accent Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious accent stories

What are the best Accent puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Accent? Well here is a complete list of Accent to have fun with:

I held the door open for an old Japanese man, and he said "Sank you!"

Being able to understand his heavy accent, I replied "You're welcome."
He laughs and says "No, you misunderstand, I am taunting you about Pearl Harbor."

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My mother has a thick Russian accent...

... and as such it makes some of her words and phrases sound odd.

For instance "want" sounds like "vant."

Or take "talk..." it sounds like "tak"

The best example is when she tries to say "I love you" and it comes out sounding like "you're a fucking disappointment."

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A Chinese man comes to America...

He brought all of his money over in RMB so he goes to a bank with 1000RMB and asks them to change it into dollars. The teller takes his money and gives him $650.

A week later he's out of cash and goes back to the bank with another 1000RMB. He gives it to the teller and this time he only gets $625 back. Perplexed he asks the teller in a heavy chinese accent.

"Hey, how come last time I get $650 dollar, this time only $625 dollar"

The teller shrugs and says "Fluctuations"

The chinese man flies into a rage and storms out of bank and as he slams the door he turns and yells

"FLUC U AMERICANS TOO"

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So there were two larger girls at the bar...

I went to the bar and overheard two heavy girls talking with an odd accent.

I asked them, 'Are you two ladies from Scotland?'

One turned to me and said, 'It's Wales, you idiot!'

'Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Scotland?'

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An American walked into an English pub and asked for a pint of Budweiser

The barman replied "You're American aren't you?"

The man says, "Yeah. Could you tell by the drink I ordered, or the accent?"

The barman replied. "Neither, you are the fattest fuck I have ever seen."

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So a tourist walks into an English pub...

A tourist walks into an English pub. While he is waiting for his beer, he notices to rather big women next to him talk in a strange accent. He walks up to them and says:

"Excuse me, I can't quite put my finger on your accent -- are you two ladies from Ireland?"

They get outraged and snap back:
"It's Wales, you idiot!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"

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The Bacon Tree

This joke was told to me by a hobo. I had no money to give him so I gave him the rest of the pizza slice I was eating. It must be read in a thick French Canadian accent.

Two French Canadian Voyageurs are paddling down the river in their canoe, heavily laden with furs. One turns to the other and says, "Hey, Pierre do you smell bacon?" Pierre replies "Oui Françoise! I smell bacon!" As they approach a nearby river bank, they see a young woman frying bacon over a fire. Pierre asks her "Excusez moi Madame, but may we trade some of our furs for some of your lovely bacon?" The woman says "Well, no I'm sorry. But if you go back a ways into the woods behind me here, you will come upon a bacon tree. You can take as much bacon as you like." Pierre is astounded. "A bacon tree!" he exclaims, and he goes running off into the woods. Not ten minutes later he comes rushing back the other way an arrow stuck out of his ass. "Run Françoise!" he screams. "There was no bacon tree! It was a Ham Bush!"

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Customer Support

A foreign man applied for a job as an outsourced customer support representative. At the end of his interview, the company hiring him was very impressed.

"Well Mujibar, we really think you'd make a great employee, we just have one more test for you to pass the interview. We need you to use the words 'green,' 'pink,' and 'yellow' all in the same sentence.

He thought for a moment, and in a thick foreign accent he said "The phone goes 'green, green,' and I pink it up and say 'Yellow, this is Mujibar, how may I help you today?'"

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What's the difference between a Scotsman and a high school jock?

One has a strong accent, and the other has a strong Axe scent.

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I was at a bar..

Last night I was having some wings and beer with a coworker after work. There were these two pretty, but kinda fat girls drinking at the bar and being loud. They had what I could have sworn was a Scottish accent.
I'm a big fan of girls from the UK, so I struck up a conversation. I asked them, "So... you two ladies are from Scotland?"
I could see immediately that I had offended them. The brunette scowled and said, hotly, "WALES!"
I apologized and said, "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Scotland?"

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German spies

During the war, two German spies were sent to London to gather valuable intel. To immerse themselves in the local culture they walk into a local pub and walk up to the bar. The first German says to the barman in an impeccable English accent
"May I have two Martinis please?"
"Dry?" asked the barman.
The German replied, holding up two fingers.
"Nein! Zwei!"

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A Mexican Joke

A Mexican man finds a much needed job and asks the owner to hire him. The owner says he'll hire him ONLY if he can come up with a sentence using 3 words of his choice. The words are Green, Pink and Yellow. So the Mexican thinks for a second then replies (read in a Spanish accent) the phone goes Green Green, so I Pink it up and say Yellow?


Jajaja

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An elderly Japanese man...

An elderly Japanese man was walking behind me as I was entering a store. Since he was older and walked with a cane, I held the door for him. As he walked pasted he said, "Sank you" with his accent. So I punched him in the face and said, "How dare you bring up Pearl Harbor like that!"

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A guy walks into a bar.......

and there are two heavy set women having a conversation and they are speaking in a particular accent that he thinks he recognizes. So he asks the women " Excuse me, are you ladies from Scotland?" The one woman replies: "You fucking idiot, it's Wales." To which he replies: "I'm sorry, are you whales from Scotland?" That's when the lights went out.

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A man walks into a bar...

He sees two rather rotund women talking in a strange accent.

"Pardon me" he says "are you ladies from Scotland?"

Slightly offended the women respond "Wales! Asshole!"

"I'm sorry" says the man. "Are you whales from Scotland?"

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What is a pirate's favorite letter?

[read with a pirate accent when they most likely say, "RRRRR"]

"You'd think it'd be R but 'tis the C they love"

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...And that's the last thing I remember

So I was at the bar the other day, and I heard these two kind of hefty women talking to each other in a funny accent. So I go up to them and say, "Hey are you two ladies from Scotland?" One of them turns to me and says, "Wales you idiot!" I say, "Oh sorry. Are you two whales from Scotland?"

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2 Big Old Gals Were Sitting In A Bar

A man heard them talking and noticed a foreign accent. He asked "are you ladies from Ireland?"

"WALES!!" they both replied

"Oh I'm so sorry!.... Are you two Whales from Ireland???"

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i enjoy Sean Connery's accent as much as the next guy...

but im never going to say "sit on my face" to my girlfriend while having sex again.

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Accents are important.

Would you rather be touched by Jesus or JΓ©sus?

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An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scot are all sitting at a bar having a pint

Three flies drop from above and one lands in each of their drinks. The Englishman says "Gross!" and dumps his beer out. The Irishman mumbles "eh" as he picks the fly out and proceeds to drink his beer. The Scot grabs the fly from his glass and in a thick Scottish accent says "Spit it out you bastard!".

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What do you call a Massachusite who cuts down trees?

_In a New England accent..._

A Boston lager.

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I made this up yesterday in the car.

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Best Read with a German Accent (Warning: Holocaust Joke)

One day during the war, Hitler gathered his top advisers to hold a top secret meeting. He said "Ok, tomorrow ve vill kill 1,000 Jews and three hamsters". His advisors looked at one another, and one said, "But Hitler, vhy ze three hamsters". Hitler smiled at his advisers and replied, "You see, no one cares about ze jews!"

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A woman sees her Chinese doctor...

A woman sees her Chinese love doctor, Dr. Chen, after she hasn't been able to find a date for over two years.

The woman says, "Dr. Chen, I'm desparate. I can't find a date for the life of me! Can you check if there is anything wrong with me?"

Dr. Chen replies in his thick Chinese accent, "Ok Miss, start off by stripping naked. Then get on your hands and knees, and crawl across the room."

The woman, confused, does as she is asked: strips down and begins to crawl. Dr. Chen thinks outloud, "Hmm... Yes I think I know what it is".

"What is it!"

"Crawl back to the wall one more time". The woman does as she's asked. Then the doctor says, "I know what your problem is."

The woman excitedly asks: "You know why I haven't been able to get a date for the past months?"

"Yes, I do. You have Ed Zachary disease."

"Ed Zachary disease? What is that?" The woman asks.

In his thick Chinese accident, the doctor answers: "It's when your face look Ed Zachary like your ass."

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During a U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, Bono asked the audience for total quiet.

Then in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands. Once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

From the front of the crowd, a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet: "Well fuckin' stop doin' it then ya evil bastard!"

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At his first baseball game...

A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring "Run....Run!"
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!"

A third batter hits a slam and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!"

The next batter steadfastly holds his swing four times and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up and yells "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!"

All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment, whispers to the Scotsman, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls."

After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"

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At a small London pub,

3 girls are chatting. An Englishman hears them and notices their distinctive accent that he so easily recognizes. He approaches then smoothly and asks: "are you girls from Scotland?"

In a condescending tone, one of them turns around and says: "It's Wales, idiot!"

"Oh I'm sorry, are you whales from Scotland?"

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What do you call a deer without eyes?

No-eye deer!

Note: we are from Hicksville, USA. This may not make sense without the Midwestern accent.

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Kosher Deli

A man walks into a Kosher Deli in New York City and steps up to the counter.

"I would like zee bagel und lox please." He says in a heavy German accent.

The man pays, sits down with his food, and is clearly enjoying it. When he's done he walks up to the counter again and says, "Zat vas amazing. I can't get food like zat back home."

The guy behind the counter looks at him disapprovingly and says, "Now whose fault is that?"

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An American and an Australian are chatting in a bar.

An American and an Australian are chatting in a bar.

After both ordering their drinks, the Australian asks the American "So what is it that you do for a living?"

"Oh" the American responds. "I help my clients by representing them in court, and also advise them in other legal matters."

In a thick Australian accent, the other man replies "You're a lawyer."

And the American says "No really, it's the truth."

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What do you call a very nosy spice?

JalapeΓ±o Business

You need to say this in a pretty thick Hispanic accent for it to work. I heard it from some classmates.

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Read it in a southern accent...

What do you call a deer with no eyes? *No idea!*

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? *Still no idea!*

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no genitals? *Still no fucking idea!*

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For those with kids who love Frozen.....

Knock Knock.
Whose there?
You.
You who?
You Who, big summer blowout! (Norwegian accent)

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*Indian Accent* I would make a your mom joke...

but cows are sacred in my country.

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Having a chemistry teacher with a heavy Chinese accent is okay until...

Having a chemistry teacher with a heavy Chinese accent is okay until he tries to explain the difference between molarity and molality...

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A guy is sitting in a bar and hears some overweight ladies talking.....

he notices that they have an interesting accent. As he continues to eavesdrop, he realizes that he is having a hard time placing where the accent is from. Finally he walks up to the ladies to ask them and says, "Hi. Are you ladies from Scotland?"

One lady retorts back annoyingly, "It's Wales you jerk!"

So the man says, "I'm sorry, are you Whales from Scotland?"

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I asked my wife to fake an accent from a developed country tonight...

to fullfill my fantasy that we have healthcare.

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If you say the words 'beer can' in a British accent, it sounds like you're saying 'bacon' in a Jamaican accent.

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A man is sitting in a bar...

When he overhears a couple women talking in a peculiar accent, he approaches the women;
Man: excuse me are you ladies from England?
Woman: Wales you idiot!
Man: sorry are you Whales from England?

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Russian burglar

What does a Russian burglar wear? ( In a Russian accent ) robber boots

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German 1970's joke

What's the difference between the east-german and the west-german accent? While the former is shared by most, the latter is richer.

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So this guy working in a construction supplies department gets fired...

And the boss needs to hire someone else. So he posts an add online, and there is this Chinese dude that applies, and no one else..

So the foreman hires the guy...

Foreman: "Sir, are you good with a supplies store?"

Worker: "Yes, vellly good with supplies, velly good" (with his pronounced accent)

Foreman:"Ok, good, you hired, thank you"

So the days goes by, and the supplies store is locked all day, the next day too. and the rest of the week goes all the same, with no Chinese man in sight.

So the next monday, the foreman goes to the supplies store in mid-day, and see its still locked.. He uses his master key and opens the door.. There is a bunch of baloons and decorations, but no Chinese worker around...

Then the foreman turns around. and sees the Chinese man with a crew of 20 of them popping out of the closet screaming...

SUPRISE!!!!!!

xD

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Say "beer can" out loud with a British accent.

You just said "bacon" with a Jamaican accent.

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English couple adopt a German baby boy 'Engelbert'....

.....now six years old Engelbert has never spoke a word, everyone just assumed he is mute.

Then one day at the breakfast table Engelbert shouted (with a typical German accent) mummy these sausages are not cooked through!

Mummy rushed across and shocked with disbelief said Engelgert you can talk, how come you never said anything for six years?

(German Accent again) Engelbert replied up until now everything has been quite satisfactory.

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Joke made up by friend of friend (It is terrible but I laughed)

What hotel does the vegetable Sean Connery stay in?

(In a faux connery accent) - "The Radishon"

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a man gets a phone call at work...

his wife has been in a horrible car accident.

he rushes to the hospital, and the doctor, who is affectedly canadian, as the man can tell by his accent, says to him, "i'm sorry, guy, it's been a terrible accident. she is comatose and can't do anything for herself. if she ever does come out of it, she'll be a vegetable; you'll have to feed her, dress her, change her diapers and/or catheter bags regularly for the rest of her life."

crying, the man says "oh doctor, that's awful!"

the doctor says "i'm just fucking with you, buddy, she's dead."

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An old Irish man is sitting at the pub

and he seems to be upset, so the bartender walks over and says "Sheamus, whats wrong?". Sheamus says "You know that dock, down at the lake? You know I built that right?" Bartender says, yeah Sheamus, everyone knows you built that." Sheamus says "But nobody calls me Sheamus the dock builder do they?". "No Sheamus, they dont."

"And this very bar I'm sitting at, I built this too! Does anyone call me Sheamus the carpenter do they?"

"No, no they dont."

"AYE BUT YA FUCK ONE GOAT!?!?!"

best told with an irish accent.

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The perfect Irish bean stew

(In an Irish accent)
Why does d' perfect Irish stew require exactly two hundred n' terty nine beans?

Because if you added one more it'd be two farty.

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Q: How are your mum and a starbucks tip jar the same? A: Both of them will beg you to get a pound in.

This joke works best if you realise I live in the UK and "pound in" and "pounding" sound the same in a manchester accent.

Yeah.... jokes aren't funny if you have to explain them :(

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The Scot At A Game

A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the U.S. and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring, "Run! Run!" The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run, will ya!" A third batter hits a slam and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams, "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run, will ya!" The next batter steadfastly holds his swing four times and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up and yells, "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!" All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment, whispers to the Scotsman, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls." After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"

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CONCLUSION

You've read some of the best accent jokes of all time. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise kids not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty accent gags to your kids. These jokes are updated with new ones in December 2019.

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laughs? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter. Some of these accent jokes are funny and some are hilarious.

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