Abstinence Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Abstinence jokes. Read abstinence chastity jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) that will make you laugh out loud.

Enjoy this list of puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these abstinence alcoholism puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Charming Humor Abstinence Jokes with Loads of Fun

It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only s**... education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

I once threw an abstinence party...

And no one came.


Makes the church grow fondlers.

If your method of birth control is abstinence...

...and you miss a day, you might be in trouble.

What do you call it when you refuse to do core workouts?


Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and abstinence makes the hand grow stronger.

I can't believe that they only taught us abstinence during s**... ed!

It's inconceivable!

Abstinence joke, I can't believe that they only taught us abstinence during s**... ed!

What do you call a 45 year old woman who believes in abstinence only s**...-ed?


So I went to an abstinence conference the other day...

All we did was wait

Absence may make the heart grow fonder...

But abstinence makes the d**... grow harder.

abstinence is the only 100% effective birth control

Tell that to Jesus' mom.

You can explore abstinence christians reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean abstinence monogamy dad jokes. There are also abstinence puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Periodic abstinence as contraception can be successful, provided one meets three very strict conditions:

1. The woman must have a very regular menstrual cycle.
2. You must be able to count well.
3. And you must really love children.

Loosely translated from Herman Finkers. My favorite dutch comedian.

Cardinal George Pell has just been convicted of child a**... -

Just goes to show that abstinence makes the church grow fondlers.

They say it takes 10,000 hours to master something.

If that's true I must be a expert at Abstinence. After all, I've been practicing it for over 160,000 hours and counting.

What do you call parents who teach abstinence only?

Grandma and grandpa.

What do you call people who teach their kids to use abstinence as birth control?


Abstinence joke, What do you call people who teach their kids to use abstinence as birth control?

What is your preferred type of birth control?

"Well, its not preferred, but I practice abstinence."

Why do Republicans push abstinence?

They don't want to be the only ones not getting action!

How is God just like a regular man?

If you're not on your knees, he's not interested and you know what they say, abstinence makes the Church grow fondlers.

Abstinence-only education...

Was the first time I got s**....

If atheism is a religion...

then abstinence is a s**... position.

Its very important to teach your children about abstinence.

It'll only prepare them for when they're married.

For the first year of my time at college, I never had s**..., all because of a s**... abstinence pledge I took for a bible study class...

...the other three years, I was just unlucky.

An abstinence ring and a wedding ring are essentially the same thing.

Both come with lack of s**....

How did the v**... spend his Valentine's Day?

With his girlfriend. They follow abstinence.

What is the bird synonymous with abstinence

The s**...

Abstinence joke, What is the bird synonymous with abstinence

Remember that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes that make girls laugh. Many of the abstinence teetotaler puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When a joke goes too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke becomes inappropriate.

We suggest you to use only working abstinence personalities piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and make them laugh.

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