Acidic Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Acidic puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Acidic

What's the difference between an orange and the Torah?

One can make acidic juice and the other can make Hasidic Jews

(Just made this up today)

Husband's night out

An angry housewife met her husband at the front door and immediately noticed he smelled of alcohol and perfume.

"I assume," she said with her most acidic sarcasm, "That there must be a very good reason for your coming home at six o'clock in the morning with booze on your breath and another woman's perfume all over you."

"There is," he said. "I'd like breakfast."

What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?

An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.

How are synagogues like lemons?

They're full of acidic juice.

Why do orthodox rabbis like lemonade so much?

Because, it's acidic juice.


Did you head about the rabbi who only drank lemonade?

He's an acidic Jew....

What do you call an orthodox jew that is prone to heartburn?

Acidic.

[My apologies]

Why did Hitler hate lemonade?

Because it is an acidic juice.

So a guy goes to his dentist...

...to get some a prosthetic plate fitted. Well, a month or so later he goes back. The new plates just don't feel like they are sitting correctly and feel as if they are a little loose. His dentist takes a look and asks, "Have you been eating anything particularly acidic?"

"Well... my wife does make this great Hollandaise sauce and I love it. I have been putting it on everything lately."

The dentist says, "Yep. That's it. You see the lemon juice in that Hollandaise is wearing away at the edges of your plate. But, not a problem, I can replace it with a chrome plate."

"Oh? Would that really be better?"

"Of course! Theres no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

Everyone knows part of the way toothpaste works is by equalizing the acidic substances in your mouth.

I mean, it's basic science.

What do you call a Jewish person with a low pH level?

An Acidic Jew!


What do you call someone who only drinks kosher Hydrochloric Acid?

Acidic Jew

If Net Neutrality is repealed...

Will the Internet be acidic or basic?

I went to a Vietnamese soup shop and ordered their top-selling soup.

Me: Is this soup acidic?

Waitress: No, because it's pH0.

Why did Hitler hate wine?

Acidic Juice.

What do you call a Hebrew with a PH level less than 7?

An Acidic Jew

What do you call an unsweetened, kosher lemonade?

acidic juice

What do you call a Jewish person that loves lemons?

An Acidic Jew.

The substance was mildly acidic on the pH scale

It was a solid 5/7


What do you call a rabbi with heart burn?

Acidic Jew

What do you call a Jewish person with a sour stomach?

Acidic Jew

What do you call a religious man with low pH?

An acidic Jew.

When you neutralize an acidic solution in a titration, what do you do?

Drop the base.

If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...

You're an acidic Jew.

(I made this up, since it seems trendy to let everyone know)

I am attracted to houses.

When I came into my friends' house, she looked at me, absolutely disgusted and gave me an acidic wet wipe to clean up with.

What do you call a person who speaks Hebrew and has a pH level of 3?

An Acidic Jew.

Why do Nazi's hate Starburst candy?

Because they are acidic chews.

What's the difference between an orange and the Torah?

One makes acidic juice and one makes Hasidic Jews.

The Hydrogen + ion got into a fight with the Hydrogen Oxide - ion online

The H + called the OH - too basic and the OH - called the H+ to acidic.

Do Hasidic Jews like Acidic Juice?

Basic Foods

My girlfriend has been getting canker sores, so she went to the doctor. The doctor said," Have you been eating many acidic foods lately?" She said," Yes I've been eating a fair amount of tangerines everyday." The doctor replied," I recommend more basic foods in your diet. Try to have at least one Pumpkin Spice Latte a day."

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes