Abortion Jokes

124 abortion jokes and hilarious abortion puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about abortion that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

In this article, you will find hilarious jokes about abortion. Read about the coat hanger, foetus and embryo jokes and the conversations around pregnancies. Enjoy a good laugh and get a better understanding of the topic of abortion.

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Funniest Abortion Short Jokes

Short abortion jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The abortion humour may include short miscarriage jokes also.

  1. Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister.
    daughter: "I don't have a si-"
  2. I accidentally locked my key in my car in front of an abortion clinic... They gave me the dirtiest look when I went in and asked to borrow a coathanger.
  3. I locked my keys in my car outside an abortion clinic They get really angry if you go in and ask for a coat hanger
  4. I have the worst parents ever. I asked them how they felt on abortion, and they told me to ask my sister. Not only did they not give a straight answer, I don't even have a sister.
  5. I'm really conflicted about abortion. I support killing babies, but I don't support giving women a choice.
  6. (A new addition) What's the difference between an American and a computer? A computer has troubleshooting.

    it can abort.
  7. With the right delivery, any joke can be funny. Except abortion jokes. Because there is no delivery.
  8. What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger.
  9. Deaf people aren't known to be very rational They have trouble making sound decisions.
  10. If U.S. taxpayers had to pay maternity leave.... The right to abortion would be the first amendment.

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Abortion One Liners

Which abortion one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with abortion? I can suggest the ones about aborted and pregnancy.

  1. Abortions are so fun It really brings out the kid in you
  2. Pro Life tip Don't get an abortion.
  3. Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Because he wasn't born yesterday
  4. What do you call a cow that gets an abortion? Decaffeinated
  5. What do you call a abortion in Czechoslovakia? A cancelled check.
  6. They say there's safety in numbers... Tell that to 6 million Jews
  7. What did the conservatives say to the abortion rights supporters? You'll never de-fetus.
  8. I finally found out what they call the vacuum at the abortion clinic Woomba
  9. What do you call a failed abortion? Survival of the fetus
  10. I'm going to start an abortion clinic... ...called "Don't Kid Yourself."
  11. Abortion is The most effective form of spawn camping
  12. I thought of a great name for an abortion clinic... How about 'Birth Ctrl+Z' ?
  13. Y'know what really brings out the inner child in you? Abortion
  14. TIL Abortion doctors are also called spawn campers
  15. What do you call a black woman who has had multiple abortions? A crime fighter

Abortion Coat Hanger Jokes

Here is a list of funny abortion coat hanger jokes and even better abortion coat hanger puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's worse than locking your keys in your car at the abortion clinic? When you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
  • What's the worst thing about accidentally locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go in and ask for a coat hanger.
  • the most awkward time in my life Was when I locked my keys in my car and had to walk into the nearby abortion clinic to ask to borrow a coat hanger.
  • Millenials are Killing the Coat Hanger Industry more than half of them support legal abortions.
  • I was trying to make a joke about coat hanger abortion with my mom I was just having a poke at it.
  • freckles are actually just scars From the coat hanger abortion
  • Imagine if you locked your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic talk about convenient. You could just go inside and get a coat hanger to pick the lock.
  • What's the best part about locking your keys in the car at an abortion clinic? Plenty of coat hangers.
  • Hate it when you're looking through your room and can't find a coat hanger You have to go all the way to the doctors to get an abortion
  • With the likelihood of Roe v. Wade being overturned abortion provides should start diversifying. Product development idea: Planned Parenthood brand coat hangers
Abortion joke, With the likelihood of Roe v. Wade being overturned abortion provides should start diversifying.

Comical Abortion Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter

What funny jokes about abortion you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean childbirth jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make abortion pranks.

From what I hear about time spent with abortion doctor's they're really not all that bad

Many patients have claimed it's really brought the kid out in them.

Abortion - it really brings out the child in you.

Anyone got any similar puns?
- 9/11 jokes are just plane rude.

If contraception is birth control...

... abortion is birth control-alt-delete.

Do you believe in abortion?

Girl: Dad, do you believe in abortion?
Father: Ask your sister.
Girl: I don't have a sister...
Father: Exactly.

There was once a woman...

One day a woman became pregnant, she took the advice of her mother and aborted it. A few weeks later she became pregnant again! She also did what her mother suggested... A few more weeks later she (once again -_-) got knocked up, tired of taking her mothers advice, she went to the local parish priest and said to him "I keep getting pregnant, there must be something in the air"! To which the priest replied "yes... Your legs"

If Mary had aborted Jesus...

would he have reappeared in her w**... three days later?

What is so special about an abortion?

It brings out your inner child.

Best way to answer a call: Mario's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic: Your Loss is Our Sauce


What do you call a cow that had an abortion....

Decalfeinated. Thank you, I'll show myself out now.

What do you call a black woman who's had 4 abortions?

A crime fighter.

What do you call a cow abortion?


Son asks his father...

Son: Dad, how do you feel about abortion?
Dad: Ask your brother.
Son: But I don't have a brother.
Dad: Exactly.

What do they call an abortion in Hogwarts?

*fetus, deletus!*
^It's ^my ^first ^time ^posting ^here. ^Tell ^me ^if ^I ^did ^something ^wrong ^or ^if ^this ^is ^the ^wrong ^sub...
^And ^yes, ^I ^am ^a ^Muggle.


A congressional aide asks a politician, "What are we going to do about the new abortion bill?"
The politician replied, "Shhhhh -- just pay it."

Abortion jokes are never funny.

So if you accidentally start forming one, you should terminate it before it comes to fruition.

Pregnancy Cravings...

My parents were recently discussing my pregnant cousin, who has been craving ice cream throughout here pregnancy, so I thought I'd ask my mother what she craved through her pregnancy.
"An abortion" wasn't the answer I was expecting.

A salesman with a bad lisp...

came to my front door today. He was giving away a coupon for either free cologne or a free abortion. When I confronted him about it, he simply explained "Eidah way, you're gonna clear tha w**...."

Best lines when dealing with telemarketers

Some of the better ones
* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you r**... 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us
Anyone have more?

Recently, I was watching the Republican debate, and they were debating abortion.

Donald Trump was talking about how opposed to it he was, but I thought to myself, come on Don, you're a businessman. I bet you wouldn't be this upset if you could charge them an early termination fee.

What are your views on abortion?

I'm undecided.
On one hand, I like killing babies, on the other, I don't like giving women a choice.

What do you call a black abortion clinic?

Crime stoppers

Ted Cruz has aborted his campaign

..but I say he should be forced to carry it to full term

What would a video game about an abortion nurse be called?

w**... raider

"Dad, what do you think about abortion?"

--Ask your sister
--But I don't have a sis...

Peter Pan and the Lost Boys are actually the souls of aborted kids

That explains Captain Hook

The line "Do you come here often?"

Has a zero percent success rate at the abortion clinic.

Pregnancy is like a black ops mission

They're both expensive to abort.

I'm not sure about my stand on the abortion issue....

On one side, I love to kill babies but on the other side, I hate to give women a choice.

Isn't it just a little ironic to see a group of pro-lifers

throwing eggs at an abortion clinic?

What do you call the winner of the beauty pageant for teenagers who've had an abortion?

Little miss conception

If I locked my keys in my car outside of a abortion clinic...

Would it be awkward to go inside and ask for a wire hanger?

Abortion clinics should be banned

Those doctors demonstrate a complete lack of humanity. Spawn killing is a filthy tactic.

Mao Zedong once said that there are only two genders.

Male and abortion.

I'm not sure what the best response to my wife telling me "we're having quadruplets" is....

But apparently "How many of them should we abort?" wasn't it.
(Joke credit to me)
I'll take a curtsy and show myself out.

I'm so torn on abortion...

On one hand, it kills babies, which I'm for. On the other hand, it gives women a choice, which I'm against.

I asked my mom to tell me her best joke.

She looked me straight in the eyes and said "I'm so glad I didn't get an abortion"

Our local planned parenthood refuses to provide homeless women with abortions.

They say beggars can't be choosers.

Whats the best thing about being an abortion docter?

You don't have to buy dog food.

If abortion is m**...

Is jerking off genocide?

I'm have mixed feelings about abortion.

On one hand, I love killing babies, on the other I hate giving women rights.

Religious people get mad about abortions because they think it's killing babies.

They must've forgotten what passover was about.

It always shocks me when people say republicans are anti-communists

With trying to make abortions i**..., get rid of birth control, defund planned parenthood, those all are textbook examples of seizing the means of reproduction.

They say the average high school prom goer now spends $1000 on prom

Or $2000 if you count the abortion.

I'm undecided about abortion

on one side it's killing babies and I'm all for that, but it gives women a choice. Do we really want that?

My pregnant girlfriend is tired of me joking about giving her an abortion...

So I told her I'd cut it out.

Why did the Alabama conservative Christian politician vote against abortion?

There will be Moore children to r**....

Joke rules for my house:

First of all, most all jokes are acceptable in this house.. except abortion jokes. Because jokes are all about the delivery...
Absolutely no p**... jokes. Period. No s**... assault jokes.. thats a touchy subject. Dead baby jokes on the other hand.. never get old!

I dont know where I stand on abortion

I like killing babies but don't like giving women a choice

I asked my GF, "Why do abortion jokes made you laugh so much?"

She said, "because they bring out the kid in me."

I find abortion to be a difficult topic.

On one hand, i am for killing babies. But on the other hand, i don't want to give woman any more rights.

My wife and I are considering having an abortion

How do we tell the surrogate?

Growing up my mom was always like, "Why can't you be more like the kids next door!"

And I always responded, "But we live next to an abortion clinic?!"

A girl walks into a "no questions asked" abortion clinic.

The nurse says, "How can I help you?"
Girl says, "LYING b**...!" and leaves.

How do women get an abortion in Harry Potter universe?


Look, anything is funny with the right delivery.

Except abortion jokes, which by definition have no delivery.

Abortion bill

Trump is sitting in the oval office when mike pence walks in. Pence says, here's the abortion bill you just need to sign it Mr. President
Trump replies "I thought Michael cohen paid for that"

Abortion jokes aren't funny.

They don't have a delivery

Abortion isn't m**...

It's cancelling a pre-order

Austria declares war on China:

„We have 200 soldiers and 3 Tanks
China accepst: „We have 4 Million Soldiers, a Million Tanks an a couple hundred nuclear warheads
Austria replies:„We abort the declaration, we can't provide enough accomodations for the war prisoners

Abortion joke, Austria declares war on China:

jokes about abortion