The Best 47 Accidents Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Accidents jokes. There are some accidents highways jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these accidents car accident puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Accidents Jokes and Puns

I got this hot blondes phone number today!

Im starting to think i should cause car accidents more often.

What are the most racist jokes you know?

There were 3 car accidents in Mexico 70 people died.

What do you call a bunch of black people in a swimming pool?
Coco puffs.

I'm immortal

Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?

"He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."

"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."

"They died together, the perfect couple till the end."

Makes me glad I abuse my kids and beat up my wife.

Kind of makes me immortal.

Accidents joke, I'm immortal

Heard this one from WWE.

Were you born on the highway?

No, why?

Because that's where most accidents happen!

Children in the backseat cause accidents.

But accidents in the backseat cause children.


Were you born within 5 miles of your house?

Because most accidents happen close to home!

Unrestrained children in the back seat can cause accidents. Unrestrained accidents in the back seat can cause children.

Accidents joke, Unrestrained children in the back seat can cause accidents. Unrestrained accidents in the back seat

You must have been born on a highway

because that's where most accidents happen.

I read that most accidents happen within a few miles of the house...

...so I moved

Why do most car accidents happen when men are drunk?

Because their wives are driving.

Accidents Happen

Kids in the backseat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat cause kids!

You can explore accidents ambulances reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean accidents incident dad jokes. There are also accidents puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A man heard that over 90% of car accidents happen within 15 km of home.

So he moved.

My uncle is an idiot. He saw a commercial that said, "9 out of 10 accidents happen within a mile of your home."

So he up and moved

Be safety conscious

80% of people are caused by accidents.

Traffic accidents

A Frenchman and an Englishman are talking at a bar:

Frenchman: "Did you hear, in France they lowered the the amount of alcohol you can drink before driving. But now car accidents have significantly increased"

Englishman: " Wow, how can that be?"

Frenchman: " Well its because if a man drinks wine with a meal at a restaurant, his wife has to drive him home"

Why does Bob Ross not use a condom?

Because he doesn't make mistakes, only happy little accidents.

Accidents joke, Why does Bob Ross not use a condom?

We should make all vehicles be driven by Stormtroopers

They never hit anything so there would be no accidents.

My sister asked me if I was born on the highway

She said "that's where most accidents happen anyway"

My dad once told me it's important to always laugh at your mistakes and accidents

He then looked at me and started laughing


My friends often tell me I was conceived on the highway

because that is where the most accidents happen....

What does Bob Ross's paintings and an orphanage have in common?

They're both full of happy little accidents

In the famous words of Bob Ross: There's no such thing as mistakes, only happy little accidents...

Unless your little accident is diagnosed with chronic depression.

This girl told me she'd date me when pigs fly.

Right now this challenge is on hold the local farmer isn't letting me buy a fourth pig after the other three accidents.

Kids in the back of a car cause accidents

But accidents in the back of a car causes kids

As a bus driver, I've never gotten into a car accident in all my 20 years of experience.

I have gotten into at least 15 bus accidents though.

A blonde discovered that most accidents happen within 10 blocks from home...

So she moved.

How are car parks like unplanned pregnancies

Accidents happen when people don't pull out carefully.

Now that women can drive in Saudi Arabia there are going to be more car accidents.

Because there are more drivers.

A blonde heard that 80% of accidents happen at home.

So she moved.

The reason women are responsible for more accidents at intersections....

must be because they don't have as much experience pulling out as men do.

(OC I think? Thought it up when a woman pulled out right in front of me today, and then had a stupid "what did I do wrong" look on her face when I honked at her for it.)

There are three monsters that live in my house and steal all of my money,

I like to call them, the accidents, but my wife insists on calling them our children.

Say what you want about wasps.

But at least they wear high visibility jackets to prevent accidents.

You have to give Prince Phillip credit for his driving record....

He hasn't been involved in any other accidents since 1997.

What do condoms and turn signals have in common?

If people used them, there would be less accidents

Bob Ross famously said that "we don't make mistakes, just happy accidents"...

Clearly he never played Tetris.

90% of all traffic accidents are due to men. Do you know why?

Because they gave their wife the car key.

They say kids in the backseat cause accidents...

But accidents in the backseat are more likely to cause kids.

Why did a brother tell a sister to go sit in the middle of the highway?

Because that's where accidents belong.

By tightly securing our Nuclear Arsenal through human, digital, mechanical and chemical means, we've been able to almost completely eliminate the risk of nuclear warhead explosions due to accidents or hostile attacks, however if these past four years have taught us something ...

... it's that we also need to equip our nukes with child locks.

There are no accidents...

Master Oogway uttered, before he took one look at me and said

* There are...some accidents *

Women are responsible for roughly 45% of car accidents

Which is pretty high, considering the steering wheel isn't even on their side.

Children left alone in the backseat can cause accidents,

which is ironic considering that accidents in the backseat can cause children.

I found out today that I was actually born on a freeway

My mom says that's where most accidents happen

A blonde is walking past a pasture

Being curious about various farm animals and seeing a farmer nearby she asks him "How come those cows don't have horns? I thought cows have horns." Farmer, happy to explain the situation to polite woman nods and says "You see miss, we often remove horns from cows. That way they don't get into accidents, don't hurt each other, don't get tangled into branches or fences or simialr. We do that by either sawing them off of putting a drop of acid on the horns when they are still young so they don't grow. But those particular cows don't have horns because they are horses."

The #1 cause for accidents in Georgia is deer.

Which is crazy to me since they can't drive.

Bob Ross used to say, "There are no mistakes, just happy little accidents."

Lovely man, terrible driving instructor.

After major accidents with lots of preventable injuries, there's always a wave of lawsuits.

The sue-nami.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the accidents crash jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working accidents blonde car accident piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes