Accountants Jokes

Following is our collection of lawyers humor and females one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Accountants puns for adults, dirty auditor jokes or clean surgeons gags for kids.

There is an abundance of tax accountant jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 33 funniest jokes on accountants. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any fucking bank account witze you can hear about accountants.

The Best jokes about Accountants

Four surgeons

Four surgeons sit around discussing their favorite patients.



The first surgeon says, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order".



The second surgeon says, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is in numerical order".



The third surgeon says, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded."



The fourth surgeon says, "I like operating on politicians."



The other three surgeons look at each other in disbelief.



The fourth surgeon continues, "Because they're heartless, gutless, spineless, and the ass and head are interchangeable."

Why are cowboys bad at being accountants?

Because they always round up.

Surgery..

Surgery;
Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."
The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."
The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."
The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their butts are interchangeable."
Fifth surgeon said, "I like Engineers...they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..."

Four surgeons are talking...

Four surgeons are talking about their favorite types of patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says he prefers to operate on librarians, because when you open them up everything is in alphabetical order.

The second surgeon says he likes to operate on accountants, because everything inside is numbered.

The third surgeon says his favorite are artists because everything is color-coded.

Finally the last surgeon says nah, you are all wrong politicians are the easiest, because they are brainless, gutless, heatless, and lack a spine.

Three surgeons are discussing who makes...

...the best patients to operate on:

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon chimes in with, "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would."


How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

One. They don't have a sense of humour.

Why are the best accountants twins from Prague?

Because they always double Czech their work!

What do accountants use for birth control?

Their personality.

Why do accountants make the best serial killers?

Because they're calculating.

An engineer, physicist and mathematician are in an interview (with no accountants) ...

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are in an interview.
The engineer is asked, 'What is 2+2?'. The engineer instantly pulls out his calculator, but since its floating point processor firmware has a bug, 2+2 gives him 3.999 which he tells the panel.
The physicist is asked the same question, and he replies 'Well, using a back of the envelope calculation, 2 is order of magnitude 1. Adding two numbers of magnitude 1, will result in a number less than order of magnitude 2. Therefore 2 + 2 is less than 100'.
They finally pose the problem to the mathematician, and he pulls out this notebook and starts scribbling. 30 minutes later, he looks up the panel and triumphantly declares, 'It converges!!!'

Why do accountants hate pre-tax income?

It's gross.


Team lunch at the steakhouse

To celebrate the close of a good fiscal year, the company's CEO takes his team of accountants out for a fancy lunch.

The waiter comes by and asks, "Are you ready to order?"

"Yes. I'll have the steak," says the CEO.

"Very good, sir," says the waiter, "and for your vegetables?"

"Oh, they'll have steak too," replies the CEO.

Four surgeons.....

......sat around discussing their favourite patients type.
1st surgeon says, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order."
2nd surgeon says, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is in numerical order."
3rd surgeon says, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded." The 4th surgeon says, "I like operating on politicians." The other three surgeons look at each other in disbelief. The 4th surgeon continues, "Because they're heartless, gutless, spineless, and the butts and brains are interchangeable."

Why aren't accountants ever invited to company swim parties?

Their job requires that they point out any shrinkage.

Why do accountants make good lovers?

They're great with figures.

Why did the Founding Fathers hire accountants from Prague?

They needed a system of Czechs and balances.

Why can't accountants get library cards?

They're book-keepers.

Accountants are very clever opponents.

They are used to being underestimated.

Why do Canadians make such good accountants?

Because they're type eh?


What do you call 2 accountants having a threesome with a girl?

Double-entry

What's an accountants favorite band?

DA/DC

Why are all of the accountants supporting Hillary Clinton?

They want to save 20%.

[Accountancy joke] What do you call a threesome between 2 male accountants and 1 female?

Double entry.

*Badum dun tssss*

Why are there no midget accountants?

Because they always come up a little short.

Why are accountants big grammer nazis?

They get scared when there is no Capital.

Why do economists exist?

So accountants have someone to laugh at.

Where do homeless accountants live?

In a tax shelter.

Blame GROCO PCA

Accountants aren't boring people

They just get excited about boring things.

Why did the owner of the pear loaning company make his parents his accountants?

Because they were his pear rental figures.

Why are jewish accountants so good?

Because they concentrate

Why do mummies make bad accountants?

Because they are deorganized ^^^I ^^^am ^^^so ^^^sorry

How the accountants cheer up their parties?

They invite a funeral director

Why do accountants make the best lovers?

Cause they're skilled at double entry

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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