Active Jokes

This article explores the potential of jokes and humor in the contexts of Active Directory, active listening, an active shooter, being sexually active, being overactive, intercourse, and sidebars. Dive into the various ways that humor can be incorporated into these topics, to make them more interesting and engaging.

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jokes about active

Best Short Active Jokes

These are our top active puns. Have fun with a good active joke in English with simple active humour.

  1. Today I discovered someone had stolen my activation for Microsoft Office... I don't know who you but I will find you, you have my word.
  2. Why would Donald Trump run into an active school shooting, even if unarmed? Because he knows one of his supporters would never shoot him
  3. Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity? It's a sad state of affairs.
  4. Tornado warnings are active for Cleveland, Ohio. Residents are invited to seek shelter in Cleveland Browns Stadium where there is no chance of a touchdown.
  5. How many introverts does it take to screw in a light bulb? Why does everything have to be a group activity?
  6. My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account. They didn't believe I bought a gym membership.
  7. BREAKING NEWS: Ethiopian falls into crocodile pond 17 crocodiles confirmed dead so far, with ethiopian still actively feeding.
  8. Statistically speaking, active people are less likely to be demonically possessed than sedentary people. This is one of the benefits of exorcising regularly.
  9. Is Google male or female? Female, because it knows everything, and secretly tracks your activity.
  10. What's a depressed teenagers favorite activity? Making their wrist look like their jeans.
    (I'm sorry)
Active joke, What's a depressed teenagers favorite activity?

Make fun with this list of one liners, gags and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor found in these active jokes can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of active puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, these jokes offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Active One Liners

Which active dad jokes are funny enough to crack down and make fun with active?

  1. How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb? Why must it be a group activity?
  2. Today, I asked my phone Siri, why am I still single? and it activated the front camera.
  3. So my pal asked Siri why he's still single.. Siri activated the front camera
  4. What is a soldier's most active day of the year? March forth!
  5. To whoever stole my Microsoft 365 activation key: I will find you. You have my Word.
  6. I'm thinking of joining a gym. I'm keeping mentally active.
  7. What is a lumberjacks favorite online activity? Logging in.
  8. What's a seal's favorite social activity? Clubbing...
    I'm so sorry
  9. Siri, why am I single? Siri: *activates front camera*
  10. Why did the pop band get cancer? They were radio active.
  11. The only way my husband would ever get hurt during an activity is if the TV exploded.
  12. When are bullies the most active? In the meantime
  13. During activities I'm like batteries I'm never included
  14. LPT: Never date an active volcano They're just a hot mess.
  15. I encountered some paranormal activity at the local airport. My plane wasn't delayed.

Active Shooter Jokes

Here is a list of funny active shooter jokes and even better active shooter puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call an angry black man? Typical. What do you call an angry white man?
    Active shooter.
  • Too soon maybe, but today's event are proof that men do everything better than women... Active shooter couldn't even kill anyone but herself
  • What do you call a gunman who exercises? An active shooter!
  • My coworkers hate when I joke about an active shooter in the building That one usually kills.
  • Did you hear? There was an active shooter at the observatory! He was shooting for the stars!
  • What's the worst question to ask in a job interview? Do you have active shooter drills here?
  • Why are Americans so fat? Because the only ones active are the shooters.
  • What do you call a cross-fit h**... j**...? Active shooter
Active joke, What do you call a cross-fit h**... j**...?

Cheeky Active Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about active to tell and make people laugh ? Check out these list of good jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make active prank.

I was s**... active at 12

It's now 12:15 and my arm is killing me

r**... Birth control

A r**... took his daughter to the Gynocologist.
They waited in the Doctor's office when finally the Doctor came in and asked the father: "Well, what are we here for today"?
The father answered: "to get my daughter on birth control, Doc".
"Well, is your daughter s**... active?", asked the Doctor.
"No", answered the r**..., "she just lays there like her mother".

A man takes his daughter to the doctor

A man takes his 11 year old daughter to the doctor and asks him to put her in birth control.
Concerned, the doctor replied, "I think she's a bit young to be s**... active.."
The father replies, "Well I wouldn't exactly call her *active*. She mostly just lies there."

A man goes to see his doctor.

Man: Doc, I need to get some birth control for my daughter.
Doctor: Is she s**... active?
Man: No. She just lays there like her mother.

When my dad was a doctor going through residency...

...he had this particularly notable patient.
He was asking her the usual questions:
Do you smoke? Nope.
Drink? On occasion.
Any drugs? No
All typical answers, until he got to his last question.
Are you s**... active? She stared at him for a moment before replying: "Well I don't just lay there..."

My friend told me this gem the other day

A man walks into a doctor's office with his 8 year-old daughter. Looking at the nurse he asks "Excuse me, miss? I need to see someone about getting my daughter on birth control."
The nurse replies, "My god! Your daughter is s**... active?"
"Nah, she just lays there like her Mom."

Man walks into a pharmacy . . .

. . . and asks the pharmacist for birth control for his twelve-year old daughter. The pharmacist looks shocked and asks incredulously, "Your TWELVE year-old daughter is s**... active?!" The man responds emphatically, "Hmmph, I wish! She mostly just lays there and cries."

A man asks the pharmacist for birth control for his 11-year old daughter.

Shocked the pharmacist asks, "11-years old! Is she even s**... active?"
The dad shakes his head saying, "No, she just lays there like her mother."

A man from Oklahoma takes his daughter to the gynecologist...

He tells the doctor that he'd like to put her on birth-control pills. The doctor asks him how old she is.
"She's thirteen." the man says.
The doctor is somewhat startled, "That's seems a bit young, is she s**... active?"
The man replies, "Naw... she jus' lays there like 'er mother."

Active volcanoes would make good rappers...

because they got mad flow.

So a guy goes to the doctor...

Doctor: "What can i help you with today?"
Guy: "I need to get some birth control for my daughter."
Doctor:" Well, is your daughter s**... active?"
Guy: "No, she just lays there."

A Man Goes Into A Pharmacy

And asks for birth control for his wife and seven year old daugher.
The pharmacist, shocked, exclaims "You're seven year old daughter is s**... active?!"
And the man just shrugs and says "Nah, she just lays there"

A guy walks to the pharmacy to buy condoms

A guy goes to the pharmacy. `I need some
condoms for my 11-year-old daughter', he says.
The pharmacist is shocked: `Your daughter is s**... active at 11?'.
The guy says,'Not really, she just lies there
like her little brother

I walked into the pharmacist's office and asked for condoms for my 12 year old son.

The pharmacist asked "is your son s**... active?" I replied with "no he just lays there and cries."

What's thinner than the ice that my incredibly s**... active roommate is on?

The wall between our rooms.

A man takes his 11 year old daughter to the doctor to put her on birth control

Doctor: 11 years old, is she s**... active?!?
Father: na, she mostly lays there and cries..

My dad was a very active advocate for women's rights...

My mom wanted to be as well, but my dad wouldn't allow it.

I haven't been s**... active because I'm saving myself...

Some money.

Who was the most active of the chinese khanes?

Ginseng khan
I am in a silly mood. Have a good day

U.S male active duty and veterans...on this special day, make sure to call up all your old flames, current lovers. Wives and girlfriends as well as any others who helped you out during long deployments and say.....

"Thank you for your c**...!"

What was the politically active lesbian jew doing in Tehran Square?

Just hangin

My 82 year old grandmother is still healthy and active. She doesn't even need glasses.

She drinks her whiskey straight from the bottle.

Have you heard about the world's shortest active volcano?

They say that mountain ain't that Taal

What do you call a s**... active spaghetti?

Fetishini alfredo

A father walks into a pharmacy...

... goes to the counter and asks the pharmacist about getting birth control for his 11 year old daughter. "My god, your 11 year old is s**... active!" The pharmacist exclaims. The dad replies, "not really, she just lies there and cries."

A man walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms.

He approaches the desk and says to the pharmacist "excuse me, do you have non latex? I need condoms for my 12 year old daughter but she's allergic to latex"
The pharmacist replies "yeah they should be right over.... wait.. did you say 12 year old daughter? .. your 12 year old daughter is s**... active?"
The man says "eh, not really. She just kind of lays there like her mother."

Ice Cream Truck

My grandfather passed away recently and when we asked grandma how he died she said it was while they were making love. Surprised, we asked how they manage to be s**... active at their age. Grandma revealed that granddad times his strokes with sound of the local church bell to keep his heart rate at a low steady pace. Confused, we asked how did he die then? Grandma said, well unfortunately, an ice cream truck came along.


Active : Faith can move mountains
Passive : Mountains can be moved by Faith
Conclusion : English is very funny language

Few Saturdays I switch off the light and stay the whole night in darkness

So that the neighbors might think that I've an active social life...

A man from tennessee takes his daughter to the doctor and tells the doctor his daughter need birth control.

The doctor asks, "How old is she?"
He replies, "15."
"And she's s**... active," the doctor asks.
The man replies, "Naw, she just lays there like her mother."

A man walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms...

The pharmacist looks at him and asked him if his wife had stopped taking her birth control pills.
"No, these are for my daughter", the man answered
"Oh, is your daughter s**... active?" Asked the pharmacist.
"No, she just lays there, just like her mom"

Me and my wife have a very active s**... life

She likes to dress up and pretend to be Cat-Woman.
Where as I pretend I love her

What separates a s**... active adult male from a 10 year old?

A half a millimetre of latex.

Active Voice: I wrote the paper.

Passive Voice: The paper was written by me.
Inner Voice: Dafuq did I write!?!

I once met a homeless man

... And we had a small conversation. He said: "Every time there's a public marathon, I participate."
I replied: "Wow. You seem like a very active and sportive man despite being homeless."
He instantly said: "Nah, I just walk the whole race to get free water bottles."

In our fight against garbage and overflowing landfills, I feel like we're under-utilizing our... volcanoes.


A middle aged man takes his 14 year old daughter to the doctor.
"And what do we need today young lady?" The doctor asks.
The father answers for her "She needs to start birth control".
The doctor gasps "She's s**... active at 14!?"
The father replies "Nope, she just lays there, just like her mother.

Pharmacist: "Are you s**... active?"

My wife interrupting: "No, he just kind of lays there."

A man brings his 12 year old daughter to the doctor.

He tells the doctor he needs birth control for his daughter.
Raising his eyebrows the doctor replies "Is your daughter s**... active?"
The man replies, "s**... active? No. She usually just lays there and cries."

I searched Google for "popular singer, last name Crosby, active from the 20s-70s." I got plenty of results but they were not as helpful as I would have liked.

Guess I should have used Bing.

A blonde went to the doctor for birth control...

The doctor asked the customary question, "Are you s**... active?" The blonde responded, "Nope." So the doctor asked, "Well, what do you need birth control for? Heavy period?" The blonde responded, "No, I don't want to get pregnant!"
Puzzled, the doctor clarified, "I thought you said you weren't s**... active?" The blonde responded, "I'm not. I just lie there."

A man takes his nine year old daughter to the doctor.

After several hours in the waiting room, they're called in.
"Hello," the doctor says. "How can I help you?"
The man nods, "It"s my daughter, I was wondering if you could put her on birth control."
"Birth control?" the doctor is incredulous. "She"s too young to be s**... active!"
"s**... active?" the father says, "She just lies there like her mother!"

What do you call an politically active Ewok ?

An Ewoke

The retired Sargent goes in for his physical...

The doctor says, "You look pretty fit. You stay active, but I need to ask about your s**... life. When was the last time you had s**...?"
After thinking for a second... "2010." the Sargent says.
The doctor is flabberghasted. "2010?" He sputters.
"Well," says the sargent, looking at his watch, "since its 0800 now, I wouldn't say that 2010 last night was too long ago."

Having a very active night means something different if you play a lot of chess

It means you hit the dance floor with more moves than Bobby Fisher

Tide is fully embracing their new consumers with their new Tide Pod containers...

They just changed their active ingredients to nutrition facts .

People are surprised when I tell them that I have a 4.0GPA while working and maintaining an active social life

But hey, anything is possible if you lie.

You can tell when a woman is pregnant

She tends to get a little o**... active.

After being recommended by my boss, I've started taking an active interest in steroids.

He said I need to get into gear.

An Arkansas man takes his 12 year-old daughter to the doctor to get her on birth control

The doctor then asks the man, Your 12 year-old daughter is s**... active!?
The man replies, No, she's like her mother. She just lays there.

IHOP and IHOB both sound like Apple products

for an active person and a chef.

Doctor: are you active s**...?

Patient: define active, cause some active volcanoes didn't explode in hundreds of years.
Doctor: I'll write v**....

So this young woman goes to the doctor and he asks, "Are you s**... active?"

She says, "No l, I just lay there."

So we were learning about passive and active voices,the teacher asked me if "jenny was eating a sausage" was active or passive.

I told him neither because there are only objects in the sentence.

Fat people have the most active lifestyle.

The times they are actually not doing anything, they have to maintain their active lifestyle buy actively eating.

Doctor: Are you s**... active?

Me: [drinking an entire glass of water]
My puppet: No.

My students wanna know what happened to their favorite sub?

He hasn't been s**... active all year.

Doctor Joke

Doctor: What brings you here?
Patient: My car hahaha
Doctor: \*writing in chart\* not s**... active

A WWII veteran goes to a doctor's appointment

An old veteran sits down in the doctor's office for his check up. As usual, the doctor goes through the necessary questions.
"Okay," says the doc, "when's the last time you were s**... active?"
"1946," says the veteran.
"Oh. It's been a while, huh?"
The veteran shrugs and checks his watch. "Not really. It's only 2135."

In this house we say 'please' and 'thank you' to Alexa.

We're hoping she'll take it easy on us when Skynet goes active.

Did you hear the judge's recent linguistic faux pas, when they were addressing a recently convicted defendant?

I Order you to serve 2 years incarcerated, 2 years active probation, 1 year of passive probation, 400 hours of community service, evidence of completion of an education service approved by the court, submit to a mental health evaluation..., etc., etc..
Yeah, it was a run-on sentence.

A woman visited her doctor for her annual exam. The doctor asked, Are you and your husband s**... active? Yes, we have verbal s**... everyday. the woman answered. Verbal s**...? I think you mean o**... s**...! the doctor laughed. No, I mean verbal s**.... the woman persisted.

Every morning my husband and I pass each other in the hall and say, 'Fuck you!'"

What is it called when an officer poops his pants while chasing a perp?

Active doody.

I was s**... active at 10

It is now 10:15 and my arm is still sore...

As a vegan mom, I prioritize maintaining a healthy lifestyle for me and my family, but keeping my kids active during quarantine isn't always easy, so we made up a new game...

The floor is ground beef!

My body is a temple...'s sometimes referred to as a house, is usually only active on the weekend and many Jews have been inside it.

A woman goes in to see her doctor for a check up....

The doctor, after the examination, returns with the results
D: "Ma'am, you might want to sit down... It looks like you're pregnant"
W: "What?! That's impossible! I told you I haven't been s**... active in over a year!!"
D: "Yes Ma'am, that might be because it looks like you're pregnant.."

My doctor asked me

if I was s**... active.
I told him, "No. I just lie there."

Breaking News in North Korea: 11.47PM - 1 active Covid case detected !

Update at 11.48PM - 0 active Covid cases

The secret of long life

A young man met a cowboy who was 104, still active and in good health. He asked the old-timer what the secret was to his longevity.
The old man said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal every morning see. If you do, you'll live to a nice, ripe old age."
So the young man did this religiously every day for the rest of his life, and sure enough, lived to the age of 100.
When he died he left behind 6 children, 10 grandchildren, 56 great-grandchildren...and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

What do you call a person who has flu but does not isolate themselves and is very active on social media?


Active joke, What do you call a person who has flu but does not isolate themselves and is very active on social m

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like kids and toddlers can enjoy. They can be verbal, as in a play on words, or narrative, often involving a set-up and a punchline. JokoJokes has it all! Jokes in Spanish are also found. Teens are often joking with 4 year olds and 6 year olds. Found out more in our Jokes FAQ section

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The impact of these active jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.