Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?
"He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."
"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."
"They died together, the perfect couple till the end."
Makes me glad I abuse my kids and beat up my wife.
Kind of makes me immortal.
So he up and moved
because that's where most accidents happen.
They never hit anything so there would be no accidents.
But accidents in the back of a car causes kids
A man was texting and driving and generally not paying attention to the road. As he approached the stoplight, he slammed on his breaks a bit too late and collided into the car in front of him. Flustered, he searched for his insurance and waited for the man in the car in front of him to approach him.
He saw the car door in front of him open and out walked a very short, slightly chubby man with long gray hair and a beard to match. The man approached his window with an angry look and exclaimed, "I'm not *happy!*"
Giving him a second look, the man asked, "Then which one are you?"
They're both full of happy little accidents
Because their wives are driving.
If people used them, there would be less accidents
So he moved.
There were 3 car accidents in Mexico 70 people died.
What do you call a bunch of black people in a swimming pool?
Coco puffs.
So she moved.
But accidents in the backseat are more likely to cause kids.
Because he doesn't make mistakes, only happy little accidents.
Im starting to think i should cause car accidents more often.
I like to call them, the accidents, but my wife insists on calling them our children.
Kids in the backseat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat cause kids!
Because that's where accidents belong.
A Frenchman and an Englishman are talking at a bar:
Frenchman: "Did you hear, in France they lowered the the amount of alcohol you can drink before driving. But now car accidents have significantly increased"
Englishman: " Wow, how can that be?"
Frenchman: " Well its because if a man drinks wine with a meal at a restaurant, his wife has to drive him home"
So she moved.
I have gotten into at least 15 bus accidents though.
But accidents in the backseat cause children.
because that is where the most accidents happen....
...so I moved
...by his men, 'Mr President, there's been a plane crash in Australia, two Brazilian soldiers have been killed in action, a major bushfire....' George Bush interrupts and says, 'hang on, did you just say two Brazilian soldiers have been killed???!!!'
To which the man replies, 'That's correct Mr President...'
'Oh my... that's absolutely terrible!' says Bush.
The man, looking rather confused says, 'Sir, they've been far worse accidents than this, it's just two Brazilian soldiers...'
President Bush frowns and says, 'Wait... how many in a brazilian?'
She said "that's where most accidents happen anyway"
Clearly he never played Tetris.
He hasn't been involved in any other accidents since 1997.
80% of people are caused by accidents.
must be because they don't have as much experience pulling out as men do.
(OC I think? Thought it up when a woman pulled out right in front of me today, and then had a stupid "what did I do wrong" look on her face when I honked at her for it.)
Were you born on the highway?
No, why?
Because that's where most accidents happen!
Because there are more drivers.
He then looked at me and started laughing
Unless your little accident is diagnosed with chronic depression.
But at least they wear high visibility jackets to prevent accidents.
Right now this challenge is on hold the local farmer isn't letting me buy a fourth pig after the other three accidents.
Because most accidents happen close to home!
One in three car accidents is caused by a drunk driver. It's time to expel those sober lunetics from our roads!
"Dont worry, accidents happen"
Children in the dark cause accidents. Accidents
in the dark cause children.
Because they gave their wife the car key.
who knew that car accidents really DID cost an arm and a leg?
The highway, where most accidents happen.
Insurance agent: how many accidents have you had sir?
Dad: 1
Insurance agent: when was that?
...puts phone on hold...
Dad: Son, what is you birthdate again?
And accidents in the back seat cause more kids
Where most accidents happen.
We have collected gags that can be used as Accidents pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Accidents, here are one liners and funny Accidents pick up lines.