Fun-Filled Ache Jokes to Boost Your Mood
Helpful Daughter
Little Susie, a six year old , complained:"Mother, I've got a stomach ache."
"That's because our stomach is empty", the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it."
That afternoon her daddy came complaining that he had a severe headache all day.
Susie perked up: " That's because it's empty", she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."
What did the chick pea say when it got a stomach ache?
I falafel.
What do you call a stomach ache you get from eating a Cuban sandwich?
Castro-intestinal distress.
What do you do for a frog with a belly ache?
Rubbit.
Chinese Sick Day
h**... Chow calls in to work and say,
"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"
The boss says, "You know something h**... Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for s**.... That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again and says,
"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"
"Doctor doctor, I've been bitten by a fox!"
"Take this, for fox ache!"
There is only one type of cake I don't like
Stomach ache
What does a Jew, in Poland with a Stomach ache have?
The Auschits
I had a stomach ache...
My SO asked what's wrong,
I said "I have a clog in my intestines"
she responds with "you need to stop eating shoes"
Love Story
I shall seek and find you.
I shall take you to bed and control you.
I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan.
I will make you beg for mercy.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I leave you.
And you will be weak for days.
All my love,
The Flu
I'm suffering from a more rare kind of stomach ache.
It's called Indiegestion, I doubt you've heard of it before.
You can explore ache pang reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ache sick dad jokes. There are also ache puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What does h**... call a stomach ache?
Mein Cramps
What do you get when you eat a bunch of uranium?
Atomic ache
I almost bruised myself yesterday
It was a missed ache
I was playing some video games the other day
when I got an ache, the levels of which were the highest imaginable. Max Payne.
What did the Greek man say when he got a tummy ache?
"I falafel!"
Chinese man calls in sick
h**... Chow calls in work and say, "Hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come to work."
The boss says, "You know what h**..., I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for s**.... That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE:
"Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, s**... this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2017 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
TIL It's a myth that people's joints hurt because it's cold and damp
Turns out it's just a mist ache.
Lee has a terrible headache
Lee calls in work and say "I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come to work today."
His boss says "I really need you today, Lee. You know, whenever I am not feeling OK like you, I go ask my wife for s**.... I always feel better after."
A couple of hours later, Lee calls in. "I do what you say. I feel great now. I be at work soon. You have nice house"
My Dad had a headache the other day so I asked if he needed any pills.
He said "The only pills that could have stopped this head ache should have been taken 16 years ago"
I'm so pathetic with women that when I called one of the s**... lines ..
I got a reply Sorry honey, I got an ear ache today
The aches in my lats after yesterday's work out.
The trainer didn't mention any side effects.
What do you get hanging from Apple trees?
Arm ache.
What do ghosts take when they have a stomach ache?
PhanTUMS
My wife said, "it looks uncomfortable growing all that f**... hair under your nose..."
must ache
Most of the time
Most of the time, when you cry, no one notices your tears.
Most of the time, when you hurt, no one notices your pain.
Most of the time, you hold it in, and no one feels the ache.
Most of the time.
Until you f**... loudly in public.
What's the worst or completely unfunniest joke that you can't tell without laughing?
It doesn't even have to make sense. For me it's the following joke that for some reason I can't tell without getting a jaw ache throughout.
There was a man and three cows. He went to the first cow and said, Are you a man? The cow said, No.
He went to the second cow and asked, Are you a man? The cow said, No.
He went to the third cow and asked, Are you a man? The cow said, Yes.
This headache sure is something else!
Maybe its a back ache...
I had a Vasectomy yesterday, and I can confirm...
It's a real ball ache.
At what time does a Toddler's tooth ache?
Tooth hurty
I hit someone with my car and ate them afterwards.
It gave me a stomach ache. It was a case of hit and runs.
Skiing injuries
What a piste ache.
Why does Pete take painkillers?
For Pete's ache
Every time my mom burns my grilled cheese sandwich I get a stomach ache...
I guess I'm black toast intolerant.
Why did Peter put Icy-Hot on his sore shoulder?
For Pete's ache.
A blonde walks into a doctor's office, the doctor asks what's wrong and the blonde says "My entire body hurts!"
"Oh?" Said the doctor, "like a whole body ache?"
"No!" said the blonde "like everywhere is searing pain! Here I'll show you!"
The blonde pokes her shoulder "That really hurt!"
She pokes her stomach "That really hurt too!"
She bends down and pokes her knees "Both of those hurt super bad! Can you help me doctor!?"
The doctor looks at her, sighs, and says "Yes I can help you, in fact I solved your problem"
"What is it!?"
"Your finger's broken"
Two cavemen are waiting at the doctor's office
The first says, "Me name Phil. Me get bee sting. Why you here?"
The second one, covered in blood, smiles and says, "Me name Mike. Me get hit by boulder during rock slide."
The first says, "That must hurt! Why you look so happy?"
The second says, "Me celebrating. It's Mike Ache Day!"
Had a bunch of missed calls yesterday...
They were from my buddy Mike complaining he was sore all over.
I think I missed Mike ache day.
What's the difference between an oak tree and a tight shoe?
One makes acorns, the other makes corns ache.
I'm trying to build interest for my new children's book
It's about a v**... whose tail hurts, and each page after the introduction is a new animal trying to help her heal or deal with the pain. Sadly, every publisher I've contacted has rejected the manuscript outright.
I'm not giving up, though. "For Fox' ache" will find it's audience someday.
Billy Bob calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work."
The boss says, "You know Billy Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me s**.... That makes everything better and I can go to work. You should try that."
Two hours later, Billy Bob calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
My 8 year old daughter made this up today. Why did the car have a belly ache?
Because it had gas.
Put Something In It
Little Susie, a six-year-old, complained, "Mother, I've got a stomach ache."
"That's because your stomach is empty," the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it."
That afternoon, her father came complaining that he had a severe headache all day. Susie perked up, "That's because it's empty," she said.
"You'd feel better if you had something in it."
if it wasn't love, why does my heart ache so much whenever i see her?
I asked myself as i went to order my 3rd big mac
Why did the Cannibal logician get a stomach ache?
Someone he ate disagreed with him.
Got terrible back ache so I'm seeing my Egyptian specialist later.
He's a cairopractor.
A man had a terrible stomach ache and rushed into the restroom
A janitor walked into his moaning and groaning. Concerned, he knocked on the stall and asked:
"What's the matter?"
The man replied:
"Solid, liquid, gas... maybe even some plasma..."
