Abra Jokes

If Abraham Lincoln was alive today...

He'd be desperately clawing at the lid of his coffin.

What do Abraham Lincoln and an '80s sitcom have in common?

Both were shot before a live audience.

If Abraham Lincoln were alive today, what would he be famous for?

Old age

What did Abraham Lincoln say after a three-day drinking spree?

"I freed the what?"

What would Abraham Lincoln say if he found out there was a movie about him slaying vampires?

What's a movie?

What did Abraham Lincoln say when he was falesly accused of a crime?

"I'm in a cent"

Why was Abraham Lincoln never impeached?

Because he is in-a-cent.

I think if Abraham Lincoln were alive today...

He would probably look around, scream, and then desperately claw at the inside of his coffin.

If Abraham Lincoln were alive right now, he'd probably say...

...why is it so dark in here?

What did Abraham Lincoln say when he heard there's a movie about him hunting vampires?

"What the fuck's a movie..."

What do you call a dead magician?

Abra Cadaver.

If it weren't for Abraham Lincoln,...

America would have really gone South.

Abraham Lincoln could never call himself a republican today.

Because he was murdered while watching a play in 1865.

Did you know Abraham Lincoln was jewish?

He was shot in the temple

What do Abraham Lincoln and Peyton Manning have in common?

Neither can finish a play.

Why didn't Abraham Lincoln go to jail?

Because he was in-a-cent!

Abraham Lincoln walks out in his garden in heaven and sees his neighbor in his own garden

Abraham: "Your grass is getting long, shouldn't you cut it?"
Neighbor: "Yeah... You know, I used to have people for that..."

What do Abraham Lincoln and Ryan Fitzpatrick have in common?

Neither of them can finish a play

Abraham wandered into Sam's pawnshop and placed a leather coat on the counter.

How much will you give me for this jacket?

Sam checked it over. $20, and that's the best he replied.

But that jacket is worth $100" argued Abraham.

Sam was adamant. $20 or nothing.

Are you sure that's all it's worth? pressed Abe.

Positive

Okay, said Abe. "Here's your $20.  The jacket was hanging in your doorway and I was wondering how much it was worth.

Abraham Lincoln was better at finishing plays than the Seahawks.

How come Abraham Lincoln never went to jail?

Because he was in a cent

Abraham Lincoln.

The reason I now have to hire a dishwasher instead of buying one.

I often like to think that if Abraham Lincoln was around today...

He'd probably be the oldest person alive.

Real definition of Zebra from Blonde's perspective

What is a Zebra?
A Z-bra is 25 sizes bigger than an A-bra.

What did Abraham Lincoln names his wiener?

The Lincoln Log!

What's a feminists least favorite Pokemon?

Abra!

What did Abraham Lincoln say after recovering from a 3-day drinking binge?

*"I set* ***who*** *free?"*

If Abraham Lincoln were gay, what would he be all over?

Pennies.

Why can't Abraham Lincoln drive a car?

...cause he's dead.

What did Abraham Lincoln say when he was accused of stealing a penny?

"Hey! I'm in-a-cent!"

Where did Abraham Lincoln go in 1865?

All over the wall

Abraham Lincoln passed the constipation proclamation...

He set the brown things free.

Abraham Lincoln was a great thinker

I wonder what the last thing to go through his head was...

What did Abraham Lincoln say after a 2-week bender?

I freed WHO?

Why did Abraham Lincoln die?

Because he kept Abraham Drinkin'.

It's funny because he was shot.

What was Abraham Lincoln's favorite pasta?

Penne

What do you call a Greek Magician?

Abra Kebabra

I don't like Abraham Lincoln

He wasn't very headstrong.

We have collected gags that can be used as Abra pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Abra, here are one liners and funny Abra pick up lines.

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