Uplifting Abruptly Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
A trucker and a blonde.
A trucker is driving down a busy highway when he is abruptly cut off by a blonde woman in her car. Tired and grumpy from driving all day, he quickly pulls along side of the woman's car and forces her to stop on the shoulder of the highway. The trucker and the woman get out of their vehicles. The trucker takes a rock and draws a circle around the blonde.
"Don't you dare set foot outside this circle," the trucker orders.
He walks over to the blondes car and keys the side of it. When he returns, the woman is standing in her circle giggling. This angers the trucker even more. He proceeds to grab a bat out of his semi and smash the mirrors off the woman's car. When the trucker returns to the woman, she is still standing in her circle laughing. Enraged, the trucker takes a gas tank out of his semi, douses the woman's car in gas, and sets it on fire. The woman bursts into hysteria.
"I just totaled your car!! What is so funny?!" The trucker shouts.
The blonde replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
The first thing out of my mouth when I was very abruptly and rudely woken up by my neighbor blaring "Trapped in the Closet"...
"Ugh, that's the second worse way to be woken up by R-Kelly!"
An old Jewish couple is going to bed
The husband can't fall asleep, so his wife asks him:
- Abraham, why can't you fall asleep?
The husband responds:
- I owe Binyamin a lot of money, and I don't think I can give it back in time.
The wife is annoyed, picks up a phone and dials a number on it:
-Hello, Binyamin? Abraham is not going to give the money back!
Then she abruptly hangs the phone, and says:
- If we are not sleeping, he is not sleeping!
News from the Hill: Yesterday's session of the US Congress was abruptly interrupted by two criminals.
They apologized for being late and took their seats.
Airline Safety
Taxiing down the tarmac, the 747 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After a two hour delay, it finally took off.
Barry, a worried passenger asked the steward, "What was the problem?"
"Well, the pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine", explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
My Chinese girlfriend abruptly left mid-way through s**.....
when I was reaching my c**..., I yelled "TAIWAN NUMBER 1"
You know who never looses their work when their computer shuts off abruptly?
Jesus. Jesus saves.
A couple was traveling across Europe but had to stop abruptly at Finland's borders. Why?
Because it was the Finnish line.
A young boy was kissed by a girl he really liked.
But after only a few seconds, the boy abruptly ended his first kiss. "I'm so sorry, but I can't continue!" he said. "Why not," the girl asked, "didn't you like it?"
"No, that's not it," the boy replied. "It's my mom. She said that if I kiss a girl before I'm sixteen, I'll turn into a statue. And I could feel it starting already."
Dinner Date Fail...
Had a date with a beautiful woman last night, but she abruptly stormed off when I informed our server that he had given me her peas.
Just the other day I was reading The Art of the Deal
Good book, but the book abruptly ended at Chapter 11
You can explore abruptly passionately reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean abruptly immediately dad jokes. There are also abruptly puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The "circle of life" applies to life in general,
your own life is more of a straight line that ends abruptly.
(Credit James Acaster)
My 6 year old son told me this one. "What do you call a snowman that's having a t**... with two hot princesses?"
I slapped my son and abruptly deleted his youtube kids app.
A leopard abruptly leaves a bar
"Where are you going? You haven't paid your tab!" yells the bartender.
"I've gotta run; I've been spotted!"
A pianist performing in a subway terminal...
was playing beautifully. I was only offput by the weird looking kid with a dunce cap sitting atop the piano.
Suddenly, the weird looking kid with the dunce cap jumped up and scurried off. The piano player abruptly stopped playing.
I asked him, "why did you stop playing?"
To which he replied, "I cannot play piano without my metro-gnome."
90 year old married man enters confessional
Bypassing the usual protocols, he tells the priest rather abruptly that he had s**... with a beautiful 20 year old woman, who wasn't his wife.
The Priest states my son, you must say 10 Our Fathers, 3 Hail Marys, when the old man cuts him off, and says, wait I am not Catholic. The Priest says, well why are you telling this?
The old man exclaims I'm telling everybody!
What I hate about commercials
I hate how they abruptly cut o
I was crying and yelling: It's a boy! I cannot believe it...it's a boy!
– Mike, 32, abruptly ending his holiday in Thailand
How do you tell if a female prisoner is on her period?
When her sentence ends abruptly.
My therapist abruptly canceled me as a client.
After I told her I used to follow my last therapist home. Shame, we were making progress, I almost had her cross street
My girlfriend abruptly broke up with me
She found out that I was missing a toe on my left foot.
I had no idea she was lack toes intolerant.
"It's a boy!!! I cannot believe it – it's a boy!! I was so overwhelmed, I literally stood there in tears"
~Mike, 32, abruptly ending his holiday in Thailand
A teacher is about to sing a song he made for his students
He then started:
-Joe, kiss my toe! Ferdinand, kiss my hand!
He abruptly stops singing and asks:
Why are you leaving the classroom, Patrick?
Micheal Cohen's latest book wasn't as long as I expected ...(Spoiler)
It abruptly ended at Chapter 11
Renes Descartes goes into a bar
The barkeeper asks him: "You want a beer?"
Descartes agrees and after that he drinks many more.
Later when he is quite drunk he grabs his keys and moves towards his car.
The barkeeper stops him from entering the car and asks him: "Do you really think, driving your state is a good idea?"
Descartes replies: "Yeah, you're right. I don't think..." and abruptly stops existing.
What do a pilot and a chronic masturbator have in common?
When they wake up abruptly their first thought is to pull up.
A man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool
I don't know what they're filling the pool with, because he abruptly left when I offered him a glass of water
I was playing an updated version of Oregon Trail voiced by Terry Crews.
I made the comment that he wasn't a good voice actor, and the game abruptly ended. Apparently, I died of dissin' Terry.
In a supermarket lvan lost sight of his wife.
In a supermarket Ivan lost sight of his wife. He comes up to a nice young lady and asks, "Will you talk with me for a couple of minutes, please?"
"Why should I?"
"It's always the same -- as soon as I get into talking with a pretty woman my wife abruptly pops up from out of nowhere.
My wife was inhaling popcorn and nearly choked to death on an un-popped kernel.
I almost had to call the popcoroner.
(Real life: my wife really was eating popcorn with no breathing in between and I said maybe slow down so you don't choke on that. I don't want to have to call the pop coroner , and she abruptly started laughing and, I swear, choked on some (non-fatal). So I decided to present my ad-lib here, as a joke. At least I (and you) can be sure it's no repost!)
What do you say to The President Of The United States when he leaves abruptly?
Okay, Biden.
I was sitting on an automatic toilet when it malfunctioned and abruptly flushed underneath me…
Scared the s**... outta me.
Taxiing down the tarmac, the 767 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After a hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?"
*"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."*
Did you hear about the Lumberjack who abruptly stopped doing his job?
He just woodn't.
