Abuse Jokes

This article examines the prevalence of jokes about abuse, including domestic abuse, animal abuse, emotional abuse, substance abuse, and verbal abuse. It looks at the implications of repeating such jokes, and how it can arouse mental images of actual abuse, potentially harming victims and perpetuating the cycle of trauma.

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jokes about abuse

Best Short Abuse Jokes

These are our top abuse puns. Have fun with a good abuse joke in English with simple abuse humour.

  1. America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends. Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.
  2. What does a Russian woman say to stop her husband from abusing her? Vladislov, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more...
    I'm sorry..
  3. I once abused someone with a dictionary... The judge didn't know whether to charge me with verbal or physical assault
  4. My brother broke down crying and told me about how he was abused by a priest when we were kids. It was a very touching story.
  5. I've been in an abusive relationship for months now and I can't seem to get out of it. Someone show me what I'm doing wrong. Everytime I hit her, she keeps coming back.
  6. After all these years, I finally left my abusive relationship. I feel so relieved! Now that I don't have to beat my girlfriend anymore, I have so much free time.
  7. So we hated congress a few days ago for not giving us $2000 but today we love then after the riot yesterday... ...so abusive relationships do work
  8. A woman is in an abusive relationship. She's talking to her friend one day. Her friend asks, "Why do you stay with him?" She replies, "Beats me!"
  9. What's the difference between a abusive father and a Korean gamer? Only one will stop beating you
  10. People keep saying drugs are dangerous, I abused lots of drugs and I'm fine. It's only the people watching me through power sockets that are annoying.
Abuse joke, People keep saying drugs are dangerous, I abused lots of drugs and I'm fine.

Make fun with this list of one liners, gags and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor found in these abuse jokes can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of abuse puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, these jokes offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Abuse One Liners

Which abuse dad jokes are funny enough to crack down and make fun with abuse?

  1. How can you tell my parents are abusive? Beats me
  2. Why is my father so abusive? Beats me
  3. How I got out of an abusive marriage I stopped hitting my wife
  4. Why did my abusive father cross the road? Beats me
  5. How do you subtly hint that you are being abused? Beats me
  6. What do you call it when one musician abuses another? An act of violins.
  7. A woman is asked if her husband is an abuser Beats me, she replied
  8. What do you call a group of domestic abusers? A Heard.
  9. I was gonna tell Catholic jokes... ...but those have been abused.
  10. I had a joke about my abusive father... But he beat me to it
  11. What did the sheep say to her abusive shepherd? You're herding me.
  12. Rio is full of liars, cheaters, thieves, and drug abusers. And that's just the athletes.
  13. What does an abusive father and a ghost have in common? Booze
  14. what is a group of domestic abusers called? a heard.
  15. What do you call an abusive mother hen? An egg beater

Women Abuse Jokes

Here is a list of funny women abuse jokes and even better women abuse puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I am proud to announce that I have developed a foundation to aid abused women It's real thick to hide the bruises
  • Why did Barley keep dating abusive women? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
  • What do fifty thousand abused blonde women all have in common? They just don't listen.
  • I like my women the same way I like my coffee jokes Stolen and abused so many times you can't remember what it looked like originally
  • My wife... My wife knows the way to the women's a**... center like the back of my hand.
  • Women don't have to stand for s**... a**... They can get on their knees as well.
  • Unfortunately most elderly people in the world see # symbol as pound ... ...and they named the women's movement against s**... a**... #metoo.
  • Straight Outta Compton left out Dr. Dre’s history of a**... against women Because they didn't want to turn this drama film into a comedy!

Physical Abuse Jokes

Here is a list of funny physical abuse jokes and even better physical abuse puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I know this guy who teaches people how to access the Dark Web, but if they're incompetent then he physically and psychologically abuses them He's a Tor mentor.
  • When it comes to physically abusive relationships... They are hit or miss
  • Why did the the chemistry teacher and the physics teacher break up? The chemistry teacher was abusive.
  • Tell me why you wish to divorce your husband. "He treats me like a dog!"
    "You mean he abuses you physically? Verbally?"
    "No, he wants me to be faithful!"
  • If I hit you with a dictionary... ...is it physical or verbal a**...?
  • I physically force my dog to watch animal a**... commercials, just to show him how good he has it.
  • What's the difference between a p**... head and a person who physically abuses children? One is good at rolling blunts, the other is good at bowling runts.
  • What's the difference between britney spears and a woman who faces physical a**...? One likes to sing 'Hit Me Baby One More Time'
  • Physical a**... If we stick together, we can beat it!
  • Everyone talks about physical and emotional a**...... ...but what about Alcohol a**...? What did poor alcohol do to deserve it?
Abuse joke, Everyone talks about physical and emotional a**......

Comedy Abuse Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle

What funny jokes about abuse to tell and make people laugh ? Check out these list of good jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make abuse prank.

Comedian Jeff Dunham has been accused of s**... assault

After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been f**... them for decades.
Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this a**.... Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.

A woman stopped me in the street today and told me a joke.

After hearing it, I thought it had all the ingredients of a great joke: child a**...; incestual r**..., tears, poverty and suffering; but I didn't understand the punchline.
Something about $10 a month...

Drunk lecture

A cop stops a drunk late at night and asks where he's going. " I'm going to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body." Slurs the drunk. " Really? who's giving that lecture at one in the morning?" " My wife."

I'm immortal

Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?
"He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."
"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."
"They died together, the perfect couple till the end."
Makes me glad I a**... my kids and beat up my wife.
Kind of makes me immortal.

Arrived home last night to find a man trying to steal my front gate. I didn't a**... him though,

I thought he may take a fence.

I've been to a mate's f**... today; he drowned last week...

I got a lot of a**... for my floral tribute in the shape of a life belt.
They said it was in bad taste but I think it's what he would have wanted.

I'm a victim of child a**...

Some kid in the park called me ugly

My favorite blonde joke.

A blonde was tired of all the a**... she received because she was blond so she decided to hang herself on a tree in a field.
A man walked by and saw what was happening, approached her he asked, "What are you doing?"
She replied, "I'm going to kill myself because I can't take the a**... anymore."
The man, confused, said, "Why are you hanging by your feet? Aren't you supposed to tie the rope around your neck."
She said, "I tried that but I couldn't breathe."

An elderly man is stopped by the police at 1 A.M.

The officer asks where he's going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I'm going to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body."
The officer laughs and says, "Oh really? And who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "My wife."

An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 a.m

...and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied,
"I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked,
"Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."

I called the s**... a**... hotline for help.

...Apparently it's only for victims

A man gets pulled over by the police...

A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night.

The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replied, "That would be my wife."

Jeremy Clarkson has been suspended. He must have done something that even the BBC find inexcusable

So that rules out child a**... then....

What's the first thing a woman does after leaving spousal a**... therapy?

The dishes, if she knows what's good for her!

They are opening a hardware store in Indiana where they will only employ people who have had a difficult childhood being raised in either domestic a**... or foster houses.

It will be called the Broken Home Depot.

a**... of police powers.

A cowboy walks into a saloon wearing paper bag boots, paper bag pants, a paper bag shirt and a paper hat.
The local sheriff pulls out his gun and says " I'm arresting you."
And the cowboy says "What for?"
The sheriff replies "RUSTLING!"

Did you hear about the man who hit my ex?

He gold arrested for animal a**...

Dad and I were chatting about the news...

I was talking with him about the plight of a**.... He told me, "Son, you wouldn't know a**... if it smacked you dead in the face." Then it hit me.

There was a documentary on TV about animal a**....

I felt lonely watching it by myself, so I made my dog watch it with me.
Whether he wanted to or not.

A drunk man

A drunk man is questioned by a police officer at midnight, asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to attend a lecture on alcohol a**... & ill effects on my health."
Officer: Really....??? Sounds interesting, Who is giving that lecture at this time of night.....???"
Man: "My Wife"!!!

I'm a really big fan of Cardinal George Pell! I actually have a poster of him on my bedroom wall...

It covers up a**...

Sometimes it seems like I'm married to my own liver

I only a**... it when I'm drinking

Nitrous Oxide a**......

It's not a laughing matter.

TIL that humanity's new form of communication is acronyms

What does FTFY even mean? I swear to god people a**... acronyms so much.

If you are not supposed to a**... cough syrup,

Then why does it come with a plastic shot glass?

Samsung Gn7 user here. despite all the a**... they're getting I was surprised that it's actually a really great phone

I mean the battery life alone just blew me away

I thought we had the right to bear arms

but when I got them I was arrested for animal a**...

What do you call it when a man screams at a woman

What do you call it when a woman screams at a man

Irish man arrested for domestic a**...

The man has been arrested on the same charge 5 times before.
"Why do you keep beating her p**...?" asked the police officer.
"Well isn't that obvious you idiot?
It is my height and weight advantage coupled with my superior reach and better footwork!"

In a stunning case some call an a**... of power, a local police officer charged his own son with a crime, simply because the kid wouldn't lay down for his nap

The officer said the boy was resisting a rest.

I live in a pretty rough area.

The priest at our church had to leave because of a child a**... scandal. He was r**... by three kids.

In school, we had an assembly on bullying

The teacher spoke about a young gay boy, being bullied because of his sexuality. She spoke in length about his life, and the verbal a**... he suffers. She then asked a question, 'How do you think he takes it?' Apparently, 'Up the a**...!' wasn't a suitable answer.

What do you call an orphan who suffers from horrific parental a**...?

A paradox.

Do you support the AAAAA?

You should. The American Association Against the a**... of Acronyms is a worthy cause.

Apparently filling animals with helium is "a**...", pfft

Whatever floats your goat, I guess.

What did the abused wife say about her husband?

Beats me.

I don't see why Mariah Carey is getting so much a**....

Every year at Times Square someone drops the ball.

Italians and Spaniards are so used to Catholic child a**......

... That they call the Pope daddy

Taking to people about your child a**... experience is the toughest part.

The last time i did it, i had to spend 7 years in jail.

After being forced to do sit ups for 4 hours straight

The man died of ab-use

Two dogs were fighting the other day.

So I called the police to report domesticated a**....

Why do I make so many spousal a**... jokes?

Well, she's already got all those punchlines on her face.

Just got back from a friends f**... who drowned last week.

I got a lot of a**... from the relatives about my floral tribute in the shape a life jacket. But as I told everyone "It's what he would have wanted"

I called the a**... hotline and they were so rude to me

They said they only help victims

My wife says I have a problem with alcohol a**....

I politely told her I don't. I managed to stay calm and kiss her goodnight even though I was getting so angry.
When she went to bed I punched my bottle of Jack Daniels.

After years of a**..., Joe s**... finally changed his name.

Say hello to John s**....

If a Muslim beats his wife,

would it be domestic violence or child a**...?

My dad is a magician

he could turn alcohol into child a**...

So I was just reading an article about the Sandusky s**... a**... case, only to realize that the article was not about j**... Sandusky but his son, Jeffery. I guess the old saying is true...

The family that preys together, stays together.

Pre-marriage vs Post-marriage

Before marriage: continue reading ↓
Man: I can't wait for the day to come!
Woman: Can I go back on this?
Man: Of course not!
Woman: Do you love me?
Man: Of course!
Woman: Will you cheat on me?
Man: No, why would you have such a thought?
Woman: Will you kiss me?
Man: Of course, more than once!
Woman: Will you ever a**... me?
Man: Never!
Woman: Can I trust you?
Post-marriage: read backwards ↑

As i walk in the local shopping mall, a woman comes walking towards me

She asks me: "sir, do you have a moment for animal a**...?" As the good man I am, I say: "of course, madam." So i walked to the nearest dog and kicked it like a football. Apparently that was not what she meant...

October is domestic a**... awareness month...

Time to make your significant other aware....

Why is there no equality in domestic a**...?

Someone always has the upper hand.

I like to a**... drugs.

Nothing more satisfying than tying up the bottle, smacking it around a bit, and calling it a very naughty pill.

Everyone complains about the a**... of power in America

but at least after the holidays all the lights are taken down.

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday.

She said she was tired of the a**..., and couldn't take it anymore.
She's the one who wanted to play Mario Kart.

Stanford University releases nearly 200 cases of s**... a**...

A limited edition craft beer made on campus

A man brings his wife to his first domestic a**... support group

As they sit down, the man beside him leans over and whispers in his ear:
"You hittin' that?"

Beer battered fish is just so tragic.

That's alcohol a**...!

New study shows procrastination is as harmful to mental health as alcohol a**...

To combat this, I've decided to form Procrastinators anonymous, please consider joining it!

If you have s**... with a Furry...

It's considered Animal a**....

If a woman is afraid of her husband

Its a**.... If a man is afraid of his wife, its a relationship

Morgan Freeman has been accused of s**... a**....

He can't play God anymore. Just a priest.

I am disgusted by the youth of today....

Let me start by saying my girlfriend is 20 years younger than me. I am 39 and my girlfriend is 19, the amount of a**... I got from a group of teenagers inside the restaurant was nothing short of vile.....comments like PEADO NONCE KIDDY FIDDLER
It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.

My son is Traumatised by Years of a**...

A bit long of a name maybe, but it fits him perfectly

What do you call domestic a**... overseas?

Abusing a broad

There's a new Child a**... Victims help centre opening in London...

The headquarters are on savile Row.

Recent reports show that due to the recent losses on the world cup, England is expiriencing an influx of domestic a**..., but hey...

...at least they're beating someone.

What is the most abused substance in the water industry?

Plumber's crack.

2 police officers were called to a domestic a**...,

2 police officers were called to a domestic a**... call. when they got there they had to call for backup. 2 police cars showed up making it 6 officers at the scene,
they called headquarters and spoke to their Captain.
"Captain we have a m**... here"
"what happened?"
"a wife shot and killed her husband for walking on her still wet mopped kitchen floor"
"well, have you arrested her yet?"
"Not yet, the kitchen floor is still wet."

A blonde walks into a bar.

Now the police are here wondering if I a**... my wife.

Serena Williams was fined $17k

Verbal a**... of the umpire: $10,000
Being warned for coaching: $4,000
Breaking her racket: $3,000
Stealing the moment from Osaka by calling the umpire a thief: Priceless

Worldwide, millions die from alcohol a**... each year....

It truly is a horrible ginocide.

For those of you that are scared of child a**...

Grow up!

So my dad always abused me as a kid...

..but I knew it wasnt his fault. I wasnt gonna a**... him back, I was gonna a**... what made him do that to me.
So thats how I became a r**... alcoholic.

Great joke about child a**...!

Let me tell you guys before my dad beats me to it.

R Kelly has been charged with s**... a**...

I guess there was something wrong with that bump and grind.

I read the report on the s**... a**... of minors in the Catholic church

It seems that much of the a**... took place in the rectory.

Abuse joke, I read the report on the s**... a**... of minors in the Catholic church

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like kids and toddlers can enjoy. They can be verbal, as in a play on words, or narrative, often involving a set-up and a punchline. JokoJokes has it all! Jokes in Spanish are also found. Teens are often joking with 4 year olds and 6 year olds. Found out more in our Jokes FAQ section

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The impact of these abuse jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.