The Best 60 Abortion Jokes

Following is our collection of Abortion jokes which are very funny. There are some abortion contraceptive jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these abortion antiabortion puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Abortion Jokes and Puns

Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?"

Father: "Ask your sister.

Daughter: "I don't have a si-"

If contraception is birth control...

... abortion is birth control-alt-delete.

Do you believe in abortion?

Girl: Dad, do you believe in abortion?

Father: Ask your sister.

Girl: I don't have a sister...

Father: Exactly.

I accidentally locked my keys in my car in front of an abortion clinic...

They gave me the dirtiest look when I went in and asked to borrow a coathanger.

Best way to answer a call: Mario's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic: Your Loss is Our Sauce


What do you call a cow that had an abortion....

Decalfeinated. Thank you, I'll show myself out now.

What do they call an abortion in Hogwarts?

*fetus, deletus!*

^It's ^my ^first ^time ^posting ^here. ^Tell ^me ^if ^I ^did ^something ^wrong ^or ^if ^this ^is ^the ^wrong ^sub...

^And ^yes, ^I ^am ^a ^Muggle.

I'm going to start an abortion clinic...

...called "Don't Kid Yourself."

Abortion jokes are never funny.

So if you accidentally start forming one, you should terminate it before it comes to fruition.

I thought of a great name for an abortion clinic...

How about 'Birth Ctrl+Z' ?

Pregnancy Cravings...

My parents were recently discussing my pregnant cousin, who has been craving ice cream throughout here pregnancy, so I thought I'd ask my mother what she craved through her pregnancy.

"An abortion" wasn't the answer I was expecting.

You can explore abortion pregnancies reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean abortion surrogate dad jokes. There are also abortion puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

[NSFW] What's the worst thing about...?

....getting your keys locked in your car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go in to ask for a coat hanger.

*Yet another Australian pub joke*

What do you call a abortion in Czechoslovakia?

A cancelled check.

What did the conservatives say to the abortion rights supporters?

You'll never de-fetus.

Best lines when dealing with telemarketers

Some of the better ones

* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us

Anyone have more?

Abortions are so fun

It really brings out the kid in you


Abortion doctors are also called spawn campers

Recently, I was watching the Republican debate, and they were debating abortion.

Donald Trump was talking about how opposed to it he was, but I thought to myself, come on Don, you're a businessman. I bet you wouldn't be this upset if you could charge them an early termination fee.

Y'know what really brings out the inner child in you?


What are your views on abortion?

I'm undecided.
On one hand, I like killing babies, on the other, I don't like giving women a choice.

I'm really conflicted about abortion.

I support killing babies, but I don't support giving women a choice.

What would a video game about an abortion nurse be called?

Womb raider

"Dad, what do you think about abortion?"

--Ask your sister

--But I don't have a sis...

The line "Do you come here often?"

Has a zero percent success rate at the abortion clinic.

I locked my keys in my car outside an abortion clinic

They get really angry if you go in and ask for a coat hanger

I'm not sure about my stand on the abortion issue....

On one side, I love to kill babies but on the other side, I hate to give women a choice.

What's worse than locking your keys in your car at the abortion clinic?

When you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.

Isn't it just a little ironic to see a group of pro-lifers

throwing eggs at an abortion clinic?

What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger.

What do you call the winner of the beauty pageant for teenagers who've had an abortion?

Little miss conception

Abortion clinics should be banned

Those doctors demonstrate a complete lack of humanity. Spawn killing is a filthy tactic.

Mao Zedong once said that there are only two genders.

Male and abortion.

I'm so torn on abortion...

On one hand, it kills babies, which I'm for. On the other hand, it gives women a choice, which I'm against.

I finally found out what they call the vacuum at the abortion clinic


I asked my mom to tell me her best joke.

She looked me straight in the eyes and said "I'm so glad I didn't get an abortion"

If abortion is murder

Is jerking off genocide?

What do you call a cow that gets an abortion?


I'm have mixed feelings about abortion.

On one hand, I love killing babies, on the other I hate giving women rights.

Pro Life Tip

Don't get an abortion.

They say the average high school prom goer now spends $1000 on prom

Or $2000 if you count the abortion.

I'm undecided about abortion

on one side it's killing babies and I'm all for that, but it gives women a choice. Do we really want that?

My pregnant girlfriend is tired of me joking about giving her an abortion...

So I told her I'd cut it out.

Abortion is

The most effective form of spawn camping

With the right delivery, any joke can be funny. Except abortion jokes.

Because there is no delivery.

I dont know where I stand on abortion

I like killing babies but don't like giving women a choice

I asked my GF, "Why do abortion jokes made you laugh so much?"

She said, "because they bring out the kid in me."

I find abortion to be a difficult topic.

On one hand, i am for killing babies. But on the other hand, i don't want to give woman any more rights.

A girl walks into a "no questions asked" abortion clinic.

The nurse says, "How can I help you?"

Girl says, "LYING BASTARDS!" and leaves.

Look, anything is funny with the right delivery.

Except abortion jokes, which by definition have no delivery.

Abortion bill

Trump is sitting in the oval office when mike pence walks in. Pence says, here's the abortion bill you just need to sign it Mr. President

Trump replies "I thought Michael cohen paid for that"

What do you call a failed abortion?

Survival of the fetus

What's the worst thing about accidentally locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go in and ask for a coat hanger.

Locked my keys in my car next to the abortion clinic

It was awkward asking them for a hanger

The stripper got an abortion

It was like taking baby from a Candy

Any joke can be made funny with the right delivery except abortion jokes

Because there isn't a delivery

(Cake day post)

A joke about abortion.

Why can't you fool an aborted baby?

Because it wasn't born yesterday.

Any joke can be a good joke with the right delivery

Except for abortion jokes, as they have no delivery

Abortion isn't murder

It's cancelling a pre-order

I curled up crying when I got my rejection letter from the abortion clinic.

They said they didn't need anyone in the fetal position.

How can a black man change a republican politician's views on abortion?

Get his wife pregnant

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the abortion deletus jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working abortion spawn piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes