Cheerful Fun Accomplishments Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
My best friend swore up and down that he would stop taking credit for my accomplishments.
Then today he called me to brag that he got his wife pregnant.
In high school I was voted Most Likely to Lie About Past Accomplishments.
It's true...
Interviewer: Name one of your accomplishments
Applicant:Well I discovered aliens, outside my house and managed to learn their language.
Interviewer:That seems rather complicated...
Applicant:Well Spanish isn't hard to learn sir.
Three insurance salesmen, Al, Ben, and Carl, are bragging about their accomplishments.
"Last month," says Al, "when one of my insured died suddenly, I got the news within six hours. The next day, I put a check in the mail for his family."
"That's nothing," says Ben. "Last week, when one of my insured died suddenly, I got the news within 30 minutes. That very day, I personally delivered a check to his family."
"Amateurs," says Carl. "Yesterday, one of my insured was fixing the roof of my office building when he fell off the roof. I handed him his check when he passed my window."
I'm sick and tired of those who say Hillary has no great accomplishments....
I would say staying out of prison for the crimes she committed in the last four decades is a great accomplishment.
Congratulations on your accomplishments!
Whitney Houston, on being year sober!
Teacher: Who has impressed you the most by their accomplishments?
Me: Donald Trump. I can't believe he's made it so far
Why does Middle Eastern civilization have no major accomplishments?
It's too sunni for physical labour and everyone has shi'ite for brains.
How does visiting Australia help a virgin's list of accomplishments?
It's the quickest way to Adelaide to it.
