The Best 67 Accent Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Accent jokes. There are some accent fol jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these accent cockney puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Accent Jokes and Puns
I held the door open for an old Japanese man, and he said "Sank you!"
Being able to understand his heavy accent, I replied "You're welcome."
He laughs and says "No, you misunderstand, I am taunting you about Pearl Harbor."
Sven and Ole joke (do your best Swedish accent when reading their lines)
Sven and Ole both lost their jobs when the clothing manufacturer they worked at closed. At the unemployment office, Sven was asked what position he held at the factory, he replied Ya, well I sew women's underpants. He was told to go to the next line to claim his unemployment check.
Ole was asked the same question, to which he replied Diesel fitter. He too was told to go to the next line to get his unemployment check.
After Sven and Ole collected their checks, they compared them outside. Ole's check was twice as much, which made Sven furious. He stormed back inside and asked to talk with a manager. He demanded to know why his check was half of what Ole's was. The manager told him, Well, you were a tailor, your friend Ole has a specialty in engine repair.
Sven's anger was boiling over. He loudly told them, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I sew the underpants and put them in a pile, Ole holds them up and says Ya, diesel fitter. What has that got to do with engines?
What do you call a very nosy spice?
JalapeΓ±o Business
You need to say this in a pretty thick Hispanic accent for it to work. I heard it from some classmates.
...And that's the last thing I remember
So I was at the bar the other day, and I heard these two kind of hefty women talking to each other in a funny accent. So I go up to them and say, "Hey are you two ladies from Scotland?" One of them turns to me and says, "Wales you idiot!" I say, "Oh sorry. Are you two whales from Scotland?"
What do you call a Massachusite who cuts down trees?
_In a New England accent..._
A Boston lager.
.
.
.
.
.
I made this up yesterday in the car.
*Indian Accent* I would make a your mom joke...
but cows are sacred in my country.
Best Read with a German Accent (Warning: Holocaust Joke)
One day during the war, Hitler gathered his top advisers to hold a top secret meeting. He said "Ok, tomorrow ve vill kill 1,000 Jews and three hamsters". His advisors looked at one another, and one said, "But Hitler, vhy ze three hamsters". Hitler smiled at his advisers and replied, "You see, no one cares about ze jews!"
Having a chemistry teacher with a heavy Chinese accent is okay until...
Having a chemistry teacher with a heavy Chinese accent is okay until he tries to explain the difference between molarity and molality...
At a small London pub,
3 girls are chatting. An Englishman hears them and notices their distinctive accent that he so easily recognizes. He approaches then smoothly and asks: "are you girls from Scotland?"
In a condescending tone, one of them turns around and says: "It's Wales, idiot!"
"Oh I'm sorry, are you whales from Scotland?"
So there were two larger girls at the bar...
I went to the bar and overheard two heavy girls talking with an odd accent.
I asked them, 'Are you two ladies from Scotland?'
One turned to me and said, 'It's Wales, you idiot!'
'Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Scotland?'
A teacher asks her class
to use the word "contagious". Roland, the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."
"Well done, Roland," says the teacher.
"Can anyone else try?"
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"
Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."
You can explore accent hou reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean accent mee dad jokes. There are also accent puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
German spies
During the war, two German spies were sent to London to gather valuable intel. To immerse themselves in the local culture they walk into a local pub and walk up to the bar. The first German says to the barman in an impeccable English accent
"May I have two Martinis please?"
"Dry?" asked the barman.
The German replied, holding up two fingers.
"Nein! Zwei!"
i enjoy Sean Connery's accent as much as the next guy...
but im never going to say "sit on my face" to my girlfriend while having sex again.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
[read with a pirate accent when they most likely say, "RRRRR"]
"You'd think it'd be R but 'tis the C they love"
An elderly Japanese man...
An elderly Japanese man was walking behind me as I was entering a store. Since he was older and walked with a cane, I held the door for him. As he walked pasted he said, "Sank you" with his accent. So I punched him in the face and said, "How dare you bring up Pearl Harbor like that!"
2 Big Old Gals Were Sitting In A Bar
A man heard them talking and noticed a foreign accent. He asked "are you ladies from Ireland?"
"WALES!!" they both replied
"Oh I'm so sorry!.... Are you two Whales from Ireland???"
So a tourist walks into an English pub...
A tourist walks into an English pub. While he is waiting for his beer, he notices to rather big women next to him talk in a strange accent. He walks up to them and says:
"Excuse me, I can't quite put my finger on your accent -- are you two ladies from Ireland?"
They get outraged and snap back:
"It's Wales, you idiot!"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"
What's the difference between a Scotsman and a high school jock?
One has a strong accent, and the other has a strong Axe scent.
A Mexican Joke
A Mexican man finds a much needed job and asks the owner to hire him. The owner says he'll hire him ONLY if he can come up with a sentence using 3 words of his choice. The words are Green, Pink and Yellow. So the Mexican thinks for a second then replies (read in a Spanish accent) the phone goes Green Green, so I Pink it up and say Yellow?
Jajaja
Kosher Deli
A man walks into a Kosher Deli in New York City and steps up to the counter.
"I would like zee bagel und lox please." He says in a heavy German accent.
The man pays, sits down with his food, and is clearly enjoying it. When he's done he walks up to the counter again and says, "Zat vas amazing. I can't get food like zat back home."
The guy behind the counter looks at him disapprovingly and says, "Now whose fault is that?"
An American and an Australian are chatting in a bar.
An American and an Australian are chatting in a bar.
After both ordering their drinks, the Australian asks the American "So what is it that you do for a living?"
"Oh" the American responds. "I help my clients by representing them in court, and also advise them in other legal matters."
In a thick Australian accent, the other man replies "You're a lawyer."
And the American says "No really, it's the truth."
Interesting accents!
3 hefty women walk into a restaurant, and sit down at a table. The server comes to take their drink orders. When they're done ordering he says, "What an interesting accent! Are you broads from Scotland?"
One woman looks at him with surprise and disgust and says, "WALES!"
The bartender says, "Okay, fine. Are you whales from Scotland?"
Why does Irish bean soup have exactly 239 beans in it?
(Irish accent) Because one more and it would be too farty.
So I'm at a bar, and two very large women with accents are sitting across from me.
I ask, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Scotland??"
One yells back, "It's WALES you idiot!"
I reply, "Oh, of course. My bad! Are you two whales from Scotland?"
I asked this Asian girl for her number
And she said "sex sex sex! Free sex tonight!"
I said "wow, oh my god why???"
But then her friend turned to me and said "Sorry, her accent is very strong. She meant 666-3629"
A drunk man approaches two overweight women after overhearing their conversation...
and says to them:
"Hey! I recognize that accent! Which part of England are you two lovely women from?"
Annoyed at the man's ignorance, they exclaim: "It's Wales!"
"Oh I'm so sorry! Which part of England are you two lovely *whales* from?"
Girls from England?
A guy walks into a bar and hears two women speaking in a British accent. He asks, "Are you ladies from England?" One says to him "No, it's Wales, you idiot!" So, then the guy says, "Okay, sorry. So, are you two whales from England?"
My buddy has tried to stop speaking in such a deep southern accent
he's going through withdrawls
Sitting in a Bar.
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?
One of them snarled at me, It's Wales, dumbo!
So I corrected myself, Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?
That's about as far as I remember.
Recycling is important...
I went to the bar last night. I saw two rather large ladies having a great time. They seemed to be speaking in an Irish accent. I sauntered over and asked them
"Are you ladies from Ireland?"
They responded, "It's Wales, you idiot!"
I apologized immediately and said
"Are you whales from Ireland?" I don't remember much after that.
I woke up as a marine biologist!
Say "Rise Up Lights" out loud
You just said "Razor Blades" in an Australian accent
Today I asked a man with an accent where he was from.. he said he's from his mother's p****...
.. to which I replied "I've been there."
An Englishman walks into a bar...
He sees three fat ladies ordering drinks at the counter and hears a thick accent.
"Excuse me, are you three ladies from Scotland?"
They all scream back in unison, "WALES, YOU IDIOT!!"
"Oh, sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"
Alabama college kid visiting Boston
So this Alabama Crimson Tide football player is visiting Boston. He's at a party and sees this pretty blonde girl, want to chat her up.
Goes over and says "What college does you go to?" She's not impressed by his down south accent and general rural hick ways, so she says "Yale." and looks away.
He lean over to her ear and says "WHAT COLLEGE DOES YOU GO TO?"
A man was sitting in a bar...
A man was sitting in a bar when he noticed two ladies speaking in an English accent across from him. He went to them and asked:
"Are you ladies from England?"
The ladies said "It's wales you idiot"
The man goes "Sorry. Are you two whales from England?"
A businesswoman from Connecticut has a meeting in Alabama.
Her meeting done, she stops at a local bar for a quick drink.
Her bartender, noting her northern accent, says "Yew shore talk purty. Whar did you go to school?"
She smiles and says, "Yale."
He says, "YEW SHORE TALK PURTY. WHAR DID YOU GO TO SCHOOL?"
A man comes across some rather large women...
He overhears them speaking with an interesting accent:
Man: "Excuse me, are you ladies from Scotland?"
Ladies: "No, Wales."
Man: "Oh, I'm sorry, are you whales from Scotland?"
A foreign man walks into a bar...
He sees a group of hot women, and asks them, "Where are you from?" in a thick accent.
Somewhat annoyed, they reply, "Go away, we're lesbians!"
Determined to get one of them, he says, "but I'm from Lesbia too!"
Two fat ladies walk into a bar
They order drinks, in a thick accent.
"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.
Offended, one of them replies "Wales!"
"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"
A man walks down the street with a large pole on his shoulder
A person across the street asks:
"Are you a pole vaulter"
(With a strong German accent): "No, I'm a German but how did you know my name is Walter?"
A Scottish guy announced to his mate that he was getting married...
I'll write this down phonetically, so use your best Scottish accent:
"Ahm gettin married next week."
"Are ye wearin a kilt?"
"Aye, ahm weerin a kilt."
"Wha's the tartin?"
"She's in a whit dress."
LPT: When calling out of work or school, don't fake congestion, etc... instead try using your best Indian accent.
There's a much higher chance they'll believe you're Sikh.
Two germans visit France in the early 50s
Two germans are visiting Paris in the early 50s. They want to order drinks, but they don't want to be thought of as germans, since it's post-WW2. So they practice their english accent for their order. Once it's ready, they go at the bar.
"Hello barman, may we have two martinis ?" asked one of the german.
"Dry ?" asked the barman.
"NEIN, ZWEI !"
My dad who has a really thick Asian accent just asked me..
Did you see the white *super racist* riot in Virginia? He was trying to say **supremacist**. Honestly, he wasn't wrong tho.
A black guy walks into a bar
and asks for a drink.
Bartender: I like your accent, where are you from?
Guy: I'm Liberian!
Bartender:
^^^*Oh* ^^^*sorry.* ^^^*I* ^^^*like* ^^^*your* ^^^*accent* ^^^*where* ^^^*are* ^^^*you* ^^^*from?*
I watched so many programming tutorial videos in college
My inner monologue started developing an Indian accent
A man walks into a bar...
...and sees two obese women having a conversation. He walks up to them and notices they have an accent. He says, "hello ladies, I like your accent is it from Scotland?" One of the women replies, "It's Wales you idiot." The man says to the women, " I'm sorry, hello whales, is your accent from Scotland?"
A cabby picked up 3 rather large women and was taking them downtown. Asο»Ώ they were talking he thought he detected a Scottish accent. he asked "Are you three ladies from Scotland?"
They looked at each other silently, then one of the sneered atο»Ώ him and said "It's Wales, you idiot."
"Oh, excuse me. Are you three whales from Scotland?"
Whenever I get into my friend's car, I find him difficult to understand.
He starts speaking in a Hyundai Accent.
My girlfriend said I believe in you and it made me happy.
But then I realised she had just affected a culturally inappropriate Jamaican accent to break the news that she was moving out.
Me and the wife had a few issues in the bedroom last night...
That's the last time I use my Sean Connery accent to ask her to sit on my face.
A german visits France...
and he gets picked for a random check at the customs:
- Name?
- Albert Schmidt.
- Nationalite?
- German.
- Occupation? (In a French accent)
- No no, just visiting.
I was at the bar the other night and overheard three women talking in what sounded like Scottish accent. So I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three ladies from Scotland? One of them turned red when she heard me and said, "It's Wales you fool! So I apologized and replied,
"I do apologise, Are you three whales from Scotland?"
cr
If me having a Russian accent means my B's sound like V's...
Soviet
How to master Australian accent in seconds
Say "Rise Up Lights" out loud. *You just said razor blades in Australian accent.*
Don't stop there.
Say "Beer Can" with an English accent. *You just said Bacon in Jamaican accent.*
Mastered.
Australian Olympic hurdler sees another athlete at the track carrying a long stick and asks him, 'are you a pole vaulter?'
He replies (in an accent) 'No,
actually I'm from Germany
and how did you know my name was Walter?'
Accent humour, mate!
It's the year 2022, WWIII has started. 1st world countries vs 2nd world countries and Middle East. Britain asks for reinforcement from Australia. The Australian regiment arrives and next morning starts preparing while the British Commander enters and starts increasing the army's morale:
British Commander: Did you came here *to die*?
Australian Soldier: No sir, we came here *yester-die*.
The other night I overheard three very hefty women talking
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached them and asked: "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"
One of them angrily screeched: "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"
So I apologized and replied: "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"
And that's the last thing I remember.
A nurse at the hospital asked me if I remembered what happened to me the night before
I told her I was in a bar when two large ladies came in speaking a strange accent.
Making casual conversation I said Cool accent! Are you two ladies from Ireland?
One of them snarled at me It's Wales, dumbo
So I corrected myself Oh right, so are you two whales from Ireland?
That's as far as I remember.
I got a bit bored on a long highway drive and started scrolling through the various voice choices on my GPS.
There was a USA accent, a French accent and even an Australian accent. Then I noticed "Wife mode". So I selected it, and nothing seemed to happen, until about 10 miles later the GPS said,
"So, if I died, would you get a new GPS?""
A knitted afghan can be a good accent piece that can also keep you warm...
That's just a blanket statement.
In memorial of Sean Connery: My favorite knock knock joke. (Say out loud for best effect)
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dish
Dish Who?
(Said in Sean Connery accent) DISH IS SEAN CONNERY LET ME IN!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor who?
(In david tennents accent) Actually just "the doctor" is fine.
Australian in the US army
A drill sergeant is yell at an Australian private.
Officer: did you come here to die!!!
Private: no sir I came here yesterday.
(Must say in Australian accent.)
Don't buy Ukrainian boxer shorts...
...Chernobyl fallout.
(*has to be read in a British accent*)
I was sitting in a bar one day and two women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, dumbo!"
So I corrected myself, "Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
That's about as far as I remember.
What's the difference between a liar and a lawyer?
Nothing, especially if you use an Australian accent.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the accent kiwis jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working accent diction piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.