JokoJokes

Absence Jokes

23 absence jokes and hilarious absence puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about absence that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Absence Short Jokes

Short absence jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The absence humour may include short absent jokes also.

  1. Absence makes the heart grow fonder... Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and abstinence makes the hand grow stronger.
  2. Why did the restaurant staff deem the waiters absence due to depression to be a technical issue? Because their servers were down.
  3. It's been quite a while since I saw a movie with Jane, Henry, or Bridget I guess it's true what they say - absence makes the heart grow Fonda.
  4. Why did the French monarchy embrace nihilism in the absence of a dauphin? Because they no longer had a *porpoise*
  5. About to hit my yeard, and I realized that not shaving for so longer beforehand made my commitment stronger It was then that I realized that absence makes the beard grow longer.
  6. Concerning the absence of toilet paper, there should be complaint books laid out at publicly used places.
  7. My long-distance girlfriend explaining why she cheated "Absence makes the heart go wander"
  8. A good reputation should be like a good f**... It should precede before your presence and linger after your absence.

Share These Absence Jokes With Friends




Absence One Liners

Which absence one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with absence? I can suggest the ones about lack and presence.

  1. Absence makes the heart grow fonder unless? it's Kanye West.
  2. What do Trees do in Autumn? Take a Leaf of absence.
  3. What do you call it when a metal head takes a leave of absence? A Black Sabbatical
  4. My boss held a meeting because of my excessive absence. But I didn't attend it.
  5. Black isn't a color, it's the absence of... integrity.
  6. Absence may make the heart grow fonder... But abstinence makes the d**... grow harder.

Absence joke, Absence may make the heart grow fonder...

Fun-Filled Absence Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What funny jokes about absence you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean going away jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make absence pranks.

After a 2000 year absence, the v**... Mary takes a trip down to earth.


After a couple of days, she calls back to heaven. "Hi Peter, this is the v**... Mary. I met a man." Peter says to her, "That's not bad. This is how it is down on earth."
The next day she calls back to heaven. "Hi Peter, this is the v**... Mary. I kissed the man. Is that bad?" Peter says to her, "No, that's part of life on earth."
The next day she calls back to heaven. "Hi Peter, this is Mary."

Dear John,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool, nobody can take your place.
All my love,
Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx
P.S. Congratulations on winning last week's Powerball lottery.

There is a boy that went to school after 3 weeks of absence...

The teacher asks him:
-Why didn't you come to school in your first week of absence?
Boy:A brick fell on my grandma and we had to burry her.
Teacher:But second week?
Boy:A brick fell on my grandpa and we had to burry him.
Teacher:And the last week?
Boy:A brick fell on my dad and we had to burry him.
Teacher:But what were you doing all this time??
Boy:I was on the roof of my house playing with bricks.

A teacher asked his students..

A teacher asked his students "Is black a color?". One student replied "Yes, it's all the colors." another student said "No, it's the absence of color." Then another student said "It's only three-fifths of a color."

A man is sipping on his coffee at a cafe

He needs to visit bathroom. He doesn't want anyone to steal&drink his coffee during his absence so he leaves a sign on a cup that says: "I've spit in it".
He goes to the bathroom and comes back to find another sign on his coffee that says: "Me too"

Winner

Dear John,
I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool, nobody can take your place. I love you.
All my love,
Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx
P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.

Absence joke, About to hit my yeard, and I realized that not shaving for so longer beforehand made my commitment s