Acceptance Jokes

55 acceptance jokes and hilarious acceptance puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about acceptance that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article contains a collection of acceptance jokes to make you laugh during your award acceptance speech or when you face a honorary turndown. Learn to find the fun in acceptance and make light of difficult moments! Perfect for lightening the mood during difficult times and moments of depression.

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Funniest Acceptance Short Jokes

Short acceptance jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The acceptance humour may include short accepted challenge jokes also.

  1. Bad news: a message in German sent 110 years ago by homing pigeon was just found. Worse news: it was an acceptance letter to art school.
  2. When receiving payment in gold coins, pirates used to verify their purity by biting into them In other word, criminals only accepting payment in bit coins goes long way back
  3. Why will the American people never convert to the metric system? Because they'll never accept a foreign ruler.
  4. You're offered $50,000, but if you accept it the person you hate the most in the entire world will get $100,000. You taking it? Yes why wouldn't I want $150,000.
  5. I got kicked out of the library today... Apparently putting the feminism books in the sci-fi section was not acceptable.
  6. When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.
  7. What does my Grandma and a Modern website have in common? Making me Accept the Cookies on every visit.
  8. Why don't midgets ever get accepted into nudist colonies? They keep sticking their noses into everyone else's business.
  9. When bill gates donates 30% of his net worth He is praised as a generous hero, But when I do it people tell me they don't accept donations under a dollar.
  10. So I recently came into a large sum of money... ...and then the cashier wouldn't accept it.

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Acceptance One Liners

Which acceptance one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with acceptance? I can suggest the ones about acceptable and approval.

  1. Denial, anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance Saturday, Sunday
  2. I couldn't accept that I was both gay and dyslexic I was in Daniel
  3. When Chuck Norris updates Windows ...Microsoft accepts his terms and conditions
  4. Why was Santa hacked? Because he accepts all the cookies.
  5. The fat acceptance movement is the only movement... without any movement
  6. I recently came into a large sum of money. Now it's all sticky and no one will accept it.
  7. Is it acceptable to dip bread into a curry? Asking for my naan.
  8. Why did the vet turn away the injured sea animal? Do not accept if seal is broken.
  9. Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
  10. What country does not accept cash or credit cards? The Czech Republic
  11. What is the biggest lie in the Universe I have read and accepted the terms and conditions
  12. I accept that my son is only average at school... ...he means well.
  13. I wish our Congress was made up of vending machines So they would accept change
  14. I knew the psychic was a fraud the second she accepted my check
  15. I just accepted a senior management position on the old MacDonald farm I'm the CIEIO

Acceptance Speech Jokes

Here is a list of funny acceptance speech jokes and even better acceptance speech puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's 18 inches long and never gets used? Leonardo DiCaprio's acceptance speech.
  • Twitter has banned "foreign spy" as hate speech. The acceptable term is "undocumented knowledge worker."
  • My college acceptance speech: I'd like to thank Bigfoot for believing in me even though I never believed in him.
  • The acceptance speeches at this year's Acadamy Awards are expected to be very long and very, very political... ... better double down on TRUMPets in the orchestra pit.
  • Why did the rapper thank the sidewalk in their acceptance speech? It kept him off the streets...
  • Kanye's acceptance speech on the VMA's
  • Most of the Republicans didn't see Trump's acceptance speech.... Like most people, they close their eyes when they're m**...

Award Acceptance Jokes

Here is a list of funny award acceptance jokes and even better award acceptance puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • i got an award for being humble. I obviously didnt accept it.
  • Why didn't the flat-earther accept his award at the ceremony? He didn't believe in golden globes.
  • They gave the scarecrow an award for being outstanding in his field. When he accepted the honor he pointed to his parents in the crowd and said, "What can I say... Hay, it's in my jeans."
Acceptance joke, They gave the scarecrow an award for being outstanding in his field.

Acceptance Rate Jokes

Here is a list of funny acceptance rate jokes and even better acceptance rate puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When they didn't accept my discount, I gave my local tanning salon a low rating... It seemed a little shady to me.
  • You know you are worthless when even death rejects you People who survive fatal accidents are rejected even by the University of Death which has the highest acceptance rate of all Universities.
  • (OC) Obesity rates are rising. We just have to accept the fats.
Acceptance joke, (OC) Obesity rates are rising.

Hilarious Acceptance Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about acceptance you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rejection jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make acceptance pranks.

A high school senior visits a psychic...

"I've applied to 10 different colleges," the student said. "Which ones will accept me? Which one will I attend?"
"That is hard to say," said the psychic. "But you will spend an absurd sum of money."
"How do you know this?" the student asked.
The psychic replied,
"It's mostly intuition."

The genie of the lamp

Two neighbours, one is rich and the other is poor.
The poor have a magic lamp : Every morning,he wipes the lamp and a genie comes out and say : "Ask what you want" ,and the poor asks for a cup of tea.
The rich neighbour,envious of the magic lamp,said to the poor : i'll give you my car and my house in exchange of the lamp." The poor accepted the deal.
The rich man wipes the lamp and a genie comes out and say : "Ask what you want" he asked for a very big house and a better car.the genie replied : « Sorry sir,i only serve tea and coffee »

How many tumblrinas does it take to change a lightbulb?

You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ableist s**.... Anyone who disagrees with this is a burnt-out-bulbophobe and a darknessphobe. Thanks for being so understanding.

A man bets his boss 5000$...

that he (the boss) has a pimple on his ass.
"No way!" - says the boss and accepts the bet.
He opens his ass to show to the man. The man says: "It's too dark here, move to the window so I can see better". The boss moves to the window. "Ok, you were right, there is no pimple on your ass". He gives the boss 5000$.
"But why would you do that?", asked the boss, bewildered.
"Yesterday I have bet your colleagues 10000$ that today at exactly 3 o'clock they would see your ass through your office window"

The Jewish way

As a Jew I have a soft spot for jokes about my own people, and this is one of my favorites that isn't so well known.
A Jewish man walks into a w**.... The madame asks him what he'd like. He asks if any of the women there can have s**... "the Jewish way". Puzzled, she goes to each of the unoccupied rooms, and asks the woman inside if she's familiar with having s**... the Jewish way. Finally, they get to the last room. Inside is a p**... who's extremely talented, and is one of the most expensive in the area. She asks, "do you know how to have s**... the Jewish way? This man's looking for a woman who does". She responds, "no, I haven't. But to stay at the top of my profession, I'm always looking to improve. If you teach me how to have s**... the Jewish way, we'll do that free of charge".
The man accepts the offer, and they have s**.... She's surprised to find that it's just regular s**...! Afterwards, she asks "What were you talking about, 'the Jewish way'? You just had s**... with me, the most expensive h**... in town, for free?!" He smiles and replies, "that's the Jewish way!".

Two doctors, Jenkins and Smith, are treating a man with lung disease.

They're explaining how him smoking w**... led to his condition worsening.
But it's just herbal! the patient protested. How can it be bad?
Dr Jenkins sighed. Apricot stones contain lethal amounts of cyanide. There is a certain plant in my back garden - if you sit under it for just ten minutes, you will die. Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's safe for you!
The man seemed to accept that, and after he and the doctors parted ways, Dr Smith asked, What is that plant that kills you if you sit under it?
A water lily.

The captain and the p**...

A captain of the army goes to a p**... and asks her :
"Say, madam, for a hundred dollars, would you accept my company ?"
And the p**... answers : "Of course, a handsome military like you"
The captains thanks her, turns around and shout :
"Company, FORWARD !"
(I hope the joke translates well)

How many seconds in a year joke

a person died and reached the gates of heaven. An angel was guarding the gates. The Angel said "to enter the heaven, you need to answer 3 questions". The person agreed.
A : name 2 days of a week, that starts with letter T.
P : Today and tomorrow
A: ok, I can accept that. How many seconds are there in a year?
P: 12 seconds
A: (shocked) how come?
P: Jan 2nd, Feb 2nd, March 2nd ...
A: you can go in

Without a mask on, I shopped at a store that had a strict mask policy.

Before leaving, I asked the security guard why he let me shop without a cover and he said that Halloween masks are acceptable too. :\_(

The pessimist only sees darkness into the tunnel...

The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel
The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway

A married couple is having a baby...

As she is going into labor, the doctor asks the man, "would you like to take part in this new technology that allows half the pain of the pregnancy to be put on to the father." The husband accepts, and they go on with the birth. Afterwards they ask him how he felt, he replied, "I didn't feel anything I don't understand what the big deal is about this. Later that day, they find the postman dead at their house.

A horse walks into a bar.

"Why the long face?" the bartender asks...
"Haha," the horse replies, sarcastically, "Haven't heard that one before."
"Just got the news," the horse continues, "I've been accepted into college."
Bartender says, "That's great news! You should be celebrating."
"Yeah... now I'll be saddled with student loans."

I got fired from my job as a cashier today...

This customer walked in, picked up something from the counter, walked up to the till and said, "I'd like to pay for a Bagel with Cream Cheese.."
I told him clearly, "I'm sorry sir, we only accept cash or credit"

Acceptance joke, I got fired from my job as a cashier today...