The Best 8 Acres Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Acres jokes. There are some acres land jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these acres farmland puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Acres Jokes and Puns

A Texas farmer was touring England. He happened to meet an English farmer and asked him, "What size farm do you have?"

The Englishman proudly announced, "Thirty-five acres!"

"Thirty-five acres?" the Texan scoffed. "Why, I can get in my truck at 8:00 AM and start driving and at noon, I am still on my farm. I can eat lunch and start driving again and at 5:00 PM I am still on my farm.

"Ah, yes," the Englishman nodded in understanding. "I had a truck like that once."

A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."

โ€ŸOn what grounds?

โ€ŸGrounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees.

โ€ŸNo, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?

โ€ŸYes, we've a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.

^(getting exasperated) โ€ŸDoes he beat you up?

โ€ŸNo, I'm up by 6:30 and sometimes he does not get up until after I've left for work.

โ€ŸWHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?

โ€ŸWe just can't seem to communicate.

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp and out comes a genie. The genie says, "I will grant you any three wishes you want, but whatever you wish for I will give your mother-in-law double."

The man agrees to the terms and says, "I wish for a billion dollars." Instantly, he has a billion dollars and his mother-in-law has two billion dollars.

The man then says, "I wish for a 10,000 square foot home on 100 acres." The genie grants his wish and gives his mother-in-law a 20,000 square foot home on 200 acres.

Finally, the man cleverly says, "I wish for you to beat me half to death."

Acres joke, A man stumbles upon a magic lamp

The year is 1921. Eastern Poland, the new border with Russia is forming after WWI.

One of the officials coordinating this process stumbles upon an old house that is located just on the path of where the border would be set. Property, with an old shed and few acres of land, is habited by one old farmer.

"This is your lucky day, old man. You can choose whether you prefer to be on the Polish or Russian side of the border" says the officel.

"Polish" the farmer answers without hesitation.

"And why is that if I may ask?"

"Cause Ruskies have very harsh winters."

I've just moved into a six bedroom house with three acres of land.

Don't tell the owners.


What do you call the destruction of large acres of lands?

A massacre.

You won't believe this, United decided to buy 1,000,000 acres of land to start a farming business.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Acres joke, You won't believe this, United decided to buy 1,000,000 acres of land to start a farming business.

Hear about the farmer that stepped on a rake?

He had two acres.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the acres farms jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working acres ranch piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes