Abandoned Jokes

60 abandoned jokes and hilarious abandoned puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about abandoned that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article examines the concept of “abandoned jokes,” exploring why humor can sometimes be left feeling like an abandoned car or a razed building in an uninhabited town. Read to find out why some jokes, puns, and gags are left to languish in the shadows and find out how to breathe new life into them.

Funniest Abandoned Short Jokes

Short abandoned jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The abandoned humour may include short aborted jokes also.

  1. My girlfriend left me because of my abandonment issues... Oh wait. She's back. She just went to get some milk.
  2. Why did elon musk abandon his Twitter acquisition? He wanted to experience, for the first time in his life, the sensation of pulling out
  3. what did the plank of wood say as it lay abandoned and immobile in a field for 50 years? I'm board.
  4. I was trying to come up with a joke about social security I abandoned the idea because you probably won't get it
  5. As the Titanic sank, the musicians remained on deck and continued to play music as the ship went down. The captain had said "aBandOn Ship", so they really had no choice.
  6. Don't expect me to respond to any comments regarding this joke… …I have abandoned my post.
  7. If you decide to comment on this joke, be aware that I won't be replying… …because I have abandoned my post.
  8. My wife went to a chinese restaurant last night, but walked out in disgust when she saw their dumplings. A clear case of wonton abandon.
  9. The abandoned high school James Dean attended collapsed Now it's just rubble without a cause.
  10. It's high time the U.S. government abandoned the penny... It just doesn't make cents, for it's obsolescent.

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Abandoned One Liners

Which abandoned one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with abandoned? I can suggest the ones about abducted and vanished.

  1. What did the sign say on the abandoned nuclear reactor? Gone fission
  2. My abandonment issues are gone! They decided to leave me too I guess..
  3. How is a photon like an abandoned church? They have no mass.
  4. What do star wars and the U.K. have in common? They both abandoned the EU
  5. Why did Rihanna abandon the Catholic faith? She found love in a Popeless place.
  6. Why couldn't Moses believe that his mother abandoned him in the river? He was in da-Nile
  7. I just drove by an abandoned Dairy Queen. I guess you could say it was *dessert*ed
  8. Abandonment issues: they've stayed with me my whole life
  9. What is it called when Batman abandons Gotham city? Christian Bale.
  10. What do you call a midget who has been abandon by their parents? A Dworphan.
  11. If you are looking for a witty guy with abandonment issues Then look no father
  12. Why did the scientist abandon making his electron radio? There was too much static.
  13. To abandon an ice cream sundae in Death Valley is to Desert your dessert in a desert.
  14. What is it called when a flock of sheep abandon their leader? Muttony
  15. Why didn't Rick Grimes settle his group in an abandoned senior center? Too many walkers.

Abandoned Car Jokes

Here is a list of funny abandoned car jokes and even better abandoned car puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • [OC]My friend was living in an abandoned train car, until he was arrested. For domestic caboose.
Abandoned joke, [OC]My friend was living in an abandoned train car, until he was arrested.

The Funniest Abandoned Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

What funny jokes about abandoned you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean forgotten jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make abandoned pranks.

Marriage advice for dummies: Five worst things you can do
5 Abandon
4 Lie
3 Cheat
2 a**...
1 Forget to start the dishwasher

What kind of mint is the hardest to s**...?


A Priest and a Rabbi are walking down an abandoned road... (somewhat offensive)

and they come across a little boy in the unconscious in the ditch. After thinking for a moment, the Priest says "let's screw him" to which the Rabbi replies "out of what?"

A Chemist, a Biologist, and a Mathematician are all sitting at an outdoor cafe...

A chemist, a biologist, and a mathematician are all sitting at an outdoor cafe. Across the street is an old, abandoned house. As they sit, they watch two people go into the house. A short while later, three come out.
The chemist says: "the measurements were wrong."
The biologist says: "they reproduced."
The mathematician says "if one more person goes in, the house will be empty again!"

A guy goes to his psychiatrist complaining about his s**... life...

Upon further discussion the psychiatrist suggests that the spark of excitement has gone out of his client's marriage.
"Perhaps," he suggests, "the next time you are feeling amorous, you should just take your wife, s**... and with abandon, right there and then, no matter the circumstance."
The man agrees that it seems a good idea. Two weeks later, he returns for his normal session with the psychiatrist.
"How did things go?" asks the psychiatrist.
"Absolutely amazing," says the man. "One night, as we sat down to dinner, I looked at my wife. She looked at me and we immediately made mad, passionate love right there on the table."
"So, things are good?" asks the psychiatrist.
"Couldn't be better," says the guy, "except we're can't eat at the Denny's next to our house anymore."

A priest and a nun ...

... are on a pilgrimage when they get caught in a blizzard. They make their way to a small abandoned cabin with a bed, a stack of blankets, and a sleeping bag. Now the priest, being a gentleman, offers the nun the bed and takes the sleeping bag for himself. They say their nightly prayers and tuck in for the night. The priest is nearly asleep when he is awoken by the nun, "Father, I'm cold!" The priest gets up, puts a blanket on her, checks that she's OK, and goes back to his sleeping bag.
This time he's starting to nod off when he's again awoken by the nun, "Father, I'm still cold!" So once again the priest gets up, places another blanket on the nun, and heads back to his sleeping bag. But when he's almost asleep this time she calls again, "Father, Father, I'm sooo cold!" The priest thinks on this situation and after a moment he responds. "Sister, we are in the middle of nowhere in a storm. No one but ourselves and the Lord God almighty will know what happens here this night. What would you say if, just for this night, we act as though we were married?" The nun thinks on this for a while and finally responds with an excited, "Yes Father, I'd like that!" To which the priest responds,

There are 3 men stranded in the wild...

and one day they see an abandoned house and go inside. When they go inside however, they realized that there's only one bed. The floor was filthy, so they had no choice but to sleep on the same bed. The next morning, the two men sleeping on each side of the bed awoke and started to notice an acute pain coming from their privates. The man in the middle however, told them he had an intense and wonderful dream about skiing.

Password security questions for the depressed

What is the name of your least favorite child?
In what year did you abandon your dreams?
What is the maiden name of your father's mistress?
At what age did your childhood pet run away?
What was the name of your favorite unpaid internship?
In what city did you first experience ennui?
What is your ex-wife's newest last name?
What sports team do you fetishize to avoid meaningful discussion with others?
What is the name of your favorite canceled TV show?
What was the middle name of your first rebound?
On what street did you lose your childlike sense of wonder?
When did you stop trying?

I hate it when people lie to me

Like one time I broke up with a girl who told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. I looked it up online and it isn't even a real magazine.
So I just up and packed my things and left right there in the middle of the night.

I'm not sure how I feel about abandoned babies.

To be honest, I can take them or leave them.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are on a road trip...

Their car stops running in the middle of nowhere and they can all take one thing to the nearby abandoned factory for survival. The redhead takes water in case they get thristy. The brunette takes food in case they get hungry. The blonde takes the car door, in case they get hot she can roll down the window.

I hate women who lie over the smallest things.

My girlfriend of 2 months told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. I looked it up online and that's not even a real magazine. So I packed my bags and left her.

I have recently become a new man

I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. My supervisors are happy with me. I will definitely abandon this lifestyle once i get out of jail.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the cops...

They duck into an abandoned warehouse, each find a an empty sack, and climb into it.
Cops follow and poke the bag with the brunette. The brunette goes woof! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of dogs, and walks on.
They poke the bag with the redhead. The redhead goes meow! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of cats, and walks on.
They poke the bag with the blonde and the blonde goes Potato. Potato.

Two nuns are in front of an abandoned coalmine.

(its better in dutch but it translates)
Two nuns are walking in front of an old (abandoned) coal mine.
One nun says to the other nun: mine's smelly today.
Says the other nun: mine too.

Abandoned slogan: Become an o**... donor...

...What have you got to lose?

I was in the middle of a lake in a canoe with my girl friend last week when suddenly the boat sprung a leak. We had to decide whether to try and get the boat back to shore or abandon ship.

We had a real row v. wade debate that day.

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are relaxing on a hill

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are relaxing on a hill overlooking an abandoned house. They watch two people enter the house through a broken window. Time passes. Later they observe three people leave the house.
The physicist says, "Our measurements weren't accurate."
The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."
The mathematician says, "If one more person goes inside, the house will be empty."

A guard abandoned his post due to overwhelming fear

He was called by his supervisor.
"Stand your ground, guard d**... it!"

A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist.

A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting on a Starbucks patio across from an abandoned building when a car pulls up, and two people get out and enter the building.
A few minutes go by, three people exit the building, get into the car and drive off.
"Hmm," says the physicist, "our original count must have been inaccurate."
"Ahh," says the biologist, "they must have reproduced!"
"Aha!" says the mathematician, "now if exactly one person enters the building, it will be empty again!"

I once ran for class president against a boy with terminal cancer

I know I lost to the simpathy vote, although in retrospective I did run a very negative campaign
"Vote for me, I won't abandon you in 2 months"

A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all on the run from the cops...

They find an abandoned potato factory and each hide in a huge brown sack. The cops arrive and kick the first sack. The redhead yells, "Woof! Woof"! to imitate a dog. The captain says, "Leave it be! We don't need some dog out here biting our ankles". A cop kicks the second sack, and the brunette says, "Meow!" The captain says, "Leave it be! I don't want some cat out here scratching our faces". A cop kicks the last sack, and the blonde says, "Potatoes!"

I'm cannot stand to live with my flatmate anymore

She doesnt clean the flat, she doesn't cook and she basically just uses me for free rides.
I'm want to move so badly but my boyfriend says "we can't abandon our daughter."

A Black person, a Gay Person, and a Woman walk into a Bar

"This is Gold!" cried the Netflix executive.
"But I haven't even told you the story yet."
"Who cares? It hits all the right demos!"
"But don't you need to know this stuff if you're going to produce it?"
"That's ok, we're going to abandon it after 2 seasons anyway."

Abandoned joke, My girlfriend left me because of my abandonment issues...

jokes about abandoned