The Best 89 Action Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Action jokes. There are some action film jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these action motion puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Action Jokes and Puns

There's no need for women to behave the way they do on their period

It's an ovary action

I don't understand why women get so angry and stressed on their period.

It's such an ovary action

George W. Bush joke....

One morning while George was having breakfast, Condoleezza Rice walks in saying, "Mr. President, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in action yesterday." "Dear God, " he replied, "how much is a brazilian?"

An order of monks are selling flowers...

...illegally on the lawn of the Playboy Mansion, Hugh Hefner's property. Instead of calling the police, however, Hugh decides to spring into action and stop them himself. After an intense argument, the monks agree to leave peacefully. If it had been anybody else they would have gotten away with it; unfortunately for them, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

jokes about action

What am I?

I am a common object enjoyed by both sexes, normally about 8 inches long, with little hairs on one end, and a hole in the other. For most of the day I am laying down, but I am ready for instant action. When in use, I move back and forth and in and out of a warm, moist hole. When the work is finally done, a white, slushy, sticky mush is left behind and I return to my original position. Cleaning is normally done after I have finished. What am I? Why, I am your very own toothbrush!


So I've been trying to sell my Ubermensch Action Figures...

But it's difficult to cater to such a Nietszche Market.

PMS is a myth

It's really just an ovary action.

Action joke, PMS is a myth

So I went to a fortune teller and asked if I was going to get any action that night.

She told me she didn't deal in self fulfilling prophecies.

Bruce Willis was offered a role in the new Star Wars film, but turned it down to concentrate on action films

Because you know what they say about old habits...

A guy picks up a waitress at a Chinese restaurant...

A guy picks up an innocent, young waitress at a Chinese restaurant and after a night out gets her back to his place. After some fooling around he's ready for action and says, "How's about a little sixty-nine?" to which she replies, "You want broccoli with beef?!"

Apparently Bruce Willis is only going to concentrate on action films from now on...

because you know what they say about old habits...

You can explore action sequel reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean action producers dad jokes. There are also action puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Did you guys hear about the new Ray Lewis action figure?

Batteries included.

If it makes you feel any better I made the joke up a few months ago and it was a Chris Brown joke, but with Rice being topical and all.

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law

"Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law

Steven Spielberg has a new idea for a movie

He says he wants to make an action movie about classical music composers.

Sylvester Stallone says "I wana be Motzart!"

Arnold Schwarzenegger says "In zat case...I'll be Bach"

Why are females so moody when they're on their period?

It's an ovary action.

I think me life is like the Truman Show.

I was tryin' ta figure out what type a genre show it be.

I thought, "It might be a drama," but me life isn't sad enough.

I thought, "It might be an action tale," but alas, 'tis too boring.

"Then, perhaps, it be a comedy," I thought, but me life isn't funny, so I cast that idea overboard.

"Well," I thought, "it might be British."

Action joke, I think me life is like the Truman Show.

A New Movie - Stephen Spielberg

Stephen Speilberg has just recently decided to create a new action movie about the greatest composers on Earth. His creates his cast and asks them 'Who do you want to be' ...

Bruce Willis says to him 'I ll play Beethoven, i've always fancied myself as a bit of a genius'

Liam Neeson then pipes up saying 'Im going to be Mozart, i find his music very relaxing and very baroque'

Lastly Arnold Schwarzenegger says 'Ill be Bach'

Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are in a bar

After a few drinks Steven says he's thinking about making an action movie about classical composers

Sylvester says "I wanna be Mozart!"

Arnold says "in that case...I'll be Bach"

My girlfriend started pms-ing today.

I thinks it's just a big ovary action.


My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.

My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.

Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"

Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."

Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.

Did you hear that they're producing an action movie about a team of crime-fighting composers?

They already approached Arnold Schwarzenegger about playing fellow Austrian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, but he said "no, I'll be Bach!"

The jungle book has been adapted into a live action play

But after the show at the Cincinnati zoo all other showings have been cancelled.

What do you call it when you have sex with a dwarf who has gender dysmorphia?

micro trans action

Did you know they are making an action movie about the great composers?

Arnold Schwarzeneggar says he'll be Bach.

What do you call it when you use your debit card to pay to have sex with a MtF illegal immigrant

Paperless trans action

Newton's third law of Emotion.

For every male action, there is a female overreaction.

Action joke, Newton's third law of Emotion.

If I Had a [currency] For Every [action],

I would do more of [action].

Action dan here, I got a call about my wife from the ER

Action dan here, I answered the phone and it was from the ER and the nurse said "Action dan It looks like your wife got hit by a truck."

I said" action dan here, well yeah, but she's got a great personality."

guitarists are pretty good as bisexual lovers

on the one hand, their fingering must be pretty good; on the other, their wrist action must be pretty good too.


President Trump to sign an executive action taking aim at Sun Maid and California's Raisin industry

He answered most of the criticism over the weekend by stating

"I would like to make raisins Grape again"

Obscene Caller

A woman answered a call from an unknown number.

"Hello," said the obscene caller, as he breathed heavily, "if you can guess what's in my hand, I'll give you a piece of the action."

Listen honey," drawled the lady, "if you can hold it in one hand, I ain't interested"

Being a nice guy is like the Canadian military..

Cute, innocent, isn't taken seriously and will never get any action

Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!".

So I sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy!

I got slapped at the club the other day

I went dancing at a local club, hoping to get a little action since it's been a while. I met this gorgeous girl and asked her to dance, a little emboldened by the alcohol. After the first song with her body so close to mine, she leans in and says "You smell good! Whatcha got on?"

I said, "Well, I have a hard-on but I didn't know you could smell it."


I came home today to find my sister watching an action movie.

She told me she was watching it to learn how to fight. The next day I came home and she was watching a romantic comedy. She told me she was watching it to learn how to love. The day after that I came home and as I arrived there was a pizza delivery guy leaving the house. When I walked inside my sister told me she found a movie under my bed.

Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?

A curious child asked his mother: Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!

The child replied innocently: Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.

Got an email from boredhousewife423 saying she was looking for some action

I sent her my laundry. That'll give her something to do

A feminist has taken legal action against a shopping mall Santa.

She claims he called her a hoe three times.

Quaker home defense

one night john had come home for the day, exhausted from being plain and keeping thoughts to himself and went straight to bed. During the night someone broke in and this roused him from his sleep. leaping into action john grabbed his musket and charged downstairs. upon meeting the robber he leveled his musket and yelled

"friend I don't mean to alarm you but you're standing between me and where I want to shoot"

Dang girl, are you a depolarizing cell membrane?

'cause you look like action potential!

I told my doctor I was paranoid my life was being filmed.

He told me to take one, action

Did you hear what happened to the Scottish soldier?

He was kilt in action.

Give him what he wants.

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple in their bedroom.

The husband turned to his wife and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen action in years. If he wants sex, I think it's best to just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."

"I'm so relieved you feel that way," replies his wife, "because he told me he thinks you're really cute."

When Canada was first founded, its leaders were having trouble coming up with a name.

Unable to come up with any ideas, they decided the best course of action would be to draw random letters out of a hat.

One man pulled out a letter, cleared his throat, and read,

"C, eh."

The letter was written down. The man pulled out another letter and read,

"N, eh."

This, too, was recorded. The man drew one more letter and read,

"D, eh."

What do you call a Christmas tree that only appears in action movies?

Spruce Willis.

Batman, but it's a Japanese action film

Mighty Orphan Power Ranger

I was going to make a game where you play a death-defying, cross-dressing little person.

But I see you guys hate micro trans action.

My wife just flipped out at me for not being sympathetic about her time of the month

It was a complete ovary action.

I just saw brokeback mountain

The action was in tents.

A bunch of 80s action stars dressed up as Skid Row for Halloween but they couldn't figure out who would be the lead singer.

But Arnold Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"

Why wasn't the redneck girl cut out to be a nun?

She thought being a sister would get her some action.

I like my privacy policy updates like I like my women

All talk and zero action

I've written a script for a film about an action hero who works in accounts.

The sequels going to be set in a different department.

This time it's personnel.

My wife and I have been married for quite a few years now

And she recently asked me to get some pills that would make sure that I'd be up for some action in the bedroom.
I brought home some diet pills. Apparently that's very much not what she meant.

Have you heard about the incel action figure?

It comes in a sock instead of a box.

What did the Superhero wear to Court?

His Class Action Suit

I already used my wishes

Me: please just one more wish

Genie: no, I said 3

Me: please

Genie: no

Me: [holding my new Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Donatello action figures] Genie please

My son was playing with miniature models of a court room.

He told me they were "class action figures."

I honestly think girls need to stop acting like their periods are the worst things in the world

It's really just a bit of an ovary action, don't you think?

Making 6 figures a year sounds like a dream come true...

Unless you work for an action figure manufacturing company. Then it sounds like a quick way to the unemployment line.

My wife told me she wanted to widen her range of action.

So I expanded the kitchen.

People are getting angry about an actor practicing cannibalism on a female actress during the production of an action movie set in ancient Rome.

Personally, I'm gladiator.

What do you call an LGBTQ person who doesn't take action?

A Bi-stander.

Where are the Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures?

Aisle B, back

How has there not been a class action lawsuit against the major diaper companies?

Those things have never held the 22-37 pounds they advertise.

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.

Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.

With that the man turned to his accuser and said "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson".

What do you call it when a very small transgender EA employee does something?

A micro trans action.

Action hero fancy dress ball...

Arnold Schwarznegger, Sly Stallone & Chuck Norris are invited to a ball where they must all go in fancy dress.

They decide to go as classical composers, so they head to the store to buy their costumes for the ball.

When in the store, Sly says: 'I'll dress as Mozart'

Chuck Says: 'I'll go as Beethoven'

Arnie says: 'I'll be Bach'

A Bar opened opposite a Mosque!

The angry congregants of the Mosque prayed daily against the business....

Days later the Bar was struck by lightning and caught fire .
The Bar owner sued the Mosque authorities for the cause , as an action by their prayer...

The Mosque denied all responsibility!

So, the judge commented:
It's difficult to decide the case because we have a Bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and an entire group of Mosque congregants that does not believe in it !!!

The case is hereby dismissed!

What's the action like at a circus?

In-tents.

It was going to be a long road trip. I popped on my headphones, pulled up a movie on my phone, and got lost in the action as the car headed down the highway.

The passengers probably wished that I'd waited until I wasn't driving to do that.

Did you hear about the hooker who got a colostomy?

Now she's getting action on the side!

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a restaurant, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"

"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"

That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"

"And who will you be, Arnold?"

"I'll be Bach."

Why shouldn't you get the national bird of the USA sick?

Because it'll be an ill eagle action.

Action Composers

All the action heroes are at Stalone's house when their phones all go off. Their agents give them news about a new action movie focused on the great composers. After the call they are all talking about who they would like to play.

Stalone: I'm not going to be in it if I can't be Mozart.

Statham: I'm rather partial to Beethoven myself.

Jet Li: Chopin!

Everyone having had their turn they turn to Schwarzeneggar who is straight up not interested in the project.

Arnold: No! This is a dumb movie.

Everyone: Come on...

Arnold: Fine! I'll be Bach.

My crush: I like car chase action scenes.

Me, a fruit stand vendor: I think we're done here.

A blind man walks into a store

A blind man walks into a store with a helper dog.
The blind man walks to the center of the shop & stops.

The cashier asks if he can help the blind man, the blind man said nothing and starts swirling the dog over his head a few times.

The cashier is stunned about this action and ask the man why he did this.

The blind man responded: don't worry, just looking around

I asked the toy store sales assistant if they had any Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures in store...

She replied "Aisle B, back".

They say the Principle of Least Action is the most fundamental thing in physics.

But when I tried it, I flunked my physics class.

How Newton came up with his laws

A cow was walking. Newton shouted at the cow and it stopped. He formed his first law: an object continues to move unless it's stopped .

Newton gave the cow a forceful kick and it made a sound, 'MA'. He formed his second law: force, F = MA .

The cow gave Newton a forceful kick back. He formed his third law: for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction .

Three old grannies are on a park bench when a very attractive naked young man runs by in front of them.

The three old ladies, who hadn't had action in decades, fixed their eyes on the handsome hunk and gasped.

Janice pressed her hand on her heart and said, "wow, that whippersnapper damn near gave me a heart attack."

Edna, rubbing her neck, added, "I almost had an asthma attack!"

Mavis , still reaching in front of her, out of breath, exclaimed, "I almost had a stroke-- but he was just out of my reach."

Bruce Willis will probably keep making action movies forever.

You know what they say about old habits.

The reason the bank account of I, a trans person, is empty.

Every action I make is a transaction.

Who's Immature?

My wife accused me of being immature. I set down my action figures, pointed at the door and said 'get out of my secret lair'

*class action lawsuit* If COVID has forced you or a loved one to wear a mask with your glasses…

you may be entitled to condensation.

What do the Kentucky Derby and a wedding have in common?

They both have months of build up for 2 minutes of action.

A few bananas are planning a heist

Right before they leap into action, they decide to run through the process again so all bananas know what they're doing.

Firstly, two bananas will be creating a distraction a distance away from the heist. Then, the rest of the bananas will scatter to confuse the enemy and start the heist.

After going through the process a few more times, the bananas are certain that they know what to do, and thus a couple bananas peel off and the rest of the bananas split.

I saw a Star wars action figure in a Corolla today

It was a toy Yoda in a Toyota

Which popular action figure has a farm?

GI GI Joe

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the action climax jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working action warner piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes