Accord Jokes

What are some Accord jokes?

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic

I refused. If I'm going to have sex, its going to be on my own Accord

What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christler. Oh no. Wait..

He drove a Honda.
But he didn't like talking about it.

John 12:49 :
> For I did not speak of my own Accord.

Accordion to scientific studies, 90% ..

of people do not realise I replaced the beginning of this joke with a musical instrument.

Jesus drove a Honda, but nobody knew about it.

For I did not speak of my own accord. - John 12:49

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Read it slowly.

An accordion player walks into a bar,

orders a drink and chats up the bartender and the regulars for an hour.

Suddenly, he realizes that not only has he left his instrument in his back seat of his car in full view of passers-by, but he hasn't even locked his doors.

He quickly excuses himself from his conversation and rushes outside and up the block to his vehicle to take care of business, but it was too late.

Sure enough, someone had thrown another accordion in his back seat.

Did you hear the CEO of Honda wont be back next year?

He's leaving of his own accord.

Trump has left the historical Paris Climate Accord in which countries around the world agreed to fight global warming...

It was the first time he pulled out of a working model.

My boyfriend and I both drive Hondas.

He's got one of those boxy ones, and mine is a mid-size sedan. And neither of us has our own place, so we mostly end up just having sex inside the car. His is a little bigger, so we usually use his.

Recently, however, he's been wanting to experiment a little bit, and he's saying we should try some things out while having sex on top of his car, instead of inside it.

But if I'm gonna have sex with my boyfriend in a way that's out of his Element, it will have to be on my own Accord.

My girlfriend tried to get me to have sex with her on the hood of her Honda Civic...

I told her if I was gonna have sex, it would have to be on my own Accord

My girlfriend and I were fighting in the car

We glared at eachother and I thought neither of us would back down, but in the end we struck an Accord.

What do you get when you wreck a Honda Accord into a Saturn Ion?

An Accordion.

...I'll, uh, see myself out.

Did you hear about that guy who was crushed by his Honda?

Police say he died of his own Accord.

Did you know?

Accordion to a recent study, 90% of the world don't realise when a word has been swapped with an instrument.

Accordion to a study done by Stanford University, 9 out 10 people don't notice when words are substituted for music instruments

hehe

An accordion player goes to a bar... (warning: dumb joke)

After a long night at performing at a local restaurant, an accordion player goes to have a few late night drinks. He drives up to the bar and goes inside. After finishing his first drink, he realizes he left his car unlocked! He rushed outside, opened the trunk of his car.....but it was too late....a 2nd accordion was already there!

Accordion and Tuba Duo

A party planner has organized a huge new year's eve party. At the last minute, the band he hired has to pull out because of death in the family. The planner is totally stressed out because he has 500 partiers and no band.

On December 30 he contacts the only local band that was avaliable, a duo consisting of an accordionist and a tuba player. He has hesitations, but he hires them so he will have live music.

To his surprise, the duo is a huge hit with the crowd. The party was better than he ever imagined.

After the party, he walks up to the band and says "you know, I never thought in a million years that I would be saying this, but you two were great and I would like to line you up now for next year"

The duo replies "Sure, can we leave our stuff?"

Proof that Jesus and his disciples were all Mexicans...

It says in the Bible that they all traveled in one accord!

My girlfriend keeps pressuring me...

My girlfriend keeps pressuring me to have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic.

I told her, "No thanks, we'll do it on my own Accord."

How is an accordion like an artillery shell?

Once you hear it, it's already too late.

I thought someone stole my car keys, I looked for hours and was convince someone had grabbed them, later on I felt so stupid because I left them on top of my car

Turns out I lost them on my own accord

Accordion to a recent survey...

Most people don't notice when words are swapped for instruments in sentences.

Accordion to a recent survey, most people don't notice when a musical instrument is inserted into a sentence.

What's the earliest joke you can remember? Here's mine:

These two:

"My wife went to the West Indies"
"Jamaica?"
"No, she went of her own accord."

"My wife went to the East Indies"
"Jakarta?"
"No, she went by plane."

In the bible, Jesus says "for I do not speak of my own accord." I guess he drove a honda but just didn't like to talk about it

I always thought he drove a christler

Accordion to studies, its very easy to hide musical instruments in every day sentences.

I find that harp to belive though.

Everyone is worried Trump will pull us out of The Paris Accord...

But Trump doesn't know how to pull out, that is why he has 10 kids.

My boyfriend wanted us to have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic, but I refused.

If I'm ever going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

I was chatting with my coworker about cars last week and I was gonna ask him what kind of car he had...

Before I could, he told me of his own accord.

What kind of car did Jesus drive?

He and his disciples were together in one Accord.

The Bible says you can fit 12 men in a Honda.

All the disciples were in one Accord.

I was going to ask my friend what kind of car he drives

But he told me of his own accord

The White House informs its supporters it is pulling out of the Paris accord.

It was the most difficult 4 phone calls they ever made.

A guy pulled up next to me in his Honda on a scorching day....

.... and asked if he could fry and egg on the hood of my black car on a dare.

I looked back at him incredulously and said "Why not do it on your own Accord?"

There was an accordion player

He was going out for a drink after a show with his friend and was nervous about leaving his instrument in the car as he didn't want to get it stolen. His friend told him it was alright and nobody would try to steal an accordion. After a night of drinking they walk back to the car and notice a window is broken. The musician is mad at his friend for letting him leave the instrument until they get to the car and find two accordions.

My Nookie Days Are Over

My nookie days are over, my pilot light is out.

What used to be my sex appeal, is now my waterspout.

Time was when, on its own accord, from my trousers it would spring,

But now I've got a full-time job, to find the blasted thing.

It used to be embarrassing, the way it would behave.

For every single morning, it would stand and watch me shave.

Now as old age approaches, it sure gives me the blues,

to see it hang its little head, and watch me tie my shoes!

Every since I divorced my wife life has been so much better

Turns out I really enjoy living in my own Accord

Jesus drove a Honda, but never talked about it.

For I did not speak of my own Accord -John 12:49
His Old Man had a Plymouth--He drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
Of all the trials of Job, the worst was a Pontiac.
For he breaketh me with a Tempest, and multiplieth my wounds without cause. -Job 9:17

Accordion to studies...

Most people don't replace the first word of a sentence with an instrument

I didn't get too worked up over Trumps decision on the climate accord...

the whole thing was rather anti-climatic.

Accordion to a recent study, switching the words of a sentence with a musical instrument often goes unnoticed.

It's science.

According to the Bible, what company was the first car manufacturer?

Honda. Because Jesus and his apostles were in one accord.

I told my mate I was taking my wife to the Caribbean for a holiday. 'Jamaica?' He replied.

No, she's coming of her own accord.

How to make Accord jokes?

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