Achieve Jokes
60 achieve jokes and hilarious achieve puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about achieve that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Achieve Short Jokes
Short achieve jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The achieve humour may include short accomplishment jokes also.
- I'm pleased to announce Reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world! The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content
- My wife accused me of achieving nothing... So I told her "well I won the Leslie Neilsen award at school."
"What's that?" she said
"It's a big building with kids in it" - Why is it easy to come up with nicknames for a tree? Because they stick.
I came up with this one, I hope it's good cause it's my only achievement in life. - When I was young, I set a life goal for myself: I will buy a Lamborghini at the age of 40. This year, I've finally achieved half of the goal. I turned 40.
- The average person has s**... 90 times a year. Man this going to be an epic new years eve!
- Hear the one about the Buddhist monk who *almost* achieved total spiritual enlightenment? He only made it to Nearvana.
- They say German durability and build quality is unmatched, especially for appliances such as ovens. How did they achieve such quality? They tested their ovens 6 million times.
- Thanos would have made a great President. He would have achieved social distancing in a snap.
- When it comes to women, I'm usually denser than a collapsed star. Sometimes I even achieve singularity.
- Donald Trump is the only person in the world who achieved this and made a history. He won an argument against a woman
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Achieve One Liners
Which achieve one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with achieve? I can suggest the ones about succeed and reach.
- Two over achievers walk into a bar.. Clearly it wasn't set high enough.
- I achieved my New Year's revolution from last year. I made it all the way around the sun.
- What do they tell Soviet children who want to achieve their dreams? Shoot for the Tsars.
- To the guy who invented jackhammers, that was a pretty ground breaking achievement
- All lives begin... ...with a crowning achievement.
- What did the steak say to his child after he Achieved something? Well Done,My Child.
- Why did the Toucan achieve his goal? Because Toucan, not Toucannot.
- Giving birth... Is a crowning achievement.
- If a vegan becomes a vegetable, have they achieved their ultimate goal?
- What's the best part about being cremated? Finally achieving a smokin' hot body.
- Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience! - Our platform makes these achievable feats
- How did the potato achieve Nirvana? By becoming a meditater.
- Why was the man bad at golf? He was an over-achiever.
- From a jumping position a person can achieve 0-60mph in 2.27 seconds. Once.
Achieve Goal Jokes
Here is a list of funny achieve goal jokes and even better achieve goal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My parents told me to work until my bank balance looked like a phone number I'm happy to say that I've achieved my goal, and am retiring with $911.
- Last year I was quite miserable and depressed, so I made it my new year's resolution to turn that around. Thanks 2016, you helped me achieve my goal and made me depressed and miserable.
- I'm gonna catch a little fox and put him in a box And then at least one of my childhood goals will be achieved
- My goal is to become the oldest person on Earth I know it sounds like a long shot, but I'm making progress every day.
Just now I achieved a new personal best! - A toothless budgie will always achieve his goals Because they always succeed
- The Internet at my school went out today Looks like Kim Kardashian finally achieved her goal

Silly Achieve Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about achieve you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean overcome jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make achieve pranks.
Why is an achievement in Mathematics greater than an achievement in any of the other sciences?
Because for an achievement in math, you receive Abel whereas for science, you receive Nobel.
Finish what you start!
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.
Inner peace can be found, eventually
Some doctor on television this morning said that the way to achieve Inner Peace is to finish all the things you have started.
So, I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of shhhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke an a box a chocolets.
Yu haf no idr who gud I fel.
Peas shar to dem yu fee AR in ned ov inr pece.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Project: Reimagined
There once was a secret government program that tried to create perfect soldiers through genetic modification, cloning, and strenuous conditioning.
What they wanted to achieve was the normal super soldier run down:
- Super strong
- Super fast
- Super smart
- Super obedient
They started out by impregnating 10 women with the altered embryos. For the sake of confidentiality the clones were numbered instead of named, 1-10.
The modifications seemed to work in some of the clones, but it caused some strange side effects in the other ones, not all of them survived childhood.
The first to go was 8. She wasn't told to eat, so she starved.
Then it was 2 and 10. 2 had become dangerously aggressive and attacked 10, who fought back just well enough.
Next went 4 to some disconnect in her nervous system.
Then 1, when she tried to escape after a mental break down.
3 and 5 committed s**....
The project was terminated after an incident where 9 went missing. In the file there was what seemed to be a transcript from an interview of 6, the terrified clone who witnessed it.
"Dr: Where has 9 gone? Has she told you her plan after she escaped.
6: 9 didn't escape.
Dr: What are you talking about? The whole base has been searched! 9 is nowhere to be found! Where is 9?
6: You aren't listening! 9 didn't escape, 7 killed her!
Dr: What? How? How did she kill her and then get rid of the body?
6: Isn't it obvious Doctor? 7 ate 9."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
e**... your ears for this one
A woman asks her husband to start taking those pills that will help him achieve an e**.... He agrees. The next day, she asks if he got the pills. "Picked 'em up today. Here you go honey," and tosses her a bottle of diet pills
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others." ― Ayn Rand
Obviously He's never been a cotton plantation s**... owner.
There were 2 blondes...
So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over and said "Hey, you two are working pretty hard there, but I don't understand what you are trying to achieve?"
To which one of the blondes replied "Well there's usually 3 of us, but the one who plants the trees is off sick today".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A child asks his father: ''What is '**...''?''
He answers: ''Well son, it is something that two people that really like each other do to each others g**... with their mouths so that they achieve o**....''
The child: ''Okay... then what's ''written''?''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did h**... achieve 99 firemaking?
He burned yews.
what did the hat say to the other hat?
"you go on ahead."
I'd like to thank Twitternation, Steve Wozniak, Adam Schefter, @MattGroening and anyone else who helped me achieve this great feat!
Why couldn't the effective vitamin supplement achieve true happiness?
He was too super fish oil.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the Senator get on Viagara?
He wanted to achieve e**... reform.
In the USSR's School system it was very important not to fall asleep while the teacher was talking
Or you would fail to achieve class consciousness.
They say it's amazing what we can achieve if we all put our heads together
But if I could put my heads together, I'd never leave my room
I needed help with my math homework
So I looked up "How to achieve the Final Solution"
If your ever feeling like you can't achieve something, just remember...
Today, amy winehouse is six years clean.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
w**... and b**... should eat more veggies.
Then they'll achieve peas.
Today my mentor told me if I want to achieve great things I'd have to make sacrifices.
Anyone know where to buy live chickens for cheap?
Interviewer: So Japan, I hear that you're the least obese country in the world. How did you achieve this?
Japan: Ah. So did I ever tell you what happened the last time we had a Fat Man in Japan?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've been training for months to achieve the world record title of 'Furthest e**...'.
I can't believe how far I've come.
DNA is like the menu at Taco Bell
Different combinations of the same four ingredients to achieve endless results.
Everyone, call your Senators. We can help achieve the mission of John Connors:
Skynet neutrality
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whats the difference between a feminist and a t**...?
A t**... might actually achieve something in his life.
Of all the people in my life that have inspired me to achieve greatness...
I would say the most inspirational was an obese man I saw cliff jump into the sea.
He had a massive impact.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If only the monkeys would stop smoking tobacco...
They could finally achieve a planet of the vapes movie
A woman goes to her psychiatrist
\-"I don't want to get married. I am an educated, independent woman and I am happy by myself. I don't need a husband, but my parents insist me to get married. What should I do?"
The psychiatrist : "You, no doubt, will achieve wonderful things in life. But at some point, some things will not occur as you expected. Some things will go wrong. Sometimes you fail. Sometimes your plans don't work. Sometimes your wishes won't come true. Who will you blame at that moment? Will you blame yourself?"
Woman: "No! Absolutely NOT!"
The psychiatrist : "YES. That's why you need a HUSBAND! "
My friend really wanted a swimming pool
He's asking us for donations to help achieve his dream.
So I gave him a bottle of water.
Bobby joins the military.
Recruitment sergeant: what would you like to achieve?
Bobby: I want to be a general after 2 years.
Recruitment sergeant: are you insane?
Bobby: is that required?

