Abe Jokes
62 abe jokes and hilarious abe puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about abe that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with Abe Jokes! From Honest Abe to Abe and Kebe, we cover a wide range of jokes that are sure to bring a smile to your face. Delivered timidly or with a punchline from a rabbi or Japan, these Abe jokes will entertain for hours.
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Funniest Abe Short Jokes
Short abe jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The abe humour may include short rabbi jokes also.
- Father: When Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight. Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.
- Civil War spoilers Lee surrenders at Appomatox Courthouse, Abe Lincoln is shot by John Wilkes Booth.
- NBC is planning a sitcom about the life of Abe Lincoln. Shot in front of a live studio audience.
- A Chinese pan, an establishment for accommodation and drinks, a number, and Abraham Rockefeller... Wok inn two Abe R.
- JFK and Abe Lincoln were two of the greatest president of all history. I think it's because they were so Open Minded.
- I heard Abe Lincoln was having a fine old time at Ford's Theater... that is until he asked John Wilkes Booth for a headshot.
- Why did Abe Lincoln and Stephen Douglas get thrown out of the church? Because they were caught mass debating in the bathroom.
- A Chinese pan, an Establishment for accommodation and drinks, the 2nd whole positive integer, and Abraham Ramsey Wok Inn Two Abe R
- I've always wanted to see a live performance of "Our American Cousin" My buddy Abe wouldn't stop raving about it. He kept talking about how his mind was literally blown.
- What did the cherry tree say to Abe Lincoln? Don't axe me!
I read that on a bubble gum wrapper.
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Abe One Liners
Which abe one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with abe? I can suggest the ones about darling and pledge.
- What do you name the male and female twin monkeys? Abe and Anna
- Two arab brothers open a hotel Their names are Amil and Abed.
- I have a spreadsheet of all the Abe Lincoln reposts. I call them my Lincoln logs.
- why did abe lincoln get released from prison? because he's in a cent
- What did Abe Lincoln say after a night of drinking? "I set WHO free?"
- What did Abe Lincoln say when he was arrested? I'm-in-a-cent!
- I love Honest Abe. Do you want to hear my favourite quote from him? "My head hurts."
- How do you Abe Lincoln never committed a crime Because he's In-a-cent
- What do Maple Leaf players have in common with Abe Lincoln? They can't finish a play.
- "The Theater must always be a safe and special place" - Abe Lincoln
- The Amish are starting to promote the use of condoms.... To help stop the spread of Abes.
- Why did they call him Honest Abe? Because he was never caught a blinkin.
- Apparently Abe Lincoln was a Jew He was shot in the temple
- Ohhh Abe. What did Abraham Lincoln say after a 3 day drunken stupor?
I FREED WHO! - If Lincoln dictated a false statement for his son You could say he Abed and abetted
Abe Lincoln Jokes
Here is a list of funny abe lincoln jokes and even better abe lincoln puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Name two people shot in the back of the head in a theatre. Abe Lincoln and the guy sitting in front of Pee Wee Herman.
- Why didn't Abe Lincoln want to go into the restaurant? There were too many booths.
- "I like making holes" Said the bullet that killed Abe Lincoln
- Abe Lincoln is on an airplane. What seat does he have? 2B (Or, not 2B)
- What did Abe Lincoln say to the judge when he asked how he pleas? I'm in a cent.
- What do you call Abe Lincoln having s**...? The emancipator-procreator.
- What did Abe Lincoln say after a three day drinking binge? "Wait… I freed ***WHO***?!?!?"
Fun-Filled Abe Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about abe you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean distraught jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make abe pranks.
I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
An older man walks into a bar...
...wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"
"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."
"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protests the bartender.
"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."
Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games, a dad told him, When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.
Oh yeah? the son retorts. Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.
Little Johnny
Little Johnny's father noticed that Johnny was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate Little Johnny into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, his father said, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
Little Johnny replied, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
A Jewish guy walking through Chinatown notices a jewelry shop with has a big sign that says - Abe Goldberg jewelry.
He walks in and asks to meet Abe Goldberg. A Chinese man comes out from the back and says - herro, I Abe Golber.
The Jewish guy says, you're Abe Goldberg??? How did you get that name?
The Chinese man tells how when he was at Ellis Island, the guy in line before him was Abe Goldberg. When the immigration officer asked for his name he said - **Sam Ting**
A teacher asked her kindergartens...
Who the most important person in history is and whoever gets it right gets 5 dollars, one of the kids yells, "Abe Lincoln." The teacher smiles and shakes her head no, another kid yells, "George Washington." Again, the teacher shakes her head. The class becomes quiet as they all begin to think before one of the children goes, "jesus!" The teacher responds."That's right! But wait, aren't you jewish?" To which the child goes, "well, the correct answer is Moses, but business is business."
A man walks into a bar
His name is Nathan Abe (initials NA) and he is firefighter, a second later a arsonist girl named Clair Laurence (initials CL)walks into the bar. The two start to hit it off. Eventually they go home together, the next day the mans mom calls. She asks about love life. He says, "its kind of ironic bond".
Abraham wandered into Sam's pawnshop and placed a leather coat on the counter.
How much will you give me for this jacket?
Sam checked it over. $20, and that's the best he replied.
But that jacket is worth $100" argued Abraham.
Sam was adamant. $20 or nothing.
Are you sure that's all it's worth? pressed Abe.
Positive
Okay, said Abe. "Here's your $20. The jacket was hanging in your doorway and I was wondering how much it was worth.
The Japanese Prime Minister formally protested after meeting Trump at the White House
Mr Trump treated Shinzo Abe to his trademark greeting, involving a muscular grasping of the hand and the subsequent pulling of the recipient towards him in a dominant way.
Mr Abe said, "What an awful y**.... And I didn't like the handshake either."
Prime Minister Shinzo Abe gives an opening speech at the Tokyo Olympics.
He walks up to the microphone. "O!" he says, which is followed by applause.
"O!" he says again, as an ovation.
"O!" he says again, and the audience stands up and cheers. Suddenly, an aide runs up to the podium.
"Prime Minister Abe," the aide whispers, "those are the Olympic logo rings, you don't need to read all of them!"
A man died and went to heaven
As St. Peter showed him around, he couldn't help but notice all the clocks on the wall. So, being curious, he asked "What are all of these clocks for?" "Those are lie clocks. Each person on earth has one, and when you lie, the hands move. This one is mother Teresa's. It's never moved, showing that she's never lied. This is abe Lincoln's. It's moved twice showing he had told only two lies."
"That's incredible" said the man
"Where's Trump's?" he asked
"Oh it's in God's office, he's using it as a ceiling fan."
