Sargent says.
The doctor is flabberghasted. "2010?" He sputters.
"Well," says the sargent, looking at his watch, "since its 0800 now, I wouldn't say that 2010 last night was too long ago."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Airline pilot...
An airline pilot makes the usual announcements over the cabin PA system as the plane reaches cruising altitude. He then sets the plane on autopilot and turns to the co-pilot and jokes- All I need now is a cup of coffee and a b**....
Unbeknownst to the captain, the mic is still active and everybody can hear what the captain is saying.
Suddenly, an alert flight attendant bolts toward the cockpit to tell the pilot his mic is stuck.
As she's nearing the door, an old timer stands up and shouts- Stop! You forgot his coffee!
Having a very active night means something different if you play a lot of chess
It means you hit the dance floor with more moves than Bobby Fisher
Tide is fully embracing their new consumers with their new Tide Pod containers...
They just changed their active ingredients to nutrition facts .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You can tell when a woman is pregnant
She tends to get a little o**... active.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 test tubes
'We have two test tubes here,' said the professor of IVF studies from Monash University. 'They contain two carefully synthesized ingredients that we can now use to create human life. Solution A is a genetically engineered copy of all the ingredients in the female o**..., while Solution B replicates the active ingredients in male spermatozoa. If I mix them in this aseptic glass container a new human life will be conceived. Now any questions?'
'Could you possibly give us a demonstration?' asked an awed member of the audience.
'I'm sorry, not tonight,' said the professor, 'Solution A has a headache!'
After being recommended by my boss, I've started taking an active interest in steroids.
He said I need to get into gear.
IHOP and IHOB both sound like Apple products
for an active person and a chef.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor: are you active s**...?
Patient: define active, cause some active volcanoes didn't explode in hundreds of years.
Doctor: I'll write v**....
Why are futebol players so active in school?
Because they are always raising their hand
I think about my wife's privates all the time.
I have a pretty active ivagination.
So we were learning about passive and active voices,the teacher asked me if "jenny was eating a sausage" was active or passive.
I told him neither because there are only objects in the sentence.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor: Are you s**... active?
Me: [drinking an entire glass of water]
My puppet: No.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does being s**... active and being at school have in common?
If you miss a period you're in trouble.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was s**... active at 12.
Now it's 12-08 a.m. and I'm done.
What do you call an asian guy who is talking on an active electric shock giving chair?
current lee speaking
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My students wanna know what happened to their favorite sub?
He hasn't been s**... active all year.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor Joke
Doctor: What brings you here?
Patient: My car hahaha
Doctor: \*writing in chart\* not s**... active
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A WWII veteran goes to a doctor's appointment
An old veteran sits down in the doctor's office for his check up. As usual, the doctor goes through the necessary questions.
"Okay," says the doc, "when's the last time you were s**... active?"
"1946," says the veteran.
"Oh. It's been a while, huh?"
The veteran shrugs and checks his watch. "Not really. It's only 2135."
In this house we say 'please' and 'thank you' to Alexa.
We're hoping she'll take it easy on us when Skynet goes active.
Did you hear the judge's recent linguistic faux pas, when they were addressing a recently convicted defendant?
I Order you to serve 2 years incarcerated, 2 years active probation, 1 year of passive probation, 400 hours of community service, evidence of completion of an education service approved by the court, submit to a mental health evaluation..., etc., etc..
Yeah, it was a run-on sentence.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman visited her doctor for her annual exam. The doctor asked, Are you and your husband s**... active? Yes, we have verbal s**... everyday. the woman answered. Verbal s**...? I think you mean o**... s**...! the doctor laughed. No, I mean verbal s**.... the woman persisted.
Every morning my husband and I pass each other in the hall and say, 'Fuck you!'"
What is it called when an officer poops his pants while chasing a perp?
Active doody.
As a vegan mom, I prioritize maintaining a healthy lifestyle for me and my family, but keeping my kids active during quarantine isn't always easy, so we made up a new game...
The floor is ground beef!
My body is a temple...
...it's sometimes referred to as a house, is usually only active on the weekend and many Jews have been inside it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman goes in to see her doctor for a check up....
The doctor, after the examination, returns with the results
D: "Ma'am, you might want to sit down... It looks like you're pregnant"
W: "What?! That's impossible! I told you I haven't been s**... active in over a year!!"
D: "Yes Ma'am, that might be because it looks like you're pregnant.."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My doctor asked me
if I was s**... active.
I told him, "No. I just lie there."
Breaking News in North Korea: 11.47PM - 1 active Covid case detected !
Update at 11.48PM - 0 active Covid cases
The secret of long life
A young man met a cowboy who was 104, still active and in good health. He asked the old-timer what the secret was to his longevity.
The old man said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal every morning see. If you do, you'll live to a nice, ripe old age."
So the young man did this religiously every day for the rest of his life, and sure enough, lived to the age of 100.
When he died he left behind 6 children, 10 grandchildren, 56 great-grandchildren...and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
What do you call a person who has flu but does not isolate themselves and is very active on social media?
Influen(zer)
