accepting Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious accepting puns

How many tumblrinas does it take to change a lightbulb?

You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ableist scum. Anyone who disagrees with this is a burnt-out-bulbophobe and a darknessphobe. Thanks for being so understanding.

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A man attends his wife's funeral.

His wife had been hit by a car. Incredibly, the car screeched around the block and struck her once more before speeding off, never to be found.

The man was accepting condolences after the service. An old friend said to him, "I know you'll miss her."

"*Miss* her?" the man replied. "I got her pretty good the first two times!"

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A man informs his wife 'Tomorrow morning at 5am you me and the dog are going fishing...'

'Fuck that,' she says, 'you know tomorrow is my day to sleep in. There's no way I'll be on your leaky boat tomorrow!'
The husband, accepting this, insists: 'Well then you will have to compensate me then. Oral or anal right now.'
The wife, happy to acquiesce, gets down onto her knees saying 'Oral.' She proceeds to whip it out, but at first taste she recoils 'Fuck your dick tastes like shit!'
Nonchalantly, he says 'oh yeah, the dog didn't want to go either.'

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I don't see why so many Americans are anti-gay rights.

For a country with 4 dads, you would think they'd be more accepting.

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I like my health care like I like my hookers (oc)

Cheap, and accepting of all preexisting conditions...as far as I'm aware I just made this up, be gentle

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As a hardworking American I'm proud to finally say I'm a millionaire

Unfortunately, nobody in the states is accepting payment with Zimbabwean dollars.

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If I had a dollar for every time I was racially accepting

I'd be as poor as a no good, dirty mexican.

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My wife was accepting when I told her my fantasy was to have sex with two women at the same time

But was furious when I told her she isn't either of them

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What can you never get from a gay person?

a straight answer.
Accepting alternate answers in the comments

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I'm so naive I thought Cunnilingus was an Irish Airline and that Euthanasia was a Foreign Exchange program...

I thought that Cleopatra had difficulty accepting bad news and was therefore called the Queen of Denial.

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Why did the insane asylum stop accepting homosexual patients?

They only had straight jackets.

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A German SS Officer back in 1940 walked into a bar and ordered a drink...

And the bartender gave him the requested drink after accepting the required currency because Nazi Germany does not have a sense of humor.

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The world of hashtags is very accepting

i mean, #include is the most used hashtag.

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A msn walks into a hospital wanting to give blood.

They weren't accepting typO's that day.

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What do turning down a prostitute and accepting an alternate hypothesis have in common?

They both involve rejecting the H0

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Arnold Schwarzenegger is offered a role as a well known composer...

"I'll be Bach" he says, accepting the offer.

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People doubt me when I mention how accepting Canada is towards the LGBT community.

But it's Trudeau.

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If you're the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room.

I guess that's the reason why my parents kicked me out of the house, implicitly accepting that I am cleverer than anyone in the family.

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The International League of Bakers is inviting countries which mainly export baked goods to join.

They're accepting dough nations.

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Why can't people just be accepting of gays?

Because people are fucking assholes

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Did you hear a med school is accepting animals as students?

They're calling it the hippocampus.

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I really think we should be more accepting of transfats.

If you eat a Big Mac, what difference does it make which bathroom you use?

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Did you hear? Prostitutes are accepting card.

You can now Tap and Go while you Tap and Go.

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What's the plus side to accepting science grad students from private liberal arts colleges?

They come without the B.S. !!

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When I told my father what I wanted to do later in my life he took it surprisingly well.

When I told my father what I wanted to do later in my life he took it surprisingly well. He was very accepting to say the least. My father would go around telling all my neighbors that all the other fathers would want their children to be doctors or engineers but not me, I'm ok with my son being a pharmacist. He wasn't so happy to say the least when I told him that's not exactly what I meant when I said I want to be a drug dealer later in my life.

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Definition of Bravery:

Accepting oral sex from a cannibal.

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America is so accepting

We had our first black president, Now we are electing our first orange one

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The competitive seamstress guild is accepting applicants.

Despite all the race conditions since they went global, they do get a lot of stuff done concurrently.

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A dictionary and a thesaurus have a child together

They had a difficult time accepting that their child was a homophone

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Now that it's 2017, to be accepting, I no longer see gender or age....

especially after my trip to Thailand

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What did the doctor say to his lactose intolerant patient?

"You need to be more accepting"

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Why did the Venezuelan prostitute forgo accepting payment up front?

Because it was worth more by the end of the session.

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Why won't Caitlyn Jenner go to Taco Bell?

She doesn't want another Bell not accepting her for who she is.

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What are the best Accepting puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Accepting? Well, here are the best jokes about Accepting to have fun with.

Joko Jokes