A Young Doctor Jokes
76 a young doctor jokes and hilarious a young doctor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about a young doctor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest A Young Doctor Short Jokes
Short a young doctor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The a young doctor humour may include short new doctor jokes also.
- 'Doctor, I keep spontaneously singing songs by The Who' 'How long has this been happening?'
'Ever since I was a young boy…' - A girl goes to the doctor... Putting his stethoscope to the young woman's chest, the doctor said, "Big breaths, dear."
She smiled. "Yup. And I'm not even thixteen yet!" - A doctor is examining a young female patient... "Big breaths!" he tells her.
"Yeth!" she says, "And I'm thtill only thixteen!" - That "Minecraft" videogame is taking its toll on my cousin's health. The doctors have never seen someone so young afflicting by Black Lung.
- A doctor asks an dying old man: "How do you feel about euthanasia?" Old man: "I don't care if young people want to be in Asia. Let em."
- When I was young I always dreamed of being a witch doctor. I guess I'll stop listening to all the trolls.
- Young woman goes to the doctor complaining of chest pains ...big breaths said the doctor as he placed his stethoscope ...yeth she says and I'm only thixteen
- What Did the young programer tell His Doctor About his Bladder Pain. I usually sit too much at work and drink too much coffee and now it hurts when IP.
- A young burn victim gets new eyelids made from his f**...! Doctors say he will be a little cockeyed.
- "Something's keeping me from m**...," the young woman confided to her doctor. "I can't quite put my finger on it."
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Charming Humor A Young Doctor Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about a young doctor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean female doctor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make a young doctor pranks.
While visiting a friend in the hospital, a young man notices several pretty nurses, each one of them wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. “What does the pin signify?” he asks one of them. “Oh! Nothing,” she says with a chuckle, “we just use it to keep the doctors away.”
A young girl goes to the doctor and tells him she is feeling ill
So the doctor places the end of the stethoscope on her chest and says "Big breaths".
To which the girl replies "Thankth, I'm only thickthteen."
A young nurse is hired at a Glasgow hospital.
Towards the end of the shift, he is assigned to a ward with a number people with no obvious signs of injury or disease. He goes to greet the first patient. "Hello, sir, how are you today? Is there anything I can do for you?" The patient replies,
"Aboon them a' ye tak your place, Painch, tripe, or thairm; Weel are ye wordy o' a grace as lang's my arm."
The nurse is confused but smiles, checks the man's bedpans and greets the next patient. "Hello ma'am, how are you doing today?" The patient beams and replies:
"Some hae meat, and canna eat, and some w**... eat that want it, but we hae meat and can eat, and sae the Lord be thankit."
The nurse is further confused. He fluffs her pillows and moves on to the third patient, who is grimacing with pain. "What seems to be the matter, sir?" The third starts rattling off as follows:
"Wee sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie! Thou need na start awa sae hasty, wi bickering brattle! I w**... be laith to rin an chase thee, wi murdering pattle!"
The nurse is totally baffled. When he is done with his patients he steps outside and sees a doctor outside the entrance. "Doctor, what sort of ward is this? A mental ward? "No," replies the doctor, "It's the Burns unit."
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old
lady, entered the doctor´s office.
"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.
"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."
"No, not me," said the girl. "it´s my old aunt here."
"Very well,"said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."
Helping The Doctor
A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work to go fishing, so he approached his assistant.
"Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients".
"Yes, sir!" answers Murphy.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: "So,Murphy, how was your day?"
Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so I gave him Paracetamol."
"Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?" asks the doctor.
"The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon," says Murphy.
"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.
"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in!
Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everything including her bra and her p**... and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!'"
"Tunderin' lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?" asks the doctor.
"I put drops in her eyes."
Harry goes to the doctor
Harry, an 84 year old g**... is in for a checkup at the doctors office, he's sitting on the exam table, n**... under a gown. The doctor asks while reading his chart, "Well Harry, how are you feeling, any new developments for you?" Harry responds with childlike glee, "I feel great. There is a new woman in my life, she's fantastic" "Oh ya? Where did you two meet?" The doctor inquires. "Oh, well, ya know... She's a dancer." "Like a stripper, Harry? How old is she?" The doctor asks seriously. "19 years young... in fact, we are due to get married next week!" The doctor ponders thoughtfully and says to him, "I think you ought to reconsider. You know, prolonged s**... with a girl that young could be fatal." Harry shrugs and says, "Hey, if she dies, she dies."
A man takes his daughter to the doctor
A man takes his 11 year old daughter to the doctor and asks him to put her in birth control.
Concerned, the doctor replied, "I think she's a bit young to be s**... active.."
The father replies, "Well I wouldn't exactly call her *active*. She mostly just lies there."
A young lady, pregnant for the first time, visits her doctor for a check-up
After the exam, she says to the doctor, "My husband wants me to ask you..."
The doctor cuts her off and says, "I know, I know - it's normal. You can have s**... until your third trimester."
The lady says, "No, that's not it. He wants to know how much longer can I can keep mowing the lawn."
A new doctor goes to work for a year in Cambodia, where people still get maimed from landmines left over from the Vietnam War era
In his very first day in the hospital, the doctor sees a young girl in the post-operation area. She is crying, and in a panic, she says to him, "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
He looks down at the young girl, and in his best bedside manner, tells her, "That's because the doctors had to amputate your arms."
80 year old man and young bride
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an 30 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No". The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.
Dr joke I just made up
A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the young intern was embarrassed by his mistake, the doctor said, "don't feel embarrassed, lad, there's more than one way to skim a CAT."
A doctor a lawyer a priest, and a young boy are on a plane when the hits turbulence and is about to c**......
There are three parachutes between the four of them. The doctor says "Well I'm a doctor and I specialize in medicine and saving lives so I think I should live", the others agree and the doctor takes the first parachute and jumps out. The lawyer says "Well I'm a really smart man basically a genius so I think I should live too", so he grabs the second parachute and jumps out. Now its the last parachute between the priest and the little boy. The priest looks at the boy and says "You know what my child take the parachute, the good lord has blessed me my whole life and you still have your life ahead of you so save yourself and take the last parachute". The little boy says "No it's all right", the priest asks "Why?" and the boy replies "Because the genius just jumped out with my back pack".
Medical School Entrance Exam...
When I was young (100 yrs. Ago) and my intent was to go to medical school, the entrance exam included several questions that would determine eligibility.
One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when e**...."
Those who spelled "SPINE" became Doctors. The rest ended up in Congress.
Last day for your taxes
A man walked into a restaurant with his young son. He gave the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy started choking, going blue in the face. The father realized the boy had swallowed the nickels and started slapping him on the back. The boy coughed up 2 of the nickels, but kept choking.
Looking at his son, the father panicked and shouted for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit was sitting at the coffee bar reading a
newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looked up, put her coffee cup down, neatly folded the newspaper and placed it on the counter, got up from her seat and made her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully dropped his pants, took hold of the boy's t**... and started to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulsed violently and coughed up the last nickel, which the woman deftly caught in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's t**..., the woman handed the nickel to the father and walked back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he was sure that his son had suffered no ill effects, the father rushed over to the woman and started thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
No," the woman replied, "I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."
Confession of a young OB/GYN doc.
As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams...
To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . . I'm sorry. Was I tickling you? She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard. No doctor but the song you were whistling was, ' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.
He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's t**... and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's t**..., the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
"No", the woman replied.
"I'm with the I.R.S."
A young teenaged girl has her first trip to the gynecologist...
She gets taken to the examination room and the nurse tells her to s**... down, put the gown on, sit in the chair and put her legs in the stirrups. The girl is a bit overwhelmed, but she complies.
A few minutes later, the doctor comes in, takes a quick glance at the girl's chart and then sits down on his stool, rolls up between the girl's legs, sticks his head under her gown and starts poking around. At this point he realizes the girl's legs are shaking tremendously, so he peeks out from under the gown to see the girl's face turning eight shades of red and covered in sweat.
He quickly grabs her chart again to read it completely, then says, "Oh goodness! Is this your first time at a gynecologist's?"
She nods and quietly replies, "Yes."
The doctor then says, "Well, if you think it'll make you feel better, I'd be happy to numb you first."
The girl shrugs her shoulders and says, "Okay."
So the doctor puts his head back down deep between her legs, shakes his head and goes:
"NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM...."
A Twisted Tale
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his beautiful young wife pregnant.
So, he went to the doctor to have a s**... count done.
The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day.
The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.
Doctor: What was the problem?
Elderly man: Well, I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried.
Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing.
Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?!
Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.
3 nickles
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son for breakfast. He gives the young boy
3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts
choking, going blue in the face.
The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping
him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help. A well
dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is
sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At
the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly
folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and
makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the
boy's t**... and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then
ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs
up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's t**..., the woman hands the nickel to the father and
walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father
rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, 'I've never seen
anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?'
"No," the woman replied. "Divorce Attorney"
Guilty and Depression!
A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist.
"Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."
"For Pete's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."
Doctor is examining a young women...
and says:
- Everything seems OK, but I am worried about those bruised knees and elbows.
- Oh, it's because of all the d**... s**... I have.
- Don't you know any other position?
- I do, but my doggy doesn't.
82 year old Mr. Morris
went to the doctors for a full physical examination.
A few weeks later, the doctor saw Mr. Morris walking down the road with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
'Hello Mr. Morris,' says the doctor, 'you're looking well and it looks like you're doing great!'
'Well, I got me a hot Mamma, and I'm being cheerful, just like you said doc.'
'I didn't say that! What I said was, "You have a heart murmor, be careful!" '
An older couple goes to the doctor
and asks the doctor if he can watch them have s**.... The doctor, confused a bit, agrees and the couple goes at it.
When they're done the doc says, "I can't see anything wrong. You both seemed to be enjoying yourselves and it doesn't look like either of you was in distress." The couple thanks him and leaves.
This continues every week for a few weeks and finally the doctor just has to ask why they're coming to his office to have him watch them have s**....
"Well, doc," the man says, "she lives with her daughter who is a stay-at-home mom with a young child, so there's no privacy. I live in a nursing home but just got a roommate, so there's no privacy. A hotel is too expensive, but Medicare takes care of your bill."
A wealthy old man marries a young woman...
Before long they are in the hospital delivering their first baby.
"Congratulations its a healthy boy," the doctor says to the elderly man. "How did you do it at your age?"
"Well Doc, I just have a great running engine." the man replies.
A few years later the man and his wife return to have their second baby. Again the doctor congratulates the old man, and asks again, "How do you have the energy keep having these children?"
Again the man says, "I told you Doc. I have a great running engine!"
The man and his wife return again a few years later for their third baby. Troubled, the doctor says to the man, "I'm very sorry, but your engine appears to be burning oil, because this baby came out black."
A man from Oklahoma takes his daughter to the gynecologist...
He tells the doctor that he'd like to put her on birth-control pills. The doctor asks him how old she is.
"She's thirteen." the man says.
The doctor is somewhat startled, "That's seems a bit young, is she s**... active?"
The man replies, "Naw... she jus' lays there like 'er mother."
A young woman is at her doctor's appointment...
...When the doctor returns, after having run some tests.
"Ma'am," He says, "I've got your results, and it appears that you are pregnant." The woman appears shocked.
"What!? You've got to be..."
She pauses for a moment.
"...Kid-in-me."
----
After a a few moments of her giggling turn into silence, the doctor replies "Did you seriously get pregnant just to say that joke?"
The woman says "It was totally birth it."
The sore t**...
Carl, a young man, woke up and suffered from an awful sore t**... and all but lost his voice. The small town's doctor operated out of his own home, so Carl made his way over, scratching at his sore t**....
Dr. Wendell's wife answered the door, "Yes?"
Carl, in a very quiet, breathy voice replied, "Is the doctor in?"
Mrs. Wendell replied in the same whispering tone, "No.... come on in!"
*-Groucho Marx*
Why was a young man in a used bookstore?
Guy in the used book store picks up a bunch of old magazines and takes them to the counter.
Store owner says he's got lots that are more recent than the ones the customer has chosen.
The guy explains he's a new doctor just setting up his practice and he wants patients to think he's been a doctor for a while.
The curious case of the lost washcloth
There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day the little boy walked in and saw his mother n**..., he asked his mother what was the hair in between her legs?
She responded, "It's my washcloth".
Weeks later after the mother had the baby, the young boy walked
in on his mother again, but while she was in the hospital the
doctor s**... her p**... hair, and the boy asked his mother:
"What happened to your washcloth?"
The mother responded, "I lost it".
The little boy, trying to be helpful, set out to find his
mother's washcloth. A few days later the little boy went running
to his mother yelling and screaming,
"I found your washcloth!"
The mother thinking that the child was just playing went along
with the boy and asked,
"Where did you find it?"
The boy answered, "The maid has it and she's washing daddy's face with it."
A 96 year old man...
After marrying a beautiful young woman, a 96 year old man informed his doctor that he and his new wife were expecting a baby.
"Let me tell you a story," the doctor said. "An absentminded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he accidentally brought his umbrella on the trip. When he was in the woods, a bear charged him unexpectedly. The man whipped out his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and shot and killed it on the spot."
"That's impossible!" the elderly man exclaimed. "Someone else shot the bear."
"My point exactly," the doctor replied.
Red head goes to doctors office..
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
A young woman starts choking on her seafood at a restaurant.
The man behind her says "Stand back! I'm a doctor!" and proceeds to use the Heimlich manoeuvre on her.
A whole small fish shoots out of her mouth and the woman finally gasps in a few breaths.
The doctor picks up the fish and says "What's a plaice like you doing in a girl like this?"
An old man is walking in the hospital...
An old man is walking in the hospital and talks to himself:
-aquarius?... no, no no... was it gemini?... naaah...
young doctor cant stand it anymore and walks to him:
-cancer grandpa, you got cancer!
How I Nearly Became A Doctor
How I Nearly Became A Doctor
When I was young I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.
One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters *PNEIS* into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when e**....
Those who answered spine are doctors today.
What do you call a broken bone factory?
A manufracturer
An engineer said: When I was young I decided to go to medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the alphabets
P N E I S
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when straight.
Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are Engineers.
Morris went to doctor for a physical
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said: "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied: "Just doing what you said, Doc. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful."
The doctor said: "I didn't say that. I said, You've got a heart murmur - be careful."
Daughter
A middle aged man takes his 14 year old daughter to the doctor.
"And what do we need today young lady?" The doctor asks.
The father answers for her "She needs to start birth control".
The doctor gasps "She's s**... active at 14!?"
The father replies "Nope, she just lays there, just like her mother.
When I was young I decided I wanted to attend medical school...
At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the following alphabets:
P N E I S
The question asked us to rearrange the letters in a way that it would spell the most important part of the body that is most useful when straight.
Those who answered *SPINE* are doctors today, and the rest of them are my friends.
A young boy starts choking on some pennies
The boys dad runs to him and tries to help him cough them out. After unsuccessfully helping, he grabs his phone and calls the local doctor for help.
"Doctor, My son had swallowed some pennies, and he is choking on them, please come quickly before he gets hurt"
"Sorry sir, I'm currently out of town, but grab a pen and put this number down, 1-800-377-6971. They will be sure to get every last cent out of him"
"Is this the phone number for the hospital doctor?"
"No it's the income tax service hotline"
Nearly became a Doctor
Only a few of my friends know that I nearly became a doctor. But this is what happened.
When I was young in the 1970's, I decided I wanted to a be doctor so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.
One of the questions asked of us was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when e**....
Those who answered "spine" are doctors today.
The rest of us are sending jokes via the internet!
A surgeon goes to check on his patient after surgery and he says to her...
"Everything went fine and you'll recover completely."
The young woman asks, "How long will it be before I can have a normal s**... life again?"
The surgeon pauses for a while and wipes a small tear from the corner of his eye.
The woman, now alarmed, asks, "What's the matter doctor?! I will be OK, won't I!?"
The surgeon smiles and replies, "Yes, yes you'll be fine, it's just that no one has ever asked me that question after having their tonsils out."
An elderly patient needs a heart transplant and discusses his options with his doctor.
The doctor says, 'We have three possible donors.
One is a young, healthy athlete.
The second is a middleaged businessman who never drank or smoked, and the third is an attorney who just died after practising law for 30 years.'
'I'll take the lawyer's heart,' says the patient.
'Why?' asks the doctor.
The patient replies, 'It's never been used.'
A man takes his nine year old daughter to the doctor.
After several hours in the waiting room, they're called in.
"Hello," the doctor says. "How can I help you?"
The man nods, "It"s my daughter, I was wondering if you could put her on birth control."
"Birth control?" the doctor is incredulous. "She"s too young to be s**... active!"
"s**... active?" the father says, "She just lies there like her mother!"
A forbidden love
"I'm in love with one of my sheep," the nervous young man told his psychiatrist.
"Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled. "Many people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog we are very attached to."
"But, doctor," continued the troubled patient, "I feel physically attracted to my sheep."
"Hmmmmm," observed the doctor. "Is it male or female?"
"Female, of course!" the man replied curtly. "What do you think I am, GAY?"
A young man goes to the doctor.
The doctor tells him that he must stop m**....
The young man asks Why? What's up?
The doctor replies Because I am trying to examine you!
A heart transplant
A patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, "We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in a car accident, the 2nd is a 35 year old businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd is an attorney who died after practicing law for 30 years. Which do you want?"
"I'll take the lawyer's heart," said the patient.
After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. "It was easy," said the patient, "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."
A brunette and the Doctor....
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
So this young woman goes to the doctor and he asks, "Are you s**... active?"
She says, "No l, I just lay there."
When the surgeon came to see his young female patient on the day after her operation, she was slightly embarrassed.
So the doctor she asked "What's wrong?"
"Well this is a bit embarrassing for me, but just how long will it be before I can resume my normal s**... life.
"Uh" stammered the doctor, as he thought pensively.
"Uh, I hadn't really thought about it" replied the stunned surgeon.
"You're the first patient to ever ask me that after a tonsillectomy."
A young man went to get a prostate exam
youngman: "hey doc I never done one of this before."
doctor: "its fine just take your panta off."
youngman: "where should I put my pants?"
doctor: "next to mine is fine."
2 onions fall in love and mate, they give birth to a beautiful son!
One day, they leave the front door open on accident and the young onion rolls out into the world.
While crossing the street, the poor onion child gets flattened in the road...
He is then rushed to the hospital, the father rolling around in the hall, extremely anxious to hear any news.
Finally after a long and grueling surgery, the doctor comes out, removed his mask, wipes the sweat from his brow and calls the father over.
Well, tell me what will happen with my baby boy! Will he live? The father begs
Well calm down, he will live , the doctor says,
He will unfortunately be a vegetable for his entire life though.
After discovering her young daughter playing doctor with the neighbor's boy,
the angry mother grabbed the boy by the ear and dragged him to his house and confronted his mother. It's only natural for young boys and girls to explore their sexuality by playing doctor at their age, the neighbor said. Sexuality?! the mother yelled. He took out her appendix!
A young man walked into the doctor's surgery
A young man walked into the doctor's surgery and said:
"I want to thank you doc. Your last treatment did wonders for me!"
The doctor looked at him, surprised. "Are you one of my patients?" he asked.
"No," said the young man. "But my uncle was, and they've just read his will."
A woman went to the doctor's office and seen by one of the new young doctors.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and, without looking up, said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
A young b**... girl was having a physical exam with her doctor.
Doctor: OK now, big breaths.
Patient: Yah, i know, and i'm only thixtheen
A young man was drafted and sent to medical evaluation
The doctor asked him to read the first five letters on the poster. He quickly replied What poster? after which he was relieved of duty.
Unfortunately, as he went to the cinema that night, he was seated right next to the very same doctor. Without hesitation, he tapped the doctor on the shoulder and said:
Excuse me miss, is this bus destined for Dallas?
Young couple at doctors office
Young couple visits doctor seeking advice,
"Sir you gotta help us, we tried everything to have a baby, we tried vitamins, we tried changing positions, we tried every different day of the month, we searched internet for pregnancy advice, but we just can't seem to have any luck with it, we need to know if there is some medical problem."
Doctor sat back on his chair crossed his hands and sighed,
"You boys are nuts."
After a long and serious operation, Edna ended up in a coma.
Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news, "We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid."
The doctor told Ralph in a quiet somber voice. Ralph looked at Edna and with a soft trembling voice said, "But doctor, she's so young she's only 48."
"37," came the weak reply from Edna.
Old Buddy Hackett Joke:
A very young amorous couple were walking through a cemetary and feeling frisky . So the woman lay down on a grave marker and they made love. A week later the woman's back is still hurting her , so she sees a doctor. The doctor tells her to disrobe, then tells her to turn around to examine her back . The doctor asks her," How old are you?". She says ," I'm 20 years old, why do you ask." The doctor replies, " Because your a**... says you died in 1898."
Brunette?
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.
She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes...
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you"...?
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde"...
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken"...
A young woman goes to the doctor.
The general doctor sits her down and asks her what's wrong.
"Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a fruitcake!"
The doctor wasn't sure how to respond.
"I see. What's gotten into you?"
"Raisins, butter, flour... All the usual ingredients!"
Rearrange the letters PNEIS ...
**When I was young I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.**
**One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when it is e**.... Those who answered SPINE are doctors today.**
**The rest of us are swapping jokes on Reddit.**
A 92 year-old man went to the Doctor to get a physical.
A few days later the Dr. saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
A couple of days later the Dr. talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful."
The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful."
A 90 year old man gets married...
A 90 year old man gets married to a 20 year old. He goes to the doctor to make sure that he is physically fit enough for relations.
The doctor then says, "You know how young folks can get lonely without someone of their own age to talk to, why don't you get a young border to... keep her company?"
The 90 year old man thinks this is an excellent idea. Later the doctor meets up with him and asks, "How is your wife?"
The old man says, "Great she is pregnant."
The doctor then says, "And how is your young border?"
The old man replies, "Just as great, she is pregnant too!"
Advice
A doctor was walking down the street one day when he noticed coming towards him one of his 85 year old patients with a very beautiful, well-built young lady on his arm.
He was looking the happiest he had ever seen him.
When the old guy noticed the doctor he went up to him and said, "Well Doc. I took your advice and look at me."
Puzzled, the doctor asked what the advice was.
"You told me to get a hot Mama and be very cheerful," he replied.
"Oh no. I told you that you had got a heart murmur and to be very careful."