Absolutes Jokes

Why don't Jedi Knights use the Kelvin scale?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

Why do the Jedi refuse to measure temperature using Kelvin?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes

My wife said to me if I don't stop quoting Star Wars she's going to leave me

I replied "Only a Sith deals in absolutes"

Everyone talks about how May 4th is 100% hands down the best Star Wars holiday ever....

But only a fifth May deal in absolutes..

My wife told me she was tired of me always talking about StarWars and nothing else

I told her only a Sith deals in absolutes

why is it general kenobi and not specific kenobi ?

only a sith deals in absolutes

Why did Obi-wan not do his math homework?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes.

To find a women you need time and money

To find a women you need time and money; therefore *Women=Time+Money*

But "Time is Money", therefore: Time=Money and so *Women=Money*Money* or Money^2

But "Money is the root of all Problems", therefore: *Money=√All_Problems*

using those two absolutes we can say that
Women=(√All_Problems)^2

**Women=All_Problems**

Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

β€” Only idiots deal in absolutes.

β€” Are you sure?
– Completely.

Why are the Sith never negative?

They only deal in absolutes.

How do you approach a Care Bear that deals in absolutes?

Carefully.

Why don't Jedi mathematicians use the absolute value function?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes.

^and ^it's ^non-differentiable ^at ^0

Why couldn't Luke calculate Abs(-1)?

Only a sith deals in absolutes.

I don't speak in absolutes.

Not now. Not ever.

If you were in a 'choose a movie/comic book character, or you die' situation. Who would you be?

Sith. Because only a sith deals in absolutes.

Why are Sith measurements not as accurate as Jedis'?

Because a Sith deals only in absolutes.

We have collected gags that can be used as Absolutes pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Absolutes, here are one liners and funny Absolutes pick up lines.

Joko Jokes