Abused Jokes

My brother broke down crying and told me about how he was abused by a priest when we were kids.

It was a very touching story.

In a shelter for abused women.

My husband used to beat me on regular basis. Sometimes, he would get his drinking mates and they would stand one after another to beat me. But one day I said to myself: get a grip woman, enough is enough. So when my husband and his mates collapsed drunk, I run away to this shelter. After 6 months I feel much better. The thing I like the most about this place is that there is no punchline.

People keep saying drugs are dangerous, I abused lots of drugs and I'm fine.

It's only the people watching me through power sockets that are annoying.

So this cop was writing a parking ticket.

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I call him a stupid idiot. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!

The I really got angry at him. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.

I was gonna tell Catholic jokes...

...but those have been abused.

Journalist to Abused Wife

Journalist : Do you know what your husband does in his free time ?

Wife : *shrugs* beats me.

I am proud to announce that I have developed a foundation to aid abused women

It's real thick to hide the bruises

My friend is a sex offender.

He never abused anybody, people are just offended at the thought of having sex with him.

When I was an infant I had a nanny that abused me

And im still pretty shaken up about it

Steven Tyler opens home for girls about to be abused.

Calling it early.

My son gets harassed and abused by every single kid at his school.

He's being hyperboled.

So my dad always abused me as a kid...

..but I knew it wasnt his fault. I wasnt gonna abuse him back, I was gonna abuse what made him do that to me.

So thats how I became a raging alcoholic.

Funny Comeback

I go into McDonald's and there is this fat girl making fun of this mentally disabled kid*

Me: you know, that could happen to any of us. You don't belong making fun of someone like that, what's wrong with you?

Girl: god gave me a mouth to speak and I'm going to use it

Me: well god also gave you a mouth to eat, you abused that privilege.

Girl: -speechless-

Me: oh and you might want to wipe that ketchup off your chin

Girl: *goes to wipe chin*

Me: no, your other chin

Hey girl, are you a bible?

'Cuz you look like countless generations of men have abused you for their own selfish agendas.

What do you call a fly with no wings?

Cruelly abused

What did the abused wife say about her husband?

Beats me.

Did you read the novel about the US drug epidemic?

The heroin gets abused.

What do you call a sexually abused robot?

R2-metoo

What do fifty thousand abused blonde women all have in common?

They just don't listen.

What is the most abused substance in the water industry?

Plumber's crack.

What's the difference between a heroine and heroin?

One's an object that's easily abused, the other's a drug.

Did you hear about the contractor who abused the offer for a free kitchen counter top?

He took it for granite.

Played rounders with a guy that abused fat kids.

He was a big hitter.

How does an abused dog describe it's life?

"Ruff"

My gf told me Steven Tyler opened up a home for abused women...

"Guess what he named it?" She says..
I figured it would probably have something to do with a song title. Thinking fast, I blurted out the first one that came to mind: "Rag Doll"

Ohhhh, the look on her face ..

Turns out the place is called "Janie's place"

Found out a friend of mine had been sexually abused. When I asked her why she never spoke about it, she said..

"I don't know.. I guess it's just a touchy subject."

Why did the abused boy not want to visit Madame Tussauds?

Because it was full of whacks.

I like my women the same way I like my coffee jokes

Stolen and abused so many times you can't remember what it looked like originally

What do you call a domestically abused fish?

Battered Cod

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Joko Jokes