Accounting Jokes
Following is our collection of agriculture humor and civil one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Accounting puns for adults, dirty finance jokes or clean fucking bank account gags for kids.
There is an abundance of budget jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 36 funniest jokes on accounting. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any tax accountant witze you can hear about accounting.
The Best jokes about Accounting
A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job...
...advertised in the Manchester Evening News. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."
"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"
"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.
"Seventy-five thousand pounds. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"
"That," says the man, "is your first worry."
If your debits and credits don't equal,
then your assets in jail.
What subject did Dracula major in during college?
AcCOUNTing
This joke must be on a popsicle stick somewhere.
A person with a science degree asks "why does it work?" A person with an engineering degree asks: "how does it work?" A person with an accounting degree asks: "how much does it cost?" A person with an art degree asks:
"do you want fries with that?"
One More For All The Philosophy Majors Out There
The Physics major asks: How does it work?
The Engineering major asks: How do you build it?
The Accounting major asks: How much will it cost?
The Philosophy major asks: Do you want fries with that?
Degrees
The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'
The opposite of self-deprecating humor is accounting
Instead of making jokes at your own expense, you makes jokes about other people's expenses.
An Italian guy, a Polish guy, and a Japanese guy all apply for a job at an office.
The manager hires all three and tells the Italian, "Ok, you take care of the inventory". Tells the Polish guy, "You take care of accounting" and tells the Japanese guy, "You take care of supplies."
The manager comes back after an hour and sees the Italian guy and the Polish guy working, but he can't find the Japanese guy anywhere. So all of them start looking for him.
After hours of searching, they still can't find him so they give up and turn to go home for the evening when suddenly, the Japanese guy jumps out of nowhere and screams "SUPPLIES!!!!"...
My go-to accounting joke
(Acknowledgement: This joke came from the Drew Carey show. I don't remember specifically which episode. I don't even know why I was watching it.)
The owners of a micro-brewery are sitting around a table having their monthly board meeting.
The accountant stands up and says "So, let's see, this month, we lost ... hmm... hmm... Hey! Does anybody have a black pen?"
The CEO says "I can go buy one."
The accountant replies "Yeah, but then we won't need it anymore."
A lawyer dies...
A lawyer dies and shows up at the pearly gates for accounting.
As he walks up he shouts "Why did I have to die so young?? I was in my prime!"
St Peter replies "Well, I don't think 89 is really so young."
The lawyer replied "What? I'm only 36 years old. I was healthy, I ate well, I had no reason to die."
St Peter looks at his ledger and says "Nope. It says right here you turned 89 three months ago. You do look a bit young... AHH! There is where the confusion is. You see, we go by hours billed for lawyers."
My grandpas joke
A man is hiring for an accounting position, and is conducting interviews for each of the hopefuls. The first accountant walks in and starts to introduce himself.
Accountant1: I'm here for ther job, I'm great at d-
Boss: what's 2+2?
Accountant1: 4
Boss: get out
Sad, disappointed, and a little confused, the accountant slowly leaves the office. Then a new, fresh accountant comes in.
Accountant2: hey I'm here for the-
Boss: what's 2+2?
Accountant2: 4
Boss: get out.
Just as confused as accountant1, number 2 leaves thinking that if the boss is that stupid he doesn't want to work there anyways. On the way out, a new accountant walks into the office.
Accountant3: hi, I'm here for the ne-
Boss: what's 2+2?
Accountant3: anything you want it to be.
Boss: you're hired.
Hot girl in accounting?
It's a thot that counts
What's accounting?
Something Italians learn in preschool.
An office worker opened his pay envelope to find
his check was short $100. He called the accounting department to voice his complaint.
"You're right, we made a mistake," said the clerk, "but last week we overpaid you $100 and we didn't hear you complaining then."
"Look," said the man, "I can overlook one mistake. But two weeks in a row?"
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I suppose
Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending
each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400
…correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could
have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after
accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought
a Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
No
Man:
What color is your Ferrari?
Accounting Joke
Hey Guys
Need a good accounting related joke for work, if anyone has any good ones please share
The five senses have had massive lay-offs in their financial department.
There's no accounting for taste.
Paid to worry
A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters." "OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?" "You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner. "Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?" "That," says the man, "is your first worry."
What does a graduate student with a science degree ask? "Why does it work?" What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask? "How does it work?" What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask? "How much will it cost?"
What does a graduate student with a liberal
arts degree ask? "you want fries with that?"
Accounting is hard
I guess you could say its mentally taxing
Accounting Joke: Why did the accountant cross the road?
Because that's what they did last year.
e.e. cummings walks into a store
e.e. cummings went into a store to buy 17 pounds worth of goods. he forgot his wallet, but he took his pen and wrote four words down on an accounting ledger. i'm not gonna tell you what the words were, but they paid the bill and he got two vowels and a capital back.
Why did the chef study accounting?
He wanted to cook books.
Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes...
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I suppose
Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450.
In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up
Interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years,
You could have now bought a new Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
No
Man:
Where's your Ferrari?
The benefit of taking a job as an accounting teacher in a community college
You never have to guess if you'll be broke.
My Dad had 2 very attractive sisters that worked in the accounting office of the same company...
...it was the department of fine aunts.
Accounting 102
It's great having all these repositories of photos, home movies, and journals detailing all our meaningful experiences and adventures. You can always review them when you're dead.
When you think about it, the idea of a food bank is kind of ridiculous.
There's no accounting for taste.
[OC] Why do rasps work in accounting?
They're great at filing.
Why should you not rely on your CPA for restaurant recommendations?
There's no accounting for taste.
What do you call the accounting program for a manure seller?
SpreadShite.
Office Jokes
At the office during lunch, Susan from sales stands up and yells, "53!". All her other coworkers in the canteen laugh hysterically. A moment later Bob from accounting stands up and says, "41!". All in the canteen laugh even more loudly. A new hire in the canteen asks his coworker to his left, Joe from marketing, what was going on. Joe's answer: "We have hundreds of jokes circulating throughout the office, and each one is assigned a different number. Most of the jokes are very long, so to save time, instead of telling the entire joke, we just announce the number of the joke instead." At this moment Derek from the IT department, in the back of the canteen, stands up and squeaks in a rather uninspired way, "12!" No one laughs. Joe from marketing explains to the new hire, "some people just can't tell a good joke."
Every Thursday, I do live nude modeling in one of the courses at my university
It's an accounting class and they're none too happy about it.
Accounting for news media
Dr Cash
Cr Controversy
I met a hooker once who tried to quit it all and go to college to get an accounting degree but didn't get accepted into university.
But it's the thot that counts.
I hired a prostitute to do my accounting work
She failed miserably, but it's the thot that counts.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.