The Best 45 Accuse Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Accuse jokes. There are some accuse suing jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these accuse allege puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Accuse Jokes and Puns

I've been accused of objectifying women

public class Woman extends Person {

Someone accused my dad of stealing from his job in the roads department...

...I thought it was nothing to worry about but when I got home the signs were everywhere.

I got accused of date rape once in college, but that's ridiculous.

It wasn't a date.

Accuse joke, I got accused of date rape once in college, but that's ridiculous.

Who did Fat Albert accuse of leaving a burning cross on his lawn?

"The Kaaay Kaaay Kaaaaay!"

I was accused of illegally downloading the entirety of Wikipedia

I told them I could explain everything


I accused the construction man for damaging my sidewalk.

"You are going to need concrete evidence if you want to prove me guilty"

Why did the feminist accuse her teacher of misogyny?

Because he'd D graded her.

Accuse joke, Why did the feminist accuse her teacher of misogyny?

Some accuse me of being a luggage denier.

I want to assure everyone, that is definitely not the case.

My girlfriend's accused me of cheating with a girl from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.

How can she say that?!?!

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway and that even if she didn't, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

I am being accused of stealing a horse. I said I didn't do it.

They said there is mounting evidence to the contrary.

You can explore accuse criticize reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean accuse kavanaugh dad jokes. There are also accuse puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Somebody accused me of being condescending today...

...by the way, condescending is shown or characterized by a patronizing or superior attitude toward others.

Someone accused the Mona Lisa of killing a man.

But I think she's been framed

"You are accused of polygamy"

"You are accused of polygamy"

"And who pressed charges?

"Your wife"

"Which one exactly?"

People often accuse me of "stealing other's jokes" and being "a plagiarist."

Their words not mine

I recently broke up with my girlfriend because she would CONSTANTLY accuse me of cheating.

I just can't be with anyone who sounds so much like my wife.

Accuse joke, I recently broke up with my girlfriend because she would CONSTANTLY accuse me of cheating.

Two women named Rachel meet and fall in love.

They decide to get married and go to the baker's to pick out a wedding cake. The baker inquires about their story and appalled, refuses to bake them a wedding cake. They are very upset and accuse the baker of narrow-mindedness and bigotry. "Oh, no, no, no," the baker responds, "I don't have a problem with gay marriage, I just can't support an inter-Rachel marriage!"

Happy Valentine's, everyone!

I've been accused of paranoia.

But then you already knew that, didn't you!

A stoner walks into the house and asks his mother a question

Him: Mom why do you always accuse me of being stoned?

Mom: I'm your Dad you idiot


So I just got accused of plagiarism.

But I've heard it these accusations before.

Someone accused me of being a liberal today...

I have never been so offended in my life

Someone accused me of being middle class the other day and now I'm annoyed.

I put a lot of work into trying to convince people that I have no class.

Bill: Ain't there someone else ya'll should be Weinstein yo' time on?

Harvey: Open bathrobes are just roomy, you know… Spacey.

Kevin: I choose to live as a gay man, so no woman can accuse me of Rattner out.

Brett: Hey, when I see a beautiful woman, I just Singer praises.

Bryan: Move along, no one gives Affleck about me.

Ben: Mine was just a little mistake. You need something at least a Sizemore.

Tom: It wasn't me! It was all Cosby drugs, man!

Why did 6 accuse 7 of eating 9?

7 was the prime suspect.

An accused criminal is brought before a judge...

The judge says, "You stand accused of stealing five million dollars' worth of gold bars. How do you plead?"

"Not guilty, your honour."

"Bail is set at five million dollars." The judge slams his gavel down.

"Do you accept payment in gold?"

I got accused of stealing Sodium Chloride today.

I took it with a Grain of Salt.

The logical positivists accuse the existentialists of not being sufficiently analytical.

But the existentialists accuse the logical positivists of not being sufficiently.

I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it.

The plot thickens.

I was accused of being an anti semite

because I said I hated juice

I accused my friend of pouring glue on my weapons.

He denied it but I'm sticking to my guns.

Some people accuse me of being condescending

Oh sorry, that's when you talk to people like they're stupid.

There only way to insult my religious beliefs...

...is to accuse me of having them.

Moon to Earth during periapsis

\- Hey Earth! Do you know how to destroy a star?

\- Well... you need... like a black hole to do that.

\- Nope! All you need is to accuse it of rape!

\#MeToo

It's preposterous that people accuse Trump of being a rapist or a murderer.

We all know he's not smart enough to get away with it.

How Many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to accuse another country of having lightbulbs, about a couple hundred thousand to find them.

What do you say when accused of bigotry?

I had sex with 'that.'

I was accused of exhibitionism

Thank God it didn't stand up in court

They say when you point the finger, three fingers are pointing back at you.

That's why I always accuse people with my full erection. Checkmate.

I was accused of mansplaining...

So I asked them, "Did you just assume my gender?"

I was accused of harassment at work today.

When I told my wife she said, "Harassment what?"
I said, "I swear baby her ass meant nothing to me!"

A woman goes fishing...

Just as she's about to get on the boat, the park ranger comes to her and says: "Ma'am, fishing is prohibited here. I'm gonna have to fine you."

And she responds: "But I haven't even started fishing yet."

To which he responds: "But you have the tools, right?"

So she says: "Ok then. If you fine me, then I will accuse you of rape."

Suddenly bewildered, the ranger says: "But I didn't even touch you."

To which she responds: "But you have the tools, right?"

I was accused of being a plagiarist...

I guess I'll take his word for it.

Michigan Lawyer: "Well Barney, so you want me to defend you? Have you got any money?"

Barney: "No sir. I ain't got no money, but I do get a 1928 Ford Car!"

Lawyer: "Well you can raise money on that. Now let's see, just what do they accuse you of stealing?"

Barney: "A 1928 Ford Car."

People often accuse me of being "a plagiarist."

Their words, not mine...

I accused my wife of putting glue on my pistol collection.

She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the accuse condemn jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working accuse existentialists piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes