Absolutely Stupid Jokes

7 absolutely stupid jokes and hilarious absolutely stupid puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about absolutely stupid that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Absolutely Stupid Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.

What is a good absolutely stupid joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

Afterlife for IRS Cheaters

Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a s**..., ugly woman for the next five years.
A few days later, as Tony's walking in the park with his s**..., hideous new girlfriend, he spots his friend John with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman. "John, what happened?" Tony asks.
"I have no idea," John replies. "I was told I have five years of amazing s**... to look forward to. The only thing I don't understand is why she always yells 'Damn income taxes!' whenever we have s**...."

A preacher is buying a parrot

"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.
"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.
"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"
"I fall off my perch, you s**... fool!" screeched the parrot.

Some people have accused me of being an alcoholic...

I tell them that's absolutely not true! I'm a deadbeat drunk. Alcoholics go to those s**... meetings just to boast about how proud they are of being quitters!

If someone gave you $200 because you're ugly , would you take the money?

Me: Absolutely! I'm ugly, not s**....
Not a proper joke but it was the smart answer that made me giggle.

A horse walks into a bar

And the bartender asked "why the long face?"
The horse said, well, it has been a really bad day. Around 10 years ago, I married a pony, the absolute love of my life. She just passed away at the hospital from t**... cancer. I'm on my way back home and I just came in for a few drinks to ease the pain.
The bartender felt horrible about the s**... joke he said earlier and apologized profusely.
The horse just shook his head and said don't worry about it. In all honesty, we should have caught the cancer much earlier. She was always a little horse.

The word Diputseromneve looks absolutely ridiculous

And it's even more s**... backwards!

Will you enjoy heaven?

Mark goes to heaven and is s**... worried if he will like it or not so he talks to St. Peter at the gate.
Mark: Im not sure if I'm going to like it here. I don't like most things people like.
St. Peter.:Do you like drinking?
Mark: Yes I absolutely love drinking!
St. Peter: You are going to love Monday it's beer night!
St. Peter: Do you like gambling?
Mark: Absolutely! I love the slot machines.
St. Peter: You will love Tuesday! It's Casino Night.
St. Peter: Are you gay?
Mark: No sir!
St. Peter: Well you aren't going to like Wednesdays!

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