Abilities Jokes

A bat teaches his three children how to suck blood...

After teaching them, he orders them away to test their abilities

The first of the children return, filled with blood on his mouth, and says "Dad, can you see that cow?"

"Yes, I do son"

"So, I sucked it's blood", the first one replies

The second one comes later, with even more blood on his face

"Dad, can you see that horse?", he asks

"Yes, I can, son"

"So, I sucked its blood"

Finally, the third one returns, with even more blood on his face, and says

"Dad, can you see that wall?"

"Yes, I can, son", replies the father

"I couldn't"

Trip to Japan

An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan, and he hires a hooker. The whole night the hooker keeps screaming, "Hosthimota! Hosthimota!"

The man doesn't know what the word means, but he's positive he's pleased the hooker to the best of his abilities, and thus assumes it's positive.

The next day he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partners when he makes a hole in one! Everyone is congratulating him, and he can't think of anything to say but, "Hosthimota!"

The applause stop, and one of the business partners turns to him and says, "No, sir. That *was* the right hole.

Blind quality control guy

This blind guy applies for a job as a quality control guy at a lumber mill. The manager asked how he could possibly do the job blind and the blind guy says "just give me a chance!"

The manager agrees and decides to test the blind guy's abilities. He pulls out a good piece of oak, the blind guy sniffs it and says "thats a good piece of oak." Impressed, the manager pulls out a bad piece of pine. "Thats a bad piece of pine."

Now the manager is convinced this blind guy is the real deal but he decides to play a prank on him. He waves his secretary to walk up and lift her skirt. The blind guy sniffs and says "man this is a tough one, could you turn it around?" The secretary turns around and he sniffs again. "You gave me a real challenge sir but i know exactly what kind of wood that is. Thats the shit-house door off a tuna boat!"

A mathematician was interviewing for a job

A mathematician was interviewing for a job. The interviewer asks him - "You are walking towards your office and running late for a very important meeting and you glimpse a building on fire with people screaming for help. What will you do?".
The mathematician thinks for a while and replies : "People's lives are more important than an office meeting. I would immediately call for a fire brigade and help the trapped to the best of my abilities". The interviewer seems to be impressed with the mathematician's answer and moves on to the last question. Just to check his sanity, she asks: "And what if the building is not on fire?".
After a moment of thought, the mathematician replies with confidence :

"I will set the building on fire. Now, I have reduced it to a problem that I have already solved before!"

An instructor was teaching a young man how to swordfight.

The young man wasn't terribly good, but he had a rather high opinion of his abilities. In a practice duel with the instructor, he was continually waving his sword about arrogantly, in wide strokes, and often leaving himself wide open to attack.

The instructor thought "he won't last five minutes with that attitude, so I need to scare it out of him. But I don't want to hurt the poor kid too badly."

The instructor feinted.

Do not underestimate your abilities.

That is your boss's job.

Yo mama's so fat...

if she had psychic abilities, they would call her a *large.*

A man goes to his doctor for an annual checkup

"Doc, I feel great, my headaches are gone, my hearing is better and I can finally stand uo straight."

"That's good to hear, here your test results say that your body has miraculously improved. For a 50 year old man like you, you have the physical abilities of a 30 year old."

"Thanks doc."

"Tell me, how did you make such a recovery."

"My wife's been giving me the silent treatment for a month"

So a guy wants to get a job

Interviewer: Do you have any abilities?
Man: Yes, I never die.
Interviewer (Surprised) WOW, how do you do that?
Man: Because dreams never come true....

I had a job interview today, so I started with some sweeping, after which I displayed my twirling, then a little peek-a-boo, and I finished with a most vigorous flapping

I don't think they were impressed with my cape abilities.

Chewbacca's son enters his first hockey season

Chewbacca's son enters his first hockey season this year. With his impressive skating abilities and the number of goals he scored...

Its no wonder he won the wookie of the year award.



Sorry.

People doubting longevity of Made in China products

Rest of the world: Chinese products don't last long and lack quality.

China invents COVID19 and now asking everyone, You still doubt my abilities, mofos .

Did you know that non vaxxed kids had super abilities?

Their bodies are way more sensible to environmental exposure, and they can hear a sneeze from miles away.

You go in for an interview for a Linux programming job...

...and you are asked for an example of your linux programming abilities,
so you type into the terminal "sudo apt-get JOB"

Why was Twelve scared of Eleven?

Because Eleven has telekinetic abilities.

Girl, did you fall out of heaven?

Cause you're showing signs of deranged cognitive abilities in your brain highly suggestive of Post-concussion syndrome.

What do you call a quote with inhuman like abilities?

A Super Saying

Well out driving with my father we came across the sign that said U-turn okay.

I told my father I thought it was a bit pretentious for a road sign to be judging people on their driving abilities.

Why did the kid in the wheelchair win the rap battle?

Because of his mad DISS abilities!!

The thing about your and you're.

Is when your trying shows you're lacking abilities.

Football players are concerned about concussions affecting cognitive abilities

But I don't think they are that big of a deal; I've had a few and I'm doing ju

We have collected gags that can be used as Abilities pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Abilities, here are one liners and funny Abilities pick up lines.

Joko Jokes