Accents Jokes

A man walks into a bar and notices two fat women.

They had obviously been drinking a lot, and were speaking loudly with heavy accents. After an hour he becomes annoyed with the noise, walks over to them and asks, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but are you two ladies from Scotland?"

"Wales, you idiot!", shouts the fattest one.

"I'm sorry," he says. "Are you two whales from Scotland?"

I was in a pub...

I was in a pub last Saturday night, drank a few, and noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had pretty strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"

One of them chirped saying, "It's WALES, you friggin' idiot!"

So, I immediately apologized and said, "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"

That's pretty much the last thing I remember...

Interesting accents!

3 hefty women walk into a restaurant, and sit down at a table. The server comes to take their drink orders. When they're done ordering he says, "What an interesting accent! Are you broads from Scotland?"

One woman looks at him with surprise and disgust and says, "WALES!"

The bartender says, "Okay, fine. Are you whales from Scotland?"

I was in a bar when...

I was in a bar in London throwing back brewski's when these two larger women walked in. They both had strong accents so I asked.

*"Are you two ladies from Scotland?"*

One of the ladies turned to me and said,

*"It's Wales you idiot"*

I must've been so drunk that I didn't notice so, I immediately apologized and said,

*"Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"*

Don't remember much else.

An American visiting the U.K .......

has had a little too much to drink one particular night. He noticed two larger females sitting in the corner of the pub so he walks over to spark up a conversation and he says, hello ladies, I couldn't help but notice your accents. ……Are you both from Ireland?
They sneer at him and the one says it's Wales!
So the man says my apologies. ….Are you whales from Ireland?

A man was drinking in a British pub

...when he noticed two very large women with strong accents. "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?" he asked.

"It's Wales, you idiot" one answered.

"I'm sorry" the man replied. "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

A North American arrives in the UK on vacation and needs directions.

Two plus size women with accents are walking by. The Foreigner says excuse me. Do you two gals happen to be from England . One of the women replies No idiot. Wales!!!!

The Foreigner is taken aback. I'm sorry, let me start over he says. Excuse me. Do you two whales happen to be from England?

2 Big Ladies

So two large ladies with heavy accents walk into a local pub, the guy next to them asked, "Are you two ladies from Scotland?" and they screamed, "WALES!" and then the guy said, "Sorry my bad, are you two whales from Scotland?"

So I'm at a bar, and two very large women with accents are sitting across from me.

I ask, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Scotland??"

One yells back, "It's WALES you idiot!"

I reply, "Oh, of course. My bad! Are you two whales from Scotland?"

I was at the bar the other night with my buddy having some beers.....

We had been there a while when two large girls came up to the bar and ordered some drinks. I noticed when they ordered they both had strong accents so I said 'Hi, are you two girls from Scotland?' One of them spoke up, with quite an attitude and said 'it's WALES you idiot!!!'

So I immediately said 'Sorry, are you two Whales from Scotland?'

I noticed two large woman by the bar yesterday...

... They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey are you two ladies from Australia?"

One of them screamed back at me, "It's Wales you stupid IDIOT!

So, I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Australia?"

So I'm in a bar and two large women with accents walk in and sit down.

I look over to them and say: "hey ladies, nice accents. Are you from Scotland?"

One of the ladies yells: "it's Wales, you idiot!!"

So I said: "Ok, that's cool. Are you two whales from Scotland?"

I don't remember much else.

TIL babies cry in accents

I also learned that going around making foreign babies cry is apparently looked down upon

Did you know that dogs have certain accents based on the countries their from?

For example, in Korea, they make a sizzling noise

An Englishman, a Spaniard, a Frenchman, and a German...

An Englishman, a Spaniard, a Frenchman, and a German are watching a street performer do some amazing juggling, but they don't have a good view. The street performer then moves and asks them:
"Can you guys see me now?"

"Yes"
"Oui"
"SΓ­"
"Ja"

Hint: Say out loud with respective accents.

"You dirty-mouth pigs! In this country we dont talk about our dirty sex lives in public"

Two men with strong accents are having a conversation on the bus and a lady behind then eavesdrops.

"Emma comma first. Den I come. Den two esses acomma together. I come once-a-more. Two esses, dey comma together again. I comma again and pee twice. Den I comma one last time."

"You dirty-mouth pigs! In this country we dont talk about our dirty sex lives in public" says the lady.

"hey whatΒ΄sa matter for you" says the man. "Ima justa tellin ma frienda how to spell "Mississippi."

Three large girls walk into a bar...

They sit down at the bar and try to order a drink. The bartender clearly doesn't understand their heavy accents so a man comes over to try and help. The man says, "excuse me, but are you ladies from Scotland?"

They say, "No! Wales, Wales!"

"Oh my apologies! Are you whales from Scotland?"

An Englishman walks into a pub in London

As he approaches the bar he hears two women speaking with heavy accents.

"Are you ladies from Scotland?" He asks.

"It's Wales, actually!" One of the woman replies.

"Sorry." says the man "Are you whales from Scotland?"

A man was at the bar one night...

He had a few too many when he saw three obese girls come up to the bartender and order some drinks. The man noticed they had strong accents, which grabbed his attention.

The women were there for a while and were quite loud and a bit rude. Feeling rather buzzed, the man looked over to the girls and said "Hi, um, are you girls from Scotland?" One of them spoke up, with a loud, nasty attitude and said "It's WALES you idiot!!!"

The man apologized with a little slur and said "I'm so sorry, are you Whales from Scotland?'

Seasonal joke I wrote (in Spanish)

I'm a native English speaker, and I wrote this joke while on vacation in Mexico at Christmas time:
I have no idea how to do accents - My Spanish is pretty much just spoken...
Que dijo la persona que estaba callendo de un edificio muy muy alto en diciembre?
Feliz gravidad!
(Translation: What did the person falling from the very very tall building in december say?
Happy Gravity!)

Arab work ethic vs Chinese Work ethic...

(in their respective accents...)

Chinese Work Ethic:

If one man can do it,

Then I can do it.

If no man can do it,

Then I MUST do it.

Arab work ethic:

If one man can do it,

Then, let him do it!

If no man can do it,

Then, habibi, how do you expect me to do it?!

I met 2 large ladies at the bar.

I noticed they had heavy accents, so I ask are you two ladies Irish? and they said it's wales you idiot, so just to be nice I said are you two whales Irish?

A man was sitting in a bar...

A man was sitting in a bar quietly drinking his beer when he overheard two women a couple of tables over talking amongst themselves. Listening to their conversation he could tell by their accents that they were not from around the area. He popped over to their table to enquire about their travels.

Excuse me, I can't help notice you are speaking with a different accent. Are you two ladies from England?

Annoyed with being disturbed and with a lofty toss of her head, she dismissed the man with a curt tone.

It's Wales, you idiot.

Oh my apologies, let me correct myself. He took a sip of his beer and tried again.

So, are you two WHALES from England?

A Indian Joke about Indian accents

The grammar has been changed to make the joke smaller:

Some psychologists are running a test based on speech patterns. They get three people; an American, an Australian and an Indian, and ask them to say a few sentences with the words: green, pink and yellow.

The American and Australian give pretty normal answers, stuff like I put on my green hat etc. When it gets to the Indian he says "The phone goes green green, I pink up the phone and say yellow?"

Swedish Chemist's Shop

(Imagine the Swedish accents)

A man goes into a Swedish chemists shop.
The assistant says, Good morning sir, how may I help you today?"
The customer says, "I'd like to buy a deodorant please."
"Certainly sir. Ball or aerosol?"
The customer replies, "No, I'd like it for my armpits."

I hate Northern accents. "Youse guys?" What kind of sicko follows an 's' sound with a 'g'?

It's disgusting.

A man walks into a pub in London

After a few drinks he notices two very large women with thick accents sitting by the bar.
So he asks, "Hey, are you ladies from Scottland?"
One of them replies, "It's WALES, you IDIOT!"
He immediately apologizes, "Sorry, are you two whales from Scottland?"

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