Aback Jokes

Following is our collection of woman humor and backward one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Aback puns for adults, dirty back jokes or clean asks gags for kids.

There is an abundance of astonishment jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 55 funniest jokes on aback. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any composure witze you can hear about aback.

The Best jokes about Aback

A lumberjack applies for a job...

...the interviewer asks, "so, where have you worked previously?"

The lumberjack replies, "I did a few years in the Sahara Forest."

The interviewer, taken aback, inquires, "the Sahara 'Forest?' Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"

Lumberjack says, "yeah, that's what they call it now."

Stalin and Roosevelt were arguing over whose bodyguards were more loyal...

...and ordered them to jump out of the window on the fifteenth floor. Roosevelt's bodyguard flatly refused to jump, saying "I'm thinking about the future of my family." Stalin's bodyguard, however, jumped out of the window and fell to his death. Roosevelt was taken aback.

"Tell me, why did your man do that?" he asked.

Stalin lit his pipe and replied:

"He was thinking about the future of his family, too."

A man goes for confession ...

The priest says Tell me son why are you here

Well father , during the war , I hid a Jewish family in my attic and saved them from certain death. the man replied.

The priest taken aback replies , Well son this is a rather noble act that the lord would be proud of , why are you here at confession?

Well father , I charged them rent to stay in my attic. the man replied.

This is not right son , we should help others without asking anything in return , this is the true Christian way the priest replied.

The man replied , Well in that case should I tell them that the war is over ?

A lumberjack applies for a job and gets called for an interview. The interviewer asks him, So, what experience do you have? The lumberjack replies, Well, I used to work in the Sahara Forest.

The interviewer is a little taken aback and asks, The Sahara Forest? Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?

The lumberjack says, Yeah, that's what they call it now.

A blonde walks into a library..

she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading books. She says, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!"

*whispers* "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."

My wife and I went out for a leisurely drive to see the autumn leaves, when we noticed that one of the tires seemed to be getting low…

She was a bit taken aback when I asked her for some change and asked, "Why in the world did they start charging for AIR?!"

I looked at her and winked, "Inflation."

A man asks a janitor in his office...

"Hey, don't you get tired being just a janitor?"

The janitor is taken aback. "Excuse me, let me tell you that even if I'm just a janitor, I have a kid each in Harvard, MIT, and Princeton."

"Wow," the man is surprised, "what courses are they taking?"

"Nah, they're janitors too."

A North American arrives in the UK on vacation and needs directions.

Two plus size women with accents are walking by. The Foreigner says excuse me. Do you two gals happen to be from England . One of the women replies No idiot. Wales!!!!

The Foreigner is taken aback. I'm sorry, let me start over he says. Excuse me. Do you two whales happen to be from England?

A man sees a millionaire he recognizes on the street.

The man goes up to the millionaire and says, "Sir, I have been working hard for so long and I still don't have much money, will you please tell me your secret to becoming a millionaire?"

The millionaire pauses for a moment and responds, "my wife."

The man was taken aback. "What were you before you met her?"

The millionaire sadly responded, "a billionaire."

45 year old charming guy

Having recently turned 45, I thought I had lost all the appeal and charm I used to have with the ladies, until today that is. At my local gas station, the pretty young girl who has served me every other day or so for several weeks asked for my number. I was taken aback. I explained how I was flattered but was perhaps a bit too old for her and that if I were 20 or so years younger I would happily take her up on her offer, I explained how love and sexual attraction, when intertwined, can be exciting and that I hadn't felt this way in years and asked that she save her love for someone who will truly care for her and respect her not only as a woman, but as a person.

. . . . "No," she said. "Your pump number, sir."

Grandmas don't know everything.........

Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.

He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her,
'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sexual intercourse , darling.

Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,
'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse . It's called Bunk Beds.

And Jimmy 's mum wants to talk to you.'

A bloke is in a queue at the supermarket...

...when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says sorry do you know me?

She replies I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, he says are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my rear?

No , she replies, I'm your son's English Teacher

Woman buys parrot

A woman walks into a pet store, and is perusing through the various animals when she comes across one of the most beautiful parrots she has ever seen. She's taken aback by the tropical beauty of this bird, and when she looks on the price tag on the cage it says 50$. The woman turns to the man at the front counter and asks "Why is a bird this beautiful being sold for this little?" The man looks up and says "Oh, that bird was originally kept in a house of prostitution, and boy does he have a mouth". The woman takes the words to heart but buys the bird anyway. She buys it, and takes it home with her. She puts the bird in the living room. Suddenly the bird squawks "NEW HOUSE NEW MADAME!" The woman is put off by this but she figures that in a few days the bird will get over it. Her daughters come home from school and the bird speaks again "NEW HOUSE, NEW MADAME, NEW GIRLS!" Again the woman is off put but she assures her kids that the bird will grow out of its old habits. The woman's husband gets back in from a day at work. The parrot takes one look at him and squawks:


A man walks into a bar and orders ten shots of whiskey.

As soon as the bartender pours them out, the man slams them down, one right after the other. Before the bartender can say anything, the man orders ten more shots.

"I don't know, maybe you should slow down," says the bartender.

The man replies, already slurring, "You'd be drinking like this too if you had what I have."

The bartender is taken aback and starts to apologize, "Oh I'm so sorry. What do you have?"

And the man says, "About $3."

A man decided to visit a fortune teller...

After looking into his hand and into the crystal ball, the fortune teller says in a dramatic tone:

You sir, will be responsible for the death of millions

Shocked and taken aback, the man goes back to his home. Along the way, he passes near a river and sees a small boy drowning helplessly.

Well, if millions of people are going to die because of me, I might at least save one life.

He jumps into the river and pulls the boy out. The shocked mother comes in tears and says:

Oh my dear god, thank you so much Mr., you are a saint. Adolf, you should thank this gentleman yourself.

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed as it left a New York publishing house last Thursday.

According to the Associated Press,
witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied,
confused, punchy, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered,
mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, flabbergasted,
astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, boggled, 
overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, and perplexed.

I see your thesaurus joke and raise you mine. Did you here about the truck full of thesauruses that crashed?

Onlookers were shocked, astounded, agape, flabbergasted, and taken aback.

The Doubling Genie

A man is walking along the beach one day and finds a bottle. He picks it up, rubs it, and a genie appears.

"Hello, I'm a genie and I'm here to grant you 3 wishes! You can have absolutely anything you'd like."

"So what's the catch?" the man asks

"The only catch is that your ex-wife gets twice of whatever you ask for"

The man seems taken aback, but agrees nonetheless. "Okay, well first off, I'd like a new Ferrari."

"Your wish is my command," replies the genie. A new Ferrari appears in front of the man. "However I just gave your wife two new Ferraris. What will your second wish be?"

Slightly frustrated, the man shrugs it off and continues.

"I'd like a mansion right here on the beach!" exclaimed the man.

His new mansion materialized right behind him. "Here's your mansion, but remember that your wife just got two mansions on the beach."

Visibly angered, the man pushes on to his third wish.

"And for you final wish?" the genie inquires.

The man replies, "I'd like you to scare me half to death."

Giving to the less fortunate

A homeless man had been driven to picking small blades of grass that he could find on the side of the street for food.

Then, a rich man drove up next to him, riding in a limo, and told him to get inside for a more plentiful meal.

The homeless man, almost taken aback by tears of joy, starts to enter the limo, but suddenly stops. He says "This is a very generous offer sir, but I have a wife and young child as well who are just as hungry as I am". "Thats fine", says the rich man, "the more people the better".

The homeless man starts to breakdown, saying, "I will never forget this sir, it has been so long since my family and I have had a proper meal". The rich man gives a confused look, and says, "I don't think you understand, the grass in my yard is a foot tall".

A little girl walks into a pet store...

A little girl walks into a pet store and approaches the clerk. "Im looking for a wabbit" she says.

The clerk, taken aback by how adorable this girl is, asks "Aww, well would you like a white wabbit, or a brown wabbit?"

The little girl replies "I dont think my python gives a thit"

A guy passes by a shop with three beautiful watches in the window...

He goes inside, and says to the proprietor: "Those are beautiful watches you have on display, how much for one?"

The proprietor says: "Oh, those aren't for sale. We don't make watches here, we do circumcisions."

The man is a bit taken aback: "If you do circumcisions, why do you have watches in your shop window?"

The proprietor says: "Well, what would you put in the window?"

One day a dad gets a call and is told his son has been using dirty language.

When he gets home that night, he sits down with his son.

"Son," he says, "You know this isn't acceptable behavior. Now I want you to tell me all the dirty words you know."

His son says "Well Dad, I know the S word, I know the B word, and I know the M word."

His dad asks "What's the S word?"

His son says "Stupid."

The father is taken aback but pushes on. He asks "OK, what's the B word?"

His son says "Bad."

His father is starting to feel relieved and a faint smile is playing at his lips. With a kind, fatherly smile he asks "And what's the M word?"

His son says "MotherwhoringSpicnigger."

A blond walks in for a job interview...

She is kind of hot and the boss thinks of hiring her without the formalities. But decides to just ask her a few simple questions anyhow. "Could you tell me how old you are?" The blond starts to count on her fingers until she reaches 19. "19," she replies with a smile. The boss is taken aback and decides to ask an other simple question. "Could you tell me how tall you are?" she goes into her bag and pulls out a tape measure, sticks it under her shoe and starts to pull it to her head. "5'9" She beams with a smile. The boss can't believe how she could be so brainless and decides to ask her something everyone know. " Could you please tell me your name? At this she looks to the ceiling and starts to more her head right to left...right ..left ..right.. left ..right ..left. She does this for a while then says " EEMMILLLYYY" then she says "my names Emily" the boss can't help himself and asks. "Why did you shake your head like that when I asked you your name?" To which she replies," oh I'm remembering that song...
Happy birthday to you"

Sorry for the mess Im using my phone..

Anything you want.

Bob is to the point where he's feeling good, but still a beer or so away from drunk. As he's contemplating his navel, a young woman sidles up next to him and starts blowing into his ear. At first he's taken aback, and tries to brush her away. But then he takes a good look at her and realizes she is the most beautiful women he's seen in quite a long while. "What'cha blowin' in my ear for, young miss?" "Just trying to get your attention, good sir" she whispers. "What'cha want?" "I want to do something for you" she says, in a VERY sexy voice. "Oh really?" he replies. "Oh yes" she says. "Anything at all?" he asks. "Anything at all, any fantasy you can think of" she replies. "And it'll only cost you $100". And then she quickly goes on to add "But you have to tell me in three words or less". "$100 you say. And anything at all?" "That's right, anything at all.". So he ponders a minute or so, and then three distinct words issue forth from his mouth "Paint... my... house."

this is for my country

Four guys climb the highest observation point in the world. A white guy, black, jew, and german.

Theyr reach the very top and the german leans over the edge and is taken aback by the view.

Suddenly he shouts out "THIS IS FOR MY COUNTRY!" And leaps to his death.

Feeling a sudden urge of patriotism the jew leans over the edge and shouts "THIS IS FOR MY COUNTRY!!!" and leaps to his death.

Scared from witnesing two apparent suicides the black guy leans over the edge to check if the two had survived the fall.

"THIS IS FOR MY COUNTRY!!!' Shouts the white man and pushes the black guy over the edge and proceeds to walk back down.

So a panda walks into a restaurant....

sits down and begins looking at the menu. The waiter quite taken aback by this panda decides he doesn't look dangerous and takes his order. The panda eats his meal, takes out a handgun, shoots a few rounds off and gets up to leave.

The waiter now freaking out asks the panda "Why would you do that?!?" In which the panda replies "look it up" and hands him a really crappy looking dictionary. The waiter thumbs through it and finds the word "Panda"

It says:

Panda: a bear-like mammal that Eats, shoots and leaves.

A Jewish businessman meets a redhead...

A Jewish businessman was awe-struck by the beautiful redhead at the hotel bar.
Seeing his interest, she quietly informed him that she was a prostitute and that
her price was $500. He was taken aback by the price, but after a few minutes of
thought he took her up to his room. She spent a few minutes in the bathroom and
was shocked when she came out to see him masturbating furiously on the bed.

"What are you doing?", she asked.

"Baby, for $500, you're not going to get the easy one!"

A man barges into a bar

and yells for the bartender to pour seven shots of whiskey and hurry. The bartender, taken aback, does what he is told. The man starts to quickly down the shots, one after the other, without stopping until all the glasses are empty. The bartender asks, "Why on earth are you drinking this much, this fast?" The man looks him in the eye and tells him, "If you had what I have, you'd drink like this too." The bartender nervously asks what the man has. "Fifty cents" the man replies.

A young woman gets on a bus and notices that all of the seats have been taken.

So she asks the closest gentleman Could I have your seat? I'm pregnant. The man was taken aback and immediately says Of course. I didn't even notice. Please take it, it's no problem. He gets up, and relinquishes the seat over to the woman. He leans on the post opposite her and takes a closer look at the woman. He sees her stomach is flat, and curiously asks Excuse me Miss, but how far along are you? The woman responds It's been 30 minutes now, but I'm already so tired. Thanks for the seat, it was hard work.

So a Doctor walks into a bar...

As he takes a seat at the bar, he looks up in confusion wondering why he can't locate the bartender and whether or not he should be concerned by the mouse perched behind the bar looking him dead in the eye. The mouse squeaks, "What'll you have, doc?" Taken aback and considering the possibility of hallucinations, the doctor responds, "Anything. Just make me a drink." So the mouse leaves and then returns with a drink. The doctor takes a sip, is promptly disgusted, and spits it all out. "Mouse, what is this drink?"

The mouse responds, "It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."

My wife called me an alcoholic, and I was so taken aback I spilled my drink...

But I was able to wring out the placemat back into the glass, so everything's ok!

Rodeo Position

Two old cowboys are sitting around a campfire and drinking. Somewhat drunk and not in the best frame of mind one turns to the other and say's I miss my missus, but when we make love it's always the same . Somewhat taken aback, but curious nonetheless, the other cowboy asks how's that? We always use the old missionary position the old cowboy replies. Thinking about this the other cowboy says If you want some excitement you need to try the Rodeo position . The cowboy says What's that?
Well you start off doggie style, behind her. Then you lean forward and with your right hand grab her right breast, and with your left hand grab her left breast, with your face beside her head you whisper gently in her ear, Yep feels just like your sister , and then hold on for dear life.

A little boy asks his dad, "Where does poo come from?"

His father is taken aback by the question but decides to tell the son the truth.

"Well, son," he says, "food passes down the oesophagus, enters the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction. Then it passes through the alimentary canal before waste enters the colon, and then it finally emerges as poo."

"Wow," says the boy. "So where does Tigger come from?"

Finest whisky! NSFW (Long)

Paddy finds bottle on beach. Rubs it and Genie appears and offers him one wish. "I'd like to pee the finest Irish whisky," says Paddy.

"Granted!", says the Genie. Paddy pees in a cup, tastes it and is taken aback. "This is the finest whisky I've ever tasted." He rushes home, tells his wife (who is a bit dubious at first -- but when he finally tries a sip, she agrees that it's the best whisky she's ever tasted.) They spend the night sipping the limitless supply of free whisky.

Next night Paddy comes home from work and his wife tells him she has two large glasses ready on the kitchen table. "We'll only need one," says Paddy. "You're drinking straight from the bottle tonight!"

A comedian walks into a bar

A comedian walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. Being charismatic and clever with words, he goes up to her and starts talking. They hit it off and are getting along well. Eventually, he brings up that he is a comedian.

"Ah," she says, "then could you tell me a joke?"

"But telling jokes is my job," he replies. "So you asking me to tell you a joke would be like me soliciting you for whatever it is you do for a living."

The woman blushes a little bit. "Well, I'm actually a prostitute."

The comedian is a bit taken aback, but after only a moment's hesitation he begins:

"So a man walks onto a bus and sees this beautiful nun..."

Trip to the Doctor

Earlier today I was at the doctors office for my yearly physical but my regular Doctor was out. So in walks this beautiful blonde Doctor with the most amazing body... needless to say I was a little taken aback. She said she was fresh out of Medical School and had recently joined my regular Doctors practice. Halfway through my physical, she told me that I would need to stop masturbating, when I asked "why?" she replied: "I'm not done giving you the physical".

A man calls the hotel receptionist where he is staying,

"My wife and I were arguing earlier and now she's trying to jump out of the window. Send someone to room 314 please!"

The receptionist responds, "Sir, that sounds like a personal problem. Sort out the matter yourself."

The man is taken aback. "How is this a personal problem? I'm calling for maintenance, the window won't open!"

A woman is taking a shower when she hears a knock at the door...

She throws on a towel and goes to answer it. Outside is her next door neighbor, taken aback by her near-nudity. He says, "wow, I never realized how beautiful you were under all of that clothing! I'll pay you $800 right now to drop that towel!" Dripping wet, the woman scans the hallway. With no one in sight and nothing to lose, the woman promptly drops her towel to the floor and shows her neighbor her full naked body. Grinning a toothy grin, her neighbor takes out his wallet and hands over eight $100 dollar bills. After she closes the door, her husband calls to her from the living room, "honey, who was that?" "Oh, just our next door neighbor" she replies. Her husband responds, "did he give you the 800 bucks he owes me?"

So I was at this little pub in Great Britain.....

I notice these two women, both cute but a bit chubby.
I approached the girls and asked "Are you two ladies from Scotland"?, to which the heftier one replied "It's Wales you idiot"!
Taken a bit aback by this, I replied "Oh, sorry. Are you two Whales from Scotland"?

Mike and his Grandpa

Mike was 5 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked,"Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?"
His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth. "Well, Mike, it's called sexual intercourse."
'Oh,' Little Mike said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandpa, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds....And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you."

There was once a poem contest...

Contestants were supposed to use the word **Timbuktu** in their poem. All contestants gave their best poems but then came along the priest and his poem was

*All along through my life*

*i had no children and had no wife*

*I read the Bible through and through*

*All the way to Timbuktu*

The judges and audience were taken aback by his poem and decided that he won. That was until the shepherd Dave came with his award winning poem

*When I and Tim to Brisbane went*

*We found three woman cheap to rent*

*They were three and we were two*

*So I book one and Tim book two*

So a guy goes to his doctor...

...and the doctor says I'm glad to see you because your tests came back. Unfortunately, I have some bad news and some really bad news. Which one would you like to hear first?

The man, taken aback, asks the doctor to tell him the bad news first.

"Well, I'm sorry to tell you but you only have two days left to live."

"Oh my God doctor. If that's the bad news what's the really bad news?"

"I forgot to call you yesterday."

In the vein of today's Star Wars announcement, a topical joke

In a deleted scene from Return of the Jedi, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are fighting a duel to the death when suddenly Darth says to Luke: "Not only am I your Father, but I also know what you're getting for Christmas!"

Taken aback by the change of subject and suspecting a trap, Luke replies cautiously: "How could you possibly know what I'm getting for Christmas?"

Darth Vader: "Because I've felt your presents..."

repost (pretty sure) suspiciously knowledgable wife

wife calls the husband at work. "can you send a mechanic to our house, the carburettor is flooded."

husband is taken aback and becomes suspicious. "how do you know that?" he asks.

"because the car is at the bottom of the pool".

A man walks into a library

and is greeted by the librarian behind the front desk.

He slaps a $10 bill on the desk and says to the librarian - "I'll have two budweisers please"

The librarian, taken aback, responds - "Sir, this is a library!"

The man quickly replies back - "Oh, sorry!"

*whispers* "I'll have two budweisers please"

A man sits at the bar drinking and looking upset.

The bartender asks him what's wrong. The man looks up and says

"I lost it all playing the ponies. A million dollars. I had it and I lost it all."

The bartender is taken aback. "If you don't mind me prying, a million dollars is a lot of money. How'd you end up losing it?"

The man downs his drink. "Pour me another and I'll tell you. I went to the track with five dollars. That's it. I was only gonna spend five and go home. So I gets a good feeling about this horse named Fedora. He had incredible odds so I went for it. Turns out he won. So I makes a five into a hundred. I'm on a roll now, so in the next race I bets on a horse named Top Hat. Again, the odds are in my favour. He wins, and I turns a hundred into six thousand. It continues all day, every race. Beret made 6000 into 120,000. And Trilby makes 120,000 into 1,200,000. That's no small potatoes. I shoulda known hat names wouldn't work forever, but I thought I had a winner with Cowboy. He lost. I lost."

The bartender is invested in the story by this point. He waits with bated breath. "So who won?"

"Some dumbass horse named Yarmulke."

Doctor's Office

A man is called into the doctor's office for his yearly checkup. When he enters the office, the doctor tells the man that he needs to stop masturbating.

The man is taken aback. Angrily, he asks the doctor why.

The doctor says "So I can examine you."

An Asian woman on a plane sees her Asian seat-mate reading a book on Asian Stereotypes.

A little offended, yet equally curious, she asks her seat-mate "What does the book say?"

Her seat mate says: "According to this book, Filipino women are beautiful, Japanese women are smart, and Vietnamese women are faithful".

Taken aback by the slightly chauvinistic and stereotypical nature of the book's assertions, the woman asks: "Are these based on facts?"

Her seatmate says: "Not exactly, but these haven't been disproved either." He then turns to the woman and asks, "What's your name, by any chance?"

The woman thinks for a bit, and says "Maria Nguyen-Suzuki"

A man walks into a bar...

As he steps in the tender noticed a big gorilla on his shoulder. Clearly taken aback he asks, Whoa man! Where'd you get that thing? To which the ape says, oh I just brought him in from outside for a drink.

The little boy runs up to his father and asks him, "Dad, what's 'sex'?"

His father was obviously more than a little taken aback up this question, but he figures to himself that if his 4 year old is old enough to ask it then he deserves a proper explanation.

So he seats him down next to him and gives him the whole deal - drawings, pictures from the Internet on his phone, etc.

Meanwhile, the son appears to be getting more and more confused. Finally, when the father thinks he's done, he stops and asks, "All right, my boy. Now, do you have any questions?"

The son shakes his head hesitantly, still a little taken aback by all that he's been told.

"Oh by the way," the father continues. "Where'd you hear the word from?"

The son replies, "Mom said that dinner would be ready in a coupla secs."

Pinocchio lied while going down on her.

She was taken aback.

A blonde walks out of a hospital.

She hails a taxi. The cab driver noticed she had her hand bandaged. Striking up a conversation he asks how she injured her hand. The blonde looks up sheepishly and says, "I tried to commit suicide."

The cab driver is taken aback but looks at his passenger in the rearview mirror. "I'm glad you are okay but pardon me for asking; how did that affect your hand?"

The blonde takes a deep breath and starts her story. "I took a gun and put it up to one of ears, but then I got worried that I'd be scared of the noise when I pulled the trigger. So I put my hand up to cover my other ear."

A man summons his nurse in the recovery room

He pulls her close and asks Are my testicles black?
The nurse, is somewhat taken aback but lifts the bedsheets to check, moves some stuff around and says No.

A while later the nurse comes back in and is again asked can you please check and see if my testicles are black?
Again the nurse lifts the bedsheets and fumbles around a bid and reports that they are just fine and not to worry.

The man pulls her closer, clears his throat and repeats slowly I said please check and see if my test results are back!

Went on a weird blind date

We met at a place downtown. My date introduced himself as Tim.

"So Tim, what do you do for a living?"

He hesitated for a second, "I work for the thought police."

I was clearly taken aback.

Tim: "Now, before you say anything...I know what you're thinking..."

A Russian goes to a sex therapist...

[Old joke]. A Russian goes to a sex therapist:

The therapist asks, "So tell me about the last time you had sex."

The Russian replies, "Last month, I have sex with horse."

The therapist is taken aback, "Um... so tell me, how long have you been having relations with um.. barn animals?"

Astounded, the Russian replies, "You are genius! How you know I have sex with animal?"

"You just said you had sex with a horse last month!"

"No! Not horse. Hoor-ss. You pay money and they sleep with you!"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes