Uproarious Academic Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
Whats you father's occupation?
Asked the school secretary, filling in the forms at the start of the academic year. "He's a magician," said the small boy. "How interesting! What's his favorite trick? "Sawing people in half." "Really? Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?' "Yes, one half brother and two half-sisters."
Scientists and spiders.
There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let everyone know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.
At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs.
'Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.'
The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out.
'Spider, walk left'
The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced.
'Spider, move right.'
The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe.
The scientist then removed all of the spider's legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence.
'Move left'
The spider didn't move.
'Move right'
Nothing. Forward, backward, no response.
'This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider's legs, it goes deaf.'
What does an academic dwarf call his axes?
x and y.
A professor dreams that he steps on a rusty nail
After waking up, he puts a bandage on his foot. At work another professor notices the bandage and asks about it. After hearing the explanation he says: "That is exactly the kind of thing why normal folks think academic people are nutty. Why on earth did you go to sleep with bare feet?!"
A disgraced academic, now farmer, surveying the crops...
Finally, I am out standing in my field
What do you call an academic paper written by a pudding?
A dessertation
Father's Occupation
"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school secretary on the first day of the new academic year.
"He's a magician, ma'am" said Little Johnny.
"How interesting. What's his favorite trick?"
"He saws people in half."
"Wow! Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?"
"One half brother and two half sisters."
Charlie Brown, now a young adult, sits with an academic advisor before enrolling in college....
He tells her he wants to be a counselor, but isn't sure what direction to go.
She looks over his scores as says, "I think you'd make a good grief counselor."
Referenced my previous girlfriend in an academic paper
It was very ex-citing
What do you call an academic who apologises all the time?
An anthropologist
I academically referenced a former partner once.
It was exciting.
You can explore academic scholarship reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean academic finalists dad jokes. There are also academic puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I have written a couple of academic papers on replacement limbs.
They are my prostheses.
Why did the academic become a civil war recennactor in his back garden?
It allowed him to be revolutionary in his field.
I give frequent lectures about informative and interesting topics underwater.
For academic porpoises.
What do you call an academic institute concerning vegetables that only offers their services to mythological creatures?
A Unicorn
Educational a capella groups are sweeping the nation.
Some are calling it an academic aca-demic.
What does an academic call m**...?
His seminal work.
Wearing my bra really helps me focus on exams
I love academic support.
What do academics and UFC fighters have in common?
They both care a lot about submissions.
Which academic discipline is the most racist?
Philosophy.
Philosophers claim there are no paradoxes, thus they are all inherently Zenophobic.
