Action Jokes
146 action jokes and hilarious action puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about action that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with Action Jokes. From Action Man to Action Movie heroes, our collection of funny jokes and puns will get you prepped for action! Find your favorite Action Hero or movement as you dig into jokes about Action Potential and Missing in Action. Whether you're looking for a sequel pun or a joke about the Bourne Identity, these action jokes are sure to keep you in stitches.
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Funniest Action Short Jokes
Short action jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The action humour may include short activity jokes also.
- Apparently Bruce Willis is only going to concentrate on action films from now on... because you know what they say about old habits...
- Why did EA remove gender restrictions in The Sims 4? They're just doing their small part, because EA loves micro trans actions.
- "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law "Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law
- Once I got kicked out of a library for being a mime. Because actions speak louder than words
- Got an email from boredhousewife423 saying she was looking for some action I sent her my laundry. That'll give her something to do
- I asked the toy store sales assistant if they had any arnold schwarzenegger action figures in store... She replied "Aisle B, back".
- Bruce Willis was offered a role in the new Star Wars film, but turned it down to concentrate on action films Because you know what they say about old habits...
- I was going to make a game where you play a death-defying, cross-dressing little person. But I see you guys hate micro trans action.
- Did you hear about the hunter who got squashed by the dying elephant? He finally understood the gravity of his actions.
- What do you call it when a very small transgender EA employee does something? A micro trans action.
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Action One Liners
Which action one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with action? I can suggest the ones about effect and motion.
- Newton's third law of Emotion. For every male action, there is a female overreaction.
- Have you heard about the incel action figure? It comes in a sock instead of a box.
- What did the Superhero wear to Court? His Class Action Suit
- Why did the librarian hush the mime? Because actions speak louder than words.
- I told my doctor I was paranoid my life was being filmed. He told me to take one, action
- Batman, but it's a Japanese action film Mighty Orphan Power Ranger
- If I Had a [currency] For Every [action], I would do more of [action].
- What do you call a Christmas tree that only appears in action movies? Spruce Willis.
- Judge: "How do you explain your actions?" "Basic math. 2 times 9 equals 18"
- I saw a Star wars action figure in a Corolla today It was a toy Yoda in a Toyota
- Which popular action figure has a farm? GI GI Joe
- Where are the Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures? Aisle B, back
- Dang girl, are you a depolarizing cell membrane? 'cause you look like action potential!
- Why did the pancake get arrested? It had committed multiple unwaffle actions.
- My wife told me she wanted to widen her range of action. So I expanded the kitchen.
Action Man Jokes
Here is a list of funny action man jokes and even better action man puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What would EA do with a miniature man who used to be a woman? Micro trans actions.
- I was a plastic surgeon for a short time. My son's Action Man needed repairing.
- Working in an Action Man factory pays very well indeed... You can make six figures in an hour.
- A guy changes a lamp; he's a man of action A dude holds a prism in front of that lit lamp; a man of refraction
Action Movie Jokes
Here is a list of funny action movie jokes and even better action movie puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a shellfish Action movie star? Jean Claude Van Clam.
- Why does Bruce Willis keep making action movies? Because his old habits, die hard.
- If spaghetti made an action movie, what would it be called? Mission: Impastable!
- What kind of bird would make a great action movie star? Steven Sea-gull
- I don't understand why there aren't more black action movie stars. I love affirmative action.
- What do you get when you cross R. Kelly with a famous action movie star? Peeanu Reeves
- Bruce Willis... Bruce Willis will probably keep making action movies. Because, you know what they say about old habits...
- Ever notice how horror movies are the only ones you try to ruin? No one ever consoles their girlfriend during an action movie and says "relax, this will never happen. It isn't real."
- Y'all heard about Tom Cruise's dog? It's getting it's own action movie.
It's called Mission Impawsible. - Did you hear about that action movie about camping? Every scene was really in tents.
Action Figure Jokes
Here is a list of funny action figure jokes and even better action figure puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Last year I made seven figures. And that's why I got sacked from the action figure factory.
- So I've been trying to sell my Ubermensch Action Figures... But it's difficult to cater to such a Nietszche Market.
- I already used my wishes Me: please just one more wish
Genie: no, I said 3
Me: please
Genie: no
Me: [holding my new Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Donatello action figures] Genie please - My son was playing with miniature models of a court room. He told me they were "class action figures."
- Making 6 figures a year sounds like a dream come true... Unless you work for an action figure manufacturing company. Then it sounds like a quick way to the unemployment line.
- A bunch of 80s action stars dressed up as Skid Row for Halloween but they couldn't figure out who would be the lead singer. But Arnold Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"
- What do you call a green-skinned, pointy-eared Star Wars action figure driving a Japanese car? A toy Yoda driving a Toyota.
- Who's Immature? My wife accused me of being immature. I set down my action figures, pointed at the door and said 'get out of my secret lair'
- What is the difference between a Star Wars action-figure collector who smokes e-cigarettes and a Catholic Priest? One is a toy-loving vapist, and the other...
- I went into a toy store for some Christmas shopping and asked the clerk, "Where are the Schwarzenegger action figures?" He said: "Aisle B, back."
Live Action Jokes
Here is a list of funny live action jokes and even better live action puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The jungle book has been adapted into a live action play But after the show at the Cincinnati zoo all other showings have been cancelled.
- My friend said "Women directors have never had major success with a live action film" So I said, "Nonsense! Just look at the Matrix trilogy."
- What would you get if you calculated the rate at which approx. 350 tonnes would fall from approx. 30,000 feet? The live-action remake of Up.
- The live action Netflix remake was better than the original. That's it... that's my joke.
- Avatar: The Last Air Bender live action movie
- What city does Affirmative Action Aslan live? Kathmandu.
- Diggy Diggy Hole - Live Action Music Video
Action Potential Jokes
Here is a list of funny action potential jokes and even better action potential puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A director pitched his crime drama film about neurons to me today It had real action potential
- At what point in the race did the action potential speed up? About a myelin.
Fun-Filled Action Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about action you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean actor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make action pranks.
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There's no need for women to behave the way they do on their period
It's an o**... action
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I don't understand why women get so angry and stressed on their period.
It's such an o**... action
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An order of monks are selling flowers...
...illegally on the lawn of the p**... Mansion, Hugh Hefner's property. Instead of calling the police, however, Hugh decides to spring into action and stop them himself. After an intense argument, the monks agree to leave peacefully. If it had been anybody else they would have gotten away with it; unfortunately for them, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What am I?
I am a common object enjoyed by both sexes, normally about 8 inches long, with little hairs on one end, and a hole in the other. For most of the day I am laying down, but I am ready for instant action. When in use, I move back and forth and in and out of a warm, moist hole. When the work is finally done, a white, slushy, sticky mush is left behind and I return to my original position. Cleaning is normally done after I have finished. What am I? Why, I am your very own toothbrush!
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p**... is a myth
It's really just an o**... action.
So I went to a fortune teller and asked if I was going to get any action that night.
She told me she didn't deal in self fulfilling prophecies.
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A guy picks up a waitress at a Chinese restaurant...
A guy picks up an innocent, young waitress at a Chinese restaurant and after a night out gets her back to his place. After some fooling around he's ready for action and says, "How's about a little sixty-nine?" to which she replies, "You want broccoli with beef?!"
Did you guys hear about the new Ray Lewis action figure?
Batteries included.
If it makes you feel any better I made the joke up a few months ago and it was a Chris Brown joke, but with Rice being topical and all.
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Why are females so moody when they're on their period?
It's an o**... action.
I think me life is like the Truman Show.
I was tryin' ta figure out what type a genre show it be.
I thought, "It might be a drama," but me life isn't sad enough.
I thought, "It might be an action tale," but alas, 'tis too boring.
"Then, perhaps, it be a comedy," I thought, but me life isn't funny, so I cast that idea overboard.
"Well," I thought, "it might be British."
Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are in a bar
After a few drinks Steven says he's thinking about making an action movie about classical composers
Sylvester says "I wanna be Mozart!"
Arnold says "in that case...I'll be Bach"
Been reading about instinctive behaviors. Apparently, my natural reaction to seeing an attractive woman is a Fixed Action Pattern (in short, FAP).
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My girlfriend started p**...-ing today.
I thinks it's just a big o**... action.
My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.
My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.
Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"
Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."
Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.
Did you hear that they're producing an action movie about a team of crime-fighting composers?
They already approached Arnold Schwarzenegger about playing fellow Austrian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, but he said "no, I'll be Bach!"
When I was 12 I got kidnapped. When my parents found out they snapped into action.
They rented out my room.
You know why i love hiking?
It is all about the in tents action.
What do you call the action where a dead guy falls out of a car and you have to put him back in?
A rehearsal
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What do you call it when you use your debit card to pay to have s**... with a MtF i**... immigrant
Paperless trans action
Action dan here, I got a call about my wife from the ER
Action dan here, I answered the phone and it was from the ER and the nurse said "Action dan It looks like your wife got hit by a truck."
I said" action dan here, well yeah, but she's got a great personality."
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guitarists are pretty good as bisexual lovers
on the one hand, their f**... must be pretty good; on the other, their wrist action must be pretty good too.
President Trump to sign an executive action taking aim at Sun Maid and California's Raisin industry
He answered most of the criticism over the weekend by stating
"I would like to make raisins Grape again"
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Tickets to the kentucky derby are 1100$
If I wanted to spend 1100$ for two minutes of action, I'd hire a p**....
Obscene Caller
A woman answered a call from an unknown number.
"Hello," said the obscene caller, as he breathed heavily, "if you can guess what's in my hand, I'll give you a piece of the action."
Listen honey," drawled the lady, "if you can hold it in one hand, I ain't interested"
Being a nice guy is like the Canadian military..
Cute, innocent, isn't taken seriously and will never get any action
I got slapped at the club the other day
I went dancing at a local club, hoping to get a little action since it's been a while. I met this gorgeous girl and asked her to dance, a little emboldened by the alcohol. After the first song with her body so close to mine, she leans in and says "You smell good! Whatcha got on?"
I said, "Well, I have a hard-on but I didn't know you could smell it."
I came home today to find my sister watching an action movie.
She told me she was watching it to learn how to fight. The next day I came home and she was watching a romantic comedy. She told me she was watching it to learn how to love. The day after that I came home and as I arrived there was a pizza delivery guy leaving the house. When I walked inside my sister told me she found a movie under my bed.
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My girlfriend just dumped me. She said I had s**... like an avenger.
She really did not appreciate me interrupting the action with funny one-liners
I saw justice in action today for the first time ever.
I went out for breakfast this morning with my girlfriend, saw a Jehovah's Witness lock himself out of his own house. Kept ringing the bell.
Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?
A curious child asked his mother: Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?
The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!
The child replied innocently: Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.
What do you call a muscle car that won't start?
All torque, no action.
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A feminist has taken legal action against a shopping mall Santa.
She claims he called her a h**... three times.
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Quaker home defense
one night john had come home for the day, exhausted from being plain and keeping thoughts to himself and went straight to bed. During the night someone broke in and this roused him from his sleep. leaping into action john grabbed his musket and charged downstairs. upon meeting the robber he leveled his musket and yelled
"friend I don't mean to alarm you but you're standing between me and where I want to shoot"
I often hear of aircraft been taken out of action by bird strikes.
What I want to know is, what does their union even want?
Did you hear what happened to the Scottish soldier?
He was kilt in action.
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Give him what he wants.
An escaped convict broke into a house and t**... a young couple in their bedroom.
The husband turned to his wife and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen action in years. If he wants s**..., I think it's best to just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."
"I'm so relieved you feel that way," replies his wife, "because he told me he thinks you're really cute."
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My wife just flipped out at me for not being sympathetic about her time of the month
It was a complete o**... action.
I just saw brokeback mountain
The action was in tents.
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What did the single action revolver say to the double action one ?
Don't get too c**...
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Newton's third law of motion
states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Therefore, if you are having s**... with a woman without her consent, she is equally having s**... with you without your consent, both cancelling eachother out and making r**... legal.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why wasn't the r**... girl cut out to be a nun?
She thought being a sister would get her some action.
I like my privacy policy updates like I like my women
All talk and zero action
I've written a script for a film about an action hero who works in accounts.
The sequels going to be set in a different department.
This time it's personnel.
My wife and I have been married for quite a few years now
And she recently asked me to get some pills that would make sure that I'd be up for some action in the bedroom.
I brought home some diet pills. Apparently that's very much not what she meant.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I honestly think girls need to stop acting like their periods are the worst things in the world
It's really just a bit of an o**... action, don't you think?
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People are getting angry about an actor practicing cannibalism on a female actress during the production of an action movie set in ancient Rome.
Personally, I'm gladiator.
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What do you call an LGBTQ person who doesn't take action?
A Bi-stander.
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m**... Jagger goes to the doctor...
m**... Jagger: "Doctor, I feel all bloated and gassy, but I just can't seem to f**...."
Doctor: "Are you saying that..."
m**... Jagger: "Yes, doctor... I can't get no flatus action."
How has there not been a class action lawsuit against the major diaper companies?
Those things have never held the 22-37 pounds they advertise.
Working on a house project with my dad today... I say "Come here, I need another pair of eyes."
He says, without pausing, "i'd like to keep my eyes."
Classic dad joke moment in action.
Spiderman designed a new outfit that he can wear to formal occasions.
It's a class action suit.
A Bar opened opposite a Mosque!
The angry congregants of the Mosque prayed daily against the business....
Days later the Bar was struck by lightning and caught fire .
The Bar owner sued the Mosque authorities for the cause , as an action by their prayer...
The Mosque denied all responsibility!
So, the judge commented:
It's difficult to decide the case because we have a Bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and an entire group of Mosque congregants that does not believe in it !!!
The case is hereby dismissed!
What's the action like at a circus?
In-tents.
It was going to be a long road trip. I popped on my headphones, pulled up a movie on my phone, and got lost in the action as the car headed down the highway.
The passengers probably wished that I'd waited until I wasn't driving to do that.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the h**... who got a colostomy?
Now she's getting action on the side!
