Aboard Jokes
39 aboard jokes and hilarious aboard puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about aboard that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your next cruise, plane trip, or day at sea extra fun with these hilarious "all aboard" jokes! From Airbus and lifeboat jokes to hilarious naval puns, get ready for a laugh out loud experience. Enjoy the ride with these onboard jokes!
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Funniest Aboard Short Jokes
Short aboard jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The aboard humour may include short overboard jokes also.
- Really enjoying my new life aboard the giant space station designed to solve Earth's overpopulation problem . Just a bit weird how the sun gets slightly bigger in my cabin window every day.
- TIL that in 1940 a German U-Boat captain found himself aboard a British vessel. Whoops, wrong sub.
- Two aliens are talking aboard their ship Alien 1: Did the humans get our message?
Alien 2: Yes, but they named it dubstep and are dancing to it
Alien 1: Idiots - Someone snuck aboard the Death Star and stabbed Darth Vader with a lightsaber. It was a space in Vader.
- 23% of the crew aboard Christopher Columbus' ship Santa Maria were named Juan That's almost a three to Juan ratio.
- A massive rabbit aboard a United Airlines flight turns to the passenger sitting next to him and says "Ehhh, what's up Doc?"
- Why was Obama nervous when eating a T-bone aboard Air Force One? Because the steaks had never been higher.
- I was abducted a few years ago. I was taken aboard a ship where they made me brush my teeth three times a day, wash behind my ears and eat all my greens I think I was on the mothership.
- Two astronauts aboard the space station are talking. The first one says "Is there no one who can get me milk for my coffee?" The second one says "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
- Argentina's missing submarine found a year after it vanished with 44 aboard. Whoops, wrong sub.
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Aboard One Liners
Which aboard one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with aboard? I can suggest the ones about ship crew and ship.
- What do you call a snail aboard a ship? A snailor.
- What did Bugs Bunny say after beaming aboard the Enterprise? What's up Spock?
- To smell good while aboard the ISS, astronauts wear ... Old Space.
- What job did the ex-therapist do aboard the ship? Anchor Management.
- TIL a Jew killed the people aboard the Titanic It was an Iceberg
- How do you escape a fascist authoritarian regime? By getting aboard (a) voat
- All aboard the Pun Train Also known as the Irony Horse.
All Aboard Jokes
Here is a list of funny all aboard jokes and even better all aboard puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Dyslexic Dave had a little too much to drink and decided to take public transit home. As he boarded, the driver said Welcome aboard the Main Street Express... .... whoops, sorry, wrong bus.
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Aboard Jokes
What funny jokes about aboard you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cruise jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make aboard pranks.
A blonde and a brunette are riding in an elevator...
At one point, a man steps aboard with dandruff all over his suit. He gets off a few floors later and the brunette turns to the blonde and whispers-
Now THAT'S a guy who could really use some Head & Shoulders!
The blonde looks perplexed:
How do you give somebody shoulders?
45000 feet above the Atlantic, the aircraft engine fails
And the captain declares an emergency. Everyone aboard the plane was scared shitless. A passenger sitting next to the pastor loses it and screams, 'Don't just sit there, do something religious!'.
The pastor promptly took up a collection.....
An Australian is aboard the wrong airplane
The flight attendant approaches them and says I'm so sorry. I'm not sure how this mix-up happened but this plane is arriving in an entirely different country than your intended destination.
The Australian says No way.
The flight attendant replies Sweden, actually.
A plane was going down
and there were 4 people aboard: The president, the smartest man in the world, an old man, and a little girl. However, there were only 3 parachutes. The president said, "I'm too important to die," and took a parachute and jumped. The smartest man in the world said, "other people will need my smarts," and he also jumped off. The old man said,"you can go, my life is almost over anyway." The girl said," no, we can both go. The smartest man in the world took my Dora backpack."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys are aboard a jet as it's about to c**... and there are only two parachutes...
The first guy has the parachutes and gives both of them to the others, the second guy says thank you and jumps. The third guy before jumping asks "Wow, why would you do such a thing, why not save your own life?". The first guy then looks at him and says, "What are you crazy, I gave the second guy an empty backpack".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two pirates were aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge discussing the upcoming pirate captain's election
One says to the other: "Arrr matey, I'll give ye my clear glass eye if ye give me yer vote for captain tomorrow."
The other considers the proposal for a moment, then squeezes his fake wooden eye out of its socket, throws it overboard, spits on his hand and offers it to the first pirate.
"Arrr, an Aye for an eye it is, then."
Noah and the Two Snakes.
Noah, after settling his ship down and letting loose the animals aboard his Ark unto the world, noticed a pair of snakes that were left behind.
"Well, what are you guys still doing here?" Asked Noah.
"Remember how you said 'go forth and multiply' ?" One of the snakes replied.
"Yes..." Noah responded, looking deeply confused.
"We can't, we're adders."
An old man was piloting a small plane with his wife and kids aboard as a powerful storm raged.
Don't fret so much, he said to them as they were filled with fear. If anything should happen to me, I've provided for all of you very generously in my will.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife asked me "If you had a loaded gun, and you saw 2 busses that were going to collide and you could save one by shooting the driver of the other (killing everyone aboard) one bus loaded with children, the other loaded with my parents and relatives, who would you save?"
I told her "That's a loaded question"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bunch of astronauts had an o**... aboard the International Space Station.
I heard it was out of this world!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A navy crew aboard a submarine are called by their initials...
A new recruit joins the crew, his name Ben Olivander. His crew-mates consist of Fredrick Udell, Collin Kilmer, Oscar Chase, and Owen Omar Faber.
BO is quickly made fun of by OC, although FU, c**..., and OOF enjoy BO's company as he is funny and kind. Due to this, OC is somewhat outcasted on board and nobody likes him.
The captain later comes in as OC is complaining about his poor treatment.
BO, FU, c**..., and OOF, why are you guys so rude to one of our members!
Why doesn't anyone on this sub like OC!?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman
Found themselves aboard a plane that is about to c**.... The Englishman decides he would rather die on his own terms and yells "god save me" and jumped. Miraculously he landed on a haystack safe and sound. The Irishman, seeing this, thinks he too might as well give it a try. So he yells out loud "god save me" and jumps. He lands in a lake, safe and sound. The Scotsman now thoroughly encouraged takes a running leap and jumps out of the plane. He yells out in his thick Scottish accent "god shave me", and lands in a barbers shop.
Passengers aboard an airplane watched nervously
As two men wearing pilots' uniforms and dark glasses use canes to feel their way into the cockpit.
The plane starts barreling down the runway, and the passengers begin to get scared as the water at the end of the airstrip nears. With only a few yards left, everyone screams, but the plane lifts off just in time. The passengers think it was all a joke, while in the cockpit, the pilots high five.
"You know," says one pilot to the other, "one day they're gonna scream too late, and we're gonna die."
A religious man is on his boat at sea
A religious man is on his boat at sea. Hes all alone when his boat starts to sink. Luckily a nearby boat sees that he is sinking and goes over to rescue him. The rescuer shouts from his boat "climb aboard, ill save you". The religious man shouts back "no thank you, god will save me." So the rescuer continues onward.
1 hour later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by to save him. Again, the religious man says "No thank you. God will save me." The rescuer continues onward.
Another hour passes and the water level is now up to his neck when yet a third boat arrives to help him out. But again the religious man says "No thank you. God will save me".
Soon after that, the water raises over his head and he drowns and dies. When he gets to heaven he goes up to God and says "hey God, why didn't you save me?". And God says "dude i tried. I sent three boats".
A Catholic priest is drowning in the Ocean.
A Catholic priest is drowning in the Ocean. A lifeguard swims past and asks the priest: "Do you need help?"
Priest replies: "Don't worry. God will save me."
A few minutes go by and another life guard swims past. He says: "Here, grab my hand I can help you get back to shore"
Priest replies: "Never fear, God will save me."
A few more minutes go past and the Priest is really struggling. A fishing boat comes along and they ask: "Do you need help? Climb aboard we can help you."
Again the priest replies: "I have faith, God will save me."
Priest drowns and goes to heaven. He meets God and asks "Why God? I have been a devout Catholic why did you not save me?!" God replies "What are you talking about I sent you two lifeguards and a boat!"
