The Best 36 Accountants Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Accountants jokes. There are some accountants females jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these accountants jewish accountant puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Accountants Jokes and Puns
Why can't accountants get library cards?
They're book-keepers.
Where do homeless accountants live?
In a tax shelter.
Blame GROCO PCA
Why are the best accountants twins from Prague?
Because they always double Czech their work!
How accountants date
Your food was 100 bucks, the wine 30. I can buy you one beer at the bar, otherwise it's more cost-effective just to get a prostitute.
Why are all of the accountants supporting Hillary Clinton?
They want to save 20%.
Accountants aren't boring people
They just get excited about boring things.
Why do accountants make the best serial killers?
Because they're calculating.
Accountants are very clever opponents.
They are used to being underestimated.
Why did the Founding Fathers hire accountants from Prague?
They needed a system of Czechs and balances.
Why do accountants make good lovers?
Q: Why do accountants make good lovers?
A: They're great with figures.
What do you call 2 accountants having a threesome with a girl?
Double-entry
Why do economists exist?
So accountants have someone to laugh at.
I'm sick and tired of hearing the US doesn't have Checks and Balances!
What do you think the Koch brother's accountants do?
Why did the owner of the pear loaning company make his parents his accountants?
Because they were his pear rental figures.
What were the two accountants hoping for..
What were the two accountants hoping for when they went halves in a chocolate bar?
That they would break even.
Why do accountants make good lovers?
They're great with figures.
Why are cowboys bad at being accountants?
Because they always round up.
What do you call an MMF threesome made up of accountants?
Double entry!
Why are there no midget accountants?
Because they always come up a little short.
Why do accountants hate pre-tax income?
It's gross.
[Accountancy joke] What do you call a threesome between 2 male accountants and 1 female?
Double entry.
*Badum dun tssss*
Team lunch at the steakhouse
To celebrate the close of a good fiscal year, the company's CEO takes his team of accountants out for a fancy lunch.
The waiter comes by and asks, "Are you ready to order?"
"Yes. I'll have the steak," says the CEO.
"Very good, sir," says the waiter, "and for your vegetables?"
"Oh, they'll have steak too," replies the CEO.
What's an accountants favorite band?
DA/DC
Why do mummies make bad accountants?
Because they are deorganized ^^^I ^^^am ^^^so ^^^sorry
Why do accountants make the best lovers?
Cause they're skilled at double entry
How the accountants cheer up their parties?
They invite a funeral director
Why are jewish accountants so good?
Because they concentrate
Why do Canadians make such good accountants?
Because they're type eh?
Why are accountants big grammer nazis?
They get scared when there is no Capital.
Why aren't accountants ever invited to company swim parties?
Their job requires that they point out any shrinkage.
Four surgeons
Four surgeons sit around discussing their favorite patients.
The first surgeon says, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order".
The second surgeon says, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is in numerical order".
The third surgeon says, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up, everything is color coded."
The fourth surgeon says, "I like operating on politicians."
The other three surgeons look at each other in disbelief.
The fourth surgeon continues, "Because they're heartless, gutless, spineless, and the ass and head are interchangeable."
How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
One. They don't have a sense of humour.
What do accountants use for birth control?
Their personality.
Four Surgeons are getting coffee
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered".
"I think librarians are the easiest" said the second surgeon. "When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered".
The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded".
The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They are heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and their ass are interchangeable."
Where do accountants buy all of their clothes?
The GAAP.
Why do certain people become accountants?
They don't have the charisma to be an undertaker.