Abruptly Jokes

A young boy was kissed by a girl he really liked.

But after only a few seconds, the boy abruptly ended his first kiss. "I'm so sorry, but I can't continue!" he said. "Why not," the girl asked, "didn't you like it?"

"No, that's not it," the boy replied. "It's my mom. She said that if I kiss a girl before I'm sixteen, I'll turn into a statue. And I could feel it starting already."

My 6 year old son told me this one. "What do you call a snowman that's having a threesome with two hot princesses?"

I slapped my son and abruptly deleted his youtube kids app.

A trucker and a blonde.

A trucker is driving down a busy highway when he is abruptly cut off by a blonde woman in her car. Tired and grumpy from driving all day, he quickly pulls along side of the woman's car and forces her to stop on the shoulder of the highway. The trucker and the woman get out of their vehicles. The trucker takes a rock and draws a circle around the blonde.

"Don't you dare set foot outside this circle," the trucker orders.

He walks over to the blondes car and keys the side of it. When he returns, the woman is standing in her circle giggling. This angers the trucker even more. He proceeds to grab a bat out of his semi and smash the mirrors off the woman's car. When the trucker returns to the woman, she is still standing in her circle laughing. Enraged, the trucker takes a gas tank out of his semi, douses the woman's car in gas, and sets it on fire. The woman bursts into hysteria.

"I just totaled your car!! What is so funny?!" The trucker shouts.

The blonde replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

A pianist performing in a subway terminal...

was playing beautifully. I was only offput by the weird looking kid with a dunce cap sitting atop the piano.

Suddenly, the weird looking kid with the dunce cap jumped up and scurried off. The piano player abruptly stopped playing.

I asked him, "why did you stop playing?"

To which he replied, "I cannot play piano without my metro-gnome."

Renes Descartes goes into a bar

The barkeeper asks him: "You want a beer?"

Descartes agrees and after that he drinks many more.

Later when he is quite drunk he grabs his keys and moves towards his car.

The barkeeper stops him from entering the car and asks him: "Do you really think, driving your state is a good idea?"

Descartes replies: "Yeah, you're right. I don't think..." and abruptly stops existing.

Airline Safety

Taxiing down the tarmac, the 747 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After a two hour delay, it finally took off.

Barry, a worried passenger asked the steward, "What was the problem?"

"Well, the pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine", explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

A Panda walks into a bar....

He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves. The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says. "For what?" The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute." The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money." The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda. Look it up." She is about to protest when the panda hands her the dictionary. The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary, and it reads, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves.

Stalin was giving a speech.

and in the middle of his speech, someone in the audience sneezed. Stalin abruptly stopped talking and asked who sneezed? But everyone was too terrified of the consequences to admit it. Stalin makes the first row of people stand up, and asks again, who sneezed? No on admits to being the one to cause this interruption. Stalin has the entire first row executed on the spot. He tells the second row to get on their feet and asks the same question. Again, no one is willing to admit fault or even tattle on their fellow comrade. Stalin has the second row executed. He then asks the third row to stand. Finally, a man comes forward and admits guilt. Stalin says "bless you" and continues on with his speech.

Woman bathing naked

One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys was lingering over by a bush. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long, so he walked over to the bush, and to his astonishment saw a woman bathing naked in the stream. All of a sudden the second boy took off running.

The first boy couldn't understand why his friend ran away so abruptly, so he took off after him. When he finally caught up to him, he asked why he ran away.

The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

A panda walks into a bar.

He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She comes over and talks to the panda, and eventually the two of them go back to her place.
After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves.
The next night the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says.
"For what?" says the panda.
The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute."
The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money."
The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.
The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary.
It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."

A Panda Walks into a Bar

The Bartender is a little confused but hands the Panda a Menu.

The Panda points to a side of celery sticks, which the bartender quickly gives to him.

After a few moments of chomping loudly on the celery sticks, the panda abruptly gets up out of his chair, pulls out a gun, and fires several shots in the air!

Everyone freaks out but the Panda then makes his way to the door!

The frazzled Bartender asks the Panda,

Why do you do that?

The panda replies,

I'm a Panda! Look it up!

He leaves and the confused Bartender takes out his phone and looks up Panda, in the encyclopedia, to which he finds:

Panda- A black and white colored Chinese Bear-like animal. Eats, shoots, and leaves.

A panda walks into a bar...

A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves.

The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says.

"For what?"

The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute."

The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money."

The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.

The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary. It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."

A couple was traveling across Europe but had to stop abruptly at Finland's borders. Why?

Because it was the Finnish line.

WALKS INTO A BAR... RANDY PANDA

A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves.The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says.

"For what?"

The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute."

The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money."

The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary.

It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."

Dinner Date Fail...

Had a date with a beautiful woman last night, but she abruptly stormed off when I informed our server that he had given me her peas.

Panda's tale

A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves. The next night the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money,"she says. The panda says "for what?" the woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute." The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up "Prostitute: Has sex for money." The panda says "I don't have to pay you I'm a panda look it up." She is about to protest when the panda hands her the dictionary. The woman looks up the word "Panda" in the dictionary and it reads "Panda: Eats bush and leaves.

90 year old married man enters confessional

Bypassing the usual protocols, he tells the priest rather abruptly that he had sex with a beautiful 20 year old woman, who wasn't his wife.

The Priest states my son, you must say 10 Our Fathers, 3 Hail Marys, when the old man cuts him off, and says, wait I am not Catholic. The Priest says, well why are you telling this?

The old man exclaims I'm telling everybody!

The "circle of life" applies to life in general,

your own life is more of a straight line that ends abruptly.




(Credit James Acaster)

An old Jewish couple is going to bed

The husband can't fall asleep, so his wife asks him:
- Abraham, why can't you fall asleep?
The husband responds:
- I owe Binyamin a lot of money, and I don't think I can give it back in time.
The wife is annoyed, picks up a phone and dials a number on it:
-Hello, Binyamin? Abraham is not going to give the money back!
Then she abruptly hangs the phone, and says:
- If we are not sleeping, he is not sleeping!

You know who never looses their work when their computer shuts off abruptly?

Jesus. Jesus saves.

I was crying and yelling: It's a boy! I cannot believe it...it's a boy!

– Mike, 32, abruptly ending his holiday in Thailand

What I hate about commercials

I hate how they abruptly cut o

What do a pilot and a chronic masturbator have in common?

When they wake up abruptly their first thought is to pull up.

A Panda Walls into a Bar

A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves.

The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says.

"For what?"

The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute."

The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money."

The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.

The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary. It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."

I AM NOT "HAPPY"!

So last week I'm driving in town and a large SUV decides to stop abruptly on a yellow light. I was forced to slam on my brakes and still could not avoid slamming into the SUV. With the airbag in my face and two brand new black eyes, I manage to open the door and step out of my vehicle. I see the drivers side door open and out jumps a "little person". He runs to the back of his SUV and see's the damage and starts shouting "I'm NOT HAPPY!, I'm NOT HAPPY!". I replied to him "If your not "HAPPY" which one are you?

A teacher is about to sing a song he made for his students

He then started:

-Joe, kiss my toe! Ferdinand, kiss my hand!

He abruptly stops singing and asks:

Why are you leaving the classroom, Patrick?

The first thing out of my mouth when I was very abruptly and rudely woken up by my neighbor blaring "Trapped in the Closet"...

"Ugh, that's the second worse way to be woken up by R-Kelly!"

"Where'd your 'P' go?"

So a preschooler was learning about the alphabet and all of its mysteriousness. So, teacher told the little gentleman to recite the letters of the alphabet. The boy begins to say the letters A, B, C, but abruptly stops. The teacher asks why he stopped, so the boy replies, "I have to go the bathroom". As her response she tells him he can go 'wee-wee' once he's finished reciting the alphabet. So, again, the boy starts to sing his abc's.


"A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z"

The teacher responds, "Very good! But where'd your "P" go?"


*(dramatic line skip)*


The young boy blushes profusely and quietly whispers, "Down my left leg."

Just the other day I was reading The Art of the Deal

Good book, but the book abruptly ended at Chapter 11

How do you tell if a female prisoner is on her period?

When her sentence ends abruptly.

Micheal Cohen's latest book wasn't as long as I expected ...(Spoiler)

It abruptly ended at Chapter 11

A leopard abruptly leaves a bar

"Where are you going? You haven't paid your tab!" yells the bartender.

"I've gotta run; I've been spotted!"

"It's a boy!!! I cannot believe it – it's a boy!! I was so overwhelmed, I literally stood there in tears"

~Mike, 32, abruptly ending his holiday in Thailand

My girlfriend abruptly broke up with me

She found out that I was missing a toe on my left foot.
I had no idea she was lack toes intolerant.

My therapist abruptly canceled me as a client.

After I told her I used to follow my last therapist home. Shame, we were making progress, I almost had her cross street

We have collected gags that can be used as Abruptly pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Abruptly, here are one liners and funny Abruptly pick up lines.

Joko Jokes