Absorbed Jokes

A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror...

The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous?

Me: No little one, this snake isn't poisonous at all

*Snake bites boy and boy immediately starts to spasm and foam at the mouth, leaving the other kids watching, horrified*

Me: However, this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time lads

Boy Scout: Sir, the lads and I found a snake. Is it poisonous?

Me: No, this snake is not poisonous at all.

* one of them picks up the snake, which bites him. He begins to spasm and foam at the mouth.*

Me: However, this snake is very venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time.

No, that snake's not poisonous at all.

A boy scout says to his scout leader, Sir, is this snake poisonous?
The scout leader says, No, that snake's not poisonous at all.

So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.

The scout leader says, But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys.

I once knew an arrogant sponge.

he was very self absorbed.

What do you call a selfish sponge?

Self absorbed

How does the medicine in a suppository get absorbed into the body?

Assmosis.

Some moisturising lotion takes as long as 60 seconds to be absorbed into your skin

Just let that sink in for a minute

A collection of puns in one text.

[Context: Friend borrowed a great book by Yahtzee Croshaw, "Jam"]

Friend: I'm liking Jam a lot.

Me: Sweet. Glad you got absorbed in it. It's a berry good book. So many sticky situations for the seed of character development.

Friend: *turns off phone*

My costume is a bunch of sponges pinned to my shirt

I'm self absorbed

What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?

He enters Nerdvana.

What do you call a self absorbed lobster?

A little shellfish!


I'll^see^myself^out...

The grass is always greener on the other side.

Since the light has to travel longer to reach your eyes, and more of the long-wavelength light is absorbed underway.

Wow are you a sponge?

Cause you're self absorbed

I don't understand why people keep calling me self absorbed and narcissistic

It's almost like they can't see how great i am!

Why are vampires so self absorbed?

They can't see themselves in the mirror.

Apparently I was supposed to have to have a twin until I absorbed him.

I guess I just needed a little more womb

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