Abort Jokes

Abortions are so fun

It really brings out the kid in you

Do you believe in abortion?

Girl: Dad, do you believe in abortion?

Father: Ask your sister.

Girl: I don't have a sister...

Father: Exactly.

Abortion clinics should be banned

Those doctors demonstrate a complete lack of humanity. Spawn killing is a filthy tactic.

If abortion is murder

Is jerking off genocide?

Abortion bill

Trump is sitting in the oval office when mike pence walks in. Pence says, here's the abortion bill you just need to sign it Mr. President

Trump replies "I thought Michael cohen paid for that"

Abortion is

The most effective form of spawn camping

Abortion jokes are never funny.

So if you accidentally start forming one, you should terminate it before it comes to fruition.

I'm not sure what the best response to my wife telling me "we're having quadruplets" is....

But apparently "How many of them should we abort?" wasn't it.


(Joke credit to me)

I'll take a curtsy and show myself out.

Abortion jokes aren't funny.

They don't have a delivery


A congressional aide asks a politician, "What are we going to do about the new abortion bill?"
The politician replied, "Shhhhh -- just pay it."

Pregnancy is like a black ops mission

They're both expensive to abort.

Abortion - it really brings out the child in you.

Anyone got any similar puns?

- 9/11 jokes are just plane rude.

Abort a baby at 1 month, nobody cares.

Abort it at 24 months, suddenly you're a monster.

Abortions are like stains in my carpet.

You don't want them to be seen, and you pay somebody to vacuum them out.

So what's your take on abortion?

Well, on one hand I love killing babies, but on the other I really hate women's rights.

When it comes to abortion

there are many misconceptions

Abortion is a difficult topic for me...

On one hand I support it because it kills children

On the other hand it gives women a choice

abortion bill

President Bush is sitting in the oval office when a secretary comes in and hands him a slip of paper. Bush asks what it is, and the secretary replies "it's the abortion bill. What do you want to do with it?" "Just go ahead and pay it".

Why don't abortion clinics have back doors?

If only their clients knew what the back door was for...

I'm not sure about abortion....

I mean I'm all for killing babies, but giving women a choice worries me.

What did the Swedish chef say to his girlfriend when he found out she was pregnant?

Abort - Bort - Bort!

My gf got an abortion today

And you know what? Being a dad is dead easy right now.

Abortion is a difficult subject for me

Because on the positive side it kills kids, but on the negative side, it gives woman a choice


Really suck the life outta you


Really brings out the kid in you!

Make like a baby and


With all these abortion jokes lately, I've realized I'm pretty torn on the whole issue...

I mean, killing babies is great and all, but I'm just really not that comfortable with letting women choose for themselves.

What does an abortion doctor bring to a barbecue?

Baby backs.


can be a real out of body experience!

I was going to tell a dead baby joke

But I decided to abort

A right-wing law firm is trying to overturn Roe v Wade.

They find their test plaintiff, a man whose daughter had gotten an abortion after he forbade it. The firm sues the doctors, and the appeals go all the way to the Supreme Court, exactly as intended. The Court even agrees to hear the case ... only to uphold Roe v Wade, 5 - 4.

All in all, it was a classic case of abort, retry, fail.

Why are abortions so expensive

Because they're worth it.

Abortion humor everybody: Texas (and Indiana) tried to pass law that said miscarriages/abortions had to have burials. Listen to what that plan sounds like:


I'd really, really love to adopt a kid some day.

Sorry, I hate auto correct.

While Abortion and Adoption are very different things,

You can't deny that they are both great way of getting rid of children.

How's an abortion like an ex-wife?

Neither one's my problem anymore.

when protesters are about to surround a Planned Parenthood and the cops show up

do you think they yell "Abort! Abort!"

A republican's dilemna

If you could abort Obama, would you?


KID: Dad, can you tell me something about abortion?
FATHER:Why dont you ask your older sister?
KID: But i dont have sibblings

My parents tried to abort me

but I was still born.

Mario's abortion clinic

Don't kid your self

I failed to stop a suicidal Catholic guy from blowing himself up.

"Abort, abort abort", I shouted.

How do you make a baby sad?

Abort them.

I tried to make an abortion joke the other day.

But I couldn't commit and had to abort.

Why does the GOP keep trying to pass a healthcare bill?

They don't want to abort the mission.

What's an abortion doctor's favorite video game?

Womb Raider

Why do abortion clinics make bad OP's?

... because they don't deliver...

What did the mom say when she found out her son was going to be a evil spy?

Abort mission!

We have collected gags that can be used as Abort pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Abort, here are one liners and funny Abort pick up lines.

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