Following is our collection of funny Accept jokes. There are some accept receive jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these accept endure puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
In the end you ignore everything and click on "accept".
...and then the cashier wouldn't accept it.
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
A captain of the army goes to a prostitute and asks her :
"Say, madam, for a hundred dollars, would you accept my company ?"
And the prostitute answers : "Of course, a handsome military like you"
The captains thanks her, turns around and shout :
"Company, FORWARD !"
(I hope the joke translates well)
He was yelling and screaming, took off his clothes, and would not accept any food from anyone.
That was the last time we played monopoly.
The text reads: "Bob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt about something and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you aren't home. Probably more than you, honestly. I know its no excuse, but I don't get it at home. But now, I can't live with this guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again."
Feeling outrage and betrayed, Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.
Moments later Bob gets a second text from his neighbor: "Sorry, really should use spell check! That should be 'wifi'."
Edit for clarity.
a woman wont accept a 3 1/2 inch floppy.
I've lost interest, and I'm just giving up on the principal.
None. They don't accept change, even if it means a brighter world.
They make a bet to see who can become the most American. A year later they meet up for coffee. The first man says " I am so American. I have a hot white wife, a daughter, a house and a well paying job. I drink Budweiser with my friends after work at happy hour. I have come to accept gay marriage as a human right. I joined a bowling league and my average is above 200. What have you done?" The other Syrian looks at him and says " Shut up Towel Head!"
They already had all the camps set up.
You can explore accept refuse reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean accept apology accepted dad jokes. There are also accept puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Two Jewish friends pass a Catholic Church on which a large poster addresses non-Catholics: "Come to us, accept Catholicism, and you instantly get $30,000 in cash!" While walking away, the two friends become engaged in a debate about whether the offer is meant seriously. A week later the two friends meet again in front of the same church, and one of them confides to the other: "I still wonder if that offer is serious." the other replies condescendingly: "Ah you Jews, all you think about is money!"
A man enters a pun competition in his local newspaper. They will accept more than one entry if sent in separately, so the man writes out 10 puns and mails them off. A week later he opens the newspaper to see if any of his puns won. Unfortunately *no pun in ten did*.
"look at your neighbour everyday he kisses his wife before going to work, why don't you do the same ?", he says " I would, but would she accept ?"
A professor calls pencils down and one students keeps writing.
When the student goes to turn in his exam, the professor tells him "l'm not going to accept this, you didn't put your pencil down when I said to."
"Do you have any idea who I am?" The student says, snobbily.
"I don't have the slightest idea who you are and I don't care," the professor retorted.
"Good." The student replied as he slipped his exam into the middle of the stack and walked away.
A man received message from his neighbour.
Sorry sir I am using your wife.
I am using day and night.
I am using when u r not present at home.
In fact I am using more than U R using.
I confess this because now I feel very much guilt.
Hope U will accept my sincere apologies.
Man went home and had a big fight with his wife.
Few minutes later he received another massage.
Sorry Sir spelling / auto correct mistake ...
it's not wife but WIFI.
A woman doesn't accept 3 1/2 inch floppies.
You only accept them if they're yours
She coyly replied "Sure let's go".
You should have seen the look on her face when I brought her to my church and asked her to accept Jesus into her heart.
...but they wouldn't accept it in a 5 gallon bucket.
They also said it had to be mine.
Yes you say?! Well consider yourself mentally challenged.
I've been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again."
The man anguished and betrayed, went into his room, grabbed his gun and without a word, shot his wife.
A couple of seconds later, another text arrived.
'Fucking auto correct, I meant "wifi", not "wife"'
Says he doesn't want to move into an estate which previously had black tenants.
He's still in the Nile.
I just have to die first and give them my body
Patient - "No, I don't accept that! I'd like an alternative fact please"
Doctor - "Money-wise, you are now set for life"
Lipstick
but then I realized there's no future in it.
I said no because my mother always told me not to accept suites from strangers.
Now it's all sticky and no one will accept it.
But I'm afraid they won't accept me.
I was in Daniel
He wanted to say he had large privates.
It takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut
The lightbulb is beautiful the way it is. Society needs to change and learn to accept and stop shaming lightbulbs that don't conform to its standards.
The judge says, "You stand accused of stealing five million dollars' worth of gold bars. How do you plead?"
"Not guilty, your honour."
"Bail is set at five million dollars." The judge slams his gavel down.
"Do you accept payment in gold?"
So they would accept change
Do not accept if seal is broken.
They wouldn't accept him into their ranks as Jack the Stripper.
It could be spam.
Is that a trick question?
He is praised as a generous hero, But when I do it people tell me they don't accept donations under a dollar.
...he means well.
Sperm banks cause they only accept deposits from men
And even if I lost the flip, I'd still get some money.
Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas , but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.
Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.
The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
This is done by the chip monks.
He was in denial
Ass skin for a friend.
I genuinely just copied and pasted this off the weight watchers website
a person died and reached the gates of heaven. An angel was guarding the gates. The Angel said "to enter the heaven, you need to answer 3 questions". The person agreed.
A : name 2 days of a week, that starts with letter T.
P : Today and tomorrow
A: ok, I can accept that. How many seconds are there in a year?
P: 12 seconds
A: (shocked) how come?
P: Jan 2nd, Feb 2nd, March 2nd ...
A: you can go in
The Czech Republic
Nothing, they only accept tips
I was in denial
I kneaded the dough.
You donΒ΄t know what Vladimir Putin
Asked me "will you accept cookies?", the piss-taking bastards.
When it's a snowman's nose!!
Sorry sir I am using your wife...day and night... When you are not present at home...In fact , much more than you do. I confess this now because I am feeling very guilty. Hope you will accept my sincere apologies."
The man is down with a heart attack and admitted to hospital
The next day he receives another message:
"Sorry sir spelling mistake, it's not wife but wifi".
It asked if I accept cookies. Definitely a trick question!
I'm the CIEIO
Trust me, if I had more than $20, I wouldn't be eating at McDonald's.
This customer walked in, picked up something from the counter, walked up to the till and said, "I'd like to pay for a Bagel with Cream Cheese.."
I told him clearly, "I'm sorry sir, we only accept cash or credit"
"Sorry, sir I am using your wife day and night. Usually, when you are not present at home. In fact, much more than you do. I confess this now because I am feeling very guilty. Hope you will accept my sincere apologies."
The man is down with a heart attack and admitted to the hospital.
The next day he receives another message
"Sorry sir for spelling mistake, it's not a wife but wifi".
....when a young man approached his desk.
Here's my paper, sir, said the student.
I'm sorry, young man. That paper was due yesterday, and I do not accept late submissions.
Well, excuse me, sir, the student said, haughtily. Do you know who I am?
No, I do not, replied the professor.
Good! the student answered gleefully, as he hastily stuck his paper into the middle of the stack and beat a hasty retreat.
Waiter: I'm sorry we only accept cash.
"I've applied to 10 different colleges," the student said. "Which ones will accept me? Which one will I attend?"
"That is hard to say," said the psychic. "But you will spend an absurd sum of money."
"How do you know this?" the student asked.
The psychic replied,
"It's mostly intuition."
The doctor said "Your test results are in and I'm afraid it's not good news."
"Nonsense," replied the anti-vaxxer. "I don't trust your pharmaceutical industry. My entire life I relied on homeopathic remedies instead of medication, and the only diagnosis I accept is based on my horoscope."
"Fair enough, in that case tell me your star -sign." said the doctor.
The anti-vaxxer replied "My star sign is Cancer."
The doctor said "Well what a damn coincidence..."
Krypto-currency
They keep asking you to accept their cookies.
But I was refused membership in all the fraternities because I was circumcised.
Apparently they only accept complete dicks.
I hit "Accept All Cookies" and got nothing.
Asking for my naan.
She was the queen of denial
Marathons are just awful!
The only way to send him something is as a Whatsapp Doc
He sits at the desk of the Loan Officer, a Ms. Patty Black. He asks if he's eligible for a small business loan.
Do you have any collateral? , Patty asks.
I do have this, replies the Terrier, rooting around in his bag and pulling out a small porcelain figurine.
I'm not sure if we can accept this, says Patty. Let me ask my manager.
Patty calls her manager over and explains the situation. The manager says
It's a knickknack, Patty Black, give the dog a loan.
Marathons are awful.
Quantum computers are expressly forbidden in this house.
(Everyone I know cringed, so I figured yall may like it.)
Yes why wouldn't I want $150,000.
I obviously didnt accept it.
Because it didn't accept non-binary arguments
Because they'll never accept a foreign ruler.
It asked if I would accept cookies. Is that a trick question?
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the accept substantial jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working accept payment piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.