Following is our collection of Accident jokes which are very funny. There are some accident injuries jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these accident car accident puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?
"He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."
"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."
"They died together, the perfect couple till the end."
Makes me glad I abuse my kids and beat up my wife.
Kind of makes me immortal.
My next dump could spell disaster
where a car has driven through a field, killed several livestock and crashed into a barn. He decides to interview Steve who is struggling to keep his balance and is being propped up by Karen.
"Been out for a few have we mate?" asks the officer.
"Shuure ave mate" grins Steve.
"I realise you are very drunk sir," states the officer, "but that is absolutely no excuse to let your wife drive you home!"
He proceeds to smash into the door of the car, ripping it off. He stops to see another man, in a very expensive suit, jump out of the car and scream at him "you just ripped the door off my lovely Porsche!".
The first man says "You are so materialistic...you didn't even notice that you left arm was ripped off in the accident".
The second man looks down for a second, then screams "my Rolex!"
They gave me the dirtiest look when I went in and asked to borrow a coathanger.
She's still not talking to me :(
But I'm beginning to think that Pearl Harbor was an accident.
A Jewish man is in a car accident and is laying bleeding on the side of the road. A cop runs up, and rolls him on his back. He looks down on him and says, "the paramedics are coming. Are you comfortable?"
The Jewish guy say, "eh... I make a decent living."
We get out to exchange information, and I notice the guy is a midget. The first thing he says is, "I'm not happy." To which I replied, "Well which one are you then?"
I asked my girlfriend to give me road head and we got into an accident.
I guess next time I should be the one driving.
Oops, wrong sub.
You can explore accident incident reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean accident pileup dad jokes. There are also accident puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The gear to reverse and pulling away from the accident
and my sister hasn't talked to me since.
Luckliy it was only a virus.
it was hard to grasp.
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says:
Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site.
Some time ago, a medium contacted Hitler's spirit by accident. Out of curiosity, he decided to listen to what Hitler had to say.
"Listen to my words, you little brat: I'm gonna reincarnate someday, and I'm gonna kill six million Jews and two dogs".
"Why the two dogs?" the medium replied.
"See, nobody cares about the Jews!"
I answered and he said "Mr. Smith? it's your wife, I'm afraid it looks like she's been in an accident."
I said "I know, but she has a great personality and is a wonderful mΜΆuΜΆmΜΆ cook."
Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.
My next bowel movement could spell disaster.
They will be mist... :'(
The court trial starts tomorrow.
It's a good thing I had it on Flight Mode.
Set my house on fire to not look stupid.
I accidentally walked in on my daughter masturbating with a cucumber and I immediately shut the door.
"Ewe gross, I was going to eat that later, now it's going to taste like a cucumber"
When the power went out I was screwed.
I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.
So I hired paparazzi to follow her and she died in a car accident.
A man loses his legs in a train accident
and when hes rushed to hospital
the only available transplant are a child's
so he gets the surgery
and when he wakes up he falls to the floor in pain
the nurse runs up and says
'sir is it your legs'
and the man goes
'no'
'its my kidneys'
They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, What do you think you are doing?
What if you have an accident?
The priests say, Don't worry, my son. God is with us.
The policeman says, In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.
Mom: Dont worry I'll go tomorrow and solve this problem
Son: Make sure it looks like an accident.
Whoops, E-Daisies
He was a happy little accident.
FmL
The first two were better.
Not by ancestry, but because I got into a terrible accident in my Jeep and the doctors were unable to remove all the shrapnel.
Their names aren't even that similar
But then I remembered that it's always going to be okay.
I think I dyed a little inside.
The doctor walked in with the medical bill,
I couldn't stand to look at it.
Her: I want you to kill my ex and make it seem like an accident
Me: Say no more
LATER
Detective: It looks like the killer beat him to death and then placed a banana peel by his feet
The steaks have never been higher.
He shouts "Doctor, Doctor I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, we amputated your arms."
and found out I have Gary Busey
I think it's maoware.
The next day he woke up in the hospital and asked, "Did you bring me here to die?"
The orderly said, "No, mate, we brought you here yesterday."ο»Ώ
"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."
The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.
"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.
I couldn't help thinking,
'if i could do that i wouldn't be flying to Thailand in the first place.'
The father breaks his neck and dies, leaving his son to mourn for days. However, one night, the boy wakes up to see an apparition of his father before him. All at once, he breaks down crying, and screams out, "I'm sorry!"
His father responds, "Hi Sorry, I'm dead!"
I'm having an excess stencil crisis.
Me: Thanks for reminding me.
He really loved that woman.
All involved were rushed to the ICU
and now I talk with a strange Axe scent.
She shot back, Oh come on, just because you always finish first doesn't mean you win anything!
Policeman: How could you kill 49 people? What the Hell is wrong with you?
Driver: I was driving at 80 km/h when I saw two men crossing the Road. On the road side, there was a wedding party. I wanted to apply the Breaks, but then I realised they were not working. So, I had to take a decision; either hit the 2 men or run into the wedding party.
Policeman: You could have hit the 2 men!
Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other one ran towards the wedding party. So I followed him. Β―\\(γ)/Β―
Before we went over, she let me know that her father, Dale, was in a car accident and had his legs amputated at the hips. Apparently, it was a sensitive issue, and I was not to mention it.
When we arrived, her dad greeted us at the door. Not seeing his wife anywhere, I said to him, Dale, it's great to meet you. Is your other half in the kitchen?
Now when I talk, I have this weird axe scent
My next vowel movement could spell disaster.
Now I'll never hear the end of it
I had to get a double kid knee transplant.
He's alright now
However, it was impossible for him to tell when he had had an accident, and lived in a perpetual state of both being soiled and unsoiled simultaneously.
This became known as Schrodinger's Scat.
Not on my watch! said the surgeon, who clocked out and went home.
My Wife responded 'What!? How can you piss in the shower by accident? Twice!?'
And I said 'Well these things happen when you're taking a shit'.
Tomatoes
She died.
Posting my favourite Gary Delaney joke on my cake day.
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the accident recovery jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working accident blonde car accident piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.