Acceptance Speech Jokes
10 acceptance speech jokes and hilarious acceptance speech puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about acceptance speech that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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What's 18 inches long and never gets used?
Leonardo DiCaprio's acceptance speech.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[Offensive] One from the pub again: an old Jewish man wins the lottery...
It's a big old lottery, and he has to go up on stage to accept it.
His speech? He thanks his mum, his dad, his family, and then h**....
Everyone's all riled up. They ask: why h**...?
He rolls up his sleeve, flips his arm over, and tells the crowd: "Well, he gave me the numbers."
Twitter has banned "foreign spy" as hate speech.
The acceptable term is "undocumented knowledge worker."
My college acceptance speech:
I'd like to thank Bigfoot for believing in me even though I never believed in him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Most of the Republicans didn't see Trump's acceptance speech....
Like most people, they close their eyes when they're m**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So if you do win an award tonight don’t use it as a platform to make a political speech.
You’re in no position to lecture the public, about anything. You know nothing about the real world. Most of you spent less time in school than Greta Thunberg. So, if you win, come up, accept your little award, thank your agent and your god, and f**... off.
The acceptance speeches at this year's Acadamy Awards are expected to be very long and very, very political...
... better double down on TRUMPets in the orchestra pit.
Why did the rapper thank the sidewalk in their acceptance speech?
It kept him off the streets...
Kanye's acceptance speech on the VMA's
A religious man goes to buy a car.
When he enters the shop he is greeted by the salesman.After a short conversation, the salesman finds out of the man's devoutness and makes him a special offer.
"We have just acquired a new line of cars engineered to fit and amuse our religious costumers."
He walks him to the car and explains its modifications.
"Another one, is that in order to start it you have to say 'Thank God', and to stop 'For heaven sake' ."
The man likes the car and accepts the offer.On the way home he gets cut by a passing car and goes off course.When he sees that he's headed towards the end a cliff, he starts to push the brake pedal but nothing happens.He then remembers that the car is activated solely by speech, but due to his panicking fails to recall the key phrases.So he starts praying:
"Oh God please help me, for heaven sake!"
The car stops at the last second with its front hanging out of the cliff.Shocked and frightened, the man sighs with relief and says "Oh, Thank God! "
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