Abstinence Jokes

It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only sex education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

I once threw an abstinence party...

And no one came.

Abstinence...

Makes the church grow fondlers.

If your method of birth control is abstinence...

...and you miss a day, you might be in trouble.

What do you call it when you refuse to do core workouts?

Abstinence.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and abstinence makes the hand grow stronger.

I can't believe that they only taught us abstinence during sex ed!

It's inconceivable!

What do you call a 45 year old woman who believes in abstinence only sex-ed?

Grandma!

So I went to an abstinence conference the other day...

All we did was wait

Absence may make the heart grow fonder...

But abstinence makes the dong grow harder.

abstinence is the only 100% effective birth control

Tell that to Jesus' mom.

Cardinal George Pell has just been convicted of child abuse -

Just goes to show that abstinence makes the church grow fondlers.

They say it takes 10,000 hours to master something.

If that's true I must be a expert at Abstinence. After all, I've been practicing it for over 160,000 hours and counting.

Periodic abstinence as contraception can be successful, provided one meets three very strict conditions:

1. The woman must have a very regular menstrual cycle.
2. You must be able to count well.
3. And you must really love children.

Loosely translated from Herman Finkers. My favorite dutch comedian.

What is your preferred type of birth control?

"Well, its not preferred, but I practice abstinence."

What do you call people who teach their kids to use abstinence as birth control?

Grandparents.

What do you call parents who teach abstinence only?

Grandma and grandpa.

Abstinence-only education...

Was the first time I got screwed.

Why do Republicans push abstinence?

They don't want to be the only ones not getting action!

How is God just like a regular man?

If you're not on your knees, he's not interested and you know what they say, abstinence makes the Church grow fondlers.

If atheism is a religion...

then abstinence is a sex position.

Its very important to teach your children about abstinence.

It'll only prepare them for when they're married.

An abstinence ring and a wedding ring are essentially the same thing.

Both come with lack of sex.

We have collected gags that can be used as Abstinence pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Abstinence, here are one liners and funny Abstinence pick up lines.

Joko Jokes