Accord Jokes

93 accord jokes and hilarious accord puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about accord that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the best Honda Accord jokes and puns from Toyota and Civic drivers in agreement with the world’s most popular sedan. Laugh at the ongoing Accord rivalry and share with your friends for a guaranteed giggle!

Funniest Accord Short Jokes

Short accord jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The accord humour may include short agreement jokes also.

  1. If you want to read the Gospel according to Shrek, open your Bible to Psalm– –BODY ONCE TOLD ME…
  2. Jesus drove a Honda, but never spoke of it. "For I speak not of my own Accord" - John 12:49
  3. I was born male and I identify as male, yet... ... according to Tesco's Finest Sticky Toffee Pudding, I'm a family of four!
  4. What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christler. Oh no. Wait.. He drove a Honda.
    But he didn't like talking about it.
    John 12:49 :
    > For I did not speak of my own Accord.
  5. According to ancient japanese lore, a person's aura takes a particular colour right before they die. Cyan Aura.
  6. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is her eyes. Women say the first thing they notice about men is that they're a bunch of liars.
  7. I was born male, I identify as male, but according to Sainsbury's Deluxe Sticky Toffee Pudding.... I'm a family of four.
  8. According to my calculations, about 40% of Americans are Republicans But that's just a Conservative estimate
  9. My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up on her And according to the judge, she also hates it when I call her my girlfriend
  10. Jesus drove a Honda, but nobody knew about it. For I did not speak of my own accord. - John 12:49

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Accord One Liners

Which accord one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with accord? I can suggest the ones about affair and afford.

  1. My girlfriend is mad at me According to her diary, I have "boundary issues".
  2. So according to this BMI chart... I am too short.
  3. According to my wife's diary, I have boundary issues.
  4. 42% of strippers are working their way through college According to the latest pole
  5. According to a new study.. ...6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.
  6. According to my roommate's diary, I have boundary issues.
  7. According to Science Alcohol is a solution.
  8. Did you hear the CEO of Honda wont be back next year? He's leaving of his own accord.
  9. According to this nutrition label... I am a family of four
  10. According to my neighbor's diary, I have "boundary issues".
  11. According to the institute for incomplete studies 9 out of 10 Americans.
  12. How do you tie two Hondas together? ...with Accord
  13. Evidently, I have boundary issues according to my neighbors journal.
  14. Honda has the least pushy dealerships You can always leave with your own Accord
  15. I think that my girlfriend is mad at me According to her diary, I have "boundary issues".

Honda Accord Jokes

Here is a list of funny honda accord jokes and even better honda accord puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you get when you wreck a Honda Accord into a saturn Ion? An Accordion.
    ...I'll, uh, see myself out.
  • Did you hear about that guy who was crushed by his Honda? Police say he died of his own Accord.
  • Did you know Jesus drove a Honda but just didn't talk about it? John 12:49: * For I did not speak of my own accord. *
  • Two men park next to each other in a parking lot. Each man eyes the others' car and nods.
    "Honda, eh? Good make." says the first man.
    "Agreed," said the other. "We seem to have an Accord."
  • Did you know that Jesus had a Honda, but never talked about it? For I did not speak of my own accord
    -John 12:49a
  • My Honda Accord was rear-ended by a truck. Now it's a Honda Accordion.
  • My lucky day! I didn't have enough money for the Honda, but the dealership took pity on me and gave me an old Fiesta. I couldn't afford an Accord, but I was accorded a Ford.
  • In the bible, Jesus says "for I do not speak of my own accord." I guess he drove a honda but just didn't like to talk about it I always thought he drove a christler
  • The Bible says you can fit 12 men in a Honda. All the disciples were in one Accord.
  • A dad drives his Honda to the casino The Valet says, Good evening Sir, we'll take it from here.
    To which the man replies, No thanks, I'll do it on my own Accord.
Accord joke, A dad drives his Honda to the casino

Giggle-Inducing Accord Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about accord you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean consent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make accord pranks.

My girlfriend tried to make me have s**... on the hood of her Honda Civic

I refused. If I'm going to have s**..., its going to be on my own Accord

An accordion player walks into a bar,

orders a drink and chats up the bartender and the regulars for an hour.
Suddenly, he realizes that not only has he left his instrument in his back seat of his car in full view of passers-by, but he hasn't even locked his doors.
He quickly excuses himself from his conversation and rushes outside and up the block to his vehicle to take care of business, but it was too late.
Sure enough, someone had thrown another accordion in his back seat.

Accordion to scientific studies, 90% ..

of people do not realise I replaced the beginning of this joke with a musical instrument.

Trump has left the historical Paris Climate Accord in which countries around the world agreed to fight global warming...

It was the first time he pulled out of a working model.

My boyfriend and I both drive Hondas.

He's got one of those boxy ones, and mine is a mid-size sedan. And neither of us has our own place, so we mostly end up just having s**... inside the car. His is a little bigger, so we usually use his.
Recently, however, he's been wanting to experiment a little bit, and he's saying we should try some things out while having s**... on top of his car, instead of inside it.
But if I'm gonna have s**... with my boyfriend in a way that's out of his Element, it will have to be on my own Accord.

Accordion to a recent survey, 7 out of 10 people don't notice when a word in a sentence is replaced

by a musical instrument.

What do you call an accordionist who can play any style of music? A multitasker.

What do you get when you cross an accordion with a vacuum cleaner? A beautiful new instrument that sucks while you play it.

Why did the accordion player go to jail? He was caught playing polka in a no-polka zone.

How do you protect your garden from accordion players? Put up a sign that says “no treble allowed”

Why did the accordion player get a divorce? His spouse couldn’t handle the constant bellowing.

Why do accordion musicians make great detectives? They always find the key and can handle the pressure.

What do you call a musician who can play multiple instruments but always chooses the accordion? A firm believer in the “squeeze is worth the juice.”

What’s the definition of perfect pitch for an accordion? When you can toss it in the dumpster without hitting the sides.

How do you get two accordion players to play in perfect unison? Shoot one.

What do you call a group of accordion players? A squeezebox symphony.

Why did the accordion player bring their instrument to the funeral? To give the deceased one last squeeze.

What’s the definition of perfect pitch? When you toss an accordion into a dumpster and it lands on a bagpipe.

Why did the bartender refuse to serve the accordionist? He had one too many buttons already.

Why was the accordion player asked to leave the party? He kept trying to squeeze in on everyone’s conversations.

Why did the scarecrow learn to play the accordion? He wanted to be outstanding in his field.

Why do accordion players always carry a spare instrument? Just in case they get a wrinkle in their plans.

Why did the accordion player refuse to play at the nudist camp? They didn’t have any straps big enough to cover his… dignity.

Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the accordion player undressing.

What’s the difference between an accordion and a porcupine? A porcupine has better musical taste.

Why did the spider start playing the accordion? To weave beautiful melodies into its web.

Why do accordion players always play on the edge of the stage? So they can be closer to their cars when the gig is over.

What do you call a group of accordions at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

What do you get when you cross an accordion player with a magician? Someone who can make a living disappear in no time.

Why did the accordion player sell his instrument and switch to the drums? He wanted to play something less complicated.

What did the guitarist say to the accordion player? Your instrument sounds like a dying cat, but at least it’s not a banjo.

How do you know when an accordion player is at your door? You can hear the off-tune wheezing before they even start playing.

What do accordionists and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

Why did the accordionist get a ticket while driving? He was caught playing behind the wheel.

How can you tell when an accordion is out of tune? When it sounds normal.

Why do accordionists always play with a smile on their face? Because they know they’re annoying everyone else in the room.

What’s the difference between an accordionist and a concertina player? One can’t play fast, and the other can’t play slow.

Why did the accordion player get a divorce? His wife said he was always pushing her buttons.

What do you call a group of accordions? A squeezebox of horrors.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the accordion player.

How do you make an accordion sound like a synthesizer? Put it through a wood chipper first.

Why did the accordion player bring his instrument to a bar fight? He knew it had the potential to be a deadly weapon.

How do you get an accordion player off your porch? Pay for the pizza.

Why did the polka band get a great deal on their new instruments? They bought them at a polka-dot sale!

What’s the difference between an accordion and a chainsaw? You can tune a chainsaw.

Why was the polka musician a good gardener? He knew how to pick the right tune-ips!

Why did the polka musician’s wife file for divorce? She couldn’t handle all the band’s constant “in and out” motions!

Why did the polka band have such a large fan base? Because their music was so a-squeeze-tic!

Why did the beginner accordion player get arrested? For playing an accordion in public without a license.

What do accordions and zombies have in common? They both love to play in BELLOWeen parties.

Why are accordions like chameleons? They can blend into any musical genre.

Why did the accordion player get so many requests to perform? Because he always pulled out all the stops.

Why did the accordion player join a gym? He wanted to work on his bellow-flex.

What did the accordion player say to the piano player? "You got the keys, but I’ve got the squeeze."

Why did the accordion player become a chef? He knew how to whip up a great melody and mix it with harmony.

What do you call an accordion teacher who can play both the piano and the accordion? A halfWit.

Why did the accordion teacher get a job as an elevator operator? He knew how to push all the right buttons.

How do you know when an accordion teacher is at your door? You can’t find the doorbell, but you hear a polka.

Why did the accordion teacher go to jail? He got caught in a squeeze play.

Why do accordion teachers always sit at the back of the orchestra? So they can keep an eye on everyone else.

How do you make an accordion teacher’s car more aerodynamic? Remove the accordion.

Why do accordion teachers make terrible fishermen? They always try to reel in the fish with a bellows.

Why did the accordion teacher get kicked out of the library? He couldn’t stop playing in the quiet section.

Why do accordion teachers love to play at funerals? It’s the only time everyone’s happy to hear them play.

Accord joke

jokes about accord