Playful Acid Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
I recently started a company that combines Perchloric Acid with random elements...
So far you could say Bismuth is booming.
For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.
Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.
The police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
The police charged one and let the other one off.
A chemistry lab is a lot like a party...
Some people drop acid while others drop the base.
Busted!
A couple days ago a couple kids in high school were busted behind their school. One was eating firecrackers and the other was drinking battery acid.
They were taken to court by the police. The judge thought long and hard what their punishment should be, but just ended up charging the one, and he let the other one off.
I love taking long walks on the beach with my girlfriend....
Until the acid wears off and I realize I am just dragging a mannequin through the parking garage.
Sorting out Problems
Remember, whenever you have a problem with someone, use hydrochloric acid. It's always a solution.
What do you call a mexican protein?
Amigo Acid
What do you get when you cross a hit of acid with a birth control pill?
A trip without the kids.
Unnecessary Arrests
The other day, a police officer was walking through the park. He saw two kids. One of the kids was eating fireworks. The other was drinking battery acid. The officer immediately arrested both kids and brought them to the station. When they got there, the officer's superior told him to let one of the kids off and charge the other one.
What did phenolphthalein do when he couldn't understand his Chemistry homework?
He just added Acetic Acid until it became clear.
You can explore acid neutralise reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean acid reflux dad jokes. There are also acid puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why do people take acid at raves?
Because there's so much base.
What does a chemistry lesson and a night club have in common?
Someone drops the acid and someone drops the base.
The difference between sexists and misogynists...
Sexist: I like my women like I like my jeans - loose in the crotch!
Mysogynist: I like my women like I like my jeans - acid washed!
Some acids walked into the enemy base...
Threat Neutralized.
What do you call a protein that has anger management issues?
Amino acid!
What's the difference between a raver and a chemist at a club?
One drops acid while the other drops the base.
Why did the lead acid battery have to tell the truth?
Because if it didn't it would be Li-ion.
So a policeman see's two kids in a street corner
One's drinking battery acid while the other is eating fireworks
So the policeman charged one and let one off
Throwing acid is wrong...
...in some people's eyes.
Why did the acid perform poorly?
Because it didn't concentrate.
What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A-mean-o acid.
I was on acid and I actually tasted colors.
Tasted a lot like paint.
At school
A teacher writes on the whiteboard: HNO3 and asks a student:
\- What substance is that?
\- Hmmm... wait a moment... It's on the tip of my tongue!
\- Spit it out at once!!! That's nitric acid!
The police arrested two suspicious men in a car park today.
One was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
Why is a White House press statement like sulfuric acid?
They're both baseless and corrosive.
Why would the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Sodium Chloride and Sulphuric Acid were in jail
Turns out they were in for assault and battery
An acid and a base walk into a bar
The police later arrested the two for a salt.
I help blind kids.
Throwing acid usually does the trick.
What do you get when you combine an equally strong acid and base?
Net neutrality.
In a chemistry class, the teacher asks a girl
- Mary, what is H2SO4?
- Oh god, this is so easy, why can't I remember, it's on the tip of my tongue.
Quickly, Johnny says:
- Then spit it out, that's sulfuric acid!
What's the difference between LSD sold by an overweight transgender person and a food that raises bad cholesterol?
Nothing. They're both **trans fatty acid**.
I'll never forget my dog's last words
"You've taken too much acid."
Did you hear about the guy who is accused of attacking people with acid?
I think that these accusations are baseless.
Students are smart
Chemistry Professor: Now, class, here I have a beaker of H2SO4, and here I have a gold ring. Suppose I drop the ring into the sulphuric acid. Will the gold dissolve?
Student: No
Professor: Good. And will you please tell us why not?
Student: If it would dissolve, you wouldn't put it in.
I think my dog is upset I quit doing drugs
He hasn't talked to me since the last time I dropped acid.
Being a clumsy chemist is like going to the rave...
Sometimes you drop the base and trip on acid.
Cannabis is totally illegal in Saudi Arabia...
but you can still get stoned!
You can even drop acid...
As long as it's on a adulterer's face.
Why does the military stockpile hydrochloric acid?
To neutralize their enemy's strongest bases.
My Mom said to stop drinking soda because it has acid in it.
I replied," Stop making such baseless accusations".
My wife went into hospital last night after an acid attack, "Will I still be attractive?" She sobbed.
The doctor had a quick look, and said, "Sure, but you may have to have some facial reconstruction and wear a mask.... How does that sound to you?"
"Not good!" My wife replied, "The acid only hit me on my leg."
Someone told me that DNA stands for Deoxyribonucleic Acid
Does it not stand for National Dyslexic Association?
Tried to spike my pumpkin spice latte with LSD and it exploded
That's what happens when you mix acid and basic
For my chemistry homework, I was supposed to write a thousand words on acid.
I tried, but my pen turned into a rainbow-coloured giraffe and then the desk melted.
I take LSD every time I go to a dubstep concert, but it always wears off.
I think it's because the bass neutralizes the acid
When life gives you...
...High Fructose Corn Syrup, Citric Acid, Ascorbic Acid, Maltodextrin, Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Magnesium Oxide, Calcium Furmarate, Yellow #5, Tocopherol and less than 2% natural flavors...
...Make lemonade.
A chemist walks into a pharmacy...
With a pained expression the chemist asks the pharmacist for some acetylsalicylic acid.
The pharmacist looks confused as he asks, "You mean aspirin?"
The chemist, still in pain replies with exasperation, "Yes! I can never remember that word." (Credit to Mr. Wilgus, my high school chemistry teacher 43 years ago.)
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I've heard rumors acid is dangerous.
Pretty sure they are baseless though.
What did the man with bad acid reflux say?
Oh ma GERD
Karen
Police arrested two Karens yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other off.
I did some acid before I took my vision exam.
It went great, I passed with flying colors.
My chemistry teacher told me I had to write a 1,000 word essay on acid.
Unfortunately, my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.
I was arrested for drinking battery acid.
But I wasn't charged.
Two kids on my street got arrested today.
One was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks.
Only one of them was charged; the other was let off.
I dropped 4 tabs of acid yesterday
>!So I picked them up!<
Gwynneth Paltrow claims that psilocybin mushrooms changed her life.
She was too basic for acid.
What did the Spanish scientist say when asked if he wanted lime in his cocktail?
A mi no acid.
(Mentions of gore) Once upon a time, there was a very brave but very arrogant man…
This man claimed he could survive anything. He survived falls from various heights, various guns, sharp objects and even acid.
One day, he declared he was going to survive a steamroller. So this brave man went in the roller's path…
He sadly died that day, but the most important thing was he proved that he had guts.
The chemistry final exams
A chemistry student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How did your finals go?" the bartender asks. "Not so hot," the student replies. "The instructor asked my class to write 1000 words on acid. Unfortunately, I was unable to complete it as my pen turned to a gorilla and the floor melted."
I'm the scientist who just discovered that goose-down pillows are NOT resistant to sulphuric acid.
Although, apparently that's not what my wife meant when she said we need to experiment in the bedroom
