Accidently Jokes

Following is our collection of lube humor and mishap one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Accidently puns for adults, dirty teaspoon jokes or clean accidental gags for kids.

There is an abundance of blonde car accident jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 34 funniest jokes on accidently. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any car accident witze you can hear about accidently.

The Best jokes about Accidently

I accidently bought a fleshlight instead of a flashlight.

When the power went out I was screwed.

I accidently swallowed some scrabble tiles

My next dump could spell disaster

Ducks

Three women die in an accident and go to Heaven. There Saint Peter says, 'We only have one rule - don't step on the ducks!' They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks everywhere. In fact, it's almost impossible not to step on a duck, and the first woman accidently steps on one straight away. Saint Peter comes along with the ugliest man the woman has ever seen and chains them together saying, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!' The next day, the second woman steps on a duck and she too is chained to an incredibly ugly man. The third woman is very, very careful with the ducks and manages to avoid stepping on any of them. One day Saint Peter comes along and chains her to an incredibly handsome man. The woman is delighted but wonders why she's been blessed. She gets on her knees and prays aloud, 'Oh Lord, what have I done to deserve this bounty?' The man says, 'I don't know about you, lady, but I trod on a duck.'

It's so cold outside...

I brushed against a car in the parking lot and accidently keyed it with my nipple.

I drank accidently ended up drinking some food colouring last night.

I ended up dying inside.


Did you hear about the guy who accidently used super glue instead of lube while having sex?

He's now a man trapped in a woman's
body..

TIFU by starting a World War after accidently shooting a British submarine.

Oops, wrong sub.

I ate a pill that would made me immortal today

I accidently choked to death while swallowing it

I accidently filled the escort with diesel yesterday.

She died

How Men Think...

A nurse was giving a female coma patient a sponge bath, when she accidently brushed up on the womans private parts. Suddenly, the patients vital signs jumped up. So the nurse tried it again, and once again, the vital signs jumped up...so she called the Doctor, and showed him what had happened.
The Doctor grew excited, and called the womans husband. He explained what had happened, and said "I think it's worth trying for you to try oral sex with her, and that might be enough to wake her up."
So the husband agreed, and came over to the hospital, where they left him alone with his wife to get going....
a few minutes later, however, the alarms began to ring, and the Doctor found the woman to be dead.
He turned to the husband and asked him "What happened? Didn't you try oral with her?"
"Yeah... I guess she must have choked on it."

Man and woman in a restaurant.

Woman accidently farts. She says:

-I hope this will stay just between us.

Man answers:

-I hope it will disperse...


Two black eyes

A friend of mine was walking out of church service and I noticed he had two black eyes. I asked what happened. "Well, he said, "I was sitting behind Mrs. Brown, you know, the large woman with all those grandkids; the one that always dresses real fancy. Well, I noticed her dress had accidently got tucked in, well, you know... her back side, between her cheeks. So, I pulled it out and she punched me."

"How did you get the second black eye?"

"Well, I figured if that made her so upset, I'd better try and put it back."

So i was watching p*rn last night and accidently pressed cast to tv, it found a samsung tv and started steaming...

I dont have a samsung tv in my house.

What do you say when you accidently walk in on your gay slav friend?

The Czech is in the male!

I Peed A Bee-Bee

So this mom was baking a cake for her youngest son and as she was taking the batter across the room to show her husband, she accidently bumped the gun cabinet and a box of bee-bees fell into the mix. Frantically the mother got a strainer and got out as many bee-bees as she could. Deciding that she got all of them she baked the cake and got it ready for the guests. After the party she hadn't heard any complaints so she was sure she had got all of them. A couple hours later her youngest son comes running out saying,"momma momma momma, guess what i did?"
"what?" says the mother
"i peed a bee-bee!"
the mother thinking quick says, "oh thats natural son" and she shoos him away.

A little later her middle son comes up and says, "momma momma momma, guess what i did?"
"what?" says the mother
"i peed a bee-bee!"
"oh thats natural son" and she shoos him away

a couple hours later her oldest son comes out saying, "momma momma momma, guess what i did?!"
"i know i know, you peed a bee-bee, thats natural son" says the mom
"No!!! I was jacking off in the garage and I shot the dog!!!"

phsyically implausible excuses

i cant make it today i drove over my car keys

sorry i was late when i was walking over i tripped fell and accidently hung myself

How is the situation husband with his pregnant wife

Husband wanted to call the hospital
to ask about his pregnant wife,
but accidently called the cricket stadium.

He asks, "How's the situation?"

He was shocked & nearly died on hearing the reply.

They said, "It's fine. 3 are out,
hope to get another 7 out by lunch,
last one was a duck!"

I accidently lost some chromosomes today

Now I'm feeling rather down

A woman accidently used glue for lubricant...

After she told her best friend about the mix up, the friend said: "This story stays between us, the less people that know about this the better."

The woman nodded in agreement... "Yeah that's right, my lips are sealed."


Did you hear about the german who accidently put his hand in boiling oil?

he Gottfried..

A guy accidently calls his boss

Guy: I want a black coffee on my desk right now!

Boss: Do you not know who you're dealing with?!!

Guy: No, who is this?

Boss: Your boss...

Guy: Oh...Well do you not know who you're talking with?!!

Boss: No, i dont.

Guy: Thank god. *Hangs up*

Grad School Interview

Ted Kaczynski was the Unabomber but very few people remember that he was also a professor at Berkley with his own graduate students. Here is a list of his interview questions for the perspective candidates.

1) How are you?

2) Did you find my office OK?

3) Are you a cop? Legally, I think you have to tell me if you are, right?

4) Good. Lets say you find that someone had accidently left, what I think most people would agree is a completely reasonable manifesto in the copier, what would you do?

5) Complete the following sentence; Snitches get…..

6) Using your geometry skills, fit these components into this rectangular wooden box.

7) Take this package to the post office…..this is a timed event.

My grandad accidently bit his own tongue off during WW2

He never talks about it though

While gardening, I accidently unearthed a tulip bulb.

"Whoops." I said "Sorry bud."

The DJ accidently turned the bass down low.

Whoops, that was a lot of treble.

Have you heard about the elephant who accidently killed his girlfriend?

It was his first crush

After I do housework I neatly put all the tools away...

... so I don't accidently kick the bucket.

My boss told me to file 100 pages of paper.

And i accidently did 150 pages.


What can i say i am an overarchiver.

Accidently played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear.

Now it can ride a bike without training wheels.

Accidently burned dinner on the grill.

Missteaks were made.

I accidently mixed some poison ivy with a 4 leafed clover and ever since I've had a rash of good luck...

I accidently mixed up some poison ivy with a 4 leafed clover and ever since I've had a rash of good luck...

I accidently ordered a "Robert Palmer" instead of an "Arnold Palmer" and now there is a sullen waitress dancing behind me.

You had to be there

I accidently walked in on my parents during sex.

That was the most akward 45 minutes of my life.

Accidently got some haemorrhoid cream on my fruit bowl

and now my grapes have disappeared.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes