Abruptly Jokes

A young boy was kissed by a girl he really liked.

But after only a few seconds, the boy abruptly ended his first kiss. "I'm so sorry, but I can't continue!" he said. "Why not," the girl asked, "didn't you like it?"
"No, that's not it," the boy replied. "It's my mom. She said that if I kiss a girl before I'm sixteen, I'll turn into a statue. And I could feel it starting already."

My 6 year old son told me this one. "What do you call a snowman that's having a t**... with two hot princesses?"

I slapped my son and abruptly deleted his youtube kids app.

Three Blondes on a Hike

3 Blondes were walking on a hike just outside of their town when one of them stops abruptly and lets out a gasp! The other two quickly look.
Blonde one- look at those Bear tracks!
Blonde two- those aren't Bear tracks. Those are Moose tracks
Blonde three- those aren't Bear or Moose tracks...more like Wolf tracks
Before they can argue any further a Train hits them.

Renes Descartes goes into a bar

The barkeeper asks him: "You want a beer?"
Descartes agrees and after that he drinks many more.
Later when he is quite drunk he grabs his keys and moves towards his car.
The barkeeper stops him from entering the car and asks him: "Do you really think, driving your state is a good idea?"
Descartes replies: "Yeah, you're right. I don't think..." and abruptly stops existing.

A pianist performing in a subway terminal...

was playing beautifully. I was only offput by the weird looking kid with a dunce cap sitting atop the piano.
Suddenly, the weird looking kid with the dunce cap jumped up and scurried off. The piano player abruptly stopped playing.
I asked him, "why did you stop playing?"
To which he replied, "I cannot play piano without my metro-gnome."

Airline Safety

Taxiing down the tarmac, the 747 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After a two hour delay, it finally took off.
Barry, a worried passenger asked the steward, "What was the problem?"
"Well, the pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine", explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

My wife was inhaling popcorn and nearly choked to death on an un-popped kernel.

I almost had to call the popcoroner.
(Real life: my wife really was eating popcorn with no breathing in between and I said maybe slow down so you don't choke on that. I don't want to have to call the pop coroner , and she abruptly started laughing and, I swear, choked on some (non-fatal). So I decided to present my ad-lib here, as a joke. At least I (and you) can be sure it's no repost!)

I was sitting on an automatic toilet when it malfunctioned and abruptly flushed underneath me…

Scared the s**... outta me.

Taxiing down the tarmac, the 767 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After a hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?"

*"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."*

A walk in the woods…

A couple were on a blind date and they decided to take a walk in the woods. After some casual banter they started to feel more and more comfortable with each other and they started to feel a little frisky. They decided to sneak off the path into a dark grove of trees. After finding a good spot, they began making out and within a few minutes they were having s**....
After about 15 minutes, the man abruptly jumps up and says, d**... it, I really wish I had a flashlight!
The woman says, I wish you did, too – you've been eating grass for the past 10 minutes!

In a supermarket lvan lost sight of his wife.

In a supermarket Ivan lost sight of his wife. He comes up to a nice young lady and asks, "Will you talk with me for a couple of minutes, please?"
"Why should I?"
"It's always the same -- as soon as I get into talking with a pretty woman my wife abruptly pops up from out of nowhere.

90 year old married man enters confessional

Bypassing the usual protocols, he tells the priest rather abruptly that he had s**... with a beautiful 20 year old woman, who wasn't his wife.
The Priest states my son, you must say 10 Our Fathers, 3 Hail Marys, when the old man cuts him off, and says, wait I am not Catholic. The Priest says, well why are you telling this?
The old man exclaims I'm telling everybody!

An old Jewish couple is going to bed

The husband can't fall asleep, so his wife asks him:
- Abraham, why can't you fall asleep?
The husband responds:
- I owe Binyamin a lot of money, and I don't think I can give it back in time.
The wife is annoyed, picks up a phone and dials a number on it:
-Hello, Binyamin? Abraham is not going to give the money back!
Then she abruptly hangs the phone, and says:
- If we are not sleeping, he is not sleeping!

A teacher is about to sing a song he made for his students

He then started:
-Joe, kiss my toe! Ferdinand, kiss my hand!
He abruptly stops singing and asks:
Why are you leaving the classroom, Patrick?

A leopard abruptly leaves a bar

"Where are you going? You haven't paid your tab!" yells the bartender.
"I've gotta run; I've been spotted!"

Just the other day I was reading The Art of the Deal

Good book, but the book abruptly ended at Chapter 11

Micheal Cohen's latest book wasn't as long as I expected ...(Spoiler)

It abruptly ended at Chapter 11

A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights.
I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in.
I did, and each one lit up.
"Great," she said.
I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box.
But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.
"I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."

"It's a boy!!! I cannot believe it – it's a boy!! I was so overwhelmed, I literally stood there in tears"

~Mike, 32, abruptly ending his holiday in Thailand

My girlfriend abruptly broke up with me

She found out that I was missing a toe on my left foot.
I had no idea she was lack toes intolerant.

My therapist abruptly canceled me as a client.

After I told her I used to follow my last therapist home. Shame, we were making progress, I almost had her cross street