Absent Jokes

32 absent jokes and hilarious absent puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about absent that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article provides a collection of funny jokes about being absent-minded, absent parents and being absent from school or work. From the Absent Minded Professor to the yearbook of a junior who was absent the whole year, these jokes will have you laughing.

Funniest Absent Short Jokes

Short absent jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The absent humour may include short absence jokes also.

  1. Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent. So instead, a subreddit.
  2. North Korea's leader has been suspiciously absent, arousing concerns from his followers who all wonder... ...Is Kim Jong ill?
  3. An absent-minded person put too much soap and clothes in the washer, and the room floods. That must explain the rising Tide.
  4. Which student in the universe has the most absents on record at Sunday School? Jesus Christ, I don't know him..
  5. I blame the telephone company for my absent father. Me and him never had a good connection.
  6. My geologist boyfriend is so ungrateful. I showed him my schist collection and he only absently said, "That's gneiss, honey..."
  7. You know what they say about a guy with a really long tie, right? He's got an absent father.
  8. Why do young black men enjoy "shounen" anime? Because all the main protagonists have absent fathers.
  9. Did you hear about the fat absent father? He was never around, but at least he was portly.
  10. What happened when the black man went to night school? The teacher marked him absent.

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Absent One Liners

Which absent one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with absent? I can suggest the ones about nonexistent and missing.

  1. Why are mechanics absent fathers? Because they nut and bolt
  2. i miss all the absent father jokes people used to make when are they coming back?
  3. Yo mommas so black she has been marked absent at night school.
  4. As an absent father, I like my kids like I like my flour Self-raising
  5. What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn't want to be a dad? Absent-tea parent.
  6. How do Chicago teachers know who's going to be absent? Reading the obituaries
  7. Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded.
  8. Your father is so absent... When I Google searched him it returned: Error 404 Not found.
  9. What happened to the absent-minded conductor? He lost his train of thought.
  10. Yo mama's so black. When she went to nightschool, the teacher marked her absent.
  11. If a woman with abs gets a miscarriage does that make the baby... Absent
  12. I made some thick green tea, but now I can't find it. Absent-tea
  13. Why is disbelief absent in the American high school today? it got suspended
  14. Why was the cop absent from work? He had swine flu
  15. What do you call a mathematical plane absent of lines, angles, and polygons? Plane MT

Absent joke, What do you call a mathematical plane absent of lines, angles, and polygons?

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Absent Jokes with Friends.

What funny jokes about absent you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean going away jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make absent pranks.

A beautiful college professor reminds her student of the big test tomorrow

She says "You cannot be absent unless you are wounded, seriously ill or you have a sudden death in the family." One boy asks "But what about extreme fatigue from a hot night of s**...?" When the class is done laughing the professor smiles and says
"In that case you can write with your other hand."

All the letters were having a discussion.

Suddenly they discovered letter T is absent. They called him up and T said, "wait I'm in the middle of something."
(Might be a s**... joke but I made it myself, hence posting)

A teacher asked in a class full of blondes who killed Abraham Lincoln

A student said It wasn't me
Second blonde said I was absent yesterday
Another blonde I couldn't kill a fly and you ask me if I killed a human being
The teacher frustratingly left the classroom and head to the principal,whose happen to be blonde.
She heard the story and went to the class.
She left the classroom and asked the teacher are you sure the killer in this class?

An absent student

A Student, every time he is absent from school, he tells his teachers that his father is in the hospital, then when this happened way too many times, one of his teachers goes to visit his father
He was surprised to find
his father is in fact a doctor

A teacher was taking attendance

She noticed one student was missing and marked him absent. She continues on with her lesson until, about a half hour in, the student walks in. She says to him, You're late. He says nothing and instead pulls out a clock, No, he says and proceeds to sit on the clock, I'm right on time.

A kid walks into his home room after being absent yesterday

The teacher says, "Why were you not here yesterday?" The kid says, "My father was in the hospital." The following week the teacher asked, "Is your father still in the hospital?" The kid laughs and then says, "Yes, my father's a doctor!"

What did the hobbits call the d**... Ents that missed the battle to take selfies?


Absent joke, I blame the telephone company for my absent father.