Abstaining Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

There was an engaged couple...

talking to a priest about the possibility of getting married in his church.

"You two look like fine young lovers, and I would be happy to marry you, but first you must prove your loyalty to one another by abstaining from sex for a month."

The couple agreed and they all planned to meet up again in a month.

The first two weeks went by without incident, but during the third week, the young man returned to the priest.

"I'm so sorry, I failed to control my desires and I could not remain abstinent. My wife dropped a paint can and bent over to pick it up and , unable to resist any longer, I had my way with her right then and there. I'm terribly sorry."

"That's alright, my son" the priest said. "We are not infallible and we sometimes make mistakes. There is no harm done."

The man sighed and said, "well other than the fact we're banned from Home Depot for life now."


A pastor was completing a sermon on abstaining from drinking alcohol.

With great expression, he said, 'If I had all of the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.' 

With even greater emphasis, he said, 'And if I had all of the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.'

And then finally, he thundered, 'And if I had all of the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.'

The church was silent. Not a single congregant made a sound. 

The music leader then stood up hesitantly and said, 'For our closing song, let us sing the hymn Shall We Gather at the River. '

What are the funniest abstaining jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Abstaining? Well, here are the best Abstaining puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Abstaining pick up lines to share with friends.


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