Absent Jokes

Following is our collection of absence humor and pupils one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Absent puns for adults, dirty school jokes or clean absentminded gags for kids.

There is an abundance of class jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 18 funniest jokes on absent. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any student witze you can hear about absent.

The Best jokes about Absent

A beautiful college professor reminds her student of the big test tomorrow

She says "You cannot be absent unless you are wounded, seriously ill or you have a sudden death in the family." One boy asks "But what about extreme fatigue from a hot night of sex?" When the class is done laughing the professor smiles and says
"In that case you can write with your other hand."

North Korea's leader has been suspiciously absent, arousing concerns from his followers who all wonder...

...Is Kim Jong ill?

All the letters were having a discussion.

Suddenly they discovered letter T is absent. They called him up and T said, "wait I'm in the middle of something."

(Might be a stupid joke but I made it myself, hence posting)

Why are mechanics absent fathers?

Because they nut and bolt

i miss all the absent father jokes people used to make

when are they coming back?


A teacher asked in a class full of blondes who killed Abraham Lincoln

A student said It wasn't me
Second blonde said I was absent yesterday
Another blonde I couldn't kill a fly and you ask me if I killed a human being

The teacher frustratingly left the classroom and head to the principal,whose happen to be blonde.

She heard the story and went to the class.

She left the classroom and asked the teacher are you sure the killer in this class?

Missing

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. 'Hello?'

'Is your daddy home?' He asked.

'Yes,' whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?'

The child whispered, 'No.'

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mummy there?' 'Yes'

'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, 'No'

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'

'Yes,' whispered the child, 'a policeman.'

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'

'No, he's busy,' whispered the child.

'Busy doing what?'

'Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman,' came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'

'A helicopter' answered the whispering voice.

'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered,

'The search team just landed a helicopter'

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...

'ME.'

Yo mommas so black

she has been marked absent at night school.

A teacher was taking attendance

She noticed one student was missing and marked him absent. She continues on with her lesson until, about a half hour in, the student walks in. She says to him, You're late. He says nothing and instead pulls out a clock, No, he says and proceeds to sit on the clock, I'm right on time.

A kid walks into his home room after being absent yesterday

The teacher says, "Why were you not here yesterday?" The kid says, "My father was in the hospital." The following week the teacher asked, "Is your father still in the hospital?" The kid laughs and then says, "Yes, my father's a doctor!"

As an absent father, I like my kids like I like my flour

Self-raising


Your father is so absent...

When I Google searched him it returned: Error 404 Not found.

An absent-minded person put too much soap and clothes in the washer, and the room floods.

That must explain the rising Tide.

What did the hobbits call the douchebag Ents that missed the battle to take selfies?

Abs-Ent

I blame the telephone company for my absent father.

Me and him never had a good connection.

How do Chicago teachers know who's going to be absent?

Reading the obituaries

I heard there's a pedophile convention in town

and also, my high school gym teacher has been absent.

If a woman with abs gets a miscarriage does that make the baby...

Absent

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes