Uproarious Abra Jokes to Share with Friends
If Abraham Lincoln were alive right now, he'd probably say...
...why is it so dark in here?
What did Abraham Lincoln say when he heard there's a movie about him hunting vampires?
"What the f**...'s a movie..."
What do you call a Greek Magician?
Abra Kebabra
What do Abraham Lincoln and Ryan Fitzpatrick have in common?
Neither of them can finish a play
What's a feminists least favorite Pokemon?
Abra!
What do Abraham Lincoln and Peyton Manning have in common?
Neither can finish a play.
What did Abraham Lincoln say after a three-day drinking spree?
"I freed the what?"
What would Abraham Lincoln say if he found out there was a movie about him slaying vampires?
What's a movie?
Abraham Lincoln was better at finishing plays than the Seahawks.
What was Abraham Lincoln's seating preference?
Not John Wilkes Booth!
Why didn't Abraham Lincoln go to jail?
Because he was in-a-cent!
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I think if Abraham Lincoln were alive today...
He would probably look around, scream, and then desperately claw at the inside of his coffin.
Abraham Lincoln.
The reason I now have to hire a dishwasher instead of buying one.
Why can't Abraham Lincoln be convicted for m**...?
Because he's in a cent.
Where did Abraham Lincoln go in 1865?
All over the wall
What do you call a dead magician?
Abra Cadaver.
What do Abraham Lincoln and an '80s sitcom have in common?
Both were shot before a live audience.
Real definition of Zebra from Blonde's perspective
What is a Zebra?
A Z-bra is 25 sizes bigger than an A-bra.
If Abraham Lincoln were alive today, what would he be famous for?
Old age
If Abraham Lincoln was alive today...
He'd be desperately clawing at the lid of his coffin.
What did Abraham Lincoln say after recovering from a 3-day drinking binge?
*"I set* ***who*** *free?"*
How come Abraham Lincoln never went to jail?
Because he was in a cent
Abraham Lincoln walks out in his garden in heaven and sees his neighbor in his own garden
Abraham: "Your grass is getting long, shouldn't you cut it?"
Neighbor: "Yeah... You know, I used to have people for that..."
Did you know Abraham Lincoln was jewish?
He was shot in the temple
Abraham Lincoln could never call himself a republican today.
Because he was murdered while watching a play in 1865.
What does J.J. Abrams stand for?
Jar Jar Abrams.
(Thanks Mark Hamil for the inspiration ❤️)
What did Abraham Lincoln say when he was falesly accused of a crime?
"I'm in a cent"
Abracadabra... Manual breathing, blinking, and swallowing... all gone!
If Abraham Lincoln were gay, what would he be all over?
Pennies.
I often like to think that if Abraham Lincoln was around today...
He'd probably be the oldest person alive.
Abraham wandered into Sam's pawnshop and placed a leather coat on the counter.
How much will you give me for this jacket?
Sam checked it over. $20, and that's the best he replied.
But that jacket is worth $100" argued Abraham.
Sam was adamant. $20 or nothing.
Are you sure that's all it's worth? pressed Abe.
Positive
Okay, said Abe. "Here's your $20. The jacket was hanging in your doorway and I was wondering how much it was worth.
I don't like Abraham Lincoln
He wasn't very headstrong.
Abraham Lincoln passed the constipation proclamation...
He set the brown things free.
Why did Abraham Lincoln die?
Because he kept Abraham Drinkin'.
It's funny because he was shot.
What did Abraham Lincoln say after a 2-week bender?
I freed WHO?
What was Abraham Lincoln's favorite pasta?
Penne
Abraham Lincoln was a great thinker
I wonder what the last thing to go through his head was...
If it weren't for Abraham Lincoln,...
America would have really gone South.
Why was Abraham Lincoln never impeached?
Because he is in-a-cent.
What did Abraham Lincoln say when he was accused of stealing a penny?
"Hey! I'm in-a-cent!"
Why can't Abraham Lincoln drive a car?
...cause he's dead.
What did Abraham Lincoln names his wiener?
The Lincoln Log!
What did the magician say just before he pulled a dead rabbit out of his hat?
Abra Cadaver.
Abraham Lincoln went to see a play without bringing the Secret Service
He never heard the end of it
What did the magician say when his assistant died during the show?
Abra cadaver!
