Absorbency Jokes
69 absorbency jokes and hilarious absorbency puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about absorbency that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Absorbency Short Jokes
Short absorbency jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The absorbency humour may include short jokes also.
- My professor just said that the particle of light is like a bullet... The black objects absorb more.
- Self-absorbed people are the worst. They are always thinking about themselves when they should be thinking about me.
- Bounty Towels have declined making a Donald Trump Towel The company explained that it was impossible to make the towel because Donald Trump was already too self-absorbed.
- If you lose your license take all the shock absorbers off your car. Then you won't be driving on a suspension.
- I'm mad my parents let me eat so many Rice Krispies growing up. They clearly absorbed into my body. Now every time I sit down I snap, crackle, and pop.
- Some moisturising lotion takes as long as 60 seconds to be absorbed into your skin Just let that sink in for a minute
- Scientists in Germany Have Discovered a New Particle That Can Only Exist By Absorbing Joy It's no laughing matter
- SpongeBob Wait, I just realised something. SpongeBob lives in bikini bottom, and he's absorbent: oh no...
- The grass is always greener on the other side. Since the light has to travel longer to reach your eyes, and more of the long-wavelength light is absorbed underway.
- What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with? He enters Nerdvana.
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Absorbency One Liners
Which absorbency one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with absorbency? I can suggest the ones about and .
- I once knew an arrogant sponge. he was very self absorbed.
- What do you call a selfish sponge? Self absorbed
- Which US State is the most self absorbed? Maine. It's always so "ME ME ME".
- How does the medicine in a suppository get absorbed into the body? Assmosis.
- Have you watched the documentary about sponges? It's absorbing.
- What kind of bird becomes fluffy and absorbent if you put tea in front of it? An owl.
- What's SpongeBob's worst personality trait? He's way too self-absorbent
- What do you call a self-absorbed trumpet player? Brasshole
- My costume is a bunch of sponges pinned to my shirt I'm self absorbed
- What do you call a self absorbed lobster? A little shellfish!
I'll^see^myself^out... - Wow are you a sponge? Cause you're self absorbed
- Why are vampires so self absorbed? They can't see themselves in the mirror.
- What do you call completely sound absorbing shoes? Sneakers...
- What do you call rubber bumpers on yachts?
Shark absorbers. - Why does our body absorb Strontium? To make our bones stronger
Absorbency Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about absorbency you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make absorbency pranks.
A Jewish businessman in America decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland. When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip.
The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity." "Oy vey," said the father. "What have I done?"
He decided to go ask his friend Jacob what to do. Jacob said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi and ask him what we should do."
So they went to see the Rabbi. The Rabbi said, "Funny you should ask.I too sent my son to Israel. He also came back a Christian. What is happening to our young people? Perhaps we should go talk to God and ask him what to do."
The three of them prayed and explained what had happened to their sons and asked God what to do. Suddenly a voice came loud and clear from Heaven. The Voice said, "funny you should ask, I too sent my son to Isreal..."
A Jewish businessman in America decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland. When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip.
The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity." "Oy vey," said the father. "What have I done?"
He decided to go ask his friend Jacob what to do. Jacob said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi and ask him what we should do."
So they went to see the Rabbi. The Rabbi said, "Funny you should ask.I too sent my son to Israel. He also came back a Christian. What is happening to our young people? Perhaps we should go talk to God and ask him what to do."
The three of them prayed and explained what had happened to their sons and asked God what to do. Suddenly a voice came loud and clear from Heaven. The Voice said, "funny you should ask, I too sent my son to Isreal..."
Three men were caught for m**... on same day.
Very next day they were produced in the court.
After hearing all the arguments the judge decided to declare the verdict after lunch.
It happened to be his wife's birthday that day and he had promised to not give death penalty on her birthday to anyone.
After lunch judge announced that all the three accused will receive 500 lashes.
Since it's almost a death penalty all accused were asked for their last wish.
First one thought as nothing can save him now, wishes for noth ing.
He is lashed 500 times all over his body.
He was bleeding all over gasping for final breath and conciousness.
When second person was asked for his wish he thought for a moment and said, "I wish that 10 pillow is tied all over me."
Well, 500 lashes was given but he laughed all over as pillow absorbed all the forces of lashes.
Now, The third person was called and asked for his wish.
He looked around.
He saw first person facing his death and counting his last breath and second person laughing at first person calling him idiot.
He took some time and with deep breath said,"Tie second person over me. "
A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror...
The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
Bad News
In the Hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
I'm afraid I am the bearer of bad news, he said as he surveyed the worried faces, The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky, and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a length of time, someone asked, Well, how much does a brain cost? The Doctor quickly responded, $5000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain.
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, Why is the male brain so much more?
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and then to the entire group said, It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've been used.
Charles Darwin goes to America, sees they are fat
explains, fat absorbs bullet velocity.
How many self-absorbed people does it take to screw a light bulb?
Is that a snap at me?
A collection of puns in one text.
[Context: Friend borrowed a great book by Yahtzee Croshaw, "Jam"]
Friend: I'm liking Jam a lot.
Me: Sweet. Glad you got absorbed in it. It's a berry good book. So many sticky situations for the seed of character development.
Friend: *turns off phone*
A pregnant woman goes to the bank.
A Pregnant Woman goes to the Bank and she gets shot 3 times in the stomach by a Robber.
Miraculously though her 3 triplets somehow managed to absorb the bullets in the w**....
The doctors cannot explain it and after a lot of research they still couldn't explain how it happened.
16 years later her oldest triplet came running down the stairs.
"Mum! Mum! I had a p**... and a bullet came out!" her daughter yelled.
"The doctor said this might happen" the mother said as she reassured her.
The next day her second daughter came down the stairs.
"Mum! Mum! I had a p**... and a bullet came out!"
And again the mother reassured her.
The third day her son came running the down the stairs yelling "Mum! Mum!"
"Let me guess you had a p**... and a bullet came out" the mother said.
"No! I was m**... and shot the dog!"
Bounty Towels has cancelled its agreement with Mark Cuban
Bounty said that it was impossible to make a Mark Cuban towel because Mark Cuban was already too self-absorbed.
Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous?
Me: No little one, this snake isn't poisonous at all
*Snake bites boy and boy immediately starts to spasm and foam at the mouth, leaving the other kids watching, horrified*
Me: However, this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time lads
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn
A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland.
When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip.
The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. Oh, and by the way, I converted to Christianity."
"Oh, my," said the father. What have I done?"
He decided to go ask his old friend Jacob what to do.
Jake said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi and ask him what we should do."
So they went to see the rabbi.
The rabbi said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel. He also came back a Christian. What is happening to our young people?
The three of them prayed and explained what had happened to their sons and asked God what to do.
Suddenly a voice came loud and clear from Heaven.
The Voice said, "Funny you should ask. I, too, sent my Son to Israel...
A self-absorbed man wants to get his bust sculpted.
He believes that one day he'll be very important, so he asks a sculptor to carve his bust out of marble to put into a museum in the future.
The sculptor says, "Sir, I think you're getting a head of yourself."
A Boy approaches his Dad...
The Boy asks, "Dad, what is s**...?"
The Dad ponders for awhile and figures that now is a good time for his 10 year old boy to finally understand the true facts about where babies come from.
He then elaborates on every single detail, from putting p**... into vaginas, and even shares about his s**... life with the Boy's mother.
The Boy, visually astounded, takes a long pause to absorb all the information.
He then whips out a piece of paper.
"So Dad... Do I circle the M or the F?"
No, that snake's not poisonous at all.
A boy scout says to his scout leader, Sir, is this snake poisonous?
The scout leader says, No, that snake's not poisonous at all.
So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.
The scout leader says, But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys.
Apparently I was supposed to have to have a twin until I absorbed him.
I guess I just needed a little more w**...
If SpongeBob is absorbent and lives in bikini bottom
then I'm pretty sure that makes him a t**...
If I'm in an electrical engineering class and gaining knowledge about electricity...
Does that make me a shock absorber?
Slapping Old People
An old man and old woman are sitting on their front porch on a bench one day just enjoying the scenery. All of a sudden the old woman looks at her husband and slaps him across his face. He looks and her and says "What was that for?" She said "That is for 40 years of horrible s**...!" He is quiet as he absorbs this newly discovered information. Quietly the old man reaches over and slaps his wife across her face. She says "What was that for?" He said "For knowing the difference!"
My brother in law just threw this one at me - an original. How do Vulcans keep from getting injured?
Spock absorbers.
I don't understand why people keep calling me self absorbed and narcissistic
It's almost like they can't see how great i am!
Boy Scout: Sir, the lads and I found a snake. Is it poisonous?
Me: No, this snake is not poisonous at all.
* one of them picks up the snake, which bites him. He begins to spasm and foam at the mouth.*
Me: However, this snake is very venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time.
My teacher says I'm a time waster and too dense.
I told her I absorb everything but the information just gets lost.
She didn't believe me and is now forever circling.
s**... being a black hole...
Message to SpongeBob:
You live in Bikini Bottom, and you're super absorbant...
Face it; you're a t**...
A monk dies and arrives at the pearly gates...
Allowed to enter, he notices a book prominently displayed behind Saint Peter. The monk asked what the book was. Saint Peter replied, "That's the bible as it was *supposed* to be written. The bible on Earth is close, but there are a few minor differences between the two."
"I was a biblical scribe in life; may I read the book," the monk asked humbly.
"Be my guest," replied St. Peter. The monk carefully started reading the tome and was soon absorbed in his task.
A few hours later the monk was crying. "What's wrong," asked the Saint.
"It says cele*brate*! Cele-*BRATE*!"
Cardboard is a lot like 1-ply toilet paper. It's not really good at absorbing,
But it's really good at moving s**... around.
I was out mowing my lawn...
I was out mowing my lawn. When I had to stop and refill the mower with gasoline.
The gas can broke and spilled gasoline into a puddle. I went to get some absorbent to clean up the mess but found the local stray cat had lapped up all that spilled gasoline.
I tried catch it, but it went racing around the block, then back into my yard and right up my tallest tree. Then fell right off the top of the tree.
Feeling bad I took the cat to the vet, the doctor gave the cat an exam and I finally asked, "Is the cat alright?"
The doctor replied, "the cat is fine, it just ran out of gas."
Three engineers were arguing.
The mechanical engineer, the electrical engineer, and the civil engineer. They were arguing about what sort of an engineer God must be.
"Well, God must be a mechanical engineer, because look at the human skeleton. Look at all the stress it's able to absorb."
"But look at the nervous system. Look at all the wiring. God must be an electrical engineer."
"Well, God must be a civil engineer, because only a civil engineer would run a liquid waste disposal unit right through a major recreational facility."