Abbey Jokes

Following is our collection of rectory humor and lane one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Abbey puns for adults, dirty late jokes or clean novice gags for kids.

There is an abundance of feeble jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 8 funniest jokes on abbey. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any monastery witze you can hear about abbey.

The Best jokes about Abbey

A boy came into class late one day and his teacher asked him why he was late...

The boy replied "Sorry sir, I was doing push-ups on Abbey Lane." The teacher excused him and he sat down.

Five minutes later, another boy came in and the teacher asked him why he was late. He replied "sorry I'm late, I was doing push-ups on Abbey Lane.

Another five minutes later, a girl walks into class, late. The teacher says "I suppose you were doing push-ups on Abbey Lane too." The girl replied "No sir, I am Abbey Lane"

There once was a humble florist living in a small town...

He would sell his beautiful flowers to the townspeople every day. One day, some friars moved into the nearby, previously empty abbey. These friars, however, grew their own beautiful flowers to sell to pay for their expenses, and these flowers were grown in such abundance and sold so much that the florist was rapidly losing money.

A man in town noticed the poor florist's distress and offered him some help. "Hey, I know a guy named Hugh that can help you out here. See that big guy over there? That's him. By tomorrow he'll have dealt with these friars' intrusive business practices."

"Alright" said the florist, "I can't thank you enough." Though he had his doubts, he tried to trust the man.

The next morning as he went to his shop he noticed the friars had already packed up their things and were long gone. He found that man and asked, "How? How did you do it??"

"Simple" he stated, "Hugh, and *only* Hugh can prevent florist friars."

A monk joins an abbey ready to dedicate his life to copying ancient books by hand...

After the first day though, he reports to the head priest. He's concerned that all the monks have been copying copies made from still more copies.

"If someone made a mistake," he points out. "It would be impossible to detect. Even worse, the error would continue to be made."

A bit startled, the priest decides he better check their latest effort against the original which is kept in a vault beneath the abbey. A place only he has access to.

Well two days, then three days pass without the priest resurfacing. Finally, the new monk decides to see if the guy is alright. When he gets down there though, he discovers the priest hunched over both a copy and the original text. He is sobbing and by the looks of it has been sobbing for quite some time.

"Father?" the monk whispers.

"Oh my goodness," the priest wails. "The word is 'celebrate.' "

The Nun and her Abbess

A Nun was living in an abbey and had taken a vow of silence. After living there for a year the Abbess calls her to her office and says.

"You have been silent for one year now. I lift your vow so that you may speak one sentence."

the Nun thinks for a moment and says.

"My floor is too cold"

The Abbess nods and thanks the Nun letting her get back to her duties. Another year goes by and again the Abbess summons the Nun to her office.

"You have lived, and worked among us for two years now. I lift your vow of silence so that you may speak two sentences."

again the Nun thinks, then says.

"My floor is too cold. I don't like the soup."

Once more the Abbess thanks the Nun and ushers her out of the office. once again another year rolls around and for the third time the Abbess summons the Nun into her office.

"You have lived, worked, and prayed, among us for three years now. I lift your vow of silence so that you may speak three sentences."

The Nun thinks really hard for a few moments, then says.

"My floor is too cold. I don't like the soup. and, the halls are too dusty."

The Abbess takes a hard look at the Nun and says.

"That is it. I have had enough. You must leave this place tonight. three years here and all you have ever done is complain."

Of all of the women living in the abbey, how many of them are Protestant?


What do Downton Abbey and Premenstrual Syndrome have in common?

They're both period drama

What Is it called when a nun leaves the abbey?

Kicking the habit.

Why was Sir Isaac Newton buried at Westminster Abbey?

Because he was dead.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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