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Accusations Jokes

36 accusations jokes and hilarious accusations puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about accusations that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Accusations Short Jokes

Short accusations jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The accusations humour may include short accused jokes also.

  1. My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives... I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
  2. My girlfriend accused me of stealing her thesaurus Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.
  3. My wife always accuses me of having a favorite child. It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.
  4. My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives... I️ said, No, in fact, I️ like your mother in law a lot better than I️ like mine
  5. My Wife just accused me of hating her side of the family and relatives. I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
  6. My wife accused me of achieving nothing... So I told her "well I won the Leslie Neilsen award at school."
    "What's that?" she said
    "It's a big building with kids in it"
  7. My wife accuses me of favoritism over my children, which is not true. I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.
  8. My wife accused me of ruining her birthday, but that's impossible I didn't even know it was her birthday!
  9. People often accuse me of "stealing other's jokes" and being "a plagiarist." Their words not mine
  10. My wife just accused me of having zero empathy. I just don't understand why she feels that way.

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Accusations One Liners

Which accusations one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with accusations? I can suggest the ones about suspects and suspicion.

  1. My girlfriend accused me of cheating I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
  2. My roommate accused me of not respecting his boundaries.. Totally ruined our bath.
  3. My professor accused me of plagiarism His words, not mine.
  4. I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it. The plot thickens.
  5. My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
  6. My teacher accused me of plagiarising my paper. His words. Not mine.
  7. My girlfriend accused me of cheating She's starting to sound like my wife
  8. Why did 6 accuse 7 of eating 9? 7 was the prime suspect.
  9. I was accused of being a plagiarist... I guess I'll take his word for it.
  10. My neighbour wrongly accused me of property theft. I didn't take a fence.
  11. My boss accused me of benefit fraud so I threw my crutches to the ground and walked out
  12. I was in court accused of stealing blankets. I pleaded 'not quilty'.
  13. I was falsely accused of throwing batteries at people All charges were dropped
  14. What did Abraham Lincoln say when he was falesly accused of a crime? "I'm in a cent"
  15. My girlfriend accused me of cheating First it was my wife and now her...

Accusations joke, My girlfriend accused me of cheating

Gather Around for Heartwarming Accusations Jokes and Uplifting Humor

What funny jokes about accusations you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean impeachment jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make accusations pranks.

Comedian Jeff Dunham has been accused of s**... assault

After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been f**... them for decades.
Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this a**.... Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.

I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their s**.... I think they are completely crazy.

4G must've fried their brains.

A woman is accused of beating her husband half to death with his guitar collection.

The judge looks down at her and asks, "First offender?"
The woman replies, "nope, first a Martin, then a Gibson, then a Fender."

Three men are talking in a Soviet gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"
The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."
The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accused me of wanting to be favored and promoted over my fellow workers."
Then they turn to the one who asked the question: "How about you, then?"
"Well, I arrived at the factory right on time, and so they accused me of having a watch from the West."

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.
Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
With that the man turned to his accuser and said "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson".

My wife just accused me of being a t**....

So I packed her things and left!!

As I knelt down with a pair of size 4 shoes in front of this blonde in a short skirt, I couldn't resist a quick glance at her knickers:

"Hey cheeky!" She said as she gave me a playful kick. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts isn't it?"
"That's an absolutely ridiculous accusation, madam." I said sternly. "I don't even work here."

Accusations joke, My wife accused me of being immature.