accurately Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious accurately puns

The Govenment made a recent announcement.....

.......that it is changing the national flag to a CONDOM, because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security whilst you're actually being fucked!!

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The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

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39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom

Scientists still can't determine how much is needed for your mother though

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The New National Symbol

The government today announced that it is changing its national symbol to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed. It just doesn't get more accurate than that.

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Pissing on the bar

A guy is hanging out at a bar late one night. He walks up to the bartender and says, "I can piss father and more accurately than anyone in the world. I bet you $100 that I can piss into a glass you put at the other end of the bar without spilling a drop." The bartender looks at him skeptically, but decides that there is no way the patron could possibly piss that far and that this would be an easy $100 from this drunk. He grabs a glass and puts it at the far end of the bar and tells the man, "it's a deal".

The drunk climbs up on top of the bar and pulls out his dick and starts to piss. He begins to let loose and is clearly straining hard to get distance but he is still falling way short, getting piss all over the bar and even splashing all over the bar tender. The bartender is laughing hard and shaking his first in sarcastic support as the drunk shakes his dick wildly as he attempts get all the distance possible.

Finally finished the man climbs off the bar and the bartender throws up a triumphant fist as he smiles and tells the man to pay up. The drunk walks over to the table from where came, gets handed $100 each from the 8 men at the table and then walks back to the bar and hands the bartender his $100.

Confused, the bartender asks the drunk, "What just happened over there?" to which the drunk replies, "I bet them $100 each that I could walk over, piss all over the bar and all over you, and that you would be happy about it".

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North Korea's state media is very truthful

They accurately portray United States as a country where half of it is burning and half of it is drowning.

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Did you hear about how realistic Call of Duty: WWII is?

Sledgehammer Games rented servers from the 1940s to replicate WWII as accurately as possible

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How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. British light fittings use bayonet connectors.

OK, it's not that funny, but at least it's accurately observed.

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You can accurately measure a person's intelligence level by giving them a simple prostate exam.

If they let you, they're an idiot.

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Dating Profile

Newly single.

Newly widowed more accurately.

My ex fucked dozens.

Many children, all aggressive in nature.

I have a goofy name but my friends just call me....

FOAB.

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Do you think a Stegosaurus can accurately guess what era it belongs to?

You bet jurassic-an.

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Apparently there was a Problem with a request to put Trump's Face on Mount Rushmore

It seems granite isn't a dense enough substance to accurately portray his head

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When taking acid, how does one accurately measure the intensity?

a LIT-mus test

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Why can't Jimmy Carter accurately predict a population mean?

He has a crisis of confidence.

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How can you accurately measure 2 inches?

Stare at OP's penis.

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What are the best Accurately puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Accurately? Well, here are the best jokes about Accurately to have fun with.

Joko Jokes