Giggle-Inducing Accuse Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
I've been accused of objectifying women
public class Woman extends Person {
Someone accused my dad of stealing from his job in the roads department...
...I thought it was nothing to worry about but when I got home the signs were everywhere.
I got accused of date r**... once in college, but that's ridiculous.
It wasn't a date.
Who did Fat Albert accuse of leaving a burning cross on his lawn?
"The Kaaay Kaaay Kaaaaay!"
I was accused of illegally downloading the entirety of Wikipedia
I told them I could explain everything
I accused the construction man for damaging my sidewalk.
"You are going to need concrete evidence if you want to prove me guilty"
Why did the feminist accuse her teacher of misogyny?
Because he'd D graded her.
Some accuse me of being a luggage denier.
I want to assure everyone, that is definitely not the case.
My girlfriend's accused me of cheating with a girl from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
How can she say that?!?!
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway and that even if she didn't, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
I am being accused of stealing a horse. I said I didn't do it.
They said there is mounting evidence to the contrary.
You can explore accuse criticize reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean accuse kavanaugh dad jokes. There are also accuse puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Somebody accused me of being condescending today...
...by the way, condescending is shown or characterized by a patronizing or superior attitude toward others.
Someone accused the Mona Lisa of killing a man.
But I think she's been framed
"You are accused of polygamy"
"You are accused of polygamy"
"And who pressed charges?
"Your wife"
"Which one exactly?"
People often accuse me of "stealing other's jokes" and being "a plagiarist."
Their words not mine
I recently broke up with my girlfriend because she would CONSTANTLY accuse me of cheating.
I just can't be with anyone who sounds so much like my wife.
Two women named Rachel meet and fall in love.
They decide to get married and go to the baker's to pick out a wedding cake. The baker inquires about their story and appalled, refuses to bake them a wedding cake. They are very upset and accuse the baker of narrow-mindedness and bigotry. "Oh, no, no, no," the baker responds, "I don't have a problem with gay marriage, I just can't support an inter-Rachel marriage!"
Happy Valentine's, everyone!
I've been accused of paranoia.
But then you already knew that, didn't you!
A s**... walks into the house and asks his mother a question
Him: Mom why do you always accuse me of being s**...?
Mom: I'm your Dad you idiot
So I just got accused of plagiarism.
But I've heard it these accusations before.
Someone accused me of being a liberal today...
I have never been so offended in my life
Someone accused me of being middle class the other day and now I'm annoyed.
I put a lot of work into trying to convince people that I have no class.
Bill: Ain't there someone else ya'll should be Weinstein yo' time on?
Harvey: Open bathrobes are just roomy, you know… Spacey.
Kevin: I choose to live as a gay man, so no woman can accuse me of Rattner out.
Brett: Hey, when I see a beautiful woman, I just Singer praises.
Bryan: Move along, no one gives Affleck about me.
Ben: Mine was just a little mistake. You need something at least a Sizemore.
Tom: It wasn't me! It was all Cosby drugs, man!
Why did 6 accuse 7 of eating 9?
7 was the prime suspect.
An accused criminal is brought before a judge...
The judge says, "You stand accused of stealing five million dollars' worth of gold bars. How do you plead?"
"Not guilty, your honour."
"Bail is set at five million dollars." The judge slams his gavel down.
"Do you accept payment in gold?"
I got accused of stealing Sodium Chloride today.
I took it with a Grain of Salt.
The logical positivists accuse the existentialists of not being sufficiently analytical.
But the existentialists accuse the logical positivists of not being sufficiently.
I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it.
The plot thickens.
I was accused of being an anti semite
because I said I hated juice
I accused my friend of pouring glue on my weapons.
He denied it but I'm sticking to my guns.
Some people accuse me of being condescending
Oh sorry, that's when you talk to people like they're s**....
There only way to insult my religious beliefs...
...is to accuse me of having them.
Moon to Earth during periapsis
\- Hey Earth! Do you know how to destroy a star?
\- Well... you need... like a black hole to do that.
\- Nope! All you need is to accuse it of r**...!
\#MeToo
It's preposterous that people accuse Trump of being a r**... or a m**....
We all know he's not smart enough to get away with it.
How Many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to accuse another country of having lightbulbs, about a couple hundred thousand to find them.
What do you say when accused of bigotry?
I had s**... with 'that.'
I was accused of exhibitionism
Thank God it didn't stand up in court
They say when you point the finger, three fingers are pointing back at you.
That's why I always accuse people with my full e**.... Checkmate.
I was accused of mansplaining...
So I asked them, "Did you just assume my gender?"
I was accused of harassment at work today.
When I told my wife she said, "Harassment what?"
I said, "I swear baby her a**... meant nothing to me!"
A woman goes fishing...
Just as she's about to get on the boat, the park ranger comes to her and says: "Ma'am, fishing is prohibited here. I'm gonna have to fine you."
And she responds: "But I haven't even started fishing yet."
To which he responds: "But you have the tools, right?"
So she says: "Ok then. If you fine me, then I will accuse you of r**...."
Suddenly bewildered, the ranger says: "But I didn't even touch you."
To which she responds: "But you have the tools, right?"
I was accused of being a plagiarist...
I guess I'll take his word for it.
Michigan Lawyer: "Well Barney, so you want me to defend you? Have you got any money?"
Barney: "No sir. I ain't got no money, but I do get a 1928 Ford Car!"
Lawyer: "Well you can raise money on that. Now let's see, just what do they accuse you of stealing?"
Barney: "A 1928 Ford Car."
People often accuse me of being "a plagiarist."
Their words, not mine...
I accused my wife of putting glue on my p**... collection.
She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns.
I was accused of clock watching at work the other day
At least I think that's what the angry guy at the u**... beside me said.
I've been accused of lying about how much snot comes out of my nose when I sneeze.
They always say I'm blowing it out of proportion
How many Soviets did it take to remove a lightbulb?
Two.
One to remove it.
Another to accuse the first guy of being a bourgeois saboteur spy.
