Abstinence Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Abstinence jokes. There are some abstinence chastity jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these abstinence alcoholism puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Charming Humor Abstinence Jokes with Loads of Fun

It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only sex education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

I once threw an abstinence party...

And no one came.


Makes the church grow fondlers.

If your method of birth control is abstinence...

...and you miss a day, you might be in trouble.

What do you call it when you refuse to do core workouts?


Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and abstinence makes the hand grow stronger.

I can't believe that they only taught us abstinence during sex ed!

It's inconceivable!

Abstinence joke, I can't believe that they only taught us abstinence during sex ed!

What do you call a 45 year old woman who believes in abstinence only sex-ed?


So I went to an abstinence conference the other day...

All we did was wait

Absence may make the heart grow fonder...

But abstinence makes the dong grow harder.

abstinence is the only 100% effective birth control

Tell that to Jesus' mom.

You can explore abstinence christians reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean abstinence monogamy dad jokes. There are also abstinence puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Cardinal George Pell has just been convicted of child abuse -

Just goes to show that abstinence makes the church grow fondlers.

Periodic abstinence as contraception can be successful, provided one meets three very strict conditions:

1. The woman must have a very regular menstrual cycle.
2. You must be able to count well.
3. And you must really love children.

Loosely translated from Herman Finkers. My favorite dutch comedian.

They say it takes 10,000 hours to master something.

If that's true I must be a expert at Abstinence. After all, I've been practicing it for over 160,000 hours and counting.

What do you call parents who teach abstinence only?

Grandma and grandpa.

What do you call people who teach their kids to use abstinence as birth control?


Abstinence joke, What do you call people who teach their kids to use abstinence as birth control?

What is your preferred type of birth control?

"Well, its not preferred, but I practice abstinence."

Why do Republicans push abstinence?

They don't want to be the only ones not getting action!

How is God just like a regular man?

If you're not on your knees, he's not interested and you know what they say, abstinence makes the Church grow fondlers.

Abstinence-only education...

Was the first time I got screwed.

If atheism is a religion...

then abstinence is a sex position.

Its very important to teach your children about abstinence.

It'll only prepare them for when they're married.

An abstinence ring and a wedding ring are essentially the same thing.

Both come with lack of sex.

How did the virgin spend his Valentine's Day?

With his girlfriend. They follow abstinence.

For the first year of my time at college, I never had sex, all because of a stupid abstinence pledge I took for a bible study class...

...the other three years, I was just unlucky.

What is the bird synonymous with abstinence

The Swallow

Abstinence joke, What is the bird synonymous with abstinence

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the abstinence teetotaler puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working abstinence personalities piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes