Following is our collection of democracy humor and greater one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Achieve puns for adults, dirty fulfil jokes or clean overachiever gags for kids.
There is an abundance of success jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 40 funniest jokes on achieve. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any reach witze you can hear about achieve.
A woman asks her husband to start taking those pills that will help him achieve an erection. He agrees. The next day, she asks if he got the pills. "Picked 'em up today. Here you go honey," and tosses her a bottle of diet pills
So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over and said "Hey, you two are working pretty hard there, but I don't understand what you are trying to achieve?"
To which one of the blondes replied "Well there's usually 3 of us, but the one who plants the trees is off sick today".
Clearly it wasn't set high enough.
I made it all the way around the sun.
My 4K monitor turned up this morning, I'm so happy!!
"With grades like this you'll never achieve anything in your life. You'll end up a loser"
Fast forward 20 years later. Retired teacher is deadly ill, only a very risky and expensive surgery can save him.
It happens that the best surgeon in the country knows the old man and aggrees to save him for free.
After surgery, when teacher wakes up, the grown-up straight-F student comes into the recovery room.
He unplugs the life support and plugs in his vacuum cleaner.
They tested their ovens 6 million times.
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.
I can't believe how far I've come.
Sometimes I even achieve singularity.
Shoot for the Tsars.
Some doctor on television this morning said that the way to achieve Inner Peace is to finish all the things you have started.
So, I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of shhhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke an a box a chocolets.
Yu haf no idr who gud I fel.
Peas shar to dem yu fee AR in ned ov inr pece.
Different combinations of the same four ingredients to achieve endless results.
Japan: Ah. So did I ever tell you what happened the last time we had a Fat Man in Japan?
He burned yews.
Neither can achieve an election
Today, Amy Winehouse is six years clean.
I found a mysterious lamp and sure enough there was a genie inside.
I wished that I won't die a virgin.
A terrorist might actually achieve something in his life.
There once was a secret government program that tried to create perfect soldiers through genetic modification, cloning, and strenuous conditioning.
What they wanted to achieve was the normal super soldier run down:
- Super strong
- Super fast
- Super smart
- Super obedient
They started out by impregnating 10 women with the altered embryos. For the sake of confidentiality the clones were numbered instead of named, 1-10.
The modifications seemed to work in some of the clones, but it caused some strange side effects in the other ones, not all of them survived childhood.
The first to go was 8. She wasn't told to eat, so she starved.
Then it was 2 and 10. 2 had become dangerously aggressive and attacked 10, who fought back just well enough.
Next went 4 to some disconnect in her nervous system.
Then 1, when she tried to escape after a mental break down.
3 and 5 committed suicide.
The project was terminated after an incident where 9 went missing. In the file there was what seemed to be a transcript from an interview of 6, the terrified clone who witnessed it.
"Dr: Where has 9 gone? Has she told you her plan after she escaped.
6: 9 didn't escape.
Dr: What are you talking about? The whole base has been searched! 9 is nowhere to be found! Where is 9?
6: You aren't listening! 9 didn't escape, 7 killed her!
Dr: What? How? How did she kill her and then get rid of the body?
6: Isn't it obvious Doctor? 7 ate 9."
He answers: ''Well son, it is something that two people that really like each other do to each others genitals with their mouths so that they achieve orgasm.''
The child: ''Okay... then what's ''written''?''
\-"I don't want to get married. I am an educated, independent woman and I am happy by myself. I don't need a husband, but my parents insist me to get married. What should I do?"
The psychiatrist : "You, no doubt, will achieve wonderful things in life. But at some point, some things will not occur as you expected. Some things will go wrong. Sometimes you fail. Sometimes your plans don't work. Sometimes your wishes won't come true. Who will you blame at that moment? Will you blame yourself?"
Woman: "No! Absolutely NOT!"
The psychiatrist : "YES. That's why you need a HUSBAND! "
"you go on ahead."
I'd like to thank Twitternation, Steve Wozniak, Adam Schefter, @MattGroening and anyone else who helped me achieve this great feat!
Thanks 2016, you helped me achieve my goal and made me depressed and miserable.
Anyone know where to buy live chickens for cheap?
He was too super fish oil.
Because Toucan, not Toucannot.
But if I could put my heads together, I'd never leave my room
He had E-reptile dysfunction.
The Marathon Bomber was able to end an entire race.
Because for an achievement in math, you receive Abel whereas for science, you receive Nobel.
Is to achieve my goals of 2015
Which I had should have done in 2014
And promised in 2013
And planned in 2012
And to remember to write 2017 instead of 2016
He wanted to achieve erection reform.
It's called garbage can, not garbage cannot.
Or you would fail to achieve class consciousness.
Once.
They could finally achieve a planet of the vapes movie
By becoming a meditater.
Obviously He's never been a cotton plantation slave owner.
I would say the most inspirational was an obese man I saw cliff jump into the sea.
He had a massive impact.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.