Giggle-Inducing Academy Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What do they tell people who flunk out of astronaut academy?
"The sky's the limit for you".
The suicide bombing instructor
It's 2:00 PM at the suicide bomber's academy. The instructor walks into the classroom to address the students:
"Kids, I know you're just back from lunch, and I know you're feeling a bit tired. But please pay very close attention, cause I'm only going to show you this once..."
A Mother's Day joke.
A recruit at a police academy is asked some difficult questions when it comes to the job. He is asked,
"If you pulled over your mother, and had to arrest her, what would you do?"
The recruit replies, "I'd call for backup"
Four cops had to take a test...
They were all asked the same question:
"What would you do if a man with a knife was coming at you?"
The Cop from the U.K answered by listing the steps in order what he was taught to do in Police Academy and in the Police Handbook
The Cop from the U.S Answered:
"BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG"
The Cop from Japan answered:
"Disarm the man and arrest him using any form of martial arts that is best suited"
The Cop from Canada answered:
"Please put the knife down."
Plato and Aristotle were in the music room of the Academy in Athens.
Plato was at the piano, and Aristotle was holding a small lute in his hands.
Plato, do you know the unpredictability and exactitude of ethics and reflective philosophical hermeneutics require phronesis as an ontological counterpoint to peripatetic conjecture?
No, Plato replied. But if you play a few bars, I may be able to pick it up.
What's the difference between the Academy Awards and the Paralympics
In the Paralympics Blade Runner is an Oscar winning performance
(I realise this joke is now three years too late)
What is the official ice cream flavor of the Academy Awards?
Vanilla, because it's all white.
What do you call a marine animal who under-performs at the vegetable academy?
A C-cucumber.
Where did the belly button go to school?
The Navel Academy
After taking out Professor X and his academy and gaining a political following, Magneto and his team forcefully take over the government....
... in a totally expected mutiny.
Did you hear about the man who cut his own head off after the Academy Awards?
He was Leonardo DiCapitated.
You can explore academy squad reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean academy recon dad jokes. There are also academy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A barber applied for a scholarship at the barber's academy
He didn't make the cut
Breaking Celebrity News! Academy Award winning Actor, Simmons, and children's book Author, Rowling, eloped earlier today.
JK
I'd like to thank the Academy
I'd also like to thank my legs for always supporting me, my hips for never lying and my arms for always being by my side.
Did you know some dogs don't pass the Police Academy?
...they didn't pass the pawlygraph test.
Where did the orange go to school?
The naval academy.
I heard they gave the Academy Award for best picture to the wrong cast.
They must have been in La La Land.
I'm producing a condensed, Cliffnotes-style, version of the 1994 Best Picture winner from the Academy Awards
I'm calling it Schindler's Gist.
An atheist orphan receives an Academy Award.
"I have no one to thank, but myself."
Lego are making an Academy Awards set.
It's star studded.
A Fencing instructor came back to the academy after a well deserved holiday
Only to find that the relief instructor had been teaching his students nothing else but to parry and counter.
Apparently all the sub could do was riposte.
The Academy Awards have introduced a new category for the upcoming Oscars ceremony.
"Best Acting for shocked response to Weinstein revelations" is full of very competitive entries .
I'm graduating from the Pirate Academy!
I'm majoring in getting the booty.
This High Flying 2009 film from Pixar studios won Best Animated Feature at the 82nd Academy Awards.
"What's 'Up', Alex?"
"Not much, what's up with you?"
And the Academy Award for Best Sound Editing goes too...
A Quiet Place.
Why did the Psychic Academy only order large and small T-shirts?
Because they already had plenty of mediums.
It's a shame "Fantastic Mr. Fox" didn't win the Academy Award for best animated feature.
There were too many *Up* votes.
My friend went to this really prestigious, super expensive prep academy.
I mean these kids are so rich they hire hitmen to do their school shootings.
Why did the dyslexic police academy applicant get shot when he showed up for an interview?
He let the Captain know he was an aspiring POC on his cover letter.
Yo Mama is so dumb she thought a Naval Academy....
....was a school for belly buttons
What did Hitler say when he got rejected by the Academy of Fine Arts?
Mein Crafts!
What would it be called if the Umbrella Academy had another sibling, and then triplets, but one of them was taller than the other 2?
2 number 9's and a number 9 large.
My girlfriend asked me to choke her and hit her during sex but it makes me feel guilty.
I'm joining the police academy to learn how to abuse and choke someone without being guilty.
I found a stash of guns in my academy and reported it to the police
Needless to say i was kicked out of the gun academy
I applied to the police academy
The academy head approached me "I am afraid I have to decline your application".
"What's the problem?"
"Your family history. Specifically your mother and father."
"My parents are happily married."
"That's the problem. All cops are bastards."
