Silly Achieve Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
Why is an achievement in Mathematics greater than an achievement in any of the other sciences?
Because for an achievement in math, you receive Abel whereas for science, you receive Nobel.
Finish what you start!
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.
Erect your ears for this one
A woman asks her husband to start taking those pills that will help him achieve an erection. He agrees. The next day, she asks if he got the pills. "Picked 'em up today. Here you go honey," and tosses her a bottle of diet pills
"A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others." ― Ayn Rand
Obviously He's never been a cotton plantation slave owner.
There were 2 blondes...
So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over and said "Hey, you two are working pretty hard there, but I don't understand what you are trying to achieve?"
To which one of the blondes replied "Well there's usually 3 of us, but the one who plants the trees is off sick today".
A child asks his father: ''What is ''oral''?''
He answers: ''Well son, it is something that two people that really like each other do to each others genitals with their mouths so that they achieve orgasm.''
The child: ''Okay... then what's ''written''?''
why couldn't the snake achieve an erection....
He had E-reptile dysfunction.
How did Hitler achieve 99 firemaking?
He burned yews.
what did the hat say to the other hat?
"you go on ahead."
I'd like to thank Twitternation, Steve Wozniak, Adam Schefter, @MattGroening and anyone else who helped me achieve this great feat!
I achieved my New Year's revolution from last year.
I made it all the way around the sun.
What do they tell Soviet children who want to achieve their dreams?
Shoot for the Tsars.
You can explore achieve democracy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean achieve fulfil dad jokes. There are also achieve puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why couldn't the effective vitamin supplement achieve true happiness?
He was too super fish oil.
Just because you're a trash doesn't mean you can't achieve great things
It's called garbage can, not garbage cannot.
Why did the Senator get on Viagara?
He wanted to achieve erection reform.
Two over achievers walk into a bar..
Clearly it wasn't set high enough.
A toothless budgie will always achieve his goals
Because they always succeed
Why did the Toucan achieve his goal?
Because Toucan, not Toucannot.
In the USSR's School system it was very important not to fall asleep while the teacher was talking
Or you would fail to achieve class consciousness.
What do Ted Cruz and an impotent Japanese man have in common?
Neither can achieve an election
They say it's amazing what we can achieve if we all put our heads together
But if I could put my heads together, I'd never leave my room
Last year I was quite miserable and depressed, so I made it my new year's resolution to turn that around.
Thanks 2016, you helped me achieve my goal and made me depressed and miserable.
My New Year Resolution of 2016
Is to achieve my goals of 2015
Which I had should have done in 2014
And promised in 2013
And planned in 2012
And to remember to write 2017 instead of 2016
I needed help with my math homework
So I looked up "How to achieve the Final Solution"
What did the Boston Marathon Bomber achieve that Hitler couldn't?
The Marathon Bomber was able to end an entire race.
I finally managed to achieve my new years resolution
My 4K monitor turned up this morning, I'm so happy!!
When it comes to women, I'm usually denser than a collapsed star.
Sometimes I even achieve singularity.
If your ever feeling like you can't achieve something, just remember...
Today, Amy Winehouse is six years clean.
Today my mentor told me if I want to achieve great things I'd have to make sacrifices.
Anyone know where to buy live chickens for cheap?
Interviewer: So Japan, I hear that you're the least obese country in the world. How did you achieve this?
Japan: Ah. So did I ever tell you what happened the last time we had a Fat Man in Japan?
I've been training for months to achieve the world record title of 'Furthest Ejaculation'.
I can't believe how far I've come.
DNA is like the menu at Taco Bell
Different combinations of the same four ingredients to achieve endless results.
Everyone, call your Senators. We can help achieve the mission of John Connors:
Skynet neutrality
Whats the difference between a feminist and a terrorist?
A terrorist might actually achieve something in his life.
They say German durability and build quality is unmatched, especially for appliances such as ovens. How did they achieve such quality?
They tested their ovens 6 million times.
Of all the people in my life that have inspired me to achieve greatness...
I would say the most inspirational was an obese man I saw cliff jump into the sea.
He had a massive impact.
From a jumping position a person can achieve 0-60mph in 2.27 seconds.
Once.
How did the potato achieve Nirvana?
By becoming a meditater.
If only the monkeys would stop smoking tobacco...
They could finally achieve a planet of the vapes movie
I have achieved immortality
I found a mysterious lamp and sure enough there was a genie inside.
I wished that I won't die a virgin.
I achieved my personal best in the 100 metres yesterday...
74 metres.
I have achieved my life's goal of writing an entire theatrical performance made up entirely of puns.
It's a play on words.
My friend had an affair with a patient. Worked so hard to achieve his degree and one mistake means he lost everything.
A great loss to the veterinary profession.
My friend really wanted a swimming pool
He's asking us for donations to help achieve his dream.
So I gave him a bottle of water.
There are two steps to achieve success in life.
1. Never say everything you know.
Bobby joins the military.
Recruitment sergeant: what would you like to achieve?
Bobby: I want to be a general after 2 years.
Recruitment sergeant: are you insane?
Bobby: is that required?
have faith in what you can achieve..
Take Beethoven as an example, he was deaf and everyone just told him that he won't be a great musician...
But he just didn't listen
