Accelerate Jokes

Black lives matter.

Unless you accelerate them to the velocity of light, then black lives energy.

Yo momma's so fat that objects 5 meters away accelerate at 1 m/s^2 toward her. What is yo momma's mass if G = 6.67x10^-11Nm^2/kg^2?

Please, someone help me, I can't solve it and it's making me nuts.

Blind pilots

A plane is preparing for takeoff with a full load of passengers when the pilot and copilot board--both with dark sunglasses and tapping walking sticks for guidance. The passengers are understandably uncomfortable, but assume it must be some sort of practical joke, so they say nothing.

As the plane begins to accelerate, the passengers see the end of the runway rapidly approaching, with certain doom awaiting at the end if the pilots really can't see what they're doing. Just before the end of the runway, all the passengers scream together--right before the plane lifts off. They're a little upset, but relieved that the pilots aren't really blind.

In the cockpit, the pilot turned to his copilot and remarked: "you know, Lou, one of these days they're not going to scream in time, and then we'll be in real trouble!"

What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied?

Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!

What do you call a truck that can't accelerate?

A pickup with no pickup

My girlfriend and my motorcycle have something in common.

The faster I accelerate the ride, the more likely I am to break my crotch.

What program does accelerate your PC?


A fine wine takes between ten and twenty years to fully mature

But you can accelerate the processes by killing its parents

We have collected gags that can be used as Accelerate pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Accelerate, here are one liners and funny Accelerate pick up lines.

Joko Jokes