Acted Jokes

Following is our collection of uncanny humor and oxymormon one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Acted puns for adults, dirty fossil jokes or clean behave gags for kids.

There is an abundance of oswald jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 16 funniest jokes on acted. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any reincarnation witze you can hear about acted.

The Best jokes about Acted

One guy wrote on his FB status:

"Last night, even after having 7 drinks I felt confident to drive, but l acted responsibly & took an Uber."

400 Likes, 40 Comments. But the best comment was from his best friend:

"Where did you go in UBER bro, party was in your house"

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven

The first thing he does is ask God, "Who really killed JFK?"

To which God replies, "It was Lee Harvey Oswald. He acted alone."

The conspiracy theorists thinks to him self for a moment then says, "This cover up of the truth goes even further than I thought!"

John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant...

Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that John was ever so slowly, silently sliding down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned.

Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, Mary appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that John had disappeared under the table.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to Mary, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

Mary calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "Oh, no. He did not. In fact, he just walked in the front door."

Did you hear about the kid born without eyelids?

Yeah, apparently a baby boy was born without eyelids just last week! Obviously that was a problem and the child's sight wouldn't last long unless the doctors acted quick, so they decided to take a skin graft from the boy and use it to protect his eyes. The most logical solution for the quick thinking doctor was to use the child's foreskin, since he would probably be circumcised anyways.

Those are about all the details I know from the story, but I guess the baby is doing ok. The doctor said he would be fine, and should keep his eyesight, he just might end up a little cock-eyed.

Anyone hear about the conspiracy theorist who died and went to heaven?

When he arrived, God stated that He grants all His children one question. The man promptly asked, "Who killed Kennedy?" God replied, "It was Lee Harvey Oswald, on the 6th floor, with his own gun, and he acted alone." The man thought for a moment then disappointingly replied "This goes higher up then I imagined."

The Secret Society of Body Doubles

Deep underground in Cuba, there is a society that acted as Castro's body doubles when need came to it.

One day, Castro's chief advisor comes to the society during their meeting, and says that the palace where Castro was staying was bombed. Immediately, there was a huge panic between the men, most of whom had this as their only job.

The advisor says, "I have good news and bad news, which would you like to hear first." The men elect to hear the good news.

"Well, the good news is that Castro is still alive and is out of harm's way." Almost immediately, there is a huge sigh of relief all around, followed by lots of cheering. They then ask the advisor for the bad news. "The bad news," said the advisor, " Is that during the bombing, he lost an arm."

I shot my first turkey today!

But for some reason everyone in the frozen food section acted really surprised.

Newton's 4th Law

A student in bed will remain in bed unless acted upon by a large enough panic

My girlfriend told me "You're mine!"

I asked her if that was the reason why she acted like a gold digger

Jesus was able to hold the 12 apostles together...

He acted as a crossmemeber.

I had a bad audition...

...but I acted like I didn't care.

There was a young boy who failed school,

Acted a bit of a fool.
Went out to Iraq, smoked a whole lot of crack,
And his legs ended up in Kabul.

The other day a midget started insulting me for no reason...

I chose to be the bigger man and acted like it never happened.

A rejected Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle villain concept shows a subset of the Foot clan that acted as kamikaze pilots, attacking the turtles in their own base.

They were sewer-side bombers.

Nobody really knew what Stalin acted like behind closed doors

No luck with windows either, the man had some Iron Curtains

What would it be like if everyone acted like yes-man all the time?

The world may never no.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes