Accuse Jokes

Following is our collection of criticize humor and suing one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Accuse puns for adults, dirty kavanaugh jokes or clean allege gags for kids.

There is an abundance of condemn jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 34 funniest jokes on accuse. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any existentialists witze you can hear about accuse.

The Best jokes about Accuse

I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it.

The plot thickens.

People often accuse me of "stealing other's jokes" and being "a plagiarist."

Their words not mine

Two women named Rachel meet and fall in love.

They decide to get married and go to the baker's to pick out a wedding cake. The baker inquires about their story and appalled, refuses to bake them a wedding cake. They are very upset and accuse the baker of narrow-mindedness and bigotry. "Oh, no, no, no," the baker responds, "I don't have a problem with gay marriage, I just can't support an inter-Rachel marriage!"

Happy Valentine's, everyone!

I accused my friend of pouring glue on my weapons.

He denied it but I'm sticking to my guns.

An accused criminal is brought before a judge...

The judge says, "You stand accused of stealing five million dollars' worth of gold bars. How do you plead?"

"Not guilty, your honour."

"Bail is set at five million dollars." The judge slams his gavel down.

"Do you accept payment in gold?"


Why did 6 accuse 7 of eating 9?

7 was the prime suspect.

I was accused of illegally downloading the entirety of Wikipedia

I told them I could explain everything

Some accuse me of being a luggage denier.

I want to assure everyone, that is definitely not the case.

I got accused of date rape once in college, but that's ridiculous.

It wasn't a date.

My girlfriend's accused me of cheating with a girl from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.

How can she say that?!?!

I've been accused of objectifying women

public class Woman extends Person {


I recently broke up with my girlfriend because she would CONSTANTLY accuse me of cheating.

I just can't be with anyone who sounds so much like my wife.

I accused the construction man for damaging my sidewalk.

"You are going to need concrete evidence if you want to prove me guilty"

Someone accused my dad of stealing from his job in the roads department...

...I thought it was nothing to worry about but when I got home the signs were everywhere.

"You are accused of polygamy"

"You are accused of polygamy"

"And who pressed charges?

"Your wife"

"Which one exactly?"

I was accused of harassment at work today.

When I told my wife she said, "Harassment what?"
I said, "I swear baby her ass meant nothing to me!"

Why did the feminist accuse her teacher of misogyny?

Because he'd D graded her.

Who did Fat Albert accuse of leaving a burning cross on his lawn?

"The Kaaay Kaaay Kaaaaay!"

I was accused of mansplaining...

So I asked them, "Did you just assume my gender?"


I got accused of stealing Sodium Chloride today.

I took it with a Grain of Salt.

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway and that even if she didn't, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

Bill: Ain't there someone else ya'll should be Weinstein yo' time on?

Harvey: Open bathrobes are just roomy, you know… Spacey.

Kevin: I choose to live as a gay man, so no woman can accuse me of Rattner out.

Brett: Hey, when I see a beautiful woman, I just Singer praises.

Bryan: Move along, no one gives Affleck about me.

Ben: Mine was just a little mistake. You need something at least a Sizemore.

Tom: It wasn't me! It was all Cosby drugs, man!

They say when you point the finger, three fingers are pointing back at you.

That's why I always accuse people with my full erection. Checkmate.

Somebody accused me of being condescending today...

...by the way, condescending is shown or characterized by a patronizing or superior attitude toward others.

The logical positivists accuse the existentialists of not being sufficiently analytical.

But the existentialists accuse the logical positivists of not being sufficiently.

Someone accused the Mona Lisa of killing a man.

But I think she's been framed

Someone accused me of being middle class the other day and now I'm annoyed.

I put a lot of work into trying to convince people that I have no class.

A stoner walks into the house and asks his mother a question

Him: Mom why do you always accuse me of being stoned?

Mom: I'm your Dad you idiot

I was accused of exhibitionism

Thank God it didn't stand up in court

What do you say when accused of bigotry?

I had sex with 'that.'

There only way to insult my religious beliefs...

...is to accuse me of having them.

Moon to Earth during periapsis

\- Hey Earth! Do you know how to destroy a star?

\- Well... you need... like a black hole to do that.

\- Nope! All you need is to accuse it of rape!

\#MeToo

It's preposterous that people accuse Trump of being a rapist or a murderer.

We all know he's not smart enough to get away with it.

How Many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to accuse another country of having lightbulbs, about a couple hundred thousand to find them.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes